My mother may die tomorrow. I'm scared. UPDATE 2: SHE'S OKAY!!!

[Basement Cat]

She's 77 and going under the knife tomorrow (unless there's a delay) to repair her broken hip.

I've been taking care of her for years and she was sick from December until she fell on January 21st (for those who wondered about our latest assault on The Basement--now you know why it's been delayed) and she's been close to death's door before--when she had emergency surgery on her aortic artery 12 years ago and then when she was weak as a kitten after radiation therapy for mouth cancer in the spring of 2008...but this time...

Well, part of my fear stems from my late father's (whom I home nursed right up until one week before he died) tendency to dwell upon the fact that when elderly individuals go under anesthesia for ANY reason they may not come back.

Not much more to add.

Oh, they were supposed to operate on her two days ago but decided her potassium levels were too low. Then they delayed her operation again because her sodium levels were too low.

Gods of life and death, please let her make it through this!!!

Topic: How many of you, my fellow Escapists, have home nursed loved ones or sat vigil wondering if your loved ones will be alive the next day?

Spoiler: Update 1

UPDATE: Mom's sodium and potassium levels dropped and so they've delayed her operation until Friday.

ARRRGGHHH!!!

I really, really want to thank everyone for your support!!! I'm a real loner IRL and it means a lot to me to be able to reach out and get so much support here from you!

Mom's sodium and potassium levels dropped so they postponed her operation until Friday. This is the THIRD time they've postponed it! Mom's a real saint (yeah--we're definitely not talking about the "Throw Momma From the Train" type) so she's got tons of visitors--family and church friends and so on--swarming her.

I'm her primary caretaker, though, so naturally I feel about an inch tall for her being in this situation even though it's the second time she's fallen an hurt herself.

Granted, the first time was when she tripped over a traffic cone while crossing the finish line of a 5K fundraising walk on the Fourth of July in 2012, so I don't feel the least bit responsible for her first fall.

Ahhh, heck...I'm supposed to think positive thoughts. I promised her that I would.

THANKS, everyone! I'll keep you posted on her progress. If there isn't another postponement of her operation I should be able to give you the GOOD news tomorrow night.

UPDATE 2:

SHE'S OKAY!!!

She came out of the operation and the anesthesia and talked lucidly to me!!!

The danger's past, now!

Thanks, everybody, for your support. I needed it.

 

[Bertylicious]

I've never had to care for a loved one, or anyone for that matter, but I've had relatives die. The worst is when people die suddenly; my Grandfather (whom I loved dearly) died after going in for a hip operation. To have him torn out of my life in that way was devastating.

My other Grandfather (whom I also loved dearly) went deaf, became utterly insular, then got alzheimers, became very angry and confused, suffered death before death until he finally died screaming at the nurses and biting us as we all sat around his hospital bed with these fucked up, rictus, grins on our faces because none of us knew how to react.

To be honest I preffered the latter scenario; at least I got to say goodbye and it was clear he was ready to go. I've had other elderly relatives die long, drawn out, deaths without the alzheimers and whilst they weren't pleasant they were quite peaceful.

Not sure how all that relates to your situation. I guess I'm saying that death is a shitty, shitty, part of life but a part of it none the less and the important thing is to make your peace with the loss as best you can. You can only hope for the best, prepare for the worst but all the while surrounding them with love, even if they're hissing "bloody, bastard, ****!" at you.

 

[White Lightning]

My mom died in the hospital, it sucked. I was too scared to go in the room to see her because of all the tubes she had hooked up to her. I never got to say anything.

Fuck.

I guess you're not a scared kid so you should go see her before she goes under. Hopefully she'll be alright.

 

[Adam Jensen_v1legacy]

It's a hip replacement. Elderly get them all the time. She'll be just fine. You don't need to worry so much.

 

[Casual Shinji]

I'm sorry for the anxiety you must be going through.

My dad almost died 6 years ago due to a bacteria that got in his blood and spread to his brain and lungs, causing double pneumonia and meningitis, putting him in a coma for a week. That whole week was touch and go. He recovered somewhat over the past 6 years, but can't walk well anymore and his mind is not like it used to be. I'm sort of caring for him along with my mother. Or more correctly, she's caring for him, and I'm trying to support her.

 

[Dango]

It's a hip replacement. Elderly get them all the time. She'll be just fine. You don't need to worry so much.

This. Don't worry, surgery like that's commonplace, she'll be back up in no time.

 

[Erttheking]

Christ. I've got my fingers crossed for you and I'm hoping that everything turns out all right. Some posters are saying hip replacements aren't that bad, so hopefully things aren't going to be that bad.

 

[Eamar]

It's a hip replacement. Elderly get them all the time. She'll be just fine. You don't need to worry so much.

Pretty much this.

Of course there's always a risk, and it's perfectly understandable that you'd be worried, but try to remember how commonplace this sort of thing is. Most likely she'll be fine, and the hip replacement will greatly improve her quality of life

EDIT:

Well, part of my fear stems from my late father's (whom I home nursed right up until one week before he died) tendency to dwell upon the fact that when elderly individuals go under anesthesia for ANY reason they may not come back.

Again, the risk may be increased with the elderly, but this is true for everyone. All anaesthesia and all surgery carries a slight risk, regardless of your age or health. Not sure if that's going to make things better or worse - it was meant to be comforting, anyway.

 

[renegade7]

She's 77 and going under the knife tomorrow (unless there's a delay) to repair her broken hip.

I've been taking care of her for years and she was sick from December until she fell on January 21st (for those who wondered about our latest assault on The Basement--now you know why it's been delayed) and she's been close to death's door before--when she had emergency surgery on her aortic artery 12 years ago and then when she was weak as a kitten after radiation therapy for mouth cancer in the spring of 2008...but this time...

Well, part of my fear stems from my late father's (whom I home nursed right up until one week before he died) tendency to dwell upon the fact that when elderly individuals go under anesthesia for ANY reason they may not come back.

Not much more to add.

Oh, they were supposed to operate on her two days ago but decided her potassium levels were too low. Then they delayed her operation again because her sodium levels were too low.

Gods of life and death, please let her make it through this!!!

Topic: How many of you, my fellow Escapists, have home nursed loved ones or sat vigil wondering if your loved ones will be alive the next day?

Don't worry. Hip replacement surgery is extremely routine and one of the safest procedures in terms of success rate. The general hospital near where I live performs over a dozen of these surgeries *every day*. Low potassium and sodium levels are not cause for serious concern, just doctors being extra careful. They want you to have a higher than usual amount of those electrolytes as a precaution. When I was 17 I had to delay a minor knee operation TWICE because of electrolyte balances which had more to do with my shitty diet as a teenager than anything else.

 

[JoJo]

Whatever happens, we're here for you Copper. That said, these sorts of operations are very common, two of my grandparents have had them in the last year and both were able to leave hospital within about a day, so the odds of your mother pulling through are in your favour

 

[Antari]

The Aortic valve replacement was the hard part. Hip surgery isn't as much of a concern in that sense. But, be prepared to deal with a great deal of post-op pain. Keep on hiking through it and you'll get through it. And considering how many of us are caring for baby boomers now, your definitely not alone in this situation.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Topic: How many of you, my fellow Escapists, have home nursed loved ones or sat vigil wondering if your loved ones will be alive the next day?

I never really posted about it in here, but in November of last year my girlfriend of almost 10 years had major brain surgery to remove a epidermoid tumor that was pressing against her brain stem. Her odds of making it through were good, but there was a non-trivial risk of anything ranging from permanent brain damage, to blindness, to paralyzation or nerve damage, to death. It was an eight hour long surgery, and I was the first point of contact. I had her cell phone, which I was unfamiliar with, and she kept getting text messages throughout the eight hours that would cause the phone to vibrate and my heart to leap. There was also one telemarketer call. You can imagine how enthused I was to receive that.

Long story short, her surgeon got 97-98% of the tumor removed (you can never get all of an epidermoid tumor, they are "sticky" and adhere to major nerves and blood vessels) and thus far she is a-ok, save for an enormous scar.

I wouldn't worry too much about your Mom (although you will, that's your Mom!). Anasthesiologists know their stuff, and she'll be in good hands. This isn't 1920. They're not going to wing it with ether or anything.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

I lost my grandfather to melanoma cancer last year, it started out on his skin, then it moved internal to his lungs and last to his brain. I hated seeing him like that, when he passed though, we were all a little relieved to be honest because he wasn't suffering anymore.

I hope things go well for your mom Copper, thankfully medical technology these days can be amazing. One of my mom's co-workers has a son with gigantism and all his life, he pretty much couldn't move, he recently underwent a groundbreaking surgery that completely restructured his spine and now he's just a very tall normal teenager, able to run and jump, which he's never been able to do before.

 

[Chemical Alia]

I hope everything goes well for your mother, and that she makes a quick recovery and regains her mobility.

Last year, a week before I came home to visit for Thanksgiving, my cousin (who was 18 at the time) lost control of her car on the way to work and hit a tree. She suffered a severe head trauma and was placed in a coma. They had to remove part of her skull to keep the pressure off her brain. We really didn't know if she was going to make it. By the time I got home, she was in an unresponsive, vegetative state. When I came home the next month at Christmas, she had "woken up", we were happy to see that she could make eye contact with people, but we didn't know if she had any recognition. Over the next few weeks, she started saying a few words and eventually we learned that her short term memory was affected, and she didn't remember anything about the accident, or after high school.

She's been working with physical therapists hardcore since then, and has been re-learning how to walk and control her right foot again, memory has been coming back, and she's hoping to go back to school this year. I came home for three weeks over this Christmas, and it amazed me how much farther she has come. Talking to her, you'd never know what happened, she's so positive about everything. I have a feeling she'll eventually recover completely or near-completely, it's really remarkable.

But for a while there, it was the scariest thing. One of my close family friends that I grew up with was struck by a school bus on the way home from school when he was 10, and it was so traumatic for us. I was really not prepared to have to go through that again.

 

[Flatfrog]

My mother died of cancer a few years ago and staying up watching her die that last night was a pretty awful experience. But that's not quite the same thing as you're describing because we knew she was going to die, there was no uncertainty about it. That sounds like a whole different level of pain and I feel for you.

My grandfather died a couple of weeks ago at the age of 93 and I do worry about how my grandmother, who was caring for him for many years, is going to react to being on her own again. It must be a weird mixture of loss and freedom, and I'm sure every moment when you enjoy the freedom feels like a betrayal.

 

[Flight]

I'm so sorry that you and your mother are going through this, and I wish you all the best. Back on topic, I've never had to take care of a loved one, myself, but I am willing to, if need be.

 

[Nigh Invulnerable]

Being nervous is completely understandable. I've had two minor surgeries to repair some varicose veins in my groin region and even though they're "routine" there's always that fear of "What if....?" that crops up in your mind. Take deep breaths, find something to read or a game to play, remind yourself of all the good times that you've had, the bad too. Letting go sucks, but be prepared to do it.

 

[Padwolf]

I wish you and your mother all the best, and remember that we will be here for you I'm sorry that you both have to go through this stress and anxiety, I know it's not easy.

Hip replacements are very common, I hope that gives you a little bit more ease, so I'm sure your mother will come out of it just fine

 

[The World Famous]

A lot of people on here have commented that a hip surgery is a relatively simple procedure, and they're right. Your mother will pull through fine.
When she come home, though, try having a discussion with her about mortality, and what to do after she leaves this earth. Addressing it, and coming to terms with the idea early, may help both of you cope when the time comes.