"Kids, I want you to remember this very important quote from Abraham Lincoln, because it helped me in a lot of ways when I was your age: Be excellent to each other, and party on dudes!"
And then my kids would Google that quote and discover Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Mission accomplished.
EDIT: My sentence structure is bad and I should feel bad.
"Whatever you do, don't take shit too seriously,otherwise life is a hard thing to stand, what with all the injustice. Take the good like a party, and the bad like a badly told joke, laugh it off and move on."
I'd tell them what I wish I could go back and tell myself: 'You're never as smart as you think you are; there will always be someone left with something to teach you and you should embrace rather than resent that fact.'
Or, if they were in a rush: 'Sometimes you have to conform to things you don't agree with, but you will never have to believe in them.'
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