No Right Answer: What Should Michael Bay do?

[Gammaj4]

You know what's hilarious? All those Ideas you were kicking around for things they could do to mix it up? Basically all the stuff they did in TMNT 2K3.

April's a technology person, instead of a reporter? Check.

With an initial connection to the villains? Check.

Shredder's a robot? Well, sort of, I mean, almost. Kinda check.

Mutagen comes from aliens? Check.

And you know what? I'm... okay with that. I would be totally fine if they just outright lifted the pilot arc of TMNT 2K3 to write their script.

 

[Scarim Coral]

What? No love for Casey Jones? Also for the whole rule Leo or Dom? No just no. If you wanted a female turtle, check out Venus from TMNT: The Next Mutation!

 

[Voulan]

Wait - you want Michael Bay to do cheesy romance between turtles who are ninjas? Do you understand how horrible it would be?!

I assumed this was discussing what would be a better career option for him. My suggestion is pyrotechnic.

 

[Fox12]

Well, there's an opening at the local McDonalds. I can't make any promises, but if I put a good word in with my friend who works there, I could get him a job at the grill.

 

[Mikeyfell]

Ok Ok, I realize it's kind of a "douchey" response. However, no deep substance? Did Thane and Mordin died during your suicide mission in Mass effect 2? Did your little brother played the entire Krogan/Geth/Quarian section of the game? Did you missed the entire exposition about earth getting its ass kicked?

Again, I'm sorry if the gif may be offensive, but it was needed.

Did you miss all that stuff?

It would be perfect for Michael Bay. Especially Thane's death, that was totally audience manipulation. At any point Shepard could have saved Thane, but didn't because the audience liked Thane, so the audience would assign meaning to a pointless struggle.
It was all so superficial and at odds with the greater struggle.
The Quarian story is the exact kind of thing Michael Bay would love to take the reigns on: a jingoistic primarily militant group of idiots taking on a nebulous and primarily passive threat. He'd cream his shorts over a story like that.





Bay and Bioware share a total lack of respect for the audience, and the source material (In the case of ME 3 at least)

Some kind of Pearl Harbor meats Transformers abomination would be a pretty faithful recreation of Mass Effect 3.
90% of ME3 was either soulless set pieces or bad dialog, just like how 90% of any given Michael Bay movie is soulless and poorly written.

It's a perfect fit.

 

[Mikeyfell]

Wow....a year and 6 months later and you're STILL pissed off at that game. Pretty firm grip on your hate there, my friend.

I will go to my grave with a distinct hatred of Mass Effect 3.
My Epitaph will be "Seriously Bioware how did you fuck up so bad?"
It was such a disrespectful slap in the face for anyone who considered them self a fan of the first two games or Bioware or gaming in general that I'll never fully recover from the shock of it. And I die a little bit in side every time someone thinks it was "good"

 

[Ferisar]

Wow....a year and 6 months later and you're STILL pissed off at that game. Pretty firm grip on your hate there, my friend.

I will go to my grave with a distinct hatred of Mass Effect 3.
My Epitaph will be "Seriously Bioware how did you fuck up so bad?"
It was such a disrespectful slap in the face for anyone who considered them self a fan of the first two games or Bioware or gaming in general that I'll never fully recover from the shock of it. And I die a little bit in side every time someone thinks it was "good"

I question how you are still alive knowing that. Must suck dying a little inside anytime someone likes something you do not like. Damn those not-true-fans. DAMN THEM ALL!

 

[RJ 17]

Wow....a year and 6 months later and you're STILL pissed off at that game. Pretty firm grip on your hate there, my friend.

I will go to my grave with a distinct hatred of Mass Effect 3.
My Epitaph will be "Seriously Bioware how did you fuck up so bad?"
It was such a disrespectful slap in the face for anyone who considered them self a fan of the first two games or Bioware or gaming in general that I'll never fully recover from the shock of it. And I die a little bit in side every time someone thinks it was "good"

Well then I guess I'm about to murder your soul a bit, because I never really had a problem with the ending as it was originally presented. I would have liked more of an epilogue, but I didn't think it was worth rioting in the streets about. And this is coming from a HUGE Mass Effect fan. A slap in the face to all the fans? Hardly. An insult to all gaming? Now you're just being silly. The main problem was that most people didn't get it, and I really hate having to say that, but it's true. The very existence of the "Yo Dawg, I'm going to kill you with synthetics so you don't get killed by synthetics!" meme is proof that the vast majority of players "didn't get it". I'm not going to explain, as I've explained it enough (in fact I explained it again today in another topic). And besides, even if I do explain it you'll still be just as pissed off about the ending as better.

Suffice to say, the fact that I was able to make this topic:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.353986-I-Have-Obtained-ME-3-Ending-Enlightenment-A-MUST-READ-FOR-ANYONE-QUESTIONING-THE-ME-3-ENDINGS
six days after the game came out is proof that I "got it". Why? Because at the very bottom of the spoiler box (the point that I'm getting at by saying "I got it") I accurately predict the 3 Extended Cut endings. Again, I made that topic 6 days after the game came out...long before the EC was even being considered.

But I'm not here to change your mind, as I know that I won't succeed. I will say that I can understand where your anger comes from. All I'm saying is that the ending wasn't nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be.

If you've got some time on your hands and you have an open mind that's at least willing to consider looking at the ending in a new light, I'd suggest reading my entire post in that topic.

And now to completely switch gears....

Commit seppuku!

Pffffft, that implies that Mr. Bay has any honor to begin with since seppuku is killing oneself to retain honor after doing something incredibly disgraceful.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Most of your ideas are crazier than anything Micheal Bay could come up with. However I do agree, I want to smack anyone who utters something about their childhood being ruined.

 

[Lyvric]

As long as we're on the subject of girlturtles, Raphael would be neat.

'cause he mad all da time.

I was kind of confused by this episode because I expected you two to still take two different stances on the matter, but it wasn't so bad in reality.

Also Shredder should be an alien robot who integrated with Oroku Saki DNA. Yeah? That's what I got out of that

I think you also forgot the all important eighth member of who has to be there in terms of characters

The Pizza.

I agree with Leo or Raphael as possibly a female if one were to change. It could add a little depth to Leo and, well, female turtles in real life can get very angry very fast. Female turtles are often the same strength if not stronger in that type of species.

It also could be everyday desecrate. She's a sister, with a normal shell, who happens to be addressed with the terms 'she' instead of 'he' or 'her' rather than 'him'. Most kids don't look at a sibling sis and first think boobage, why should a turtle sister portray that?

Lastly, yes. I'd love to see Bebop and Rocksteady make it back gang style and not screw it up. Letting the mutants run their own show could be fun

 

[Callate]

I'm from the pool that remembers TMNT as a comic book that took a ridiculous premise but played it more-or-less straight.

I don't insist that all other incarnations of said property follow that line- that ship is already way more than sailed. But I would like it if enough thought went into the movie that you could ask simple questions about aspects of its back-story and get coherent one-sentence answers that went beyond "because it tested well with 14-year-olds" or "because it looks cool" or because "it takes what people love about the Turtles and turns it up to 11 and is totally the R0XXORZ!" (which sounds like pretty much the case of everything regarding planned changes to the underlying story/characters involving aliens, robots, April, etc.)

I would like to exclude characters who exist only to be wrong and then be mocked for being wrong, ethnic stereotypes with no redeeming qualities, and supposedly competent characters being forced to endure lengthy slapstick sequences- which is to say, there is probably no way in hell Michael Bay could make a TMNT movie I would actually enjoy.

 

[Random Argument Man]

Snip

Did you miss all that stuff?

It would be perfect for Michael Bay. Especially Thane's death, that was totally audience manipulation. At any point Shepard could have saved Thane, but didn't because the audience liked Thane, so the audience would assign meaning to a pointless struggle.
It was all so superficial and at odds with the greater struggle.
The Quarian story is the exact kind of thing Michael Bay would love to take the reigns on: a jingoistic primarily militant group of idiots taking on a nebulous and primarily passive threat. He'd cream his shorts over a story like that.

Umm...Thane died while kicking ass. His death was sudden. He had the upper hand until the final moment. I mean just look at that. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uu1969WQ5I0 He died doing what was right which is something that fit his character. Someone who wanted a chance at redemption and wanted to contribute to the war, but couldn't. He ended up just doing that. Michael Bay could not do that if even he studied under the most biggest directors of all time. Thane's death would be "Woops, he's dead. Look at that hot couple making out now".

Quarian and Geth story is something people didn't pay much attention to. Hey, the geth were a misunderstood race of AI who wanted to live and be treated as living beings. The Quarian were the people who loss their homes and sacrificed a lot to get it back. If you didn't see the sense in that storyline, then you REALLY HAVEN'T PLAYED much of Mass effect 2. Micheal Bay would've treated the Geth like black people in his movies. LOOK STEREOTYPES!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH! IT'S FUNNY SINCE THAT GETH SLIPPED ON OIL HAHAHAHAHA OH NOES, HE PIED OIL ON COMMANDER SHEPARD!! ONLY WHITE PEOPLE DESERVE SOME SORT OF STORYLINE!!!!!

Mostly, Michael Bay wouldn't let Earth getting its ass kicked like in Mass effect 3. Oh no! They would be able to stand a long fucking time against the Reapers! Shepard would only say "Yeah, we're awesome and we only need a small fleet of reinforcement to hold our waterbottles because we're on equal grounds with the Reapers. In fact, we can pretty much hold our own." "Pfff, The Turians, Krogans, Salarians, Asari, Quarian and Geth need our help...Sheesh..they sure sound like the french...Let's make them the center of our jokes since our target audience will found that funny and make that comparison. "

You make it sound like Mass effect 3 was the same level of quality as Transformers 2: Revenge of the fallen...

No....No No No No, Fuck No.

 

[crimson sickle2]

Michael Bay can't make a good Turtles movie, let alone a good Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Honestly, Hollywood should stop giving him Sci-fi, child-oriented IP's, and if they must give him work as a director, just give him military/war movies. Someone has to make them, why not the guy that has such an erection for them that he believes they can beat robots capable of light-speed travel.

 

[Mikeyfell]

Wow....a year and 6 months later and you're STILL pissed off at that game. Pretty firm grip on your hate there, my friend.

I will go to my grave with a distinct hatred of Mass Effect 3.
My Epitaph will be "Seriously Bioware how did you fuck up so bad?"
It was such a disrespectful slap in the face for anyone who considered them self a fan of the first two games or Bioware or gaming in general that I'll never fully recover from the shock of it. And I die a little bit in side every time someone thinks it was "good"

I question how you are still alive knowing that. Must suck dying a little inside anytime someone likes something you do not like. Damn those not-true-fans. DAMN THEM ALL!

No, it's literally just Mass Effect 3.

A lot of things I hate have huge fan followings that baffle me, but ME3 is the only one my brain refuses to process.

 

[Mikeyfell]

Umm...Thane died while kicking ass.

This it accurate
Here is another accurate summary of Thane's Death.
Thane fought Kai Leng for 45 seconds. For at least 10 of those seconds Shepard (And two friends) had 3 guns primed and ready to fire pointed squarely at Kai Leng's back and no one fired.
Thane knocks Kai Leng to the ground and still no one shoots him. Shepard and Co. stand idly by Thane gets murdered. A murder they could have prevented at almost any point during the 45 second encounter.

His death was sudden.

This is false. Or maybe you think a 45 second window is too short to react in.

He had the upper hand until the final moment. I mean just look at that. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v He died doing what was right which is something that fit his character.

Does not helping Thane fit Shepard's character?
{I just need to add insult to injury for a second. In the video you linked Liara is present for the fight. What is Liara's unique biotic skill? Is it Stasis? I think it is. Why didn't she use it?)

Someone who wanted a chance at redemption and wanted to contribute to the war, but couldn't. He ended up just doing that. Michael Bay could not do that if even he studied under the most biggest directors of all time. Thane's death would be "Woops, he's dead. Look at that hot couple making out now".

Or: Whoops he's dead. Now let's action set-piece flying car chase through the alien space station/city thing and then get to the final room where the good guy shoots the badguy and then you make out with Ashley.
Which is exactly what happens in Mass Effect 3 (Except you kiss Ashley way later and only if you didn't have the good sense to kill her on Virmire)

Quarian and Geth story is something people didn't pay much attention to. Hey, the geth were a misunderstood race of AI who wanted to live and be treated as living beings. The Quarian were the people who loss their homes and sacrificed a lot to get it back. If you didn't see the sense in that storyline, then you REALLY HAVEN'T PLAYED much of Mass effect 2. [/quote]
I played a lot of Mass Effect 2, I liked Mass Effect 2. I was talking about Mass Effect 3. 3... 3 Not 2. 2 was good. Michael Bay couldn't do 2. He would knock 3 out of the park.

Micheal Bay would've treated the Geth like black people in his movies. LOOK STEREOTYPES!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH! IT'S FUNNY SINCE THAT GETH SLIPPED ON OIL HAHAHAHAHA OH NOES, HE PIED OIL ON COMMANDER SHEPARD!! ONLY WHITE PEOPLE DESERVE SOME SORT OF STORYLINE!!!!!

Well that's just the kind of Director Bay is. He's obviously going to go the Quarian rout even though that's stupid. Michael Bay is stupid. It fits.

A character like Han'Gerrel is a perfect character for a Bay movie. Reckless, stupid, doesn't listen to advice (Unless you have completed an arbitrary number of side missions in a very specific way)
Michael Bay would slap on some spandex and play Han'Gerrel himself.

Mostly, Michael Bay wouldn't let Earth getting its ass kicked like in Mass effect 3. Oh no! They would be able to stand a long fucking time against the Reapers!

They totally did though.
Earth held it's own while Shepard floated around Asari space collecting old books for someone standing outside a night club. (and presumably while she read those books)
Earth was fine, and to be honest I'd rather see a massive military ground battle against giant robot ladybugs instead of Shepard's innumerable fetch-quests.

Shepard would only say "Yeah, we're awesome and we only need a small fleet of reinforcement to hold our waterbottles because we're on equal grounds with the Reapers. In fact, we can pretty much hold our own." "Pfff, The Turians, Krogans, Salarians, Asari, Quarian and Geth need our help...Sheesh..they sure sound like the french...Let's make them the center of our jokes since our target audience will found that funny and make that comparison. "

The Bay version of ME3 would be more Human focused then it should be.
In the game the other races didn't matter besides getting your EMS number up
I'm sure he would acknowledge their presence, grudgingly admit they were there. Kind of like the game did with that one scene.
This one
Pump up the orange contrast in that shot and it wouldn't be out of place in any of Bay's films.

You make it sound like Mass effect 3 was the same level of quality as Transformers 2: Revenge of the fallen...

Not even enjoyable as a train-wreck? Pretty much nailed it.
Mass Effect 3 is basically the videogame equivalent of Transformers 2

 

[gamegod25]

Personally I no longer give a shit what Bay does. I am all out of yell when it comes to him. He can suck as much as he licks and I'll be over here not giving a shit and paying no attention to it.

 

[RTR]

Battletoads?! Kyle, you magnificent bastard!

 

[Mikeyfell]

snip

I like the ending(S)...

Not as an ending. From any sort of literary analysis the end of Mass Effect 3 is a complete failure. That ship has sailed, sank, and caught on fire at the bottom of the ocean some how.

But as a part of Mass Effect 3, the final part of Mass Effect 3 and the series as a hole, (Pun intended, I know how to spell whole) it was beautiful.

Mass Effect 3 is like a systematic rape of your mind and soul (And body, if you count trying to get the game to decipher what your thumbs meant by "A button")

The game starts off like: Hey! Remember that guy you might have assigned to the council in the first game? WE DIDN'T!!!
Then it goes: Hey! Remember those guys who helped you save the galaxy? Psych! They're bad again!
Then: Hey I discovered the COOLEST THING EVER!!! FETCHQUESTS!!!
Then: Do you remember that decision you made that one time? No... not whether or not to kill the guy preforming the abominable research, Did you save his notes or not?
At some point you realize the game has been trying to tell you: Do you remember the hot blue chick from the first two games? Yeah, well we forgot to give her a personality this time around so... sorry ;P
Then: Remember the Citadel Defense Force that you've been building up this whole time because you think it matters? Cerberus COUP!
Who the fuck is this hipster ninja?
The bane of your existence... Shepard is going to have a stroke while Thane dies is that okay?
What? NO!
Sorry wasn't listening bye!
Then it goes: You're kind of upset that we haven't been paying attention to your choices up to this point. So to make up we're going to randomly acknowledge a bunch of arbitrary ones that didn't seem to have anything to do with anything at the time you made them, while at the same time completely ignoring some very important ones that are much more relevant to the thing you're trying to do right now... Does that make up for it? Now choose which of the two best characters in the series you want to save. IT'S POIGNANT!!!!!!!!
After that it's like: GUESS WHO'S BACK! It's that fucking ninja again. Don't worry, it's a supposed to lose fight so we're not even going to bother making him take cover.
Then: Hey! Remember that ***** nobody liked? Go help her!
But she's dead!
Doesn't matter Help her Clone!

And Finally after you've suffered and suffered and suffered all the way to the end the game looks you square in the eyes and says: This is how many fucks I give...[sub]zero[/sub]
So yeah, the ending sort of brought the whole experience to a cockslap that left no doubt in your mind that you don't matter, that nothing you did or ever will do could possibly ever matter in a world like this.

It hits you all at once that Mass Effect wasn't a series about saving the universe, it was a series about the crushing agony of hope. A real life tool to perfectly demonstrate that if you love something it can destroy you.

And that's reminiscent of the feeling that I have after watching Michael Bay's movies. So he would make the most faithful Mass Effect 3 adaptation ever. Not the best mind you, the most faithful in capturing the core experience of the agony of living in a world where something this awful can exist. It would win Michael Bay an Oscar

 

[RJ 17]

snip

I like the ending(S)...

Not as an ending. From any sort of literary analysis the end of Mass Effect 3 is a complete failure. That ship has sailed, sank, and caught on fire at the bottom of the ocean some how.

But as a part of Mass Effect 3, the final part of Mass Effect 3 and the series as a hole, (Pun intended, I know how to spell whole) it was beautiful.

Mass Effect 3 is like a systematic rape of your mind and soul (And body, if you count trying to get the game to decipher what your thumbs meant by "A button")

The game starts off like: Hey! Remember that guy you might have assigned to the council in the first game? WE DIDN'T!!!
Then it goes: Hey! Remember those guys who helped you save the galaxy? Psych! They're bad again!
Then: Hey I discovered the COOLEST THING EVER!!! FETCHQUESTS!!!
Then: Do you remember that decision you made that one time? No... not whether or not to kill the guy preforming the abominable research, Did you save his notes or not?
At some point you realize the game has been trying to tell you: Do you remember the hot blue chick from the first two games? Yeah, well we forgot to give her a personality this time around so... sorry ;P
Then: Remember the Citadel Defense Force that you've been building up this whole time because you think it matters? Cerberus COUP!
Who the fuck is this hipster ninja?
The bane of your existence... Shepard is going to have a stroke while Thane dies is that okay?
What? NO!
Sorry wasn't listening bye!
Then it goes: You're kind of upset that we haven't been paying attention to your choices up to this point. So to make up we're going to randomly acknowledge a bunch of arbitrary ones that didn't seem to have anything to do with anything at the time you made them, while at the same time completely ignoring some very important ones that are much more relevant to the thing you're trying to do right now... Does that make up for it? Now choose which of the two best characters in the series you want to save. IT'S POIGNANT!!!!!!!!
After that it's like: GUESS WHO'S BACK! It's that fucking ninja again. Don't worry, it's a supposed to lose fight so we're not even going to bother making him take cover.
Then: Hey! Remember that ***** nobody liked? Go help her!
But she's dead!
Doesn't matter Help her Clone!

And Finally after you've suffered and suffered and suffered all the way to the end the game looks you square in the eyes and says: This is how many fucks I give...[sub]zero[/sub]
So yeah, the ending sort of brought the whole experience to a cockslap that left no doubt in your mind that you don't matter, that nothing you did or ever will do could possibly ever matter in a world like this.

It hits you all at once that Mass Effect wasn't a series about saving the universe, it was a series about the crushing agony of hope. A real life tool to perfectly demonstrate that if you love something it can destroy you.

And that's reminiscent of the feeling that I have after watching Michael Bay's movies. So he would make the most faithful Mass Effect 3 adaptation ever. Not the best mind you, the most faithful in capturing the core experience of the agony of living in a world where something this awful can exist. It would win Michael Bay an Oscar

Soooooooooo I take it you didn't like the game?

Oh, and as for this little blurb:

NFrom any sort of literary analysis the end of Mass Effect 3 is a complete failure. That ship has sailed, sank, and caught on fire at the bottom of the ocean some how.

That's simply not true, it was just a failure in your eyes.

The only ship that has sailed, sank, and spontaneously combusted is the S.S. AttemptToConvinceYouOtherwise. So I'm not going to bother.

 

[Adventurer2626]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. My neighbors think I'm a psychotic giggle monster now. Thank you.

Very much this video for my thoughts.