Online Friendship

[Topdeck]

Online Friendship is something that I've been lucky enough to see the good side of. When I went to highschool I didn't make much friends and I guess you could say I turned to the internet as my way of escaping that. I met a guy in a similar situation to me, he was on the other side of the Atlantic but every day we talked and played games together for over 3 years. Eventually he grew out of gaming and moved in with his girlfriend. The lucky bastard. We are good friends and I still stay in touch with him, I'm sure we will meet face-to-face one day.

I could go on all day about that but I want to get some advice about a different situation. Over a year ago I met another guy online. We talked every day just like the last guy, sometimes about quite personal things like family and future. I felt we were good friends. We played the same game together for over a year, drifting in and out of various different clans/teams together. One day, when we were in the same team together an ex member, who was one of the first to found the team we were in returned and decided he didn't like me. After a lot of fussing about behind my back the guy managed to convince the other members of the team to get rid of me. Obviously I was hurt by this, but I expected my friend to object, perhaps try to convince the other guys that I should stay or even just leave with me. He didn't do a damn thing. I tried to talk to him about it but he just acted like everything was normal, and I couldn't demand him to leave the team or I'd be the asshole.

I really don't know what I should do about it. I still see the guy most days, I play with him occasionally but he seems to be so spitefull sometimes as if I'm the one that betrayed him. For example, I'll ask him if he wants to play a quick match and he will impolitely reply "no not really." instead of a normal answer such as "nah maybe later" or just "nah". Maybe its the language barrier, he is eastern european and he doesn't speak English perfectly. If I didn't know better I'd have turned to racism by now.

I hate to end it on a low note so I'll ask you guys to share your stories of friendship online. I know you guys aren't really agony aunts but I could use some advice. Sorry for the long read

 

[wordsmith]

Online friendship? I've got great online mates. But that's what they are. Online mates. Easy come, easy go. I'd count Danny_Ocean as one of my mates, Jamanticus as another.

 

[Gamine]

Like i always say, Never take Friendship personal,

the dude has issues, not you and some things arent just supposed to be.

 

[Fangface74]

Online relationships are a different beast to RL altogether, your online personality is not who you are face-2-face.

Your current predicament simply derives itself from not having enough info, you don't know where the (second) guy's other friendships, online politics & allegiances lay with.

Try not to dwell on it, these things happen online and in RL all the time, sometimes with good reason, now & again with little reason, and even for no reason (that you can see) whatsoever.

If you treat those you encounter how you yourself would like to be treated, then move on and look forward to the next friendship

 

[Bat Vader]

Like i always say, Never take Friendship personal,

the dude has issues, not you and some things arent just supposed to be.

A friend is just another enemy in disguise.

 

[Fairee]

No problem with the long read. I also use this to write large amounts that I doubt anyone else is interested in.

As for advice, I have no experience but I'll give it a go. If your friends English isn't good, he may not have actually understood what the other guy was saying about you, and maybe limiting the amount he talks to you because he thinks something that is completely untrue. He may also be unsure which of you believe, if he doesn't know either of you in real life.

Try asking why he doesn't want to play with you. Explain that what the guy was saying, the one who insulted you, wasn't telling the truth, and see how he responds.

As for my stories of friendship online? All good so far, got chatting to a few people on here. Although I have gone a bit weird and said some stupid things in the past. So if I do that to anyone on here, sorry in advance. I have social/interaction problems. I say things I don't mean and freak people out, so you can ignore me if I do. I'll understand.

 

[Gamine]

Its so easy to meet someone online and feel your so close or Yay! ive found my soulmate,

Like i always say, Never take Friendship personal,

the dude has issues, not you and some things arent just supposed to be.

A friend is just another enemy in disguise.

i do not totally agree but,

The line between enemy and friend online gets blurred faster

 

[Azmoredis]

I've seen good and bad, from a guy who I thought was a friend wooing my ex-fiancee back in the EQ days to friends from CoX that actually got worried about me and sent emails wondering what happened to me when I had to disappear for a few months. In LotR:O now, I have some friends who I've exchanged phone numbers with.

My advice for your situation: If this guy is acting like a jerk to you now, even after you trying to explain things, then I'd just let it go. It sucks losing a friend but (and here comes the cliche) if he's treating you like shit, is he really your friend? Truth is, life's too short to put up with any assholes you don't absolutely have to.

 

[The_Prophet]

I got great online mates. For example Danny_Ocean, Labyrinth, Phoenix Arrow, Stormcaller and Some people from norway and holland.

 

[StarStruckStrumpets]

Online friends are good, the only thing is...sometimes you meet someone who sounds great, but then, they're real nasty when you know them.

 

[Rhayn]

I have quite a few 'contacts' I would deem as online friends, and two of those I could almost dub 'real' friends. I am afraid I have not got any real good stories to share, but I could tell you I'm pretty sure those two know more about me than my best 'real' friend does. We talk and say stuff that wouldn't be accepted in my friendcircle.

That does not however imply I do not trust my friends, I would trust them with my life if it came to that. But perhaps it's easier to be open when you're not seeing the others face. At least I find it easier, even though I've seen their pictures and they've seen mine.

 

[_Janny_]

I've yet to find an online friend that has stuck around more than a couple of months, we just seem to drift apart and forget about each other. They come and go, but it's fun while it lasts.

 

[Azmoredis]

Like i always say, Never take Friendship personal,

the dude has issues, not you and some things arent just supposed to be.

A friend is just another enemy in disguise.

Don't listen to our optomistic friend here, that guys a jerk, but honestly, the best online friends you know IRL.

Nah, not a jerk, I think. Angst filled perhaps, pessimistic certainly, maybe just a teenager and he'll grow out of it, or maybe life's just been particularly harsh to him. It's not angering, it's just sad.

 

[Booze Zombie]

Having online mates seems a bit more personal over services like Live where you can actually hear each other.

I've got a friend list of 67 people, spoken to almost every single one of them. Most of them live in the same country as me, too. So, the friendships on Live seem very meaningful to me.

I just don't get the exact same feeling from text-based friendship, though I am willing to make friends in that manner.

As for your problem: Some people are assholes, some people are stupid and some people just don't see the thing you're seeing.

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

People over the internet are still people. If he was that willing to just abandon you as soon as one of his other friends started talking shit, he wasn't really worth it.

 

[Danzaivar]

Eh I've always thought it's just like real life, some people seem okay but when you get a chance to know them (or prove otherwise) they turn out to be morons. It's just harder online to get that chance to see their true colours. If you can find decent people it's perfectly possible to be as good friends with them as someone you met IRL, let's face it, you meet people IRL because of geography, you meet people online because you have a common interest.

Hell, I know a couple that met online who just moved in together, and a couple that are getting married soon after meeting online!

 

[Bat Vader]

Like i always say, Never take Friendship personal,

the dude has issues, not you and some things arent just supposed to be.

A friend is just another enemy in disguise.

Don't listen to our optomistic friend here, that guys a jerk, but honestly, the best online friends you know IRL.

I speak my own opinion. I am not trying to force my beliefs onto you, I merely state my opinion. You also do not know and therefore cannot call me a jerk just for one statement, you can but it is very childish. Then again I have been betrayed before by "friends" so I speak from experience.

Who needs friends when you have video games?