What an obvious solution
Climb to the top of the highest mountain in Japan. Confront the warrior Xhah Gizzow to the ultimate test of man hood. Do not forget the antelopes, they are the true call of the warrior. Before the fight pray to the god of horses, so that he can bestow upon man the gift of fire. Do not lie to Marquees, he is not the joker you may think. Tackle the warrior and fall off the mountain with him. If you end up dead you're doing it wrong. Once is Canada don't forget to visit Vancouver and congratulate those sneaky Canadian hockey players who have just today won the fish. Don't be afraid of the fishes aroma, for only it knows the truth of quantum physics. Ask it for the watch, hit alarm three times and go back to your birth day. Train yourself to become the worlds best hokey player. The work may be rigorous, but the reward is the sweetest, I mean the finest. The lady in the lake should watch you your entire way. Turn left at the next light. To Canada we go! Win the gold for the Americans in 2010, and become the worlds finest. From there use the watch to fast forward to when you drug and prostitute addiction force the NHL to suspend you, causing you to kill your limo driver Rod Blagojevich. For 5 years cover your tracks until one faithful day the pain is too great for your imagination and you must just admit that THIS IS SPARTA. Once you get out of prison in two days due to good behavior, join the Australian mob. Use Sparkey, the overly loyal and naive but good in heart boy to track down this roommate. From there use your eye lasers to kill him. Using all the cash you had made as a NHL star steal his identity and get your money back and move to Mexico to live the the rest of your days as a cowboy.
