Oh boy, I can't believe I'm asking people on the internet about these sort of problems.

[The Stonker 2.0]

Well Escapist, I've got girl problems.
Now it all started around 2 weeks ago when I got to know this girl who in the case of this thread will be called Jillian.
Now Jillian really liked one of my friend's who actually treated her like shit, because of some unnasorted reason, so I decided to be nice and talk to her.
One thing lead to another and I asked her out on a date, we ended up making out where I asked her to be my girlfriend, now this is actually pretty stupid since I didn't know her that much.
She jumped with rejoice and smiled, I've been chattin' with her and she's suddenly starting to talk 'bout love and that sort.
I remember how I was in my last relationship, from day one my heart raced with my mind just to get the better of me, I remember wanting to discard everything to be with her.
But this time around I don't feel that way, what I feel is simple affection and wanting the best for her, I don't feel the same kind of burning passion as I did for the last one.
There is also my issue on how I was, because in that relationship she took my virginity on the 2nd date and we always persisted on having sex after that, talking less and just simply fucking after dates.
After that I became a bit of a drunk, drinking a lot and smoking pot, just to repress some memories, now Jillian came into my life and I don't want that for her, I don't know if I should follow my sense which is telling me to cut if off because she deserves something better than a boy who actually to be honest wants to have casual sex and maybe have someone to chat with and there's the other part of me which is telling me to say fuck it and just be a douche.

TL,D;R edition.

I know a great girl, she likes me a lot, I just want her sexually but she wants love and all of that.
What is your advice to me Escapist? I know I'm coming off as a douche butt fuck it.

With great care.

The Stonker 2.0

 

[Jux]

I would advise not doing the douchey thing. You should sit down with her and express what is it you're looking for in the relationship, and find out exactly what she wants. If those two things don't match up, end it.

But before you do that, I suppose you should do some life examining. Do you feel that your desire to get your rocks off supercedes everything else? If so, why?

 

[Lynx]

I think you've already made your decision. You wanted to be nice to her after your friend "treated her like shit" because obviously you care about her well being on some level, and it seems you yourself labeled one of your current alternatives of action as "douchy", because you obviously already know that it would be a crappy idea and likely hurt her in the end.

Come on, man. You already know what the right thing to do is, you just need to button your pants, straighten up and do it.

 

[MasochisticAvenger]

Be honest!

I have to say more than that since otherwise I'd get a low-content warning, but that's pretty much all that needs to be said. I seriously do not get how this confuses so many people. Talk to her, and tell her how you are feeling. There is a very good chance you are going to come off as a douchebag when you do - I mean, you have basically lead her on by asking her to be your girlfriend - but the longer you take to have the conversation, the bigger a douchebag you'll be.

You might be surprised by her response. She may take it really well, or even only be interested in something similar. I don't know either of you so I cannot really say for sure, but I do know nothing good is going to come by not talking it out with her. It's not going to be pleasant, but it needs to be done.

 

[Moth_Monk]

If you cut off the relationship she will think that you used her. Mark my words.

 

[nariette]

There is nothing wrong with just wanting sex out of a relationship. People have needs. But it's unfair to start a relationship where the parties don't have the same expectations. You want sex, she wants love. If you don't care enough for her to give this up, that's fine. Just don't continue a relationship like that. If you do like her enough that you wish to take things slowly, keep your pants on and be patient. She is a woman, and probably has a libido(is that an english word? If it's not, it means sexual drive.) too. If she likes and trusts you enough, you can both have sex and love eventually.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Be open about what you want and about what she wants. For a relationship to work both people have to be open about what they want. Preferably the same thing.

 

[Kasten]

I suggest telling her, like the fine Escapists above said, and then I immediately suggest giving her a little time without initiating conversation that she doesn't start, maybe a couple of days. Just so that she has time to really process what you said.

Oh, and the telling her about it part is going to suck. I used to be a much worse person, and confronting it-especially to people that you're not sure if you used or not-is HARD.