Need some advice with a possible game-addicted friend

[mrvenom]

I don't know what to do with one of my friends. I'm 25, he's 24. I live on my own (sweet apartment), he lives at home with his folks. So here's the deal. I am worried that he won't do anything, ever.

We both like gaming, but i feel he takes it too far. He finishes games in 1 or 2 days max (pokemon Y in 1.2 day, Batman AA in 1 day, ME1 in 2 days, ME2 in 2 days) and that gets me worried. He doesn't do anything besides gaming, starts an education and drops out after 8 months, hasn't worked a day in his life, won't go outside, has a horrible condition...

His parents know about it and everything, but they're defending him. They say he has all kinds of physical problems, and that he can't work, but i don't buy it. I've known him for 8 years now and he's quite capable of doing stuff. I just think he's lazy as balls..

I've tried to ask him what he thought about the entire thing, but i can't get anything out of him. He says that if he likes to do something, he shouldn't have to stop doing it.. He completely locks up if i keep digging about it and won't talk about it.


My point is, he doesn't get anywhere in life with this attitude. It annoys me, and i've been thinking about our friendship because of it. Beside the (occssional) gaming, i fear i have nothing in common with the guy. I mean i like him, but that's it. And i'm kind of stuck. I don't know what to do.

 

[JustinDP]

I tend to blow through games as well. There are a few reasons for this: the first is just that I've been gaming since the days of Colecovision, so I sort of just instinctively know what to do, and when to do it to complete games quicker. The second is that while I live in Australia, I'm not a legal citizen as of yet. This can make finding steady work somewhat problematic. Especially at the moment where even the citizens are having some issues finding work (although I hear this should be improving soon, so here's hoping). So basically I have the time to sit there and play a game for hours at a time. My friend is a computer programmer, and doesn't really have the time to do that.

Now, as far as physical issues go: I've got a pretty bad back, and bad knee. I can get around fine in short bursts. However if I work a job that has me constantly lifting stuff that has a bit of weight to it I am virtually immobile when I get home. Likewise, I often get sharp pains in my back as if somebody suddenly swung a sledgehammer into my back from doing simple stuff like sweeping the floor, or doing the dishes. I mention this to play devil's advocate with your friend in that while he may be physically capable of certain activities there is still potential for prolonged activity to be equivalent to torture. The pain has been a bit more rare since I got here. I'd reckon because I've taken to doing house junk while I'm between employment, so I'm sort of conditioning my back to deal with it, more or less. Some people may be a bit more hesitant to willingly put themselves though pain (I admittingly have a pretty high pain tolerance).

So even if you ignore the physical pain possibility, there may also be shades of depression in there as well. Before I met my wife I was pretty bad. I would neglect to eat food during the day because I simply wasn't even motivated to do that. The problem with depression is legitimate depression isn't something you can just shut off. If you dig at him, or give him crap about it he's only going to get worse. If he is depressed he needs somebody to talk to about it. A reassuring, and welcoming ear. He also has to be ready to talk about it, and ready to fix things himself. Sometimes it can take quite some time before somebody gets to that point.

As far as what you should do? Well, I guess that boils down to just how determined you are to understand him, and why he's the way he is. You have to decide if you want to be the proverbial shoulder to cry on, or not. However, for his sake if you do decide you wish to sever ties with him - it'd be best to do it nicely. If I'm right about his depression a bad terms kind of parting might just make things worse.

 

[Flutterguy]

You will likely not be able to change him. You can try getting him in the habit of listening to philosophical lectures even if while gaming. It will have to run its course though. Like all addictions the mental reward becomes smaller and the price higher, in time he may decide to move out on his own. Sounds like his parents pay for everything though so sadly hunger and internet bills wont be dragging him out anytime soon.

Your friends and their hobbies, emotions and ambition do effect you. The best way to be successful is to surround yourself with people who seriously share your aspirations. This does not mean you have to stop being friends, this means if you seriously want him to change you will have to work your ass off around him to be positive and productive. Not a bad idea to find other friends who are ambitious and share a general interest too, possibly have them meet. As I am sure you understand he is depressed, you are likely one of few ties left to reality, DO NOT tell him he's worthless if you choose to leave.

There is an anime about a modern day hermit "Welcome to the NHK". If he watches anime recommend it to him. Might be just what he needs.

 

[Liviola]

I'm sorry about your friend. You're concerned for him and that shows you're a good friend, and it would be a shame if he lost you. I hope you don't decide to ditch him.

It's tough because we can't exactly force people we care about into doing stuff.. even if it will benefit them greatly. The best we can do is be there for them. If you are really determined to do something, I guess one option is to stage an "intervention"? I'm not that familiar with this on a first-hand basis, and I'm also aware that his parents aren't agreeing with you, so that may be a problem since the effectiveness of an intervention depends on there being lots of people he cares about being involved with convincing him to do something about getting a job.

You could also help him find some suitable job ads and showing it to him? It sounds like he will completely reject it, but perhaps over time he will catch on that it's bothering you that he doesn't do anything but game all day.

But yeah, at the end of the day, his parents are supporting him, and he's unwilling to change. Even if you don't approve of his lazy lifestyle, he's your friend of 8 years. Even though he has no place of his own, no job, and no motivation, he at least has a friend like you.

 

[sanquin]

Darwin is probably turning in his grave over people like him. People that don't do jack shit but one hobby of theirs that has hardly any value in real life, shouldn't be able to exist in a proper society, imo. Because life isn't only about fun, games, and your parents taking care of you.

To be honest though, I don't think you can change him. If he's that stubborn there's nothing you can do to help. Only his parents can do that, since they're the ones taking care of him. Eventually Darwin's law will take over again though, once his parents have had enough or passed away. He'll either be too stupid to adapt and live a poor man's life or even become homeless. Or he will adapt on his own and finally start doing more than just playing games.

On a side note, I do not believe in 'gaming addiction'. Being 'addicted to gaming' is not a real addiction in my opinion. As, if you stop gaming it won't have any lasting physical effects. Mentally feeling the need to play games isn't the same as an addiction, and is far more easy to overcome than a real addiction. Thing is, the person suffering from 'gaming addiction' has to want to change, or it's impossible.

 

[mrvenom]

You could also help him find some suitable job ads and showing it to him? It sounds like he will completely reject it, but perhaps over time he will catch on that it's bothering you that he doesn't do anything but game all day.

I have tried. Helping him looking for jobs, helping him with his resume. He keeps asking me for good jobs (no or little labour) because he can't work really hard.. (i call BS, but ok). But those jobs require some kind of experience. Which he doesn't have. I keep telling him, he needs a factory job, to get experience, to get a higher job. It's a circle.

It's getting more desperate every month. He has used his entire college fund for games and pc upgrades. That money is gonna run out pretty damn quick. And then he has nothing at all.


Thanks for all the posts! It helps me to cope with it a little better.