"No breathing human has the right to say birth control or abortion is okay" (HS Newspaper Fun)

[Dangit2019]

I received a copy of my high school's newspaper today, and started reading the opinion page. What I saw was perhaps some of the dumbest things I have ever read on a sheet of paper.

Oh boy.

I'm actually not for abortion (I am in support of birth control, though), but that was just 10 different levels of stupid.

If that wasn't enough, a different writer decided to give her totally educated, knowledgeable, and non-partisan take on gun control:

You've gotta love the American South

You know a report is well cited when they list the NRA as an official source. Also, "better safe than sorry"? Really?

So, I would ask about the topics presented, but these are obviously misinformed, indoctrinated, and naively ignorant writers, so let's just talk about our present/former high school newspapers. Was yours as stupid as mine? Did you enjoy it? Did you even read it?

 

[Euryalus]

Then no dead person has the right to tell me how to live.
So that's the Bible out AND the Second Amendment.

What flawless logic. How do you do it? XD

OT: I didn't read my high school newspaper very much, but I did read a artcle once where this one guy was basically bitching about how annoying having a store clerk say merry christmas was. I mean really? You wrote an entire article decrying lack of politically correct speech because a store clerk wished you well in a culturally specific way? What an uptight asshole XD

 

[Newtonyd]

I can't see the images. =[

 

[Dangit2019]

I can't see the images. =[

Yeah, I should come back and upload them from a image sharing site later. Right now, I only have the files on my email so they're messed up.

 

[Dangit2019]

I can't see the images. =[

Should be fixed now.

 

[shrekfan246]

At least it was just a high school newspaper...

While we're at it, why don't we find a way to impregnate guys when they have sex, too? That way the population can grow twice as fast with all of the unprotected sex people will be having!

I don't believe my high school paper ever had any choice picks like those, but then I never really read it, either.

 

[Professor Lupin Madblood]

I'm actually not for abortion

Oh boy, this is gonna be a fun thread.

So, I would ask about the topics presented, but these are obviously misinformed, indoctrinated, and naively ignorant writers, so let's just talk about our present/former high school newspapers. Was yours as stupid as mine? Did you enjoy it? Did you even read it?

Well, my high school newspaper only published four issues in the four years I was there, but both it and my university newspaper manage to be woefully uninformed about video games. I mean, you'd think that teenagers of all people would understand video games, but nope.

I don't have the articles with me, naturally, but my high school newspaper did a "review" of Modern Warfare 2 when it was released, and holy hell was it ever one of the worst-written things I've ever seen. I mean, just, guh, I can't even describe how little this idiot understood about sentence structure and subject-verb agreement.

Subject. Verb. Agreement.

Fuck.

More recently (early February), my university newspaper put out an issue where another idiot who knows next to nothing about video games tried to talk about them, and while he did a decent job of writing the actual article, it was interesting to learn that video gaming's current fascination is Spec Op: The Line.

'Cause, y'know, we're just tripping all over ourselves to discuss and analyze that game, aren't we? Not like we already did it half a year ago or anything.

 

[Dangit2019]

I'm actually not for abortion

Oh boy, this is gonna be a fun thread.

I really don't like debating it, actually. Every time the topic comes up, people just start straw man-ing and flaming all over the place. I would stay away from it totally, but I found this just way too funny.

Subject. Verb. Agreement.

Fuck.

Can I get this on a t-shirt?

 

[Aris Khandr]

When I was in high school, our school newspaper spent most of their time trying to convince us to care about our handegg team. Despite the fact that they pretty much always sucked. And the fact that pretty much every man on staff was also a coach for said team, despite being woefully unqualified for their actual teaching positions.

My Algebra teacher, for example, would frequently add 2 and 3 to get 4. I recall reading a book in class one day over listening to him mangle his way through the lesson. When called on it, I told him I already understood how to do what he was instructing, having learned it from my private tutor a few years prior, and that his methods were awful. He asked me to demonstrate if I felt I could do better. I did. The entire class agreed that I explained it much better than he did. I got detention for insubordination, and he continues to teach math at that school over a decade later.

Quality educational system, America.

 

[Professor Lupin Madblood]

I'm actually not for abortion

Oh boy, this is gonna be a fun thread.

I really don't like debating it, actually. Every time the topic comes up, people just start straw man-ing and flaming all over the place. I would stay away from it totally, but I found this just way too funny.

that happens when you're wrong

You know? I'm not even going to, I'm not even. I'm not, even. I'm not.

Subject. Verb. Agreement.

Fuck.

Can I get this on a t-shirt?

For only nine easy payments of ninety-nine ninety-nine, ninety-nine!

 

[Professor Lupin Madblood]

When I was in high school, our school newspaper spent most of their time trying to convince us to care about our handegg team. Despite the fact that they pretty much always sucked. And the fact that pretty much every man on staff was also a coach for said team, despite being woefully unqualified for their actual teaching positions.

Ah, I remember my high school handegg team. They were a decent team, but you know how most teams have try-outs? And if you aren't good enough, you aren't on the starting roster, or you don't make the team?

Yeah, no. If you showed up to practice, you were on the team.

 

[Ryotknife]

They are highschoolers, what do you expect? Many think that they and only they have the solution to the worlds problems, solutions that are so simple that it boggles them that no one else has considered it seriously.

 

[Newtonyd]

My favorite part:

"... the emotional strain that will haunt teens for the rest of their lives upon having premarital sex."

Oh, I'm sure 90% of Americans wake up screaming every night at the grim vestige of their irreparable past deeds.

She's on the student council. Of course.

 

[Darken12]

See? This is why it's convenient to be undead. I can totally say birth control or abortion is okay.

And they are, too, what a marvellous coincidence.

 

[bananafishtoday]

To be fair, she has a few good points. We really shouldn't be deceiving teens into thinking pregnancy is easy to avoid. We do need to help them resist the temptation to have sex. It's the only way. Abstinence-only education has a proven track record of reducing teen pr



H-hey wait a minute get out of here statistics what are you doi



Hey HEY STOP OMG omggg statistics whyyyy I hate you you're ruining everything wtf

 

[Fappy]

At least it was just a high school newspaper...

While we're at it, why don't we find a way to impregnate guys when they have sex, too? That way the population can grow twice as fast with all of the unprotected sex people will be having!

I don't believe my high school paper ever had any choice picks like those, but then I never really read it, either.

Agreed. After working at a college paper for two years I'm sad to say columns don't get much smarter XD

 

[Dangit2019]

Snip

Would it surprise you if I said my school is in Texas?

 

[DJjaffacake]

Would it be possible to put the articles in a quotey-spoiler thing? I wanna get in on the moron bashing, but I can't use the links for some reason.

 

[Xan Krieger]

How did she make it to high school? Did her family pay the teachers to pass her?
Also is it really that hard to avoid sex? I'm 23 and haven't been kissed, it's not that hard.