Nonsensical Statements

[Figgis Fiddis]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xenu

No comment.

 

[gamshobny]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xenu

No comment.

oh my god. That has about the intelligence of a tiny rodent not yet discovered because nobody could be bothered to do so!

And yes, I'm going to repeat that until everybody says it .

 

[VoleurdeThym]

"Dude, I just went through the McDonald's drive thru in a shopping cart!" Myself, apparently. The video was on my phone the next day, so I guess its true.

Having worked at a Mc Donalds, I always hoped someone would do that.

I can't think of any wonderful random nonsense statements, damn. Although I did take orders at Mc Donald's for a day saying, "Welcome to Good Burger, Home of the Good Burger, can I take your oooorrrrder?"

 

[WeedWorm]

Anything George Bush ever said.

 

[Tattaglia]

"You can't smell video games." - A friend.
Holy shit! No way! You're telling me Bioshock doesn't smell like green?

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel
-Homer Simpson

I can't think of any others. I could try and remember some of the things myself and my friends have said, but I don't want to.

 

[Ploppy]

The old TV show Yes, Minister was a master of these, especially Sir Humphrey. Especially when obfuscating something. Which was of course always. Well, is was a show about government, it had to have at least a few nonsensical statements.

"Unfortunately, although the answer was indeed clear, simple, and straightforward, there is some difficulty in justifying assigning to it the fourth of the epithets you applied to the statement, inasmuch as the precise correlation between the information you communicated, and the facts insofar as they can be determined and demonstrated is such as to cause epistemological problems, of sufficient magnitude as to lay upon the logical and semantic resources of the English language a heavier burden than they can reasonably be expected to bear."

"The ship of state, Bernard, is the only ship that leaks from the top."

 

[Antiparticle]

Oh yeah? I'll buy you yesterday.

 

[iseko]

me 2 my friend: 'FFS, you're about as useful as a 15 year old retarded kid who is the produce of 100 years of incest.'

 

[MercenaryCanary]

"Hey Jacob, do you have a sewing kit with you? You seem like the kind of person that would carry a sewing kit with you...."
That was me during November of that crazy year 2008.

 

[manicfoot]

I once said "Yeah? Well I injected your pet pillow with a candle in a bap and a nuclear weapons expert" during an argument. I won.. XD

 

[Puppeteer Putin]

Q: "Hey Jackson! Do you know a guy named spencer?"
A: "Yes, I do have my pants on."

Year 10 school camping trip. One of the funniest things I have ever heard, ever.

Another incident:

"If we throw this dingy off a cliff, will it fly?" - same trip, only asked by a smack-tard who also claimed that Chinese was a mix of two dialects, Mandarin and Cantonese. I wanted to smack the *****.

me 2 my friend: 'FFS, you're about as useful as a 15 year old retarded kid who is the produce of 100 years of incest.'

I lol'ed.

 

[Jumpman]

"Tell it to the one legged man, so he can bump it off, on down the road."

Bonus points if you can name the movie.

 

[Vortigar]

"No, the last thing they'll be expecting is for us to turn into ice-skating mongooses and dance the bolero."

Points are also awarded for the identification of this one.

 

[Defyant]

"AH! CRAP! I electrocuted myself on your god damn USB!"
My friend, 2008.

 

[Logan Keller]

"This is a plausible theory." Dr Chris Riley.

 

[Cottoncc]

"I'm going to wag you in the face!" My friend....2 seconds ago

 

[Brokkr]

"OUT COME THE INTESTINES! And I skip rope with them."

I loved most of the dialogue in the Shivering Isles. I tried to talk to everyone there just to see what crazy things that they would say.

 

[hippo24]

"Any man who can see and paints the sky green, and the earth blue, ought to be sterilized"

I like to whip this one out during art expos,

 

[elbryan108]

I sometimes talk in my sleep. One night my wife decided to record what I said, here it is verbatim; "There's pickles all over the bathroom, and I dont even like pickles with their little God things that collect ATMs"