My parents found out about my fetish....

[LegendaryVKickr]

...And I really want an unbiased opinion.

So I have a fetish, that, to clarify, isn't something like feet or anything like that. It's one of those fetishes that revolves around inanimate objects, which I have a small stash of in my room, leftover from what I had collected when I dormed at college. I'm keeping the question of what exactly it's a stash of intentionally vague, since I'm a bit shaken right now.

My parents were helping me sort through clothes tonight, and they found it in my drawer underneath some of my other clothes. My parents, at least I thought, were pretty accepting, but it seems that for them, this is "too weird" "not mainstream" or "not normal". These were all phrases they used.

Because I have Aspergers, my parents are always pushing for me to sort of fit in with status quo. So to them, it seems this is largely about one more thing that makes me stick out like a sore thumb...except I keep it to myself, and only my closest friend and my girlfriend know. And my girlfriend is pretty okay with it, as is my friend.

I see my therapist tomorrow morning, and I'm worried the focus is going to shift from what I've currently been working on to "treatment" for my fetish.

But is a fetish really abnormal? Is it something people strive to change, if it's completely harmless, and not something that I need to...get my rocks off? I only even go into my stash once or twice a month. It's a part of who I am and how I identify, but not something I need in my life. But if I get rid of it, I feel like I'm losing a bit of myself.

So basically, my questions are, is it indeed a "weird" thing? And is it something which I should treat? I realize my views are largely based on blogs of fetish lifestyle, which may have a skewed perspective.

If you're answering, and if you're comfortable, perhaps leave mention whether you have a fetish or not, so I can gauge who it's coming from. It will be a relief to see if both parties match up in perspective. Additionally, any good research or studies on the subject of fetishism would be good for me to read at the moment.


Also, I realize this was a long first post so

TLDR: My parents found my fetish, is it weird to have a fetish, and should I seek treatment?

 

[White Lightning]

Depends on what your fetish is, liking feet is one thing but shoving a Fish up your ass is a little much. I wouldn't seek treatment if it's not hurting anyone.

I may have a "fetish" I don't know if it's out there enough to be considered one, but I'm not gonna tell you what it is unless you tell me what your "stash" is.

 

[Wasted]

Is your fetish hurting people (physically or emotionally)? If yes then you should seek help.

Is your fetish is not hurting people, but is causing emotional distress to you or others (i.e. you parents being bothered because it is not "normal")? It is really up to you if you want to that aspect to change.

You do realize being an adult you can indulge in whatever makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt others. A therapist is a service and cannot force your treatment on something you do not want. Again assuming if you are not hurting other people and are not court ordered.

 

[skrine]

You should take treatment if you and your parents find you fetish.

 

[Jolly Co-operator]

I have a question: Is this fetish hurting anyone else? If not, then there's no reason to feel shame for it. It's not like you can control what you happen to like.

 

[Aramis Night]

My own experiences may be biased, but it seems to me like almost everyone has a fetish these days. I often feel like the odd one out simply because I don't have any fetishes or kinks. Unless you count sex with attractive women to be either of those things.

I suppose you can always turn it around on your parents for what must be very boring and pedestrian sex lives. Switch the script and let them play defense on their sex lives. They will likely never confront you on the topic again. You may even cause a divorce if it turns out that one of them is in fact living a lie of pretending to be vanilla to keep the other one happy.

 

[JoJo]

No, don't abandon your fetish. For one, there's zero sense in abandoning a private activity which gives you pleasure because it's not 'mainstream' or 'normal', no-one should know about it anyway other than you and any significant others. Secondly, it's largely impossible to change people's sexualities anyway and so any treatment would be fruitless, don't waste your time when you've got more important things to talk to your therapist about.

 

[LegendaryVKickr]

Thank you to everyone who replied on the subject. My therapist on Friday told my parents the best thing they could do is consult their own therapist and not talk to me about it at all, since their understanding of it is...not great, basically.

To clarify, it's a diaper fetish, so my stash is...yeah. But it's not something that puts anyone in danger. And my girlfriend, who suffers from extreme anxiety due to being raped back in high school, has found regressing to a young age (which can also be part of the fetish, depending on whether it's just wearing diapers or also living a 'little' lifestyle) is extremely soothing and helps her when she's feeling stressed. Ironically, after meeting me, she went out and got a stash of things as well, and sometimes when she's really upset, she curls up and gets little and I help take care of her.

I should also stress once again, no this doesn't hurt anyone. And it has nothing to do with actual children or babies.

Also, when I stopped and thought about it, I did recall numerous AIM chats with someone only referred to as "mistress" I discovered on my dads personal work computer when I borrowed it a couple years back, so I really do wonder if my dad has some kinky stuff going on as well. So if they do at some point press the issue, I could turn it back around on him at least, which will probably get him to back off in all future instances.

The only current remnant of this situation is that my mom is kind of avoiding speaking to me. But for now, I'm completely okay with that.

But again, thank you to everyone with your advice. It certainly helped me get the sense that I was more "normal" than my parents were insisting, thank god for that.

 

[rutger5000]

...And I really want an unbiased opinion.

So I have a fetish, that, to clarify, isn't something like feet or anything like that. It's one of those fetishes that revolves around inanimate objects, which I have a small stash of in my room, leftover from what I had collected when I dormed at college. I'm keeping the question of what exactly it's a stash of intentionally vague, since I'm a bit shaken right now.

My parents were helping me sort through clothes tonight, and they found it in my drawer underneath some of my other clothes. My parents, at least I thought, were pretty accepting, but it seems that for them, this is "too weird" "not mainstream" or "not normal". These were all phrases they used.

Because I have Aspergers, my parents are always pushing for me to sort of fit in with status quo. So to them, it seems this is largely about one more thing that makes me stick out like a sore thumb...except I keep it to myself, and only my closest friend and my girlfriend know. And my girlfriend is pretty okay with it, as is my friend.

I see my therapist tomorrow morning, and I'm worried the focus is going to shift from what I've currently been working on to "treatment" for my fetish.

But is a fetish really abnormal? Is it something people strive to change, if it's completely harmless, and not something that I need to...get my rocks off? I only even go into my stash once or twice a month. It's a part of who I am and how I identify, but not something I need in my life. But if I get rid of it, I feel like I'm losing a bit of myself.

So basically, my questions are, is it indeed a "weird" thing? And is it something which I should treat? I realize my views are largely based on blogs of fetish lifestyle, which may have a skewed perspective.

If you're answering, and if you're comfortable, perhaps leave mention whether you have a fetish or not, so I can gauge who it's coming from. It will be a relief to see if both parties match up in perspective. Additionally, any good research or studies on the subject of fetishism would be good for me to read at the moment.


Also, I realize this was a long first post so

TLDR: My parents found my fetish, is it weird to have a fetish, and should I seek treatment?

It always sucks when someone discovers your stash.
No having fetish is not weird regardless of the fetish it isn't weird. Should you seek treatement? Depends, do you have a desire to act out those fetish either in inappropriate places, with animals, or with people who can't give consent? In that case you'd be better of seeking some form of treatment. If not than I wouldn't see why you ought to seek help. Also a fetish doesn't need to impede your sex life at all. I jack off at some pretty weird sh*t and pretty wrong comics, but in the bedroom I enjoy the conventional stuff a lot, like a lot a lot.

 

[Godlikebuthumble]

Is it Safe, Sane (Consensual obv. doesn't apply, unless the inanimate objects are... deceased, which is a whole other bag)? Legal?
If any of the above is "no", or the fetish is likely to escalate to that point, yeah, seek treatment.

If not, and the only damage you're possibly doing is to your "reputation" if people found out... meh, whatever floats your boat. But like SimpleT said, you probably don't want to shout it from the rooftops (as if).

Also, if you're seeing a therapist anyway, it might not hurt to maybe shortly discuss it. Not in the context of parental pressure to "seek help", or because there's "something wrong with you", but to perhaps gain some insight into the hows and whys. Since you're there anyway. Then again, that depends on how comfortable you are to discuss it, or how that would interfere with whatever else you're seeing him/her for. Not for everyone.

You're not alone. Everybody has watched/done/rubbed it to some heinous stuff. Even your parents. Hell, *especially* your parents. ;-) Keep your head up!

 

[Chromatic Aberration]

To clarify, it's a diaper fetish, so my stash is...yeah.

Well I do have a stash of animal-shaped adult toys in my closet, so your stuff is by far not the weirdest nor the most disturbing shit in existence - do trust me on that one; I've seen enough. And as somebody who asked himself the question of what that kind of shit means for oneself far too many times already let me say the following: nobody has the right to tell you what you should fap to.[footnote]...unless what you fap to has directly led to discernible harm in its production - you know, the usual disclaimer...[/footnote] Everyone who does so oversteps his or her boundaries: that kind of weirdness alone is no case for concern as long as, to paraphrase the DSM and everybody else in this thread, it does not interfere significantly with your well-being i.e. makes you somehow miserable.

In contrast to the rest of the people in this thread, however, I will say this: with the onset of the Internet, fetishes can proliferate significantly easier with communities arising around them that fuel their profligacy and indulgement while as of yet there aren't any scientific long-term studies on the issue. Or in other words: what we conduct right now with the internet and the easy availability of fetish pornography amounts to a huge scale social experiment. We don't know where it will end and we don't know what kind of long-term effects it will have. As such, we should be reasonably careful not to indulge too much. Especially, since I have the distinct feeling that it's, in effect, a form of escapism. And we all know that this can become too much occasionally.

Now as for your case, however, I'd be very relieved: you have a girlfriend who is okay with the stuff you are attracted to and you obviously enjoy yourselves enough so there is no particular reason for you to feel guilty about it - it's simply another, well, taste of sexual experience in the same way that strawberry is a different taste than vanilla when it comes to icecream[footnote]...although I do admit that on this topic "strawberry-leek-donut-crunch" would be more a more apt comparison...[/footnote]. There is, fundamentally, nothing wrong in occasionally choosing a different variety. Your parents simply don't understand it and are concerned about your well-being because it is too far out of their comfort zone; Understandable as their concern from the weirdness might be, they need to accept this - not everybody likes the same things. It would be far too boring otherwise anyway.

 

[Tanis]

EVERYONE has a 'fetish'.

It's better to embrace who, and/or what, you are, instead of living a lie or trying to force yourself to like something you don't.

Unless you are hurting someone else in some way...or it deals with kids/pets...
What does it matter what you fap to?

 

[Baron Teapot]

...And I really want an unbiased opinion.

So I have a fetish, that, to clarify, isn't something like feet or anything like that. It's one of those fetishes that revolves around inanimate objects, which I have a small stash of in my room, leftover from what I had collected when I dormed at college. I'm keeping the question of what exactly it's a stash of intentionally vague, since I'm a bit shaken right now.

My parents were helping me sort through clothes tonight, and they found it in my drawer underneath some of my other clothes. My parents, at least I thought, were pretty accepting, but it seems that for them, this is "too weird" "not mainstream" or "not normal". These were all phrases they used.

Because I have Aspergers, my parents are always pushing for me to sort of fit in with status quo. So to them, it seems this is largely about one more thing that makes me stick out like a sore thumb...except I keep it to myself, and only my closest friend and my girlfriend know. And my girlfriend is pretty okay with it, as is my friend.

I see my therapist tomorrow morning, and I'm worried the focus is going to shift from what I've currently been working on to "treatment" for my fetish.

But is a fetish really abnormal? Is it something people strive to change, if it's completely harmless, and not something that I need to...get my rocks off? I only even go into my stash once or twice a month. It's a part of who I am and how I identify, but not something I need in my life. But if I get rid of it, I feel like I'm losing a bit of myself.

So basically, my questions are, is it indeed a "weird" thing? And is it something which I should treat? I realize my views are largely based on blogs of fetish lifestyle, which may have a skewed perspective.

If you're answering, and if you're comfortable, perhaps leave mention whether you have a fetish or not, so I can gauge who it's coming from. It will be a relief to see if both parties match up in perspective. Additionally, any good research or studies on the subject of fetishism would be good for me to read at the moment.


Also, I realize this was a long first post so

TLDR: My parents found my fetish, is it weird to have a fetish, and should I seek treatment?

It's normal. It does not need any treatment whatsoever, so long as it's not harming anyone else. You keep to yourself. You have a girlfriend. That seems pretty healthy to me.

We all have our personal little quirks and idiosyncrasies. They're ours, and nobody has the right to declare them abnormal or demand that we get treatment for them, because it's nobody else's business - not even your parents'!

You should throw something away when you are ready to. If you're forced into doing it, it's only going to have some sort of adverse effect, and you'll end up angry and feeling betrayed. Sexual fetishes are normal. We all associate different things with arousal (in our minds, at least) and there may be a time in your past where you've felt particularly comfortable, loved or sexually aroused; that stuck with you and now defines a part of you. It's nothing to be ashamed of!

In contrast to the rest of the people in this thread, however, I will say this: with the onset of the Internet, fetishes can proliferate significantly easier with communities arising around them that fuel their profligacy and indulgement while as of yet there aren't any scientific long-term studies on the issue. Or in other words: what we conduct right now with the internet and the easy availability of fetish pornography amounts to a huge scale social experiment. We don't know where it will end and we don't know what kind of long-term effects it will have. As such, we should be reasonably careful not to indulge too much. Especially, since I have the distinct feeling that it's, in effect, a form of escapism. And we all know that this can become too much occasionally.

I agree with this. The thing is, we're all different. We've grown up in different environments, we've learnt from different people and not all of us have been taught the same things. In this case, what is normal? It's not easily defined, because we don't perceive the world identically from person to person, and there's no way to predict (ahead of time) what sort of things will end up affecting our sexual development and cause us to have a certain fetish.

It is escapism, yes. But we need that. Why do we lose our minds without sleep, in spite of decades of research that has yet to discover a concrete reason behind it? We close our eyes, and lie paralyzed whilst vividly hallucinating about all manner of incredibly bizarre things. What I'm saying is that the bizarre and abnormal are already a big part of our minds, and the concept of 'normalcy' is quite false in so many cases, particularly to do with the deeply-subjective, and fetishes and sexual thoughts and feelings are, if nothing else, very subjective!

I hope I made sense there. It's been a long day!

 

[Mr.Cynic88]

snip

Fascinating. I hope sharing this story has netted you some beneficial advice. The anonymity of the internet can be a wonderful tool, but I can see how that would be a tough thing to admit.

Here's my two cents. Obviously we're all unique snowflakes, but when I hear "diaper fetish" I think "childhood issues." Then I think about it a little further, and I go "well, it's a desire to be coddled, to escape the pressures of adulthood."

I'm not gonna lie, my first reaction was a bit of revulsion, because, well, you don't hear that one every day, but giving it a good second of logical thought, it's harmless role-playing. Provided of course you remain a functioning adult during non-fantasy time.

Who doesn't want to be babied? Most adults do it by going to the spa, but your way sounds more cost effective, if nothing else.

So right on man, I support your weirdness. It's no more weird than the girl I knew who would pretend to be a cat. I never understood that one.

That being said, I think it does reveal that you have some type of emotional issue. You were able to analyze the cause and symptoms of your girlfriend's issue pretty astutely, so maybe you need to turn that gaze inward, and analyze yourself a little.

Or talk to a psychologist. Or keep posting about it on the Internet.

In dealing with emotional issues, I find a multi-pronged approach is best, so try doing all three.

 

[neospike19]

LegendaryVKickr You are far from alone. I was referred here by one of the many watchers of this forum and wanted to let you know that you are actually one of many people into diapers. Some call it AB/DL, some call it ageplay, or some people call it just kinky stuff they do that nobody has to know about because who's right is it to actually know? (rhetorical question btw)
You can feel free to message me if you would like to talk more about it, I'm into some of the very same things. Although I am a bit jealous because my girlfriend isn't quite as open and accepting of my interest. She is fully aware though and yes, although I hate to have to be redundant: ageplay among consenting adults and AB/DL has nothing to do with actual children or babies or anything like that.
Treatment options? A sippy cup of the juice of your choice, some time spent away from our busy adult lives and a good solid peace of mind.

 

[BathorysGraveland2]

As someone who has several fetishes even the most open-minded people would struggle to accept, and I assure you is far more out-there than yours, I'd say don't stress yourself. Dude, unless it involves bringing harm to other people who do not consent, or contains death, then do not fret over it. It's completely fine. Is it weird? Yes, of course it is. Any fetish is technically weird because it's different than the norm. That's what makes it a niche, or a kink, and any therapist worth his/her salt would explain to you why you have it, and why it's not worth having anxiety issues over it. Is it disgusting? Some people will certainly say so, but one just because one person finds something gross does not make it unethical, or something that should be shunned. Obviously, you don't want to tell everyone about it, but do not feel ashamed by it. You say you're girlfriend and friend is fine with it? There's some proof right there.

Do not be shamed by it man. It's fine. Not everyone will accept it, and that's fine too, just so long as you aren't shunned by it, 'ya know? If you're parents don't accept it, well, to be honest, it's not really their business what you get up to in your private life, so I'd say sit them down and have a serious talk to them about it, try to let them understand why you have it and that it isn't a threat to anyone or yourself.

Alternatively, you could find some websites who center around your fetish and speak to them. I'm a member of a website that caters to some of my fetishes, and my confidence regarding it has increased after talking to them. You aren't alone, and when you understand your fetishes, and understand them, then you'll feel more confident about it all.

Good luck, brother.

 

[renegade7]

Is it hurting anyone ie child abuse or sexual violence?

Is it rooted in drug abuse or self harm, or is it putting your health at risk?

Unless the answer to one of these questions is "yes" your therapist probably won't be concerned about it and in all likelihood won't even want to know.