Not quite relationship problem however....

[Frankydee]

I've always considered myself a very cynical person.

So when I check my e-mail this morning to see that someone with a familiar name friended me on Facebook, I thought to myself "dear god I hope this isn't who I think it is..."

It was.

Out of plain curiosity as to what the hell this girl wanted and against my better judgment I accepted.

So a little backstory. This was a girl I had dated about 6 years ago. It lasted maybe a year. She got with some guy after we split up and almost immediately got engaged. Not long after the calls it off and leaves him for another guy she gets engaged to about a month after. She's married to this guy (as far as I know) now.

So anyway she sends me a message wanting to know what's been going on with my life since we last talked and as she puts it in "excruciating detail." She commented that she looked through my tagged photos and noticed I had joined the army and wanted to know all about that and blah blah blah. Throw in a few things we used to call each other when we were dating and then saying we need to hang out again....

Well needless to say I'm a little bewildered by it all. Should I play along? Should I tell her to fuck off? Am I reading too much into this? I have no idea what to do.

 

[BlumiereBleck]

Play along it could lead to good things!

 

[Canid117]

Sounds like she is looking for another engagement ring and wants you to pay for it next week.

 

[Coolness]

IT'S A TRAP!

Run.

 

[arsenicCatnip]

She wants to hang out. By which she means 'see each other as more than friends again'.

DO NOT APPROACH. Tell her politely that she had her chance, and she can fuck right off.

 

[Paksenarrion]

I know that the Army usually doesn't take orders from naval officers, so consider this an urgent warning from a famous Admiral we all know and love...

"IT'S A TRAP!"

 

[Z of the Na'vi]

I sort of have the same thing going on with me, random girls from the past wanting to hook back up when you have forgotten about them long ago. It's best to ignore them. They turned you away once, why should you give them another chance.

That's how it's worked for me so far. I regret nothing.

 

[Chewster]

It's Facebook dude. Who gives a fuck? It isn't like she moved next door and invited you to a cocktail party or something. If it turns out she's after you, you can ignore her.

 

[Frankydee]

Spoiler: snip

I've always considered myself a very cynical person.

So when I check my e-mail this morning to see that someone with a familiar name friended me on Facebook, I thought to myself "dear god I hope this isn't who I think it is..."

It was.

Out of plain curiosity as to what the hell this girl wanted and against my better judgment I accepted.

So a little backstory. This was a girl I had dated about 6 years ago. It lasted maybe a year. She got with some guy after we split up and almost immediately got engaged. Not long after the calls it off and leaves him for another guy she gets engaged to about a month after. She's married to this guy (as far as I know) now.

So anyway she sends me a message wanting to know what's been going on with my life since we last talked and as she puts it in "excruciating detail." She commented that she looked through my tagged photos and noticed I had joined the army and wanted to know all about that and blah blah blah. Throw in a few things we used to call each other when we were dating and then saying we need to hang out again....

Well needless to say I'm a little bewildered by it all. Should I play along? Should I tell her to fuck off? Am I reading too much into this? I have no idea what to do.

Well, here is how I logically see this. She may have ulterior motives. Was she especially flirty or friendly in that sort of way? Did she give any hints? She may want you for sex or something else, because a lot of people do that when they are with someone else. Something on the side you know? It's definitely a possibility to consider.

This could just be her wanting to rekindle friendship though too. It sounds like there was quite a gap in time between your last interactions with her, and that's ample time for people to change, mature or just grow in their lives and themselves. If you accept it and spend time with her, be wary though. Try to have fun, but just be alert. Women are crafty creatures...I would know. ^.^

You could similarly tell her to jump into a volcano. Ultimately it's up to you if you want to hang out with her and risk that ulterior motive.

No hints by any means, she sure asked a lot though and brought up some old stuff. My best guess is she's just trying to be friends again and well honestly, I don't really see her as anything other than somebody I just happen to know these days.

motives wise... well last time this happened when she was dating the guy after me and I took out her out to lunch and a movie for her birthday and she dropped quite a few. Not to say she would now but I honestly don't know.

Quite frankly I just really hope this doesn't go anywhere. I have other things to worry about.

 

[Kpt._Rob]

Every time I see a thread asking for advice on an issue like this, I generally say the same things.

1) None of us here can really help you. The intricacies of human relationships are far too complex to be detailed on a couple paragraphs. The only person who really knows enough about the situation to make a good judgement here, is you.

2) It seems like you already know what you should do anyways. The way you talk, it seems like you think that starting something up with this girl again would not be a good move.

Like I said, none of us here know enough, but if that's the way you feel then trust your judgement. Don't be rude about it though. Even those of us who do shitty things to each other (and it sounds like this girl has done a couple shitty things to others in her time) are more often than not just lost, flailing out in any direction for something to get a hold of. That doesn't mean you have to play lifeguard, you're lucky if you can save yourself, if you try to save everyone, you'll just end up going down with them. Still, be understanding. There's no need to tell her to "go fuck off" or anything like that, just say something like "I've thought about this, and I really don't think it would be a good idea for us to be hanging out again. If you want to hate me for it, that's fine, I understand, but I'd really rather not hear from you again." Needless to say, what you actually say should be in your own words, and spoken from the heart... but don't let anger or anything like that get the better of you. Trust your own judgement, be understanding, and be confident in whatever you choose to do.

 

[Paulie92]

okay.. assuming she has ulterior motives... so what? It's not as though you're going to fall in love with her again aaaaaand I'm assuming she's a massive *****, so I ask this question, if you let things play out for a little while... what do you lose?

 

[TheOrangeOne]

Tread softly, my friend. Sometimes people look to reconnect with someone from a specific point in their life, in hopes of recapturing that same happiness. Like re-living the glory days. My advice to you is that, if you don't want it to go anywhere, just go on living your life and ignore her.

 

[Avelestar]

Knowing her history I would be polite but firmly state I don't want to have anything to do with her. Exs are exs for a reason...this one seems to have even more reason to stay that way.

 

[Mr. Doe]

If you dont think that it will only lead to bad stuff then talk to her if you think that shit will be awful then avoid it like the plague.

 

[Johnnyallstar]

She's wanting something, but I wouldn't know her well enough to really say what it is. It may only be is the psychological comforts of having an old friend.

Some people get nostalgic for past comforts when they go through rough times, and they look to when things were simpler, easier. Then they do silly things to try to go back in time emotionally. It doesn't usually work very well.

 

[Eumersian]

If you still don't respect her or like her or anything (here I am assuming this is correct), then come off as really boring and uncaring, as if the Army has changed you into a cold, unfeeling mass. That is, only if you don't want her to bother you at all. If you want to be her friend but not get involved heavily in her life, just hold your ground, and maybe go along with things to a point.

 

[REAPER5594]

Admiral Ackbar says, "It's a rather good idea and you'll be fi- TRAP!!!"

 

[dfcrackhead]

Bang her, tell her husband and LAUGH.

Just kidding, that'd be evil. Tell her to fuck off if you don't wanna be friends, or try hanging out with her. Are you really going to take any of our advice or are you just looking for someone to say what you're going to do anyway so you can feel a bit better about doing it since someone else "said it first"