Not feeling happy when by all means I should

[hazabaza1]

Pre-Warning: Following text full of first world problems. Any and all "get over it"s will most likely be responded to with "go fuck yourself".

Alright, so like when I normally make threads in the advice forum, I don't know if I really want advice or just to rant/blab to make myself feel better maybe.

So recently I've been feeling kind of shitty. And really, I have no reason to feel shitty.
I've got a decent job that's pretty much guaranteed until late this year, which in this economy is apparently a fucking miracle. I'm not lacking in friends or stuff to do, but the more I carry on the less happy I'm feeling.

I can't find any kind of motivation to do anything productive. If I do start doing work around the house or something similar I just get tired and bored and want to go back to my computer or games or something.
When I am at my computer or playing games it's getting rarer and rarer for me to actually be "enjoying myself" and more common for it just to be "fucking around until 2 in the morning so I can get shitty sleep and wake up filled with self pity".

There's also been a bit of a switch up in the house recently. Someone who I wasn't too fond of moved out and I've switched my bedroom into a different room that's genuinely nicer and more spacious but even that's doing nothing to motivate me.

Sometimes I'll try to draw or write something but then I realize that I'm shit at it and I get miserable again. I've got a youtube channel that I'm hardly updating because of reasons I keep on lying to myself about.

I have no idea what I'm doing in school. Finishing up sixth from level philosophy but the more I attend classes the more I start hating what I'm supposed to be studying and even if I do finish the course I'll probably get a shitty grade that in the future will get me... ding ding ding, fuck all!

I've started disliking talking to most people as well. I'm doing less of my usual back and forth and more of just listening and mumbling in response.

Sometimes I find myself enjoying time with my friends but even then it's only the one friend that I really enjoy the company of and he's busy either job searching, not online, or we just live too far away to see each other.

The only thing that's getting me properly happy, like "no worries in the world and everything is fine" happy is spending time with my girlfriend, but that's becoming even rarer and I think I might have fucked things up because of a weird situation with a mutual friend that's an ex of hers.
And like most things, seeing her is becoming rarer and rarer. I met with her yesterday and the last time before that near the start of december.

I want to see my dad and that side of the family more often too but they live in Ireland so that's usually a £100 flight away to get just not enough time with them.

I'm fed up living where I am and again, I have no reason to. I've got family, I get food and shelter here for really cheap, but I just want to be somewhere else, but if I do then I don't know what I'll be doing in a few years becuase my girlfriend is planning to go to university in a year or so and the only ones she can find are halfway across the county. Ideally I'd go with her so if I leave now I won't have enough money to get anything with her and even if I do I can't guarantee being able to keep this hypothetical new place.

tl;dr: I've got no reason to be unhappy but I am. I want to see the people I care about more and I want to leave where I am and I want to do things but I can't motivate myself or convince myself it's worth doing.

 

[scorptatious]

Hmm. I can kinda understand what you're going through. The feeling of wanting to leave where I am sometimes bubbles up with me. I currently live with my parents and I get the desire to leave every now and then. But with me being without a job or that much money, there's not much I can do about it right now.

I guess my suggestion would probably be to see if you can or can't go with your girlfriend. And if you can, save up money for when the time comes to move.

I guess you could also talk with your family about this if you haven't already. Or see a psychiatrist.

Besides those suggestions, I can't really think of any other way to to help you. I wish you the best though.

 

[souper soup guy]

I understand what you mean, and this advice I'm going to say is going to sound very trite.

First, find something that you really love doing, something artistic, academic, social, athletic, it really doesn't matter what.

Second, find a local group who is also into that sort of thing, join a choir, join a D&D group, join a sports team, find a group of artists.

Third: ???

fourth: Happiness


As Stupid as that sounds, it can help, a couple of new friends or a strengthened social net can really go the extra mile to make you happy.

Hope that helps.

 

[hazabaza1]

snip

Moving out depends on whether or not the girlfriend passes her exams and then gets into the universities she wants to or not. If things go well and the job income keeps on coming then ideally I would have enough to do... something by that point.

Tbh, this isn't really something I want to talk to family about. Opening up, talking about this kind of stuff, not really something I think my family's good at. Especially not the only family person probably hypothetically being interested in this, that being my mum.
Psychiatrist would mean going to another town pretty frequently and spending money on it and the transport there, and with that will come the questions from people I don't want to talk about it to, so not really an appealing option. I don't think I'm quite at that point as well yet, but thanks for the advice.

snip

I do sometimes look into groups or the such, online and offline, but my town is kind of made of buttfuck nothing so most of the stuff I look into I'm either not interested in or it's just not anywhere close enough.

I'm also kind of antisocial at times and the way my work schedule goes, most of the time when other people are free or want to talk (particularly online) I'm just tired and angsty and try to not talk because I think I'll end up pissing them off.

I've been looking into starting something D&D with that one friend mentioned in the OP but there's that anti-social factor that both of us kind of have and the whole buttfuck nothing stuff as well. Still, thanks for the help, I'll keep an eye out for something interesting.

snip

I've honestly been thinking about this over the past night, and all I can think of is not seeing the girlfriend or dad's side of the family as much as I'd want to. But then I get to the situation of both of us being busy and me not wanting to be clingy and him living in a different country respectively. I'll keep on thinking if/when I'm not busy.

Thanks for the general advice guys. I think I might just be a bit mood swing-y at times, I'm not feeling nearly as bad as when I posted the thread, but I'm going to try and keep everything said in mind, see if it helps.

Captcha: forget this
Don't mock me, Captcha.

 

[SeaCalMaster]

If you're unhappy, there's a reason for that.

Except there isn't always. Clinical depression is often caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, not by any external factors. I don't know if that's what's happening here, but there are a lot of people who are unhappy for no reason at all.

OP, have you seen a doctor recently? This kind of malaise is sometimes a symptom of a health problem.

 

[Hazy992]

Do you have a counselor or anything at your college? Simply talking to someone about your problems and how you feel can be really helpful. They can probably advise you about what to do next.

If that doesn't help then I'd personally go see my doctor as it sounds like you might have depression. It doesn't always have an external cause, it can be biological.

 

[SeaCalMaster]

If you're unhappy, there's a reason for that.

Except there isn't always. Clinical depression is often caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, not by any external factors. I don't know if that's what's happening here, but there are a lot of people who are unhappy for no reason at all.

OP, have you seen a doctor recently? This kind of malaise is sometimes a symptom of a health problem.

Never tell yourself (or someone else) that. NEVER, EVER tell yourself that if you want to recover from depression, no matter what form. If you believe that you're "clinically" depressed and that there's "nothing you can do about it", you're never going to be cured or you're going to be swallowing pills for the rest of your life.

Instead, think the opposite of that. YOU (the depressed person) is the ONLY ONE that can solve the problem and you CAN. It's all in your mind.

You made up your own depression, thus you have the power to remove it.

Spoken like someone who has never experienced depression, and aside from your laughable misunderstanding of depression, that's also kinda really fucking offensive. But, while you're at it, why don't you tell sick kids to wish their cancer away? I mean, since their bodies created it, they can definitely destroy it. They just need to believe hard enough.

OP: I would agree that it sounds like you may have depression, and would definitely recommend you talk to a therapist.

Spoken like someone who judges others long before he has even the slightest clue of who he's talking to.

About one and a half year ago my depression, that lasted 4-5 years, finally ended.

The only reason I managed to get out of that was because of myself. I finally realised that this wasn't the person I wanted to be, and -I- forced myself to change. No therapists, no pills, no doctors. I told myself to man the fuck up, stop feeling sorry for myself and find the power in myself that I had forgotten about.

I found that power. Everybody has that power. A mind's power over the body is nearly absolute. Especially when it comes to mental issues. It has the power to make you feel utterly miserable, but it also has the power to fill you with confidence to take on the world. That's what I experienced.

I meditated, worked out, got back in touch with who I was.

Now I look back with slight disbelief how I could've lived like that for so long.

If you want to tell me the only way to get out of depression is through pills, therapists and doctors, go ahead.
I don't believe a damn thing about that. If you don't believe that YOU have the power to change, you never will.
It's all in your mind.

For you, it was all in your mind.
For a lot of other people with depression, it is not all in their minds. They have actual physiological problems that won't be solved with the power of positive thinking.
It is naive and arrogant to think that your experiences are universal.

 

[Jonluw]

Sounds to me like you're lacking a sense of achieving things.
Fun and games is good, but only having fun all day isn't very fulfilling, and if your life isn't philosophically fulfilling, even activities you do for entertainment stop being fun.

You mention that you feel you're not doing anything constructive. I believe that might be the central pillar of the issue.
Try taking up a hobby of some sort. You say you like to draw and write, but you keep stopping short because you don't think you're good at it.
Make a conscious effort to get better at those things. Look up drawing guides online (not shitty "how to draw this character" guides, but proper guides that actually teach you proper drawing tecnique, anatomy, shading, and perspective.).
If you put effort into it (something that can be harder than it sounds), you will see your drawings improving over time, and I can almost guarantee that you'll feel more happy about things once you feel that you are moving somewhere as a person; developing skills and creating things.

This is only one suggestion. There are a myriad other constructive and creative things you can look into that will most likely improve your quality of life by a lot.

The human mind isn't made only to consume. Listening to a song is nice, but writing a song is a thousand times more meaningful.

 

[hazabaza1]

And I just got dumped. That'll help with this issue.

Been taking advice into mind though. I don't... think I'm depressed. I don't want to think I am anyway. I doubt I'll see a doctor about it soon due to reasons, but thanks for the advice guys.