My sister has been stealing from my parents joint account to pay an internet scammer

[votemarvel]

Last month I found that my sister had been conned by someone on the internet into sending money to people in Ghana. Things happen and the police got involved and the case is ongoing.

In February my Dad had a serious stroke, he is now in a care home. My Mum passed away on the 4th of September so of course I've been handing arrangements and sorting out finances. I've had to take out a bank loan to pay for the funeral and I basically now have no money from paying other household bills.

While searching for paperwork I came across two more Western Union money transfers to Ghana, one the day after Mum died and another on the 14th of this month. Imagine my surprise though that when looking at the statement of my parents joint account that 200 pounds was withdrawn on those two days.

It wasn't my Dad and it certainly couldn't be my Mum, my sister was the one she trusted with her bank card though. I just can't get my head around the fact that my sister would steal from their account the day after her Mum died.

Looking back through statements I'm finding similar amounts withdrawn when I know it couldn't have been one of my parents.

What sympathy I had for my sister getting conned has now gone, It's 1:20am here and I am resisting the urge to kick her door down and wring her damn neck.

 

[mojoismydog77]

Don't do anything you will regret. Think about the future and the consequences your actions will have. She made a huge mistake and it is awful but she is still family. Just cool down do something to release some steam and makes you focus on something else. Money comes and goes family will be around longer. If needed I will stay here and converse with you if that helps.

 

[votemarvel]

Thanks for the offer to talk. I'm watching some Top Gear episodes, which is having somewhat of a calming effect.

I am going to find it hard to forgive though when she's seen the financial struggle I am going through paying for the funeral and she still does this.

 

[Fox12]

I've been having some very... ugly encounters with my sister as well. It hurts, because we used to be inseparably close. Now I feel like I hate her. I don't know what to make of the whole thing. I feel like it's best if we go our separate ways and call it quits. I get it, believe me.

If you want to talk, you can pm me.

 

[bastardofmelbourne]

How old is she?

If she's a minor, you may be able to get the bank to reverse the transfers. I know that they don't honour transactions made with a stolen card. They might be able to reverse it if the person making the transfers was underage or otherwise unauthorized.

If she's an adult it's a little trickier, but no-one above the age of majority should be dumb enough to fall for a 419 letter. At that point it's more a matter of talking some sense into her or locking her out of the family finances entirely. Provided you have the legal authority to do that, as it's your deceased mother's funds to begin with.

Do you have a solicitor handling your mother's estate? That's who I'd go to for advice. Or the bank itself; they don't want your sister wasting money any more than you do.

 

[PainInTheAssInternet]

To cheer you up.

 

[Saltyk]

This feels like the type of thing you could bring to the bank's attention and have her access removed from the account to prevent future transgressions. Or, if she simply knows the PIN for the card, have that changed. After that, you should probably bring this up with family and some of her friends to try to nip this in the bud.

Seriously, stealing from family is one of the lowest things you can do, in my opinion. But people do it. You probably shouldn't trust your sister with money that isn't hers. Let her send her own money off to some scammer, but not yours or your parents.

 

[Queen Michael]

How you should handle this depends on whether she still believes that the scammer is legit.

If she doesn't, scream at her all you want.

If she does, ask her politely but firmly if she's received any proof whatsoever that he is. Undoubtedly, she'll provide some super-flimsy "proof," so make sure to explain why it's not really proof.

 

[Fallow]

To hell with it, just go bonkers on everyone and everything. Punch your sister until she stops stealing from you, send dickpics to your local police station (send them anonymously through fax), set fire to an orphanage. It'll make you feel better.

 

[bastardofmelbourne]

To hell with it, just go bonkers on everyone and everything. Punch your sister until she stops stealing from you, send dickpics to your local police station (send them anonymously through fax), set fire to an orphanage. It'll make you feel better.

You can't possibly be serious.

No-one owns a fax machine anymore.

 

[Cycloptomese]

To hell with it, just go bonkers on everyone and everything. Punch your sister until she stops stealing from you, send dickpics to your local police station (send them anonymously through fax), set fire to an orphanage. It'll make you feel better.

You can't possibly be serious.

No-one owns a fax machine anymore.

On the contrary, I recently started a new job and was shocked to find out that they still use a fax machine. It's mostly because a good portion of the customer base uses them, which is even more shocking. I hadn't even seen one in like ten years. I'm enjoying the gig, though.

On topic: You're doing the right thing by giving yourself time to calm down. You're definitely going to have to talk about this with your sister, though. Definitely approach with a calm attitude. If you don't address it, then it could continue.

Good luck getting the situation resolved.

 

[DeimosMasque]

Yeah companies prefer fax machines for a lot of paperwork still. Purchase orders, employment paperwork, legal documents, insurance claims, tax forms, etc. One of the more popular services we provide at the UPS Store I work at is faxing documents for people.

Sad thing is it's still such a popular way of transmitting document that if you have a big corporations 800 number for a fax number you're probably not going to get through on the first try.

 

[RaikuFA]

I know how that is. My brother stole a shit ton of games from me, stole a shit ton of money from my mom and all my now ex girlfriend's jewelery (all sentimental stuff too, like earrings she got as a baby and a ring her biological dad gave her when she finally met him). All for his fucking drug fix.

Still haven't been able to recover the games. Also think he stole my PS3 and X360 cause my mom can't find them. Can't go to the police cause my family will disown me.

I fucking hate people sometimes.

 

[Mangod]

I know how that is. My brother stole a shit ton of games from me, stole a shit ton of money from my mom and all my now ex girlfriend's jewelery (all sentimental stuff too, like earrings she got as a baby and a ring her biological dad gave her when she finally met him). All for his fucking drug fix.

Still haven't been able to recover the games. Also think he stole my PS3 and X360 cause my mom can't find them. Can't go to the police cause my family will disown me.

I fucking hate people sometimes.

... they haven't disowned your brother yet?

 

[Qizx]

Assuming this is real (Sorry this sounds way too much like a soap opera episode)

When you say the police are involved do you mean with your sister stealing, or the scammer? Either way make sure the police are involved, get her removed from having access, and make her pay it back.

 

[RaikuFA]

I know how that is. My brother stole a shit ton of games from me, stole a shit ton of money from my mom and all my now ex girlfriend's jewelery (all sentimental stuff too, like earrings she got as a baby and a ring her biological dad gave her when she finally met him). All for his fucking drug fix.

Still haven't been able to recover the games. Also think he stole my PS3 and X360 cause my mom can't find them. Can't go to the police cause my family will disown me.

I fucking hate people sometimes.

... they haven't disowned your brother yet?

Nope. Cause he's family. Can't hurt family no matter what they do.

 

[Mangod]

I know how that is. My brother stole a shit ton of games from me, stole a shit ton of money from my mom and all my now ex girlfriend's jewelery (all sentimental stuff too, like earrings she got as a baby and a ring her biological dad gave her when she finally met him). All for his fucking drug fix.

Still haven't been able to recover the games. Also think he stole my PS3 and X360 cause my mom can't find them. Can't go to the police cause my family will disown me.

I fucking hate people sometimes.

... they haven't disowned your brother yet?

Nope. Cause he's family. Can't hurt family no matter what they do.

... ok, serious case of moral myopia here. So they don't think he's been hurting you? I'll admit I can't really relate to your situation, since I've never gone through anything similar, but it sounds to me like you should report him to the police - if they'll pick him over you, then you're probably better off without them.

 

[RaikuFA]

I know how that is. My brother stole a shit ton of games from me, stole a shit ton of money from my mom and all my now ex girlfriend's jewelery (all sentimental stuff too, like earrings she got as a baby and a ring her biological dad gave her when she finally met him). All for his fucking drug fix.

Still haven't been able to recover the games. Also think he stole my PS3 and X360 cause my mom can't find them. Can't go to the police cause my family will disown me.

I fucking hate people sometimes.

... they haven't disowned your brother yet?

Nope. Cause he's family. Can't hurt family no matter what they do.

... ok, serious case of moral myopia here. So they don't think he's been hurting you? I'll admit I can't really relate to your situation, since I've never gone through anything similar, but it sounds to me like you should report him to the police - if they'll pick him over you, then you're probably better off without them.

Well he's already on the lam last I heard. I think my family finally realized what he did. I heard my mom say if he ever came to her house she was gonna call the cops. Kinda late IMO. My ex left me and I moved back to NJ to be away from him.

 

[CrazyGirl17]

...Yeesh, my condolences. My advice is talk it out with your sister to know what the hell she was thinking... and then decide whether or not to get mad.

Also, try to see if the police can help find the scammer, see if the bank can salvage anything, ect.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

I don't think you understand, this is a huge investment opportunity.