Need advice please!! (Ex question)

[thefleeger]

I don't want to sound childish, but I need some advice over what is going on. My ex is currently with a man whom I've known all my life, and he has flipped her mind inside out. A terrible influence on her. She is in college and she has a bright future ahead. I have invited her over a few times and invited her whenever she needs to get away from him. Upon doing so, she admitted she isn't happy with him, and would like me in a relationship rather than him. Now whether that is a good idea or not, I don't know. I have no idea about the relationship, but as far as her relationship with him, it isn't my place to break them up. Breaking them up seeds negativity in the relationship I may have with her. So what would you recommend?

 

[zombiesinc]

I don't want to sound childish, but I need some advice over what is going on. My ex is currently with a man whom I've known all my life, and he has flipped her mind inside out. A terrible influence on her. She is in college and she has a bright future ahead. I have invited her over a few times and invited her whenever she needs to get away from him. Upon doing so, she admitted she isn't happy with him, and would like me in a relationship rather than him. Now whether that is a good idea or not, I don't know. I have no idea about the relationship, but as far as her relationship with him, it isn't my place to break them up. Breaking them up seeds negativity in the relationship I may have with her. So what would you recommend?

He has a negative influence on her, and I'm assuming she realizes that. If not, I'd suggest pointing that out to her. The fact that she has expressed that she is no longer happy in the relationship should be enough to encourage her to get out of it. If she isn't happy, she shouldn't stay in her current relationship, simple as that. I wouldn't worry too much about you breaking them up though. The fact that she has considered a relationship with you, and how that would be better than her current relationship indicates that she has already realized and accepted that she needs to break up with her boyfriend. You shouldn't feel guilty because she's looking elsewhere for the things she's lacking in her relationship, unless of course you two were to do anything while she's still dating this guy, but that's so obvious I hardly need to mention it.

As for the two of you, I'd suggest letting her deal with her current relationship, and give her some time afterward (assuming she decides to break up with him). Once she's dealt with that relationship and the aftermath, only then should the two of you consider dating. From there, it's pretty straight forward.

 

[rutger5000]

It isn't your place to break them up, that's true. The choice about breaking up needs to come from her, but you can provide the support needed for that. I would do that like a friend, if I were you. Be honest and clear about it: "I think you should stop seeing him, but I don't want to get back together." That is of course if you don't want to get back together anymore. If you do want to get back together, then sh*t just got a lot more complicated.
The simple barbarian I am would still just speak his mind, but yeah I can see how you think that would have a negative impact.

 

[thefleeger]

I don't want to sound childish, but I need some advice over what is going on. My ex is currently with a man whom I've known all my life, and he has flipped her mind inside out. A terrible influence on her. She is in college and she has a bright future ahead. I have invited her over a few times and invited her whenever she needs to get away from him. Upon doing so, she admitted she isn't happy with him, and would like me in a relationship rather than him. Now whether that is a good idea or not, I don't know. I have no idea about the relationship, but as far as her relationship with him, it isn't my place to break them up. Breaking them up seeds negativity in the relationship I may have with her. So what would you recommend?

He has a negative influence on her, and I'm assuming she realizes that. If not, I'd suggest pointing that out to her. The fact that she has expressed that she is no longer happy in the relationship should be enough to encourage her to get out of it. If she isn't happy, she shouldn't stay in her current relationship, simple as that. I wouldn't worry too much about you breaking them up though. The fact that she has considered a relationship with you, and how that would be better than her current relationship indicates that she has already realized and accepted that she needs to break up with her boyfriend. You shouldn't feel guilty because she's looking elsewhere for the things she's lacking in her relationship, unless of course you two were to do anything while she's still dating this guy, but that's so obvious I hardly need to mention it.

As for the two of you, I'd suggest letting her deal with her current relationship, and give her some time afterward (assuming she decides to break up with him). Once she's dealt with that relationship and the aftermath, only then should the two of you consider dating. From there, it's pretty straight forward.

Yeah..I don't want to be the rebound. I am just lost, since I usually don't deal with such emotions. I appreciate the advice.

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

All you can really do is just guide her. Sadly people are to stupidly stubbourn to realize what thier partner is until its too late, a friend of mine learnt this the heard way last month.

 

[lemiel14n3]

Is he abusive or just a dick? If he's abusive and it's not a mutually agreed on sex-thing, then she needs to get the hell out of that relationships. There are very few excuses for hitting your girlfriend, and I think it's safe to assume they aren't karate masters sparring each other.

If he's just a dick then you need to get her to realize that, if you think she's changing into a worse person, then make her confront that fact, give her some examples. Try handling this like a minor intervention, after all that's essentially what you're doing.

 

[Untamed_Skies]

Well the best thing you can do is figure out what she actually is wants. It's fully possible and very likely that she's using you as her emotional vent because her boyfriend is ignoring her in one way or another. What you should do as a friend is ignore any "I think I want her" (which trust me isn't always easy)ideas that pass through your head. Because preying on a girl who feels emotionally neglected is no different then being a rebound.

If it turns out she's in love with him, he just isn't giving her everything she wants from him, then what you should do is encourage her to sit down and talk with him and make sure she's letting her boyfriend know what she wants and what she expects. Let them get everything on the table so she can see if it's something she wants to give another chance or if she's truly ready to breakup with him.

After that give it sometime and see if the affection for you is genuine, or if it's not the more usual you gave her attention when she was vulnerable so she decided she liked you more then she actually did. (A.K.A. Rebound). But as a friend which any good relation will have such a basis, you should do the responsible thing and try and help her figure out what she actually want, and give her a chance to have it with the guy she's with.