Another thread was started on here by an escapist who had read a similarly titled article on MSN. Of course the article was total bullshit, and it reminded me of the Penn and Teller episode I saw about Maxim and Cosmo falsifying article by authors who lied about their gender, i.e. "What women really want in bed, by real co-eds and young professionals." He overreacted to it immensely, especially with the first quote, which was from COMEDIENNE Jane Krakowski. It is interesting to note some of the things guys think they have to learn about women by listening to interviews with Jessica Simpson and Megan Fox, though, so here's the link:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.165376?page=1
Now, with that out of the way, I humbly submit to you, Funguy's (not quite) 27 Things Not Nearly Enough Men Know About Women.
#1 - Not all women are the same. So stop taking advice from every woman you meet. Every pick-up tactic, every bit of sexual acrobatics, that really impressed girl X will not necessarily impress girl Y.
#2 - If you think that women are inferior, or if your understanding of them is based on stereotypes and rigid gender roles, you'd better find yourself a subservient traditionalist or you aren't gonna have a very fun relationship.
#3 - No matter what you are or what you're trying to do, it pays to be honest about it. If you're a deceitful prick who likes to boondoggle his way into a woman's pants, present yourself as such. You may be surprised at how well it works. If you're an honest dude, just be yourself, and toss the Maxim in the trash, along with all it's pseudo-advice. What are you doing looking at PG-13 porn, anyway? You're an adult, dammit!
#4 - A trap that many in this generation of men without father figures falls into is playing the role that women used to play: the whiny, lovelorn, lovesick puppy. Blech. That's only attractive to the most opportunistic of women. Don't do that. I believe that damned near everyone does at one point, though, so if you must, do it only once, and thereafter always remember that there are more female fish than male fish in the sea. Would you rather be branded a stalker by the girl you can't get over and miss out on opportunities because you can't stop talking about her, or would you rather move on with your life and be your own person, a person who's much more likable and date-able?
#5 - Absolutely anything involving another woman, be it the menage, going to your local dirty shop to pick up a porn, or going to a strip club together: if it's your first time exploring this naughtiness, let HER come up with the idea. Even if you know she's bi and it's not her first time getting a lapdance/watching a porn with a boyfriend/engaging in a 3some, if she really cares about you the suggestion coming out of your mouth may land you in hot water. Now, if you're both just freakazoids and she likes it when you suggest a 30-women+you orgy in a leather dungeon, I guess you're just luckier than I
#6 - Women aren't sensitive because they're women, they're sensitive b/c they are human beings. Reminding them of this all the time, or bringing up their gender as a negative, is the behavior of a dickhole, and I'm sure you don't think of her gender as such a bad thing when her breasts are slapping your face while she's doing her cowgirl impression, do you?
#7 - Chances are, there are positive, unique things about you, so play to them when you meet a woman. This is an extension of the aforementioned "be yourself." If your sense of humor is lowbrow, put it out there, even if she's a lit major with an immense vocabulary. If she doesn't like YOU you're not gonna be able to fool her for very long.
#8 - For the love of God, stop telling everyone how ginormous your cock is. Absolutely no one wants to hear about it. If you know THAT CHICK (and everyone knows that chick) who constantly talks about what a superfreak she is, then you know without ever taking off her clothes that she engages in the most vanilla, blase, unexperimental sex since the Puritans. The same applies to you and your obsession about lying about your size. In fact, if you talk about this too much, chances are you talk about sex too much, in which case you probably come off as in great need of a lay - which of course is attractive to no one.
Any thoughts?
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.165376?page=1
Now, with that out of the way, I humbly submit to you, Funguy's (not quite) 27 Things Not Nearly Enough Men Know About Women.
#1 - Not all women are the same. So stop taking advice from every woman you meet. Every pick-up tactic, every bit of sexual acrobatics, that really impressed girl X will not necessarily impress girl Y.
#2 - If you think that women are inferior, or if your understanding of them is based on stereotypes and rigid gender roles, you'd better find yourself a subservient traditionalist or you aren't gonna have a very fun relationship.
#3 - No matter what you are or what you're trying to do, it pays to be honest about it. If you're a deceitful prick who likes to boondoggle his way into a woman's pants, present yourself as such. You may be surprised at how well it works. If you're an honest dude, just be yourself, and toss the Maxim in the trash, along with all it's pseudo-advice. What are you doing looking at PG-13 porn, anyway? You're an adult, dammit!
#4 - A trap that many in this generation of men without father figures falls into is playing the role that women used to play: the whiny, lovelorn, lovesick puppy. Blech. That's only attractive to the most opportunistic of women. Don't do that. I believe that damned near everyone does at one point, though, so if you must, do it only once, and thereafter always remember that there are more female fish than male fish in the sea. Would you rather be branded a stalker by the girl you can't get over and miss out on opportunities because you can't stop talking about her, or would you rather move on with your life and be your own person, a person who's much more likable and date-able?
#5 - Absolutely anything involving another woman, be it the menage, going to your local dirty shop to pick up a porn, or going to a strip club together: if it's your first time exploring this naughtiness, let HER come up with the idea. Even if you know she's bi and it's not her first time getting a lapdance/watching a porn with a boyfriend/engaging in a 3some, if she really cares about you the suggestion coming out of your mouth may land you in hot water. Now, if you're both just freakazoids and she likes it when you suggest a 30-women+you orgy in a leather dungeon, I guess you're just luckier than I
#6 - Women aren't sensitive because they're women, they're sensitive b/c they are human beings. Reminding them of this all the time, or bringing up their gender as a negative, is the behavior of a dickhole, and I'm sure you don't think of her gender as such a bad thing when her breasts are slapping your face while she's doing her cowgirl impression, do you?
#7 - Chances are, there are positive, unique things about you, so play to them when you meet a woman. This is an extension of the aforementioned "be yourself." If your sense of humor is lowbrow, put it out there, even if she's a lit major with an immense vocabulary. If she doesn't like YOU you're not gonna be able to fool her for very long.
#8 - For the love of God, stop telling everyone how ginormous your cock is. Absolutely no one wants to hear about it. If you know THAT CHICK (and everyone knows that chick) who constantly talks about what a superfreak she is, then you know without ever taking off her clothes that she engages in the most vanilla, blase, unexperimental sex since the Puritans. The same applies to you and your obsession about lying about your size. In fact, if you talk about this too much, chances are you talk about sex too much, in which case you probably come off as in great need of a lay - which of course is attractive to no one.
Any thoughts?
