Not so usual ( I think) girl problem

[A Weakgeek]

Ok off the bat, I haven't been in a relationship before but this isin't as bad as you might think it is. Ok, I have to be honest my self confidense isint the best in the world, But! The problem isin't really there let me explain.

The problem here isin't that girls don't like me, it's the opposite. Yeah, I do find some girls attractive but theres a problem. I can't imagine myself for the life of me to get a crush on a girl simply by looks. In the past there have been such occasions, but I know now that that isin't really what i want. I have enough friends, I don't need to forcibly go and try establish relationships. And it seems really hard for me to get interested about a person enough to get a crush on her. While I usually just don't want to talk to "boring people" whom i have nothing to say to. School (university 1st grade) isin't really a good place to get to know girls eiter I assume, and unfortunately I don't have social hobbyes.

So thats my problem, so escapist do you have any advice for 16 year old who needs to be more interested in people? Well honestly I would be more suprised if you did. Please try though, since this has been bugging me for some time.


Also 100th post! whee!

 

[Mittens The Kitten]

Best advice i can give is to go for what you want. If you don't feel interested in a relationship, just don't bother.

 

[Matt_LRR]

Stop worrying about having a crush on girls and try to get to know them?

If they like you, and you think they are attractive, then go on a date, and see if there's any chemistry there.

Maybe you hit it off and find someone you like back, if not, try again.

-m

 

[Stasisesque]

Have you explored the possibility you may simply be gay?

 

[lee1287]

Erm, maybe Youre Asexual? Or broken as i like to call it.

You'll be intrested in a girl whenyou find one who is awesome. Then she will break your heart, then you will Post about it on here. So is the circle of life.

 

[Exterminas]

My advice would be to realise that having
a relationship,
having interrest in other people's lifes,
and having sex
are not mandatory. Sure these things can make certain aspects of your life better, but in the end it all comes down to what makes you happy. If none of the persons you met so far chatches your interrest, then they are not the right ones for you.

Contrary to what other 16-year-olds might tell you:
You won't get shot for not having met you soulmate/impregnated some poor chick at 21.

 

[A Weakgeek]

Have you explored the possibility you may simply be gay?

Well I admit i should have said this on the OP but no, I'm pretty sure I'm not gay. I know that from my evening uhh "activities"
Yeah writing that was really akward.

 

[Stasisesque]

Have you explored the possibility you may simply be gay?

Well I admit i should have said this on the OP but no, I'm pretty sure I'm not gay. I know that from my evening uhh "activities"
Yeah writing that was really akward.

Not awkward at all, it's always better to know than not know. And it rules out one possibility to help you get closer to the answer.

 

[Hoplon]

Bland truisms aside, You don't actually sound like you have a problem at all vis

In the past there have been such occasions

So it does happen, but frankly crushes are a bad place to start, so don't worry about not having them all the time.

You do need to socialise more or you won't make that connection to someone you do find interesting, that's about it really.

 

[Woodsey]

If you think a girl's fit, and she thinks you're fit, you can get it on without having to endure each other's personalities for too long, and then you can leave each other alone.

There are more options than just "nobody's worth it unless we can sustain a relationship for 2 years!".

To be honest, I don't really know what you're getting at. Looks aren't your priority, but you don't care about their personalities?

 

[Gamblerjoe]

When I was that age I had this strange combination of cockiness and shyness. If I was not afraid to approach a girl, it was because I thought I was too good for her, and was therefore perfectly comfortable. The girls I was attracted to, I would hide my feelings from, to the point that they would become good friends, attracted to me, dropping hints, and thinking I wasn't interested.

This may not be your exact situation, but from what you say I can foresee the same end result. Some day you are going to wake up, and find that you are in your twenties, hornier than a 3-balled tomcat, and girls aren't as easy to impress as they were in high school. Having nonsocial hobbies doesn't matter when you're young, but when you become an adult, without an active social life, you will only be able to meet women where you work, and the field will be small (or possibly empty.)

 

[A Weakgeek]

Best advice i can give is to go for what you want. If you don't feel interested in a relationship, just don't bother.

But the point of the thread really was that i don't exactly know what I want, and without actually knowing how people are I can't know if they are like I want them to be. And the problem is I don't really know how to properly "get to know" girls.. People I have as friends I just found out we had similiar interests by eiter accident or some other occurance, but these occurances aren't natrually happening with girls, especially at school. Unless you are suggesting to me that I should randomly start getting to know people.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Yeah, I was in the same boat. Looks are the last thing I care about.

Here's my advice. Just talk to girls. Eventually, you'll find someone who has similar interests, and it might eventually develop into something more.

The girl I'm dating right now, we started out as just friends with some similar interests and we met up once a week during a common break. Eventually, we found out we shared a LOT of interests. I wasn't sure if I liked her, so I decided to leave it as friends unless something clicked.

And then, over the course of one week, BAM! I developed feelings for her. And now we're going out. Basically, I fell in love with her mind first, and then fell for the rest of her, when usually, people fall for the looks and then learn to love the mind.


So yeah, just talk to girls and be friendly with them, and eventually you'll find someone who connect with you. Also, DON'T FORCE IT. If you're not totally sure you want to ask someone out, then don't. Wait until you're sure of your feelings.

Good luck out there!


EDIT:

And the problem is I don't really know how to properly "get to know" girls.. People I have as friends I just found out we had similiar interests by eiter accident or some other occurance, but these occurances aren't natrually happening with girls, especially at school.

Aaaah...Well that's easier that you think. Just keep your ears open for interesting conversations and jump in (not in a creepy way). There's nothing wrong with just starting up a random conversation (IE: Hey how was your weekend?) with the girl sitting next to you in class.

Besides, you said you're 16? My advice is not to worry about it. Really, high school relationships tend to be VERY VERY drama-filled. Girls don't know what they want, and guys don't know how to behave. Don't sweat it if you don't find someone just yet. It'll happen eventually.

 

[A Weakgeek]

When I was that age I had this strange combination of cockiness and shyness. If I was not afraid to approach a girl, it was because I thought I was too good for her, and was therefore perfectly comfortable. The girls I was attracted to, I would hide my feelings from, to the point that they would become good friends, attracted to me, dropping hints, and thinking I wasn't interested.

This may not be your exact situation, but from what you say I can foresee the same end result. Some day you are going to wake up, and find that you are in your twenties, hornier than a 3-balled tomcat, and girls aren't as easy to impress as they were in high school. Having nonsocial hobbies doesn't matter when you're young, but when you become an adult, without an active social life, you will only be able to meet women where you work, and the field will be small (or possibly empty.)

While you are on the right tracks, there is something that does not (At least i think so) apply to me. I do not think that "I'm too good" for some girls, I'm more to the whole "Nice Guy" disaster zone. But its only when I actually care for somebody, thats why those crushes in the past never went to anywhere. But now the problem is not sincerely being interested in anyone. This is mostlikely not taking part in enough social activity. I'm not akward at all when it's with lets say my class or any "work" enviroment, but during freetime i find groups akward, and most of the time I prefer to spend time with 1-2 of my friends rather than spending time in a bigger group at town or w/e. Also being a nerd, my friends being nerds, this results in not having a wide social network. Not having those "Hot friends friends" or something like that, which would be more easily approachable.

EDIT:

And the problem is I don't really know how to properly "get to know" girls.. People I have as friends I just found out we had similiar interests by eiter accident or some other occurance, but these occurances aren't natrually happening with girls, especially at school.

Aaaah...Well that's easier that you think. Just keep your ears open for interesting conversations and jump in (not in a creepy way). There's nothing wrong with just starting up a random conversation (IE: Hey how was your weekend?) with the girl sitting next to you in class.

Well... Thats honestly some good advice, eventhough that whole "casually jumping into a conversation" may prove a task too difficult for me. I will keep my ears out though.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Well... Thats honestly some good advice, eventhough that whole "casually jumping into a conversation" may prove a task too difficult for me. I will keep my ears out though.

It's easier than you think. I used to be the most repressed, antisocial, unconfident guy ever. The first few times I hopped into a conversation or randomly started a conversation were a bit awkward, but they got better with time.

And remember, don't sweat it if you miss out on the whole high-school romance thing. From what I've seen my younger brother go through, it's honestly nothing great.

Good luck out there!

 

[icame]

If your not interested in someone then it probably isn't a good idea to try and make yourself interested in them. The 'attraction' could be based on a false desire that you've only convinced yourself is there. Honestly if your not finding anyone on the outside of your circle interesting, look within it. Maybe there's a girl in there you fancy.

 

[000jinx]

90% of people you would want to spend time with will most likely not mind you just starting up a conversation. The best advice I have, talk to women the same way you'd talk to anyone else. If they aren't interested in you, nothing will change that and if it will go anywhere, eventually, they'll see who you really are. Best just to avoid that whole problem if you can. If you both get along, great, if you become attracted to her or some of her traits, better, If not, at least you got a friend or possibly "evening activity" buddy. But don't go into any first contact with a woman with that intent, well, you are 16, so with that intent being more than 60% of the reason you'd talk to them. Besides, the best and easiest way to get into a relationship, beyond just sex, is just to be decent, kind and yourself. And you will always be able to walk away if it doesn't work out and know that there is nothing you should have done differently. That's HUGE.

 

[rutger5000]

You're still quiet young, wouldn't worry too much about it. If the problem is still there after a year or two, then I recommend to go traveling on an low budget, and try to get as many free sleepovers and rides as you can get. Then you'll learn how incredible fascinating and great humans are (That's what I did). Otherwise join a club or something.

 

[LetalisK]

I'm so confused. I don't even know what the issue is here. You mean you don't get your penis in a twist over a smoking hot chick? And that's a problem....why? A lot of guys end up acting like complete asses simply because a girl is pretty. If you don't have that problem, you should count yourself lucky. Beyond that, maybe you don't get interested in because, as you said you have low self-confidence, perhaps you unconsciously hold yourself back. You didn't give a whole lot of detail to work with.