My 'issue' with certain gender and sexuality labels

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Relish in Chaos

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Hold your horses; this isn't going to be some kind of transphobic rant about "Back in my day..."

No, what I'm here for is to try and understand. First off, let's talk about agender and/or genderqueer. I'm just gonna come out and say: I don't get it. I understand that gender and sex are distinctly different concepts from one another, with the former falling down more on societal basis as opposed to genetic basis, but... most people slide further on one end of the 'gender spectrum' than the other. And that's gender, right?

So how does agender, genderqueer, and other non-binary gender identities differ so significantly from simply being a girly boy, a boyish girl, or even a boy or girl that happens to share characteristics of both genders. Sure, there are hermaphrodites, so there's a precedent in sexual terms, but gender is much more ambiguous and vague, since it's to do with the brain, not to mention behaviour.

Let me clarify: I'm not saying people shouldn't identify as whatever they want, but I'm wondering why there's a need for these relatively new gender labels when none of us really know how "male" or "female" we really are. Especially if it's all down to social constructs, since the way, say, men that are good at English and miscellaneous "arty" subjects is seen less femininely in Japan than in some countries in the Western world, like Britain.

With that said, let's move onto pansexuality. Again, I don't see what makes it so different from bisexuality. I know that the "bi" implies the gender binary, which many pansexuals don't agree with, but you can also define "bisexuality" as simply being both heterosexual and homosexual at the same time. Furthermore, it's almost like pansexuality implies that bisexuals can't be attracted to agender, genderqueer, and/or transgender people when, logically, someone that's attracted to men and women likely wouldn't have a problem being attracted to someone who has a mix of those characteristics, or even lacks those (most self-identifying non-binary people I've seen look pretty androgynous anyway).

What's more... let's face, just how many people that profess to be outside the binary would you knowingly meet on a day-to-day basis, or even throughout your lifetime? Even the transgender population, a certified minority of 1% in the general population (cis), have more numbers than them. Is that enough to create a new label, when arguably, all these labels serve to do is further segregate ourselves from each other?

As a little experiment, allow me to welcome any pansexual on these boards and ask them, "Why would you be unhappy to say you're a bisexual?" Seriously, I want to know. If most people are predominantly male/masculine or predominantly female/feminine, and most of us can agree that most trans people prefer to align themselves on either side of the conceptual gender binary, what would exclude bisexuals from being attracted to the same types of people as pansexuals?

Think about it this way. If someone is a dominatrix that regularly attends various 'hook-up' events and buys all the gear and whatnot, they're part of the BDSM community, right? But that doesn't necessarily mean they subscribe to everything the label of BDSM suggests, does it? They may not necessarily want to be a masochist; they may solely want to act out the part of a dominant sadistic dominatrix. And it may not even have to involve bondage!

So, what are your thoughts? *puts up flame shield*
 

Padwolf

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Take one of these, sir, I fear you may have cause to need it.



To be honest I can't answer your first questions, as I don't identify as any of those sexualities, but I might be able to help with the issues about pansexuals. One of my friends identifies as pansexual and I asked him that very same question. But he did say it's because bisexual limits him to men and women and he feels pansexual includes men, women, transexuals, and everyone who comes under any gender/sexuality. It's not much, but I hope it does help somewhat!
 

Hieronymusgoa

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I can basically sign what you said, OP, and am awaiting the responses as eagerly as you :)

(<- gay male)
 

Queen Michael

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You're touching upon my main problem with the trans movement--there's no system to it. Anybody at all can identify as man or woman for any reason at all, so that in the end "woman" just means "human being."

Same thing goes for the other labels. Instead of the reasonable policy that you can identify as whatever you feel describes you the best, you can identify as whatever you want. Some people identify as lesbians even though they freely admit that they're not exclusively attracted to women.
 

TwistednMean

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It is simple really. People want to be very special. If they have no particular achievements or qualities to boast about, they start telling other that they are genderqueer pansexual otherkin raindeers whose preferred pronoun is Quetzalcoatl. Because being trans or bi is so last century.

I do not believe that the analogy with BDSM community holds. If you get off on being tied up or whipping other people that's a factual thing. On the other hand, being a "genderfuild pansexual" is just a fancy phrase that makes you belong to the special snowflake community.
 

Twintix

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Queen Michael said:
so that in the end "woman" just means "human being."
Uh, to be fair, isn't that how we all should look at things? That women and men are just human beings?

(Sorry, I know what you mean)

OT: Well, I have a friend who identifies as genderfluid. Now, she constantly craves everyone's attention at all times for everything, as in, she needs to be superior to everyone always and always know better, be more special, yadda yadda yadda. So I don't know if she's genuine about how she feels. (She in particular; I don't speak about all genderfluid people) But if she tried to brag to me about how special it is, she came to the wrong person, as I just shrugged and went "Well, OK."

Honestly, I don't really care about all that stuff; Hell, I don't even know my own sexuality because I simply haven't explored it because I don't care. So I'm just as uncertain about it as you.

Speaking of which, I don't understand why gender questions provoke people so much. Is it because of this never-ending burning hatred of political correctness that is all the rage (hehe, rage) nowadays or something? Just let people identify as whatever the fuck they want as long as they're not hurting anybody.
 

JoJo

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I don't know enough about gender to answer your first question but as someone who identifies as bisexual who also would fall under the pansexual umbrella as it is commonly defined, I share some misgivings with the term. For one it feels a little presumptive to assume that anyone who identifies specifically as a bisexual isn't cool with dating non-binary people, or trans. That and if you're including interest in transgender people too in pansexuality then that is arguably suggesting that transmen and women aren't really the gender they identify with.

Beyond that splitting of hairs though, it doesn't seem like a necessary distinction to make in most social situations. Realistically there are very few people who fall outside the gender binary and seeing as sexualities are very broad tents by nature, it's probably more sensible to work out whether you're compatible on a case by case basis rather than using two different terms that will cause confusion.
 

Relish in Chaos

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Yeah, gender dysphoria has a solid biological basis, and there have been various studies that prove (or at least heavily support) its neurological existence and how this can affect your self-image and whatnot. But - without meaning to offend - pansexuality sounds, to me, like a slightly pretentious way of saying "bisexual, but better".

Again, I understand sexuality is a very psychological thing and there are, for instance, gay guys who know they're gay despite having never been in a relationship - romantic and/or sexual - with another man, but how many people spanning different gender identities outside 'male' and 'female' are you going to meet and be so exclusively attracted to you that you have to create a individual category for it? What purpose does it serve?

It's all well and good to think of yourself as being sexually inclusive and accepting of all types of people, but a suspiciously large amount of these people are the stereotypical teenage or twenty-something SJWs with radically left ideologies (don't take that as an insult; I myself lean rather left-wing) and a heavily idealized concept of 'other-ness' (and that includes weeaboo-ism and half-baked accusations of 'cultural appropiation' at a white girl who happens to like hip-hop and Henna tattoos).

Padwolf said:
One of my friends identifies as pansexual and I asked him that very same question. But he did say it's because bisexual limits him to men and women and he feels pansexual includes men, women, transexuals, and everyone who comes under any gender/sexuality. It's not much, but I hope it does help somewhat!
That's a worthy insight, but again, your friend appears to imply in that statement that bisexuals can't be attracted to transsexuals, and transsexuals aren't men or women, which can be interpreted as somewhat exclusionarily offensive... to say the least.
 

Padwolf

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Relish in Chaos said:
That's a worthy insight, but again, your friend appears to imply in that statement that bisexuals can't be attracted to transsexuals, and transsexuals aren't men or women, which can be interpreted as somewhat exclusionarily offensive... to say the least.
Yeah... to be honest I was thinking that myself, and I did question him a bit more on that, but he seemed to get really annoyed by my asking so I left it at that. I'm eagerly waiting on more responses too haha!
 

Johnny Novgorod

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Queen Michael said:
Some people identify as lesbians even though they freely admit that they're not exclusively attracted to women.
Others use the word "literally" when there's nothing literal about what they're saying. Fuck language.
I think that, in their insecurity, people like weird labels for the sake of weird labels. Like when you self-diagnose as "bipolar" because you're misunderstood or something like that.
 

Erttheking

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I think the main reason some people like to identify as agender is either A. they don't find that either gender fits them (and in a way I sympathize because while sex is part of us, gender constructs are artifical and some people just feel trapped by it) or B. they think the entire concept of having to pick one is bullshit. They just don't want to have to identify as one of the genders and have to deal with all the baggage that comes with it and just leave it. Or they just can't pick, I had a genderfluid friend who basically was going back and forth through the genders, unable to decide which one fit the best.

Also I think biesexuals are attracted to both male bodies and female bodies where as pansexuals are just attracted to whatever.

Now can someone answer the question of why these terms piss some people off so much?
 

MiskWisk

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I kind of agree for the pansexual thing. I've already got into a discussion on another forum thanks to Miley Cyrus making that claim but the only thing I have seen as an argument is that bisexuals are attracted to men and women while pansexuals are attracted to trans individuals and hermaphrodites. My issue with that is that being trans should just as easily be attractive to someone who is bi- anyway while being a hermaphrodite shouldn't really prevent them from being attracted to them either.

It just feels to me that pansexual is just a term to create another label that people can show off as if it somehow makes them special.
 

FPLOON

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Well, I believe that the only reason why we even have panseual[ity] in the first place because, at first, anyone that was trans wasn't categorized to be even a part of any of the main sexual preferences like hetero, homo, an especially bi... Thus, pan was formed to rectify that... However, due to exceptions to any sexual preference since it's never [fully] 100% on even a case by case basis, we have those that feel that's it's unnecessary to even have it in the first place... With that said, any sexual preference can be seen as "I'm better than you/that sexual preference" depending on the individual in question, but that never reflects across everyone who also has that same sexual preference... and those that do believe in that reflexive absolution aren't helping the situation of acceptance any more than those that feel like one's sexual preference is better than another sexual preference, I think...

Anyway, since I [purposely] glossed over the "genderfluid" thing, I see that as like a "one day I'm gen X, the next I'm gen Y" only as depicted by a metaphorical current/stream... The gender is there, but it sometimes not the gender that reflects the external part of a person... And, that all I got on that...

*exits stage center*
 

visiblenoise

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I'm guessing it's about the people who don't fall into the usual categories attaching an inflated sense of importance to the category they do "belong" in, just because they're a minority. It becomes who they are, more so than being a straight man or woman is to the average man or woman.
 

Erttheking

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ACWells said:
I wasn't talking about you. I sympathize with that. I'm thinking more the people who start frothing the second these terms come up and throw the term "special snowflake" around a lot.
 

SquallTheBlade

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erttheking said:
They just don't want to have to identify as one of the genders and have to deal with all the baggage that comes with it and just leave it.
What baggage? I haven't seen one. What does it even mean?
 

Something Amyss

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Relish in Chaos said:
No, what I'm here for is to try and understand. First off, let's talk about agender and/or genderqueer. I'm just gonna come out and say: I don't get it. I understand that gender and sex are distinctly different concepts from one another, with the former falling down more on societal basis as opposed to genetic basis, but... most people slide further on one end of the 'gender spectrum' than the other. And that's gender, right?

So how does agender, genderqueer, and other non-binary gender identities differ so significantly from simply being a girly boy, a boyish girl, or even a boy or girl that happens to share characteristics of both genders. Sure, there are hermaphrodites, so there's a precedent in sexual terms, but gender is much more ambiguous and vague, since it's to do with the brain, not to mention behaviour.
agender, nonbinary and a few other labels are sort of like being an atheist. Hence the a in agender. When someone asks you which religion I identify as, the answer is none. Genderqueer and other labels involve a more complex relationship, and might even fall somewhere in the middle in terms of gender identity. At this point, the lines between "boy" and "girl" are pretty blurry, and I doubt being a "girly boy" cuts it.

Let me clarify: I'm not saying people shouldn't identify as whatever they want, but I'm wondering why there's a need for these relatively new gender labels when none of us really know how "male" or "female" we really are. Especially if it's all down to social constructs, since the way, say, men that are good at English and miscellaneous "arty" subjects is seen less femininely in Japan than in some countries in the Western world, like Britain.
To further clarify, there have been concepts of some sort of third gender in multiple cultures across the world for basically the total of recorded history. Not every culture, not every period, but still.

Keep in mind this is a somewhat external view, as I'm not any of these labels.

With that said, let's move onto pansexuality. Again, I don't see what makes it so different from bisexuality. I know that the "bi" implies the gender binary, which many pansexuals don't agree with, but you can also define "bisexuality" as simply being both heterosexual and homosexual at the same time. Furthermore, it's almost like pansexuality implies that bisexuals can't be attracted to agender, genderqueer, and/or transgender people when, logically, someone that's attracted to men and women likely wouldn't have a problem being attracted to someone who has a mix of those characteristics, or even lacks those (most self-identifying non-binary people I've seen look pretty androgynous anyway).
Well, the problem is that you had bisexuals insisting that bisexuality just meant boys and girls. Sometimes even specifically cisgender boys and girls. Again, not everyone (I consider myself bisexual, and have had no trouble liking people who were cis, trans, or none of the above), but some people took that and said "fine! We'll make our own label! With blackjack! And hookers!"

Then they were sued by Fox.

But seriously, people were being excluded, so they formed their own group. A relevant idea is that I've found myself excluded right out of the gamer label. So while I play video games, I don't call myself a gamer, and probably never will again. At least, intentionally. The reality is, I don't have the motivation to create a new label there, because video gaming is a hobby, but it's not a substantial portion of my identity.

Your gender? Your sexuality? They tend to be a little more core to the identity of most people. Don't think that's true? Start misgendering cisfolk and see who long until you get a negative response. Odds are, it'll take one person.

What's more... let's face, just how many people that profess to be outside the binary would you knowingly meet on a day-to-day basis, or even throughout your lifetime? Even the transgender population, a certified minority of 1% in the general population (cis), have more numbers than them. Is that enough to create a new label, when arguably, all these labels serve to do is further segregate ourselves from each other?
How do you know, though? The current estimation of trans individuals is something more like >1/5 of 1%, but seriously. Trans panic is still a legal defense in 49 of 50 states, and statistics rely on an opt-in basis: you literally have to identify yourself as such. Take an ostensibly smaller group, and they have every reason to not be open. Hell, gays are far more accepted, and a far larger group, and lots of them are still in the closet.

If you met me in the streets, you would very likely not peg me as trans. I've even been called "a bro" on more than a few occasions. So how do you get reliable numbers?

Now, you may say this bolsters the point of "how many of X will you knowingly run into?" and it does. Except I don't understand why this is an issue. It's especially not for me. I'm surrounded by NBs. Like, to the poin t I seriously wonder if we may have grossly underestimated their numbers because they've been unnamed for so long. To that point, more are coming out. The numbers you meet in your lifetime, knowingly, may rise dramatically. Or not.

Think of it this way: there's been a rise in autism diagnoses since the 1950s. This isn't so much because there's more autism, but because we refined and defined what autism was.

But most importantly, I think, is "why does any of this matter?"

Why not give them the respect they want? It hurts me absolutely none, does it diminish you in any way? I'm not trying to be hostile, I just literally don't get the issue.

As a little experiment, allow me to welcome any pansexual on these boards and ask them, "Why would you be unhappy to say you're a bisexual?" Seriously, I want to know. If most people are predominantly male/masculine or predominantly female/feminine, and most of us can agree that most trans people prefer to align themselves on either side of the conceptual gender binary, what would exclude bisexuals from being attracted to the same types of people as pansexuals?
Not strictly aimed at me, but I'm fine with either definition. However, when people try and be all trans-exclusive in their bisexuality, I will shift definitions.

More to the point, though, this really isn't just about being more masculine or feminine. If that was the issue, trans people really wouldn't exist, anyway. By the same arguments, I could just live my life as some sort of "girly boy" and be happy, especially since I already like a lot of "guy" activities. Except there's something in my head that insists my actual body is wrong, and it's not hard for me to extend that to people who might think their bodies are wrong but not fall into a strict binary.

Think about it this way. If someone is a dominatrix that regularly attends various 'hook-up' events and buys all the gear and whatnot, they're part of the BDSM community, right? But that doesn't necessarily mean they subscribe to everything the label of BDSM suggests, does it? They may not necessarily want to be a masochist; they may solely want to act out the part of a dominant sadistic dominatrix. And it may not even have to involve bondage!
Again, this analogy would be more appropriate if there was some debate in the BDSM community about what BDSM was, and the insistence existed (as an example) that switches weren't really part of BDSM.
 

Something Amyss

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Queen Michael said:
You're touching upon my main problem with the trans movement--there's no system to it. Anybody at all can identify as man or woman for any reason at all, so that in the end "woman" just means "human being."

Same thing goes for the other labels. Instead of the reasonable policy that you can identify as whatever you feel describes you the best, you can identify as whatever you want. Some people identify as lesbians even though they freely admit that they're not exclusively attracted to women.
How is this a trans issue, then?

Twintix said:
Uh, to be fair, isn't that how we all should look at things? That women and men are just human beings?
Bah, that'll never catch on.
OT: Well, I have a friend who identifies as genderfluid. Now, she constantly craves everyone's attention at all times for everything, as in, she needs to be superior to everyone always and always know better, be more special, yadda yadda yadda. So I don't know if she's genuine about how she feels. (She in particular; I don't speak about all genderfluid people) But if she tried to brag to me about how special it is, she came to the wrong person, as I just shrugged and went "Well, OK."
In fairness, there's nothing about being LGBT, etc that stops you from being an asshole. I know plenty of attention seekers who don't have any sort of differing identity.

Hell, I don't even have to look far to find straight white dudes who try and make everything about them.

JoJo said:
For one it feels a little presumptive to assume that anyone who identifies specifically as a bisexual isn't cool with dating non-binary people, or trans.
It really doesn't assume that, though. It simply says "this is what I do." Any judgment value is inferred by others.

Padwolf said:
Yeah... to be honest I was thinking that myself, and I did question him a bit more on that, but he seemed to get really annoyed by my asking so I left it at that. I'm eagerly waiting on more responses too haha!
I do want to point out that this has been a repeated theme among bisexuals, though. As I said in my previous post, it's not to say bisexuals all thjink this way (since I don't), but some people simply felt an inclusive label; was a better way to go. It's not holier-than-thou, any more than not wanting to fight over who is a "true" gamer.

erttheking said:
Now can someone answer the question of why these terms piss some people off so much?
Because of the inferred judgment values and the alteration of the world we understand.

ACWells said:
They don't piss me off at all, I just don't want to be held to account for not being up to date on the latest self diagnosis.
Can people hold you to account for not being up to date on the latest medical diagnoses? Because nonbinaries have been recognised in peer-reviewed scientific literature for a couple decades now, and pansexuality has been making the literature as well.

MiskWisk said:
It just feels to me that pansexual is just a term to create another label that people can show off as if it somehow makes them special.
The same sort of special snowflake argument that's been used against bisexuals. Do you feel bisexuals are just trying to feel special, or is this special snowflake argument nothing more than special pleading?
 

Secondhand Revenant

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Some things I don't quite get. But there's no particular reason for it to bother me and unlike otherkin it isn't something that seems blatantly false so I just let it be.
 

Padwolf

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Something Amyss said:
Padwolf said:
Yeah... to be honest I was thinking that myself, and I did question him a bit more on that, but he seemed to get really annoyed by my asking so I left it at that. I'm eagerly waiting on more responses too haha!
I do want to point out that this has been a repeated theme among bisexuals, though. As I said in my previous post, it's not to say bisexuals all thjink this way (since I don't), but some people simply felt an inclusive label; was a better way to go. It's not holier-than-thou, any more than not wanting to fight over who is a "true" gamer.
Ohh, no please don't misunderstand me, I wasn't saying anything like it's about wanting to feel special or nothing, I was just simply curious as to the differences. Normally when it comes to sexuality I just accept it and let people do whatever the hell they want, it's their business, but since he's a very close friend I just wanted to know more and understand so I don't offend by accident. Thank you for telling me! :)