Hello there! It's time for Some Random Punter With A God Complex Tries Reviewing Something! I can see the joy in your eyes.
Ah, gaming. Is there any greater pursuit? Most likely, but few things can rival the joy of a well-placed headshot, the thrill of boosting your way through crowded traffic or the strange, almost maternal feeling that accompanies nurturing your MMO character, and while naysayers may attempt to have gaming revealed as the hideous and shocking childhood innocence-destroying hellspawn that it most definitely is, we gamers must hope that these people eventually may see the error of their ways, hopefully before anyone starts taking them seriously.
Anyways, here is my countdown of what I believe to be the twelve greatest games ever conceived. Why twelve? Because I like to go two steps beyond (Brownie points to anyone who gets the reference). Now, these opinions are subject to my own preferences, and I'm not a fan of sports or racing games, so please, no comments featuring anything along the lines of "But wait, where's PES/Gran Turismo/[insert other sports game here]", but you can argue about my choices if you must. Also, this isn't about classic games, it's about games I enjoy playing. So without further ado,
NUMBER 12
Introversion, the self-proclaimed 'last of the bedroom programmers' created four amazing games, such as Darwinia, DEFCON, Uplink and Multiwinia, but my personal favourite has to be Uplink. It truly is a one of a kind experience. I've yet to experience the same tension as I try to find a file, the nerve-racking terror as you look at the tracing maguffin, and realise just how screwed you're going to be very soon.
NUMBER 11
Deus Ex is a truly great experience. Your perception of right and wrong is constantly tested, the plot repeatedly twists unexpectedly and you are given a huge amount of freedom to complete your objectives. You're a modern-day Ghandi? Then you can go through the entire game just tazering and pepper-spraying enemies, although I doubt Ghandi would be playing computer games. He'd probably be busy protesting or something.
NUMBER 10
Speaking of pepper spray and tazers, SWAT 4 is a great FPS. Getting rid of many FPS cliches, such as regenerating health, big ass set-pieces and gritty, near-future space marines who are either compensating for something or have very aggressive shoulder tumours, SWAT 4 will bend you over its knee, wail on your arse with a 2X4 and then kick you a bit. Metaphorically of course, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
NUMBER 9
I am a huge fan of the RPG genre, but I hadn't been for a long time. It was Mass Effect that changed my views. With a incredibly engrossing story, a crapton of stuff to do and action-packed combat, this is a masterpiece that deserves to be played at least once. It would be higher on the list, but I don't have an Xbox, so I had to play it on my rather naff old PC, so it runs very poorly, even on the lowest graphical settings. Still fun, though.
NUMBER 8
I don't know what is it about Rogue Trooper that I like. It's set in the near-future, the graphics are brown (see: dull) and the story is very predictable. But for some reason, I just love this game. The combat is pretty fun, I guess. Shooting the enemy's air tanks is pretty neat. I really can't think of a reason for liking this game as much as I do. Just take my word for it; it's a fun game that you can buy for sod all on Amazon. That makes it better.
NUMBER 7
I've loved the Burnout series ever since Burnout 3, but Paradise combines everything the series does well, gets rid of most of things it doesn't do so well and is one of the most exhilarating experiences in recent memory. Whether you're speeding through traffic at breakneck speeds, slamming a rival into a wall and watching the ownage unfold in slo-mo or flying over jumps, it's all good, plus, for the first year or so it came with lots of free DLC, and while it is suffering a decline in quality now it's gone premium, there's still a hell of a lot of fun to be had with the recently released Big Surf Island.
NUMBER 6
Painkiller hearkens back to the good ol' days of gaming, back when a shotgun blast felt more powerful that a mouse farting in the opposite direction, when a rocket launcher pretty much spelt instant death for anything it happened to be pointing at and the word 'groovy' was still acceptable as a catchphrase. Such joyous days. Painkiller is pure escapist fun. The story is told through the occasional (mercifully) skippable cutscene, but the game is fun without a story, something I wish some game designers nowadays would realise. And believe me, putting it in slo-mo, firing a stake at someone and running behind them to see it bust through the other side never gets old. Ever. And don't forget, there's a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning!
NUMBER 5
Lionhead are right up there with Valve and Bethesda as my favourite game companies, and The Movies is their finest work, in my opinion. I never got into the main game much, although from what I have played, it's effectively a larger scale version of The Sims. The best feature for me is the movie creation. When you unlock the custom scriptwriting office, be prepared to lose hours of your spare time trying to create your very own Apocalypse Now homage. The expansion, Stunts & Effects, adds a whole load of new options, giving you even more depth for creating your cinematic opus.
NUMBER 4
I know I'm not alone when I say that even today; Tetris is still a hugely fun experience. I won't bother explaining it, as anyone who doesn't know what it is probably shouldn't be on a gaming website, but it is always satisfying to clear a horizontal line, put a block in between some other blocks and clear another horizontal line. Simple, effective and fun.
NUMBER 3
No-one can argue that Bioshock isn't a brilliant game, not even grumpy ol' Yahtzee. The intriguing, deeply philosophical plot that warrants more than one playthroughs to fully comprehend, the beautiful and unique setting, the great combat and the tense atmosphere all make this my 3rd favourite game of all time.
NUMBER 2
I've always been a huge fan of the RTS genre, probably starting with the original Age of Empires, but for me Rome: Total War represents the highest point for the genre. I'm not saying that every RTS since then has been crap, far from it. I'm just saying they've yet to rival its sheer awesomeness. With epic battles, featuring thousands of soldiers on each side, complex battlefield tactics required to take full advantage of each units advantages and disadvantages and the huge campaign mode that can take months to complete, Rome: Total War is a true testament to excellent game design.
NUMBER 1
After getting into RPGs, I tried two Elder Scrolls games, Morrowind and Oblivion. I didn't find them that interesting, but then heard of another project from Bethesda. Fallout 3. I've been a fan of the Fallout series ever since I played the original a year or so ago, but they definitely haven't aged well. This sequal, I hoped, would be like playing a remake of the original, maybe with some extra things added. Then it went from isometric top-down RPG to FPS. I was sad. Then I heard about this thing called V.A.T.S. and I stopped being sad. Then I got my hands on a copy, and I was blown away. The game world is huge, but immersive and full of varied things to do. The combat is amazing; with a completely original system that I'm surprised has yet to beripped off payed homage to. Almost element of the game feels like a hell of a lot of care and attention was given to it. And it is for these reasons and more that I call Fallout 3 by number one greatest game of all time. Also, it probably has the best soundtrack of any game, ever.
This is my first review-type majig, so constructive criticism would be appreciated, and who knows? If you people like this, I may write more, although for every person who doesn't like this, I will kill a puppy. Think of the puppies.
Ah, gaming. Is there any greater pursuit? Most likely, but few things can rival the joy of a well-placed headshot, the thrill of boosting your way through crowded traffic or the strange, almost maternal feeling that accompanies nurturing your MMO character, and while naysayers may attempt to have gaming revealed as the hideous and shocking childhood innocence-destroying hellspawn that it most definitely is, we gamers must hope that these people eventually may see the error of their ways, hopefully before anyone starts taking them seriously.
Anyways, here is my countdown of what I believe to be the twelve greatest games ever conceived. Why twelve? Because I like to go two steps beyond (Brownie points to anyone who gets the reference). Now, these opinions are subject to my own preferences, and I'm not a fan of sports or racing games, so please, no comments featuring anything along the lines of "But wait, where's PES/Gran Turismo/[insert other sports game here]", but you can argue about my choices if you must. Also, this isn't about classic games, it's about games I enjoy playing. So without further ado,
NUMBER 12
Introversion, the self-proclaimed 'last of the bedroom programmers' created four amazing games, such as Darwinia, DEFCON, Uplink and Multiwinia, but my personal favourite has to be Uplink. It truly is a one of a kind experience. I've yet to experience the same tension as I try to find a file, the nerve-racking terror as you look at the tracing maguffin, and realise just how screwed you're going to be very soon.
NUMBER 11
Deus Ex is a truly great experience. Your perception of right and wrong is constantly tested, the plot repeatedly twists unexpectedly and you are given a huge amount of freedom to complete your objectives. You're a modern-day Ghandi? Then you can go through the entire game just tazering and pepper-spraying enemies, although I doubt Ghandi would be playing computer games. He'd probably be busy protesting or something.
NUMBER 10
Speaking of pepper spray and tazers, SWAT 4 is a great FPS. Getting rid of many FPS cliches, such as regenerating health, big ass set-pieces and gritty, near-future space marines who are either compensating for something or have very aggressive shoulder tumours, SWAT 4 will bend you over its knee, wail on your arse with a 2X4 and then kick you a bit. Metaphorically of course, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
NUMBER 9
I am a huge fan of the RPG genre, but I hadn't been for a long time. It was Mass Effect that changed my views. With a incredibly engrossing story, a crapton of stuff to do and action-packed combat, this is a masterpiece that deserves to be played at least once. It would be higher on the list, but I don't have an Xbox, so I had to play it on my rather naff old PC, so it runs very poorly, even on the lowest graphical settings. Still fun, though.
NUMBER 8
I don't know what is it about Rogue Trooper that I like. It's set in the near-future, the graphics are brown (see: dull) and the story is very predictable. But for some reason, I just love this game. The combat is pretty fun, I guess. Shooting the enemy's air tanks is pretty neat. I really can't think of a reason for liking this game as much as I do. Just take my word for it; it's a fun game that you can buy for sod all on Amazon. That makes it better.
NUMBER 7
I've loved the Burnout series ever since Burnout 3, but Paradise combines everything the series does well, gets rid of most of things it doesn't do so well and is one of the most exhilarating experiences in recent memory. Whether you're speeding through traffic at breakneck speeds, slamming a rival into a wall and watching the ownage unfold in slo-mo or flying over jumps, it's all good, plus, for the first year or so it came with lots of free DLC, and while it is suffering a decline in quality now it's gone premium, there's still a hell of a lot of fun to be had with the recently released Big Surf Island.
NUMBER 6
Painkiller hearkens back to the good ol' days of gaming, back when a shotgun blast felt more powerful that a mouse farting in the opposite direction, when a rocket launcher pretty much spelt instant death for anything it happened to be pointing at and the word 'groovy' was still acceptable as a catchphrase. Such joyous days. Painkiller is pure escapist fun. The story is told through the occasional (mercifully) skippable cutscene, but the game is fun without a story, something I wish some game designers nowadays would realise. And believe me, putting it in slo-mo, firing a stake at someone and running behind them to see it bust through the other side never gets old. Ever. And don't forget, there's a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning!
NUMBER 5
Lionhead are right up there with Valve and Bethesda as my favourite game companies, and The Movies is their finest work, in my opinion. I never got into the main game much, although from what I have played, it's effectively a larger scale version of The Sims. The best feature for me is the movie creation. When you unlock the custom scriptwriting office, be prepared to lose hours of your spare time trying to create your very own Apocalypse Now homage. The expansion, Stunts & Effects, adds a whole load of new options, giving you even more depth for creating your cinematic opus.
NUMBER 4
I know I'm not alone when I say that even today; Tetris is still a hugely fun experience. I won't bother explaining it, as anyone who doesn't know what it is probably shouldn't be on a gaming website, but it is always satisfying to clear a horizontal line, put a block in between some other blocks and clear another horizontal line. Simple, effective and fun.
NUMBER 3
No-one can argue that Bioshock isn't a brilliant game, not even grumpy ol' Yahtzee. The intriguing, deeply philosophical plot that warrants more than one playthroughs to fully comprehend, the beautiful and unique setting, the great combat and the tense atmosphere all make this my 3rd favourite game of all time.
NUMBER 2
I've always been a huge fan of the RTS genre, probably starting with the original Age of Empires, but for me Rome: Total War represents the highest point for the genre. I'm not saying that every RTS since then has been crap, far from it. I'm just saying they've yet to rival its sheer awesomeness. With epic battles, featuring thousands of soldiers on each side, complex battlefield tactics required to take full advantage of each units advantages and disadvantages and the huge campaign mode that can take months to complete, Rome: Total War is a true testament to excellent game design.
NUMBER 1
After getting into RPGs, I tried two Elder Scrolls games, Morrowind and Oblivion. I didn't find them that interesting, but then heard of another project from Bethesda. Fallout 3. I've been a fan of the Fallout series ever since I played the original a year or so ago, but they definitely haven't aged well. This sequal, I hoped, would be like playing a remake of the original, maybe with some extra things added. Then it went from isometric top-down RPG to FPS. I was sad. Then I heard about this thing called V.A.T.S. and I stopped being sad. Then I got my hands on a copy, and I was blown away. The game world is huge, but immersive and full of varied things to do. The combat is amazing; with a completely original system that I'm surprised has yet to be
This is my first review-type majig, so constructive criticism would be appreciated, and who knows? If you people like this, I may write more, although for every person who doesn't like this, I will kill a puppy. Think of the puppies.
Sure, an explanation of why games ended up where they came are good, but not to much unless you really make a big project out of it with pictures, other important infos and stuffs ;D
