Need a little bit of help.

[justnotcricket]

Snip

*Tips hat to Aylaine* Well said!

Hm, that was so well put, I don't have much to add except:
You said you got into the university you wanted - if it's in a different town, perhaps you'll be able to gain some distance and perspective while being away from him? It might be a nice chance to start afresh. And university is a great opportunity to learn, grow, and become confident in yourself and your abilities =)

 

[Rouse]

Tell him you need a break. In a break you can always see men's true feelings. If after a month or more he still cares for you and wants you, then go back to him. Don't cheat during that period tho, this will ruin everything for sure. Tell him you want to be friends or something like that, talk to him like once in a week, ask how he's doing. See if he's seeing other girls.

Also, it's kinda hard to tell you this, seeing how much you love the guy, but men who are vulgar when they drink tend to get worse with the years. I can guarantee you that if he's a violent person when he's drunk, he will be a violent person in ~10 years and will have some serious issues. I've seen this with my own eyes, sadly, many times. Little things like that come out in a very different way when people get older. So think very seriously if you want to spend more years with this person.

 

[BioHazardMan]

See the problem is this is an abusive relationship, and the only reason you're staying is because you love him. This is why most abusive relationships last long, and some of the girls end up dead or emotionally dead from them. Please, for your own sake make a pros and cons list of him and DISREGARD LOVE when you do it. Write down personality, appearance and how he treats or talks to you. Then count to three and say what you want to do with him. Don't think about it either, you need to pressure yourself into making a decision so it's the one that is true and from your sub-conscious mind instead of your conscious one.

This. He sounds like kind of a dick, it's important to look at what you're getting into. Being something of a musician myself, I know that we are not the best people to get in a serious relationship with...Not to say we are all bad, but with the drinking, drugs etc...

 

[Zaik]

I'll keep it simple.

You can say you don't like what he says and does all you want. If you're still dating him at the end of the day, that tells him and pretty much everyone else that you think it's acceptable.

So, if you actually don't like it, there's only one way to tell him you don't like it. If he gives a damn about you he'll come around, and if not then 49% of the population of the world is guys and you're probably still in or just getting out of high school so it's not really the end of the world.

 

[EmzOLV]

I, personally, wouldn't put up with someone talking to me like that [I'll add in now that I'm quite a fiery individual when I get into an argument or if someone is insulting me to my face so we're obviously two very different personalities]

If I was in your position I just would tell him I dislike the way he talks to me. I'd basically say some of the things you say are upsetting, provide examples, etc. Although (and I don't know the guy so this could be wrong) it sounds like he'd come back with things such as "well there's plenty of other girls that like me" or whatever. Then if that's the case, he can just get the hell away from me. A relationship is between two people who both mutually love/like each other, not between a girl and someones ego.

I'm not saying to leave him, this is just entirely what I would do - and like I said at the start we're very different. I just wouldn't put up with it. I don't like the way he uses other girls as some sort of threatening notion to make you feel jealous just because you wouldn't go up to Scotland, I don't like the way he intentionally hurts you with the use of dead family members as if it's completely cool for him to do that as long as he apologises afterwards.

Nope, I'd have had my fill and move on. There are WAY nicer guys out there and I'd rather spend 10 years looking than 10 more minutes with someone who tells me "well there's plenty other girls"

/rant

[sub]Disclaimer: I'm so totally talking from my own point of view and I know what I'm like but not you so this may be interesting but not the best advice. Hell, it's not even really advice, its just my two pennies [/sub]

 

[BonsaiK]

If you have any idea of what I should do, please tell me.

Sounds to me like you are talking past each other somewhat. Your communication with him doesn't sound like it's really getting through, and likewise some of the things that he says that seem really hurtful probably aren't meant the way you think. Having said that, I wouldn't be putting up with this situation. He either has to change (consistently, not just a nice appeasement before slipping back into bad habits) or you need to get rid of him. Chances of the former are not looking good.

Personally I would have dumped him like a hot potato as soon as he gave you the necklace. A present given as an apology is a present with ulterior motives - to me it's a giveaway that he's not serious about you as a person or the relationship, only about maintaining the status quo of control over you. "Sure, I've been treating you like crap, I'm so sorry - hey look, expensive shiny things!" is a way to get you to shut up and accept what is happening. You should under no circumstances accept what is happening. Whether that means you stay together or you leave, that's your call, but obviously the current situation is unacceptable to you, so change it.

 

[quiet_samurai]

If you have any idea of what I should do, please tell me.

Sounds to me like you are talking past each other somewhat. Your communication with him doesn't sound like it's really getting through, and likewise some of the things that he says that seem really hurtful probably aren't meant the way you think. Having said that, I wouldn't be putting up with this situation. He either has to change (consistently, not just a nice appeasement before slipping back into bad habits) or you need to get rid of him. Chances of the former are not looking good.

Personally I would have dumped him like a hot potato as soon as he gave you the necklace. A present given as an apology is a present with ulterior motives - to me it's a giveaway that he's not serious about you as a person or the relationship, only about maintaining the status quo of control over you. "Sure, I've been treating you like crap, I'm so sorry - hey look, expensive shiny things!" is a way to get you to shut up and accept what is happening. You should under no circumstances accept what is happening. Whether that means you stay together or you leave, that's your call, but obviously the current situation is unacceptable to you, so change it.

This guy.....
Seriously this is what I was going to say exactly, pretty much.

Also, it sound to me like he may have a substance problem. I have seen friends go through some very dramatic changes because of their heavy... well heavier then normal... consumption of alchohol or drugs. It could be affecting his brain on a more permanant level, sometimes people will realize this and change and ultimately recover, and some don't. That will however, be up to him in the end... not you.

Really you just have to access your options, is his abusive nature worth the little moments of niceness? Is it the fact that you love him really enough to keep you around... really is it? You should really look internally for answers, they are there, and in the end those are usually the best ones. You already know what you need to do, you just have to find the courage to do it.

 

[Kortney]

Sounds to me like you are talking past each other somewhat. Your communication with him doesn't sound like it's really getting through, and likewise some of the things that he says that seem really hurtful probably aren't meant the way you think. Having said that, I wouldn't be putting up with this situation. He either has to change (consistently, not just a nice appeasement before slipping back into bad habits) or you need to get rid of him. Chances of the former are not looking good.

Well communication has always been a problem. English is my third language and his second language so it's a bit difficult at times.

Thanks so much for your advice BonsaiK

Really you just have to access your options, is his abusive nature worth the little moments of niceness? Is it the fact that you love him really enough to keep you around... really is it?

No, it's not.


--

I've decided I am going to end the relationship. I had a bit think and cry last night and I realised it's just not worth it. Thank you all so much for your advice, it has helped beyond enough.

Now to get the courage to break up with him. I am somewhat worried about how he would react - he will go psycho and he has threatened to hit me before so I think I'll bring someone along to make sure nothing happens.

 

[BonsaiK]

Now to get the courage to break up with him. I am somewhat worried about how he would react - he will go psycho and he has threatened to hit me before so I think I'll bring someone along to make sure nothing happens.

Having someone there may be helpful. Obviously you don't want them so close that they're eavesdropping in on the breakup conversation, but you should ideally let a trusted friend know what is going on and have them accessible at the time, either by phone, or a few rooms away.

If he hits you because of this, then it confirms that you're doing the right thing by leaving. Make sure you then quickly move to block all contact, social networking, etc. - and keep records in a diary of any threats or ugly correspondence you receive, diary entries can be used in a courtroom later if it comes to that. Don't delete or destroy anything that could potentially be used as evidence.

 

[Mr.Pandah]

Sounds to me like you are talking past each other somewhat. Your communication with him doesn't sound like it's really getting through, and likewise some of the things that he says that seem really hurtful probably aren't meant the way you think. Having said that, I wouldn't be putting up with this situation. He either has to change (consistently, not just a nice appeasement before slipping back into bad habits) or you need to get rid of him. Chances of the former are not looking good.

Well communication has always been a problem. English is my third language and his second language so it's a bit difficult at times.

Thanks so much for your advice BonsaiK

Really you just have to access your options, is his abusive nature worth the little moments of niceness? Is it the fact that you love him really enough to keep you around... really is it?

No, it's not.


--

I've decided I am going to end the relationship. I had a bit think and cry last night and I realised it's just not worth it. Thank you all so much for your advice, it has helped beyond enough.

Now to get the courage to break up with him. I am somewhat worried about how he would react - he will go psycho and he has threatened to hit me before so I think I'll bring someone along to make sure nothing happens.

I would also like to add that you pretty much have proven it to yourself that you need to get out of the relationship anyway even further. If he has contemplated hitting you in the past...then the relationship had problems far beyond anything you could conceivably fix.

I'm glad you've come to a decision. Its time to put it into affect and you'll have a rough time ahead of you, but at least you'll save yourself the trouble of having to deal with it when it gets a lot harder later. Best of Luck to you.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

He sounds like an arse, but still looks as though he has feelings for you.

Hmmm... actually, it kind of looks like he may have Tourrettes, with all the shouting he does.

Not real sure what my advice would be. You could go to a counsellor or an anger management specialist, tell them your story and see what they have to say.

 

[Paksenarrion]

He treats you indifferently at best, and humiliates you in public without nary a thought of how you feel. He then makes up for it by buying you an expensive bracelet.

This sounds like a cycle of psychological and emotional violence.

You need to break free.

Somehow, I'm not sure you're willing to do that. You are obviously invested in him.

 

[archvile93]

snip

I quoted you because I really want you to read this. Your boyfriend is abussive. I don't want to sound like an ass but he is, he's bad for you and it won't surprise me at all if he soon becomes physically violent. This his how they work, they make you feel worthless and that oly through them does your life have any happiness. He want's to have comlete control over you and he'll do anything to make it happen. He says he's sorry, but he never really is, and it will only get worse as time goes on. You don't need him, you need to get out now.

 

[royohz]

If he makes you feel worthless, then he's not worth loving. Sounds like he needs to learn some common decency. No matter how bad his background is, it's no excuse for treating your girlfriend like shit. You have to get him off his pedestal, confront him and break free from it all. Over all, you must make him realise why you are leaving, and that the way he acts is unacceptable no matter what.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

Maybe you should talk to his sister about it. I'm not great with relationship advice, but she's likely to know stuff about him that you might not.

I'd be tempted to say that these frequent mood swings are part of some psychological disorder, but I know plenty of guys that do much the same thing and are pretty much disorder free.

Hmm...

I really hate it when guys treat their girls like crap and visa versa (it happens >.>). It sounds like maybe you guys should take a break from each other. Make him realize how much he means to you and how much you mean to him. I remember that when my gf and I had a problem arise in our relationship, instead of driving us apart, it made us realize how much we cared for each other.

 

[Kortney]

I broke up with him.

 

[Stollos]

I broke up with him.

You've done the right thing, in my opinion. If you're feeling down (which you probably are) I've got some advice. Surround yourself with your friends, go for a night out, hit the shops, do something that will uplift you a bit. The period directly after a breakup, especially with someone you once felt so in love with, can feel lethal. Friends are the greatest part of the human condition if you ask me, and they've helped me through similar times, and I've helped them. Spending a night or two at a friends place, just to have someone to talk to, eases the mind, especially during emotionally traumatic times like these. I've been on the supportive end of this role, and I know that when my mate was down, he really appreciated me being there for him.

Just fall back on the people who make you happy, and it gets better from here on out. I hope this helps cheerupsmiley.

 

[ComicsAreWeird]

There seems to be no redeeming qualities in your boyfriend from what i read in your post. It might be time to break free from him. I wish you the best of luck with that.

EDIT: Just read the "I broke up with him" post. Good for you! I´m sure you´ll find someone better.