My Sister and Bulimia

[Powertool]

Me and my family have found out my sister is bulimic last year and it has been hard on all of us. I hear the best thing to do in my situation as her older brother is give her unconditional love, but I can't seem to that. We were never close and now more then ever she is so mean and wicked to me (she is 16) that I have a hard time doing anything nice to someone that mean to me. I really want to just get out of my house because her being such a drama queen/ attention whore is starting to effect my school work (college) and social life. Me and my mom fight all the time because I think my mom is being an enabler by letting her get away with everything, where as I call her on her bullshit. This has made it difficult for our family because my sister can turn a great evening into a disaster. She will say rude things to me and I will tell her that I am not going to be talked to like that and my mom lashes out at me because I am not "supporting" her.

Has anyone had these problems and what have you done to alleviate this situation. Is it really support letting her get away with rude and mean comments? Any help would be great I am so lost and I cannot imagine what she is going through, but I refuse to be treated like shit. I do not know what to do.

 

[Turing]

Just move out, ASAP. Dysfunctional families can really ruin your life

 

[spartan1077]

Well for starters, get the hell out of that house! If you have the money, live in a dorm or appartment or split the rent with some friends. Secondly, does your mom know what bulimia can cause? And/or why your sister is doing it? She could be "attention whoring" and then by giving her attention enabling it. I am not saying ignore her though but try to strike an even and calmly talk to your mom about it.

 

[stormtrooper9091]

get her to be treated by a professional. You are under no circumstances going to take shit from anyone, openly tell them what's the beef and be as firm as you possibly can. If it fails, then tell them to fuck off and just leave them to their idiotic ways. This is not support we're talking about, unconditional love is a bunch of bullshit when it comes to this. Bulimia can be fixed, but drama queens will always be drama queens. To her defense though, a girl is absolutely clueless in the age of 16

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

I think I would be the same. Chances are, she is playing up the bulimia for attention.
I am downright disdainful of attention whores. And seeing as your sister seems to be pretty melodramatic anyway, I think you are justified in telling her to cop her shit.

Your mother is being an enabler, if things are as you say they are. There is probably no way of convincing her to quit it, though, so your best bet is to get out.

I've never had to deal with bulimia or anything of the sort, but I could quite easily see my own drama queen sister pulling that shit. I would not put up with it either.

 

[Jim From Accounting]

Iv had a similar problem a fue years back witch lead to a messy divorce but
i dont know if it will help much but the best thing is just be there for her
there will be a point where something is going to go wrong and sometimes the
best thing to do is just keep an eye out for her. with the mother part i kinda
snapped and told my mum that she is a self centered ***** that it trying to live
threw her daughter and moving out only means that they have to come to you.

so um yea

 

[Imp Poster]

Have you tried to have a constructive arguement? One with no insults, labels, derogatory comments. What is her point in when she talks shit to you? Try and not escalate arguements into fights. Walking away is sometimes just best. If this situation seems to effect other parts of your life, seems like you should preoccupy more time into finding things to do instead of battling your sister/family. Hang out with friends at the very least. Learn how to swim, nothing like a good dose of batting cages(you know, baseball bat and an automatic pitcher with 4 quarters to start it) to hit some of your frustration out, learn how to cook, etc.

 

[Stoic raptor]

First of all, get help for your sister. They are places and hotlines and groups and all that stuff for bullemia (and anorexia and suicide, but you get my point)

Her attention-whore probably stems from the same reason she is bullemic. Low self-esteem, they think they would be well liked if they do that.

Her bitchiness probably stems from that too. Negative attention is better than none. You say you two were never close. Maybe nobody really paid attention to her in that time.
Or maybe she is just naturally a ***** and drama-queen, but I doubt it, since you noticed this attitude change recently.

I would try to research more on bullemia if I were you.

As for your mom.
Even though there may be a reason for this attitude change, that does not give her the right to act like that. You cannot let people get away with things even if they have a reason like that.

When you argue, try to argue with insults, or yelling. Try be cool and logical.
Try not to think of it as an argument, but as a persuasive discussion.
Whether your mom listens or not, I would not know. If she does not, it is probably a lost cause, or you just have a bad argument.

I would still try to help your sister before you do anything.
You should always try to be nice and make peace. That is the only way to stop a fight, fighting back does not solve anything.
But it can help you if you cannot make peace.

EDIT: Where is your dad?
What is his say in this.
Maybe you could use him to help you sister and convince your mother.

 

[Powertool]

EDIT: Where is your dad?
What is his say in this.
Maybe you could use him to help you sister and convince your mother.

My parents are divorced and he is in california and has almost no contact with us.

Have you tried to have a constructive arguement? One with no insults, labels, derogatory comments. What is her point in when she talks shit to you? Try and not escalate arguements into fights. Walking away is sometimes just best. If this situation seems to effect other parts of your life, seems like you should preoccupy more time into finding things to do instead of battling your sister/family. Hang out with friends at the very least. Learn how to swim, nothing like a good dose of batting cages(you know, baseball bat and an automatic pitcher with 4 quarters to start it) to hit some of your frustration out, learn how to cook, etc.

Lucky for me I do Krav-Maga, Brazilian Jiu-Jitzu, and run A LOT. Its a great vent from it all, but for the most part i do not spend too much time at the home. It would just be nice if when I was there it was not drama filled.

 

[Sneaky Paladin]

Try and get actual help for your sister for one. And for your mom, Just tell her how you feel. Just don't wimp out, you have to be firm with these things.

 

[The Stonker]

Me and my family have found out my sister is bulimic last year and it has been hard on all of us. I hear the best thing to do in my situation as her older brother is give her unconditional love, but I can't seem to that. We were never close and now more then ever she is so mean and wicked to me (she is 16) that I have a hard time doing anything nice to someone that mean to me. I really want to just get out of my house because her being such a drama queen/ attention whore is starting to effect my school work (college) and social life. Me and my mom fight all the time because I think my mom is being an enabler by letting her get away with everything, where as I call her on her bullshit. This has made it difficult for our family because my sister can turn a great evening into a disaster. She will say rude things to me and I will tell her that I am not going to be talked to like that and my mom lashes out at me because I am not "supporting" her.

Has anyone had these problems and what have you done to alleviate this situation. Is it really support letting her get away with rude and mean comments? Any help would be great I am so lost and I cannot imagine what she is going through, but I refuse to be treated like shit. I do not know what to do.

So you're saying that your mom and your sister are kinnnndaaaa like the stereotype of Jersey people? (No offense to the residents of New Jersey, I've been there, lovely place).

But What you should do is tell her to stop being a spoiled little brat and grow up, yes, eating disorders are serious.
But sometimes you have to be mean and tough towards the people and ask them, what the heck is bothering them.
Because you can't help someone if you don't know the root of the problem and try to help them from there.

 

[General_Potatoes]

Probably all i can say is Just support her no matter what. How would you feel if you were in her shoes? You would act the same way right?

 

[EeveeElectro]

It doesn't sound like you have the money to move out, being a college student.
It's your mums duty to get help for her daughter. Yes, supporting is good, but it will do fuck all by itself. Book her in for a therapist or doctor, they'll help her through it and hopefully she'll stop playing on her bulimia. She should know using that as an excuse is just insulting the people who are seriously ill with it.

 

[Duffeknol]

Thank goodness this has already been stated a few times, but really: GET. HER. PROFESSIONAL. HELP.
Talking to her, even using great and rational arguments, will NEVER work. I might not know much, but I do know a lot of shit about this. Really. People don't get out of this by themselves. I know, someone very close to me went through something similar. They NEED professional help, I can't stress this enough.

It'll take a while from them to improve, but they'll thank you for it later.

 

[John the Gamer]

Screw unconditional love. Just ignore her untill she starts behaving normally again. Also: did your mom not have a talk with a doctor or specialist or something? It seems like she doesn't know how stuff works.

P.S.: Best of luck to you, dear sir.

 

[Diligent]

What kind of support is your mom giving? If it's just being nice to her and letting her get away with things (by the sound of it) that's not support at all. Bulimia is no laughing matter, and is fatal if it goes unchecked. Show your mom some information on bulimia, and pictures to go along with it that will snap her into reality. Let her know that this is what her daughter is doing to herself, and that she needs to see a professional for help.

 

[prjio307]

Yeah moving out seems like the most reasonable course of action. If your parents and your sister know that what they're dealing with is a major issue then it's pretty much in their hands at this point. You have your own life to deal with man, get out of there :/.