My housemate may be cheating on her boyfriend, should i do anything?

[Nickolai77]

My house-mate has started seeing this guy whom she met at this sports club she often goes to. Yesterday night she slept over at his to watch films (as "friends"), and now she has just sneaked out of the house presumably to go round to his and sleep over again. Her boyfriend lives miles and miles away and works at some youth activity camp until he can start training for the Royal Navy. He's totally clueless as to what is going on up here.

Me and my other two house mates think what she is doing is wrong, and we have told her this, but this hasn't changed her behavior. Should we take matters further or do nothing? Advise please?

Here is some more relevant information:

This affair has been going on for about two weeks, started with her texting him and then going out and meeting up. He's been round to our house a couple of times, and when the two of them have the lounge to themselves the atmosphere was very flirtatious, i've walked in and found his hand behind her back (tickling her apparently), and one of my other house mates found them on the floor, atop one another, also having a tickling fight. So we are all fairly confident that she is cheating, although at the same time i don't think she properly realises it, she seems to have convinced herself that they are just friends.

As for her boyfriend, none of us are really friends with him, he's a bit quiet when he does come round. I probably get on best with him, he's a familiar but not really a friend. I respect the guy, (and feel sorry for him) but if i were his friend i wouldn't have any problems telling him what his girlfriend is up to. On the other hand, his girlfriend is a friend of ours, so really my loyalty should be to her, but what i and the other house-mates believe what she is doing is wrong. So you see i have a bit of a moral problem.

Also, a possible small irony: The lad she's cheating with is a Christian, he plays in a Christian rock band apparently...So as you can imagine he must be making his God proud >.>

 

[Paksenarrion]

Ask your housemate if she thinks what she is doing is okay with her boyfriend. If she says yes, step aside to reveal her boyfriend standing behind you all along.

Or, like, behind a nearby wall. Think Christopher Hansen.

 

[Reed Spacer]

Frankly, why do you feel the need to get involved at all? Speaking for myself, life is enough of a mess without diving into other people's problems.

I mean, it's your prerogative, but you're not involved (other than living in the same place) so it's not your problem.

 

[Nickolai77]

Yeah, i should add that i'm leaning towards the "do nothing" option.

Her behavior is very, well, shocking and wrong to say the least-but as been said it's not really my business. Still, i want opinions though.

 

[Reed Spacer]

Well, that's pretty well my opinion then: stay right out of it. If you get involved, you share some of the blame for what happens next.

 

[Dreamstalker]

I agree with the "Do Nothing" option, but being evil, I'll give you another option. Why not try to guilt trip your roommate about it? Dropping subtle hints about what they're doing is wrong can be a great way to get someone to think about what they've been doing.

 

[Ozzythecat]

It's probably better to let those directly involved deal with it, unless the situation was causing problems for you and the other 2 house mates. Involving yourself will end badly most likely.

Doing nothing sounds like the best bet really. Things like that tend to either blow up or work out on their own anyways...

 

[icame]

I'm trying to think whether talking to her, or her boyfriend first would be best. Confronting the issue head on might work out well, so I suggest just straight up asking her if she is cheating on her boyfriend. Will she say no whether she is or not? Probably, but if she starts freaking out you might be on to something.

Or, like I said, Call the boyfriend if you know his number.

 

[xFullmetalx]

Jezz thats a tough situation. I would confront the person and see if she is really okay with whats going on. If your good friends, it shouldn't compromise your friendship.

 

[Jamieson 90]

My advice don't get involved with other peoples relationships.

 

[Galletea]

It isn't your place to say anything. You can't know the ins and outs of her mind and really it's none of your business. And you're obviously not certain so don't go there.

 

[fatmrbunko]

obviously make sure she is definately cheating before you do absolutely anything else just in case
secondly, the christian guy isnt cheating and prob doesnt know that she is cheating with him so he isnt doing anything 'ungodly'
third, when was the last time she saw her boyfriend, they may have broken up or taken a break hell they might not even be exclusive so maybe you should find out more about her boyfriend and whats going on between them first

 

[Nickolai77]

third, when was the last time she saw her boyfriend, they may have broken up or taken a break hell they might not even be exclusive so maybe you should find out more about her boyfriend and whats going on between them first

I'm fairly confident she's still with her boyfriend, he came round for a visit last weekend, things seemed fairly smooth, we didn't drop any hints to him that we thought something was up. Plus, if she did dump him or "go on a break", she'd probably tell us, we're all friends in the house. I should probably make that clear.

 

[CountChocula99]

Don't you dare do a damn thing. Stuff like interfering with this can have severe detrimental effects. I've, uh, been on the end of the person whose house is being snuck into and trust me, it all works out in the end. Leave it be.

Absolutely agree with odgical.

Whether your roommate wants to cheat or whatever is 100% between her and her bf. don't get involved and I would not even confront her about the matter.

I don't understand why you would even consider getting involved. As long as she is paying her share of the rent and utilities, don't bug her about her personal life.

 

[Nickolai77]

Just a note to say that the situation has resolved itself.


She dumped her boyfriend a couple of hours ago, she's rationalised it in such a way that he wasn't trying hard enough in the relationship. Feel sorry for him, although i sensed that the relationship wasn't exactly an ideal one. Through a text convo with one of my house mates, she also admitted that she'd cheated on him.

And now, about twenty minutes ago she's just rushed out of the house, presumably to meet her "new boyfriend".....I don't think any of us are impressed with her at all, but we acknowledge that her relationship with her now ex-bf wasn't the best of relationships, it was bound to end someday. Still, she could have ended it with her honour intact instead of waiting for some new guy to come along and then ending it.


Thank you everyone whom responded to this thread!

If your wondering, we would have gone through with the general consensus on this thread and not told the boyfriend. Although he really did deserve to know, i agree with the belief that it would not have been our part to interfere in her relationships in this circumstance.

 

[El Poncho]

Get her to watch a movie with cheating as a large theme and make off hand comments about it, think play within a play.

This might make her rethink what she's doing, but otherwise don't get directly involved.

edit: Oops, teaches me for not reading the thread or it's date

 

[Dr. Pepper Unlimited]

Maybe it's because I've seen enough cheating and broken relationships in my lifetime to say this, but I wouldn't even hesitate to drop the hammer on her for what she is doing. There are red flags all over that scenario right there and I couldn't stomach letting the guy unknowingly date someone like that. But, hey, that's just me.

 

[Reed Spacer]

Psst...It's a moot point...