My Sister and Bulimia

[Jark212]

My sister had some issues a few years back, my dad sent her to a boarding school for troubled teens in Utah. I think it saved her life...

Ether way, if your parents are part of the problem as your suggesting I'd recommend that you get out of there (If you can support yourself) or try to get your parents on board to have a intervention...

 

[Deleted]

If she's impressionable enough, try to get a boyfriend (or someone she's interested in) to reveal that they like meat on their girls. This will use her insecurity to her advantage and remove her bulemia!

I suggest getting out if you truly don't care about her. I don't see anything wrong with that.

 

[Zaik]

Well, if i'm wrong here then it ruins my whole post, but i'm assuming that your father either:
A: Isn't around
B: Lets your mother walk all over him

Your mother is going to enable her daughter in private so in public she can go "oh woe is me my daughter is out of control and has xyz wrong with her pity me please" to her friends and co-workers and get all sorts of attention. Your sister is just a 16 year old girl who has a parent that encourages them to act like a 16 year old girl. The chances she actually has something legitimately wrong with her are pretty small.

My advice to you is, if possible, find her boy list(yes, some of them actually keep a list of guys, and occasionally things they want to do to/with them. assuming there's no actual list, simple catching names and asking her friends can help) and get as many of them as possible to tell her they don't date skeletons, and that they don't date women with such pronounced gag reflexes as they feel it makes oral intercourse difficult.

Then enjoy the drama. Also get an apartment immediately.

 

[Kakashi on crack]

Late response, but it seems you actually do need some help with this and I've decided to start checking the forums more.

I used to have a similar problem, (the main difference being that I am close to my sister) and while this sounds assinine in nature, it gets the job done...

First, find out the real issue behind it. Is it your mother feeling insecure about your sister's behaivor, or is it a sense of feminism, possibly a guilt trip? Find the deeper context.

Agree to dissagree with your sister, sit down with them, discuss what the problem is, maybe they have emotional issues, maybe they're just a plain out *****? You won't know until you ask them. If they try to pull some kind of BS while you are trying to discuss the issue, drop it, as they aren't going to tell you.

See if there's something in particular that causes these problems. Is it a tone of voice you use, or possibly something you say? It is tough to admit in a situation like this that we are at fault, and I am not accusing you of such. I'm simply saying that you should look to reassure yourself you are not.

From the sounds of it, you don't have high chances moving out, or if you do it would take at least a month or so. If you cannot come to an understanding, or at least mutual respect, than that's the main problem. Sub consciously your mother, or sister feels that they are able to use something to their advantage to trample their negative feelings out on you, and the other is following.

This sounds like a bad idea, I know, but if the problem is not solvable, then a better alternative is to prove your "superiority" in that you are not some rag doll they can throw around as a metaphor of their own personal problems. This does -NOT- mean be an ass. What this means is to say you are better than what they throw at you. Don't lose your temper, if a fight feels like it is brewing, simply say to yourself "I'm the better person, I'm walking away from this sh**."

If they try to take the problem to you, then show them you mean business. Show that you are not afraid to stand up for yourself, and what you believe in. And do -NOT- under -ANY CIRCUMSTANCES- back down.

This next piece of advise might sound like a bad idea, but sometimes a good ol sibling a** kicking solves the problem. My younger sister used to constantly get away with everything under the sun, and one day while my parent's were away, they tried to pull similar stuff. I ignored them, they decided to throw a punch, and half a minute later I had them in a headlock in a position in which they couldn't move, screaming at me that they hated my guts, blah blah blah. I got a family shitstorm out of that, yelled at, and grounded for a month, but you know what?

They stopped. They got the picture that I was not going to put up with them, and they stopped bugging me like that. We get along just fine now, and they understand that I will react. Sometimes, people just need to get their butt kicked, guy or girl, to figure out what they are doing isn't right.

Ohh yeah, and think happy thoughts. It'll do wonders for you, trust me I know (law of attraction and all that quantom physical mumbo jumbo actually has some truth to it)

Anyways, sorry for posting late, and for my slightly vulgar language. I tried to keep it at a minimum!

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

Just leave ... it's not your problem. It's obvious your sister doesn't want your help, and frankly thre's only so much giving you can do when all the other does is take. Whether your sister is sick or no, she's obviously not your sister, nor wishes to be, now.

Yes, yes ... compassion, mercy and persistence have their place, but let's look t this situation in another way;

Would you continue to invest money in a friend's failing company, failing not because of a bad run on the market, not because of an accident with their finances, a failing company because your friend has no wish or will to make their company better and curtail their shortcomings?

Psychological diseases do not just cure themselves with 'enough love', it requires a commitment to be better. It's a disease ... if the patient does not wish to be better, there is little you can do to improve her situation ... nor should you have to.

It may seem cold, but just stay out of it. Wash your hands of the situation. If someone criticizes you for it, tell them they can have the job of being an emotional punching bag for someone who used to be your sister.

You tried ... and thumbs up for doing so. But you've already reached the limits of your ability to care ... I also believe your mother is feeding this disease in your sister ... and frankly whatever gains you get by showing your sister that if she continues to treat people like shit she'll lose family members are being neutralized by your mother's foolish stance on the matter.

 

[Estelindis]

Unconditional love doesn't mean supporting a destructive lifestyle. It means always trying to do the best for the other person, no matter how hard it is and how little they appreciate it. Sometimes (but only sometimes), this means "tough love." But it depends on the people in question. Two people with the same problem could respond differently to the same kind of "solution."

In a situation where the other person will take anything you do or say as raw material for a fight, all you can do is walk away: deprive them of material to get unreasonably worked up over. I don't know if this is one of those situations or not. But I do agree with two pieces of advice already given. 1) Your sister needs professional help; see if you can help to get some for her. 2) Do not lose your temper (this doesn't mean just "taking it" like a martyr; you can argue back in a reasoned manner without raising your voice, or you can walk away). This is as much about preserving your own sanity and self-respect as it is about loving your sister. You will feel better about yourself afterwards if you don't lose your head, and it also might give any argument a better chance of actually being based on reason rather than insults.

 

[Zeriercahl]

I disagree with most peoples opinions to "get out."
If this was a crappy girlfriend we were talking about here then I'd agree, but this is your family. The ideal situation is you would have a good lifelong relationship with your mother and sister.
With that in mind, I think you should always strive for that ideal. It may seem impossible now, but there is definitely a way. I wouldn't suggest selflessly devoting yourself to working on your family, keep time for yourself and your school work, but in the mean time try to think of ways you can help your sister. Also, try to be constructive when giving advice to your mother. At this point, it seems you and your sister need some kind of mediator to help you communicate. If you are not going to seek professional family therapy, then the only solution would be for your mother to fill that roll. Just remember always remain calm, try to imagine your family member's points of view, and never be condemning.

Obviously your sister is dealing with factors that are beyond your control and that are probably unknown to you (teenage girls have it rough or so I hear). Your mother also seems to be having a hard time dealing with these problems. While escaping is certainly the most beneficial thign you can do for yourself, this may be the time that your family needs you most. I think leaving the hosue now is akin to giving up on them, and assuming you do care about these family members of yours, I do not beleive that is the best decision long term decision for yourself.
Of course, ultimately it's your decision, so do what you need to do. Hang in there

 

[FruitFusion]

I would advice you to wait it out till your sister becomes an adult.

If it reaches a point where it becomes unmanageble i can tell you
from personal experiance (I come from a abusive family) that the best way to deal with
"mentally abusive" family members is to stop caring. This might seem cold, and people with
normal families will probebly disagree with me. (because they dont understand what it is like)
(an example of this is the guy above me)

I have seen others struggle with abusive family a lot, and each time i notice their total
opposite reaction from mine. Victims will rationalise the abusive behaviour, will try
"make it work" and feel insulted. They, infact, reward the abusive behaviour.

Dont get me wrong, it is hard to let family fall, but most of the time its better then
the emotional trauma they can inflict. Also you can always try to regain the relationship
when you become an adult. Infact i now have a good relationship with my Mom, though i still
dont care about my brother.

 

[dylanatthemovies]

I think MOP might tell you to..

ante up, cap that fool.

ante up, kidnap that fool.

 

[Cupid]

Has anyone had these problems and what have you done to alleviate this situation. Is it really support letting her get away with rude and mean comments? Any help would be great I am so lost and I cannot imagine what she is going through, but I refuse to be treated like shit. I do not know what to do.

I have had an experience with someone in our family with this. I think it is very hard for you or anyone to fully understand your sisters situation unless you have all been to therapy and have had that kind of time to talk about all the things your sister is feeling and all the reasons why she feels the way she does. I know it is hard to live with someone with this illness because I can remember how my aunts family suffered through all of this, as well as my cousin who was the one fighting her disorder. I know you feel she is disrupting your homelife and all the enjoyment your family once felt, and I know at times just by her coming into a room can change everything. The only thing I can tell you is, that I hope your sister is being treated for her problems by ones who can professionally help her to get well. Her illness has a whole bag full of other physical illnessess that can come into play if not treated and can be pretty dangerous. I hope that you can try to be patient with her because I would bet your sister doesnt want to be in the position that she is in, would rather be happy and loved as she once was by you as her brother. Her ilness is just as if she had a bad cancer, I'm sure you would be somewhat more compassionate if this were the case. Mentally her mind is not healthy either, which is why you see her as more of a ***** and more so to lash out. The best way to support her is to let her comments pass by in the way that you dont acknowledge them to get to the point where you are now angry. Just try to remind yourself your sister is ill, and really we do give some extra miles for those we love who are sick. Support her not by giving back what she is giving you, you just have to be better right now and give her compassion and understanding if you dont feel the love.

I think it would benefit you if you are not part of her getting better with her Doctor, to read up on the illness as much as you can, and try to be there for her as best you can. To argue with her will only make her feel worse. Just try to be patient as she tries to get better, and hopefully in time, (and this does take alot of time) you and your family will have her back in good health and spirit. I do feel for you though because this can totally upset the whole household, from dinners to birthday gatherings to family vacations to just simple talking as a family. Compassion is what I'd advise the most and much understanding.

I hope things work out for her sooner rather than later, and that you feel better of her situation too.
Best of luck to you.

This is where my cousin went for her treatment. Not sure if this all helps, but maybe it will to just know you're not alone.

http://www.renfrew.org/

This site if you look around may help you too. Email them and ask for literature or maybe there are other things on that site that may be helpful to you too. I'ts worth a read through.