My silly relationship problem

[a ginger491]

I am in a bit of pickle right now. I have a friend that I fell for a while ago who recently broke up, I didn't ask her out right away because I thought it would be scummy and selfish on my part. So I bide my time for about a month and then when I finally grow a pair and am about to ask her out, I find out she's already going out with someone else. I know it's my fault because I was too timid and treated it like a damn chess match but I just want to know what I should do from here. Should I just remain good friends with her, spill my guts to her while she's in her current relationship, or wait until I have a chance to ask her out again? Or something else entirely? I just need some help with this and maybe some advice going forward.

 

[Ando85]

I am in a bit of pickle right now. I have a friend that I fell for a while ago who recently broke up, I didn't ask her out right away because I thought it would be scummy and selfish on my part. So I bide my time for about a month and then when I finally grow a pair and am about to ask her out, I find out she's already going out with someone else. I know it's my fault because I was too timid and treated it like a damn chess match but I just want to know what I should do from here. Should I just remain good friends with her, spill my guts to her while she's in her current relationship, or wait until I have a chance to ask her out again? Or something else entirely? I just need some help with this and maybe some advice going forward.

I've been in a situation like that before. Might sound harsh, but my advice is to just give up on her and find a different girl. You did nothing wrong by waiting around. Usually people should wait at least 3 months after breaking up to date someone else. If you had asked her out right afterward it would be a huge rebound and a lot of emotional baggage most likely. I know this from personal experience.

There are plenty of other suitable girls and life is too short to try to focus on one that will probably never work out.

 

[Smooth Operator]

"going forward" is pretty much your answer, the girl is not available so move along for your and her sake.
This isn't necessarily the final chapter in that book but right now you need to put your efforts elsewhere, you may find someone better, this thing may come around again, she might eve ask you out herself, ... you never know.
But right now you can't sit in a corner and brood over it because that is the one course of action that will fuck up all your chances, not just with her but potentially all the others.

You can still stay friends as long as you keep a safe distance where you can put the feelings for her aside, if it gets too heated for you just step back, and if she asks why just tell her in a calm and collected manner that you developed strong feeling for her and need time to sort it out, if you can keep your shit together this will work wonders in the long run.
Do not however lay down some gushing desperation love story, this stuff is for you to be burdened with and sort out not her.

 

[Galletea]

I would suggest that you move on.
In reality, you've probably dodged a bullet there, a rebound relationship rarely ends well and she is not likely to be with this guy for long.

I would leave her be for a while, give yourself some breathing room. Spilling your guts to her now won't help, and while you could continue to be her friend it will be harder to move on if you see her a lot.

 

[theLadyBugg]

Have you ever seen the episode of How I Met Your Mother called "The Window"? (Season 5, Episode 10, according to Google.) It's about this situation happening to the main character with the same girl for *years*. I think what happened on the show was a cute, exaggerated version, but the advice it gave was pretty good: It's fine to keep an eye out and the next time she's single, don't wait so long to tell her how you feel. In the mean time, your feelings for her won't necessarily keep you from having feelings for someone else -- so don't feel bad about getting involved with someone else that interests you while she's not available! If it's meant to be, eventually you'll be single at the same time again.

 

[a ginger491]

Thanks for the advice guys, It's working out and I've let my feelings go as best I can for now.

 

[Vegosiux]

I would suggest that you move on.
In reality, you've probably dodged a bullet there, a rebound relationship rarely ends well and she is not likely to be with this guy for long.

I would leave her be for a while, give yourself some breathing room. Spilling your guts to her now won't help, and while you could continue to be her friend it will be harder to move on if you see her a lot.

I'll agree here. Seems to me like it's a case of a replacement relationship, and yes, you don't want to be the guy a girl is with just to be with a guy.

 

[Tipsy Giant]

you'll find a bit of distance is the best way to gain perspective and you never know, somewhere down the line you guys might be single at the same time, that's the time where you drop you had a crush on her, having nothing to lose. Best of luck

 

[notdante42]

Just to throw my 2 cents in, I like most people, have been there. You should still be her friend, because it sucks when someone suddenly stops talking to you or stops hanging out. Maybe try and hang out with her a bit less because it is really hard to just get over someone like that. Also I have stayed friends with some of the girls I developed a crush on and eventually I found out/realized that they either had a personality or personal hangups I probably wouldn't have been able to deal with well. That really I had a crush on the girl I imagined her to be.

 

[rutger5000]

Whatever you do don't wait, that's just really really creepy.
Spill your feelings for her right now, the relationship is only a few weeks old right. Also not to be a jerk, but this thing has a whole bad vibe around it, prepare to be rejected.

 

[Angie7F]

For some reason, someone stating straight out that waiting around in just creepy, really made my day...