Need help with a friend.

[emeraldrafael]

Well, its started, ARSON SEASON!!!!
<spoiler=First, a little background>He doesnt need to worry about money, both of his parents pull in 250K American dollar (each), and could live on just one of their salaries. His family has an estimated 1.3 million in the bank in savings, stocks, bonds, commodities, and such. Hes socially inept and doesnt really talk to his parents that much more then hi, how was your day. In fact, hes almost bordering autistic, and has either a complete meltdown or freezes up completely if someone new tries to get him to talk to them extensively. So a Psychiatrist is out of the question, unless we either want him worse, or him to freak out and hurt someone.
Recently (as in three days ago recently) his house burned down, and it was through arson, though police dont have the suspect quite yet. Right now, hes staying at my house, and his parents are looking for a new house in the area (it won?t take long; we have a few up for sale that are what theyre looking for).
The Problem is, hes gone really quiet. Like, more so then usual, where he wont talk to anyone, and only mutters to himself. Hes also scared of fire now (which I can understand, when he woke up, half is room was on fire), but its more then that, he feels his sense of security if gone. Its not like he never thought this could happen to him, or that it didnt happen in the world, but it just seems the shock of it. Hes pretty much lost anything, and has only three things to his name right now in a tangible form, one being a picture of his older sis and him (she passed away a few years ago in a car crash), his lucky necklace, and a letter his sister wrote to him.
Were not really sure what to do to help him out of his funk, and after three days of trying everything the collective minds of his 4 closest friends could come up with, were finally at this point. What do you say to help someone who lost everything and has no sense of security in the world.

... Cuase right now, our only option may be to push him in another fire and tell him to fight his way out to get over it (kidding, of course).

 

[holy_secret]

If I would be in a fire, these things would be what I would've saved.

This needs time. You can't really do anything else than just be around him. Give him all the space he needs and let him come to you.
I've also lost everything (albeit not in a tangible form), but the last thing I wanted was for people to ask me constantly how I was doing. I lied about it so no one would treat me different. I feel good not, because I was always treated like a normal person.

Try that. Don't try to fix him. Just be his friend.

... Cuase right now, our only option may be to push him in another fire and tell him to fight his way out to get over it (kidding, of course).

I see what you did there.

 

[Blair Bennett]

Hmm...I feel weird giving advice about this because it's not really something that I have had any first hand experience with. My advice to you right now is to really just try and help him regain his sense of security, but also to understand that this takes monumental amounts of time. I'd say it would probably be most beneficial if you and your friends just kept acting the same way you normally do around him. Look at it this way: his house is gone. The place where he might have felt most secure is literally no longer existent, and he's probably worried about the stability of the rest of his environment...? I don't really know what I'm saying, but what I do know is that you do have the ability to help him, but forcing the issue and making him this delicate, fragile little thing that you have to "fix" could just end up being detrimental. I'm not saying that's what you're doing at all, just that you should avoid that.

 

[opp1123]

It is difficult to watch someone struggle with loss and the best you can do at the moment is give him some space. If you are available to listen that is also important but he'll need to process the situation. If this continues on for a significant amount of time I would recommend telling him that getting therapy might be useful. If he does have PSTD is will be more evident in the later months. A few questions to consider:

Is he having hallucinations?
Does he ever wake up from nightmares?
Does he avoid situations that might trigger a memory?

Let me know if you need anymore help.

 

[AnkaraTheFallen]

It is difficult to watch someone struggle with loss and the best you can do at the moment is give him some space. If you are available to listen that is also important but he'll need to process the situation. If this continues on for a significant amount of time I would recommend telling him that getting therapy might be useful. If he does have PSTD is will be more evident in the later months. A few questions to consider:

Is he having hallucinations?
Does he ever wake up from nightmares?
Does he avoid situations that might trigger a memory?

Let me know if you need anymore help.

Yeah, this is the best advice I can give as well.
Just be there for him if and when he needs you.

.... also, I'm a little worried that I answer yes to these questions for myself.