My Friend Now Smokes...

[Dragonbums]

and I can't stop thinking about it.

Now far be it for me to condone anyone who smokes. She is still a great friend, and I enjoy talking to her a lot.

However...I can't stop worrying about her...and I guess being upset at her choice?

I mean, she's a grown woman now. She knows the dangers of smoking, and what it can lead to. She knows how hard it is to quit, and how many people have failed to do so.

Honestly, I don't even know why it's bothering me as much as it does. It has no affect on me, or my well being.

Yet, everytime I see her smoke I feel a bit sad.

Do you think anyone on here can help me "get over it" so to speak?

 

[Foolery]

Nope. Like you said, she's a grown-ass woman and if she wants to puff on cancer sticks, that's her business.

 

[hazabaza1]

I had the same a while back, didn't feel great because she was usually one of the people insulting smokers. Give it time and it becomes normal.

 

[sanquin]

Imo you feel the need to protect her. You don't see her as a woman that can make her own choices that make her happy. And of course, to make her own mistakes and take responsibility for them. This is unconscious though, as from your words I gather than on the surface, you know that you shouldn't think that way and that she is indeed a grown woman. One that can make her own choices, good or bad. Now, I'm not saying this is wrong. I would be the same with people I'm close to. It's natural, I think. All you can do is try to live with it, and try to accept her as she is now. Maybe tell her that you really don't agree with her choice to start smoking, but that you won't hold it against her either.

My parents were in the same situation. I started smoking when I was 24. That was two years ago. And I still smoke very little compared to others. But they felt the same. They didn't like it, and wanted me to not do it. But they supported me, telling me that even though they were against it, I was able to make my own choices and wouldn't try to stop me or try to pressure me into stopping.

 

[Dragonbums]

I had the same a while back, didn't feel great because she was usually one of the people insulting smokers. Give it time and it becomes normal.

Yeah...I'm thinking about it less now. But still my mind keeps wandering back to her smoking when I have idle things to do.

 

[Dragonbums]

Imo you feel the need to protect her. You don't see her as a woman that can make her own choices that make her happy. And of course, to make her own mistakes and take responsibility for them. This is unconscious though, as from your words I gather than on the surface, you know that you shouldn't think that way and that she is indeed a grown woman. One that can make her own choices, good or bad. Now, I'm not saying this is wrong. I would be the same with people I'm close to. It's natural, I think. All you can do is try to live with it, and try to accept her as she is now. Maybe tell her that you really don't agree with her choice to start smoking, but that you won't hold it against her either.

My parents were in the same situation. I started smoking when I was 24. That was two years ago. And I still smoke very little compared to others. But they felt the same. They didn't like it, and wanted me to not do it. But they supported me, telling me that even though they were against it, I was able to make my own choices and wouldn't try to stop me or try to pressure me into stopping.

I've been more inclined to not say anything because I honestly should of seen this coming earlier.

I mean, I remember last year in my Art Foundation classes in a group conversation with some of my class mates she talked about how she wanted to try out smoking eventually. I never really thought much of it.

I sure as heck don't want to try out something that immediately wraps you around it's addictive finger. Yet alone causes you all sorts of illnesses.

Your right though, I do care about her a lot. Heck I care about ALL of my friends well being a lot. Sometimes to the point where it's kind of paternal. I can live with it...but I always think in the back of my mind years down the line where it starts to really affect people. If she ever thinks of quitting, how hard it will be for her and all that.
Which again, should be no real concern of mine.
I don't want to voice my dissent because I feel that telling her so could put a rift in our friendship. She did state that she wanted to try it. At the end of the day, she walked to the local supermarket, waited in line, chose her brand, lit up the smoke, got past the puking phase, and got hooked. To me there are plenty of steps for her to stop and rethink it.
I'm not going to try to implement guilt or pressure in something she chose to do.
It's not my intention.

I guess like others have stated I just need to let go.

 

[SuperUberBob]

People puke when they smoke cigarettes? Really?

It's her body and the drug is not ruining her life like cocaine or heroin would.