My Roomate Dilemma

[rancher of monsters]

So I'm having serious problems with my roomate. Now it's worth stating that he isn't the greatest roomate ever. He's constantly blasting music, he's the only one who regularly (like everyday) walks around, and leaves his door open with only his underwear on, and is constantly smoking despite the fact that it could get us all kicked out. Oh, and he and his friends constantly borrow my shit without telling me. Now all that being said, I'm not the greatest roomate either. My problem has to do with the dishes and counter, which I don't clean as frequently as I should.

I've occasionally asked him to tone down some of his shit, but he doesn't, he claims that since he was in the room last year it's 'his' (We're living on campus so he's really just being an asshole). But when it comes to my dishes he becomes very angry and gets up in my face about it.

Tonight things kind of hit a standoff. He's thrown one of my dishes in the trash and refuses to take it out. I refuse to wash ANY of my dishes until he takes it out (I might crack if it becomes a serious problem to my other roomates). He's threaten to assualt me multiples times tonight, but since that would get him kicked out he hasn't followed through yet, I'm not sure if he's actually dumb enough to hit me, but he's one of those guys who likes to 'keep it real'. He's shoved me a couple of times and his friends held him back at some point.

Now at the moment he's threatening to throw out more of my dishes, and I told him if he does this I'll report him. If he throws out my stuff he gets in trouble, if he hits me he gets in real trouble, but he's not backing down.

So here's my dilemma, as much as I HATE this asshole I really don't want to see him get kicked out of school, he's paid money, and he's trying to get an education, which I respect. The only way for the situation to ease for him is to remove my dish from the trash, which he seems to have no intention of doing. The question is whether I should back down and save him from his own stupidity, or let him pay the consequences of his next move?

What do you think Escapist?

EDIT: Thought I'd give you guys the thrilling climax of our confrontation.

So regardless of me making two reports and taking care of my dishes, my roommate was still being an asshole. We were suppose to talk to the dorm director today, and I was going to make my case to leave the room when something wonderful happened.

Pretty much everyone in our dorm smokes to a degree (I've probably done it three times since I've been at the school), but my roommate would basically gets high every other day. This occasionally brings campus PD to our dorm and today they came in full effect. The stench was so strong that you could smell it in the stairwell almost an hour later so it really couldn't be denied that someone had smoked. Luckily for my roommate, I decided not to say anything, and beacuse of that I have a lot more leverage now as I can easily go back and change my mind (Bob Marley has a better chance of passing a drug test than my roomate).

So the situation is this, I no longer have to deal with him threatening me and my property. In return, I'm trying to do better with my dishes. Hopefully, my improved cleansliness, and ability to get him kicked out of school at a moments notice will keep things civil for the rest of the semester.

So remember kids, if you're going to be an asshole to someone, try not to commit crimes directly in front of them

 

[MagicMouse]

The High Road.


Take it.

 

[Ellen of Kitten]

It sounds like a dorms thing, yes? I might have glossed over that. Forgive me if you said so. If you live in dorms, you need to talk to an RA. Even getting some outside assistance could help placate the situation. Get you two shuffled around or something.

That said, do the dishes. Do your part.

 

[New Troll]

Discuss things with your RA and see what he or she can do to ease your dilemma. I know when I was in college, a lot of issues like yours were fixed by switching roomates (or rooms) around.

Edit: ninja'd!

 

[frozen_scarecrow]

You can't save those who don't want to be saved. Let the cad be thrown out. He needs to learn that this isn't high school, and being the bigger tosser doesn't let you get your way anymore. I respect that you are willing to let him keep his school education going, but just consider this a life lesson that he can learn.

 

[rancher of monsters]

It sounds like a dorms thing, yes? I might have glossed over that. Forgive me if you said so. If you live in dorms, you need to talk to an RA. Even getting some outside assistance could help placate the situation. Get you two shuffled around or something.

There's only one month left in the semester though, I'd think they'd kick one of us out before they switched us around.

 

[thethingthatlurks]

What I think? Well, quit your bitching, do the damn dishes, threaten to kick his ass if he doesn't take out the damn trash, place said trash on his bed if he doesn't. Also, fire tends to motivate people rather well, at least that has been my experience...
Also, this might cheer you up: http://www.wyseguys.com/blog/articles/shitty_roommate_1.aspx

 

[Gxas]

If he's gonna get thrown out of school for harassing you, then he deserves it. Just because you don't clean as much as you should doesn't give him the right to take your shit and throw it away.

You clean up your act (literally and figuratively) and, if he doesn't do the same and keeps harassing you, report him anyway. He obviously doesn't respect you at all. You don't need to take his shit. Especially if he has no leg to stand on once you take away his only complaint.

There's only one month left in the semester though, I'd think they'd kick one of us out before they switched us around.

After this, you're pretty much screwed unless it comes to blows. With a month left, the school isn't going to bother wasting their time. The best you might get is a note that says "Don't put these two near each other next year."

 

[dj Facchiano]

Don't do it, give in and the rest of your time spent with him will suck as he will come to believe that he can intimidate you. It might sound harsh but you should let him learn from his consequences even if those are getting kicked out of school.

 

[The Apothecarry]

It's like my roommates at my apartment. Only one has issues with the other three about recycling and electricity bills.

Being a diplomatic type, I would try talking to him about it but it seems that peace talks have broken down. All I can recommend is that you try to keep better tabs in your dishes (not to say you're at fault, as he is clearly being unreasonable). I wouldn't exactly call shoving you "keeping it real."

 

[Kimarous]

*chuckle* Sorry, but given that an "m" was missing from "roommate", I envisioned all of that with a kangaroo.

In all seriousness, though, I'm with the "high road" people.

 

[Just_A_Glitch]

There's only one month left in the semester though, I'd think they'd kick one of us out before they switched us around.

If there is only one month left, then do this.

The High Road.


Take it.

And request that you two don't room together again. If you've dealt with it for this long, then one more month shouldn't kill you.

Do your dishes.

 

[DefunctTheory]

What I think? Well, quit your bitching, do the damn dishes, threaten to kick his ass if he doesn't take out the damn trash, place said trash on his bed if he doesn't. Also, fire tends to motivate people rather well, at least that has been my experience...
Also, this might cheer you up: http://www.wyseguys.com/blog/articles/shitty_roommate_1.aspx

Upon retrospect, I think maybe he became mentally ill after losing his girlfriend, and not being able to part with his feces was part of his illness. This is purely speculative.

Oh my God, holy crap.

Best thing I've read in a while.

 

[Ellen of Kitten]

It sounds like a dorms thing, yes? I might have glossed over that. Forgive me if you said so. If you live in dorms, you need to talk to an RA. Even getting some outside assistance could help placate the situation. Get you two shuffled around or something.

There's only one month left in the semester though, I'd think they'd kick one of us out before they switched us around.

You won't know unless you try. Talk to an RA. Meanwhile, do you part with the cleaning.

 

[Rayne870]

Seems to me like you really should be looking out for yourself here and being less concerned with him. Talk to the housing management or faculty or w/e. I had roomate issues like this when I split a townhouse during police college between myself and 3 others. People like that don't really stop or change, at least not by ignoring it and enabling it.

Other than that, Get your dish out of the trash, do your dishes and your other chores, and lock away your things as best you can.

 

[Rylot]

This sounds pretty intense. I'm not really sure what you should do atm. I'm kinda leaning towards you backing down and being the better man tonight, for the sake of your other roommates and to make sure things don't get out of hand. With that said you really need to see a councilor for roommate mediation asap. It sounds like you're both in college so that should be readily available. Sorry for the shitty situation, but best of luck.

 

[thethingthatlurks]

What I think? Well, quit your bitching, do the damn dishes, threaten to kick his ass if he doesn't take out the damn trash, place said trash on his bed if he doesn't. Also, fire tends to motivate people rather well, at least that has been my experience...
Also, this might cheer you up: http://www.wyseguys.com/blog/articles/shitty_roommate_1.aspx

Upon retrospect, I think maybe he became mentally ill after losing his girlfriend, and not being able to part with his feces was part of his illness. This is purely speculative.

Oh my God, holy crap.

Best thing I've read in a while.

Oh keep reading, it gets even better than that

 

[rancher of monsters]

It's like my roommates at my apartment. Only one has issues with the other three about recycling and electricity bills.

Being a diplomatic type, I would try talking to him about it but it seems that peace talks have broken down. All I can recommend is that you try to keep better tabs in your dishes (not to say you're at fault, as he is clearly being unreasonable). I wouldn't exactly call shoving you "keeping it real."

Yeah, but he's trying to become a rapper, he's always shouting at his girlfriend(s?) in a ridiculously ghetto fashion (Another thing he has no problem doing in public), and most of his songs are about being from the hood, so I think he's trying to keep it real, even if it's only superficial.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

snip

I had room mate problems earlier this year, too. They would drink in the apartment (campus housing-- it could have gotten us all evicted), they never cleaned, and they were always making fun of me when they thought I couldn't hear them. Also, there's only so many three A.M. shrieking matches a girl can take before snapping.

I just went and talked to the school housing office and they had a new apartment for me by the end of the week. If you're in campus housing, this is definitely the best solution. If not, just try to get along with him as best you can until you can move out.


If that doesn't work: Live Tigers

The situation should fix itself in a few hours.