Open letter to women about phone numbers

[dex-dex]

the only time I give out my number is to dudes I am actually interested in so this does not apply to me BUT if they are just so drunk and won't leave me alone then I always give them this number:
416 967 1111
(and those in the greater Toronto area will get my horrible joke on drunk guys everywhere)
but at least they can get some food out of it.

 

[Aris Khandr]

As a girl, you have to be worried about far more than hurt feelings. There are men out there with short tempers, big egos, and violent tendencies. If I don't know you, I can't be sure that a public rejection won't lead to you stalking me and attacking or raping me later. That's a concern, and not a small one. I'd rather hurt the feelings of someone I'm not interested in, especially if I am unlikely to ever see them again, than risk that this guy is going to be one of the crazies.

 

[TehCookie]

Can you really blame somebody for wanting to deflect awkward social tension on a fun night out? I mean, yes, you're being led on, but simply put, most guys don't handle rejections well. Would YOU rather spend the next forty-five minutes trying to avoid some guy (or girl) because they didn't take the hint? I know a lot of people who won't even take a flat-out no for an answer. Maybe you need to alter your get-to-first-date strategy....

Despite what you may think from my post, I know how to handle rejection to my face. I would not follow the girl around afterward.

Do you understand chick speak rejection? Maybe they already told you but weren't clear enough for some reason. I had some guy following me around in school and he didn't understand body language or soft rejections (please stop that, it's creepy, and go away) and it wasn't til I yelled "fuck off you stalker" he stopped. Most girls don't like being that blunt. I don't know how it is on your end though, some people are just assholes.

 

[Aethren]

When girls ask me for my number, I give them the number to the local Pizza Hut.

 

[Alexnader]

As a girl, you have to be worried about far more than hurt feelings. There are men out there with short tempers, big egos, and violent tendencies. If I don't know you, I can't be sure that a public rejection won't lead to you stalking me and attacking or raping me later. That's a concern, and not a small one. I'd rather hurt the feelings of someone I'm not interested in, especially if I am unlikely to ever see them again, than risk that this guy is going to be one of the crazies.

That course of action is probably the most pragmatic but it's annoying that women even feel the need to think like that. I mean I'll acknowledge that there have been times where I've been slightly creepy out of inexperience or idiocy but that doesn't mean I'm going to track the girl down and rape her. It's the most annoying thing to know that someone could even subconsciously perceive that kind of threat. This is yet another case where the minority crazy ruins it for the moderate majority. Someone should make a clever t-shirt with some kind of disclaimer along the lines of "I might look a bit weird but I'm not a rapist so don't worry".

Also for the record I'd argue the extroverted cocky guys would be more likely to "cross the line" than the introverted quieter ones.

 

[zen5887]

Hmm..

I got nothing against girls being nice in this way, and I think you should take it less personally.

You get a girls number, you text her, she doesn't reply, live goes on. You're saying that you come home with a few numbers when you go out, so if a bunch of them are fake go out and get more. It's all good.

 

[Aris Khandr]

As a girl, you have to be worried about far more than hurt feelings. There are men out there with short tempers, big egos, and violent tendencies. If I don't know you, I can't be sure that a public rejection won't lead to you stalking me and attacking or raping me later. That's a concern, and not a small one. I'd rather hurt the feelings of someone I'm not interested in, especially if I am unlikely to ever see them again, than risk that this guy is going to be one of the crazies.

That course of action is probably the most pragmatic but it's annoying that women even feel the need to think like that. I mean I'll acknowledge that there have been times where I've been slightly creepy out of inexperience or idiocy but that doesn't mean I'm going to track the girl down and rape her. It's the most annoying thing to know that someone could even subconsciously perceive that kind of threat. This is yet another case where the minority crazy ruins it for the moderate majority. Someone should make a clever t-shirt with some kind of disclaimer along the lines of "I might look a bit weird but I'm not a rapist so don't worry".

Also for the record I'd argue the extroverted cocky guys would be more likely to "cross the line" than the introverted quieter ones.

The thing is, we don't know. The evening news seems pretty evenly split between the kind of people you could look at and tell they're going to be creeps and the ones who have a dozen neighbors telling everyone that "he'd never hurt a fly" and that they "can't believe he'd do something like that". If it were only the ones who could easily be picked out, there would be less concern. But the world isn't like that, and a girl has to protect herself, especially if not out with a group.

 

[BonsaiK]

(I know there are fair number of girls and women on these boards, so maybe my message will reach some of you. Also, I am aware that not all women do this.)

For the love of whatever you consider holy, please stop giving out your phone numbers to guys if you are not interested. Almost every weekend I go out to bars, malls, and cafes to chat up cute girls and come home with a few numbers, and 80-90% of them flake. This also happens to all of my male friends and lots of dudes I've talked to on online forums, so I know it's not an isolated thing that I'm doing wrong.

Look, I know it is easier to give it to the guy when he asks and then ignore his calls and texts later than it is to buck up and *gasp* deal with an awkward situation for a few seconds by saying "no sorry, I'm not interested", but that's just plain weak. Giving it to "be nice" or because "you didn't want to hurt his feelings" are ultimately not legitimate reasons either, because it hurts my feelings more if you feign interest than if you are upfront about your lack of interest.

Simply put, if we guys have the balls the approach you, initiate conversation, and ask for your phone number, you all can have the balls to be honest and say "no" if you're not interested in talking to us again.

/end rant
*rage deactivated*

Girls will sometimes give guys their number in the hope that it makes them STFU, go away and stop bothering them. Girls who are considered by a large percentage of the population to be attractive in particular are well-versed in dealing with pushy guys who won't take no for an answer, as they often have to deal with daily requests for numbers etc. There's all sorts of techniques some girls employ to make you go away in the nicest manner possible.

Also if you're going out somewhere to chat up girls and collect a few numbers, don't you think they notice that? If a girl sees you collecting more than one number per evening, she will talk, and she may even personally know the next girl you collect a number from. Socially savvy females know what you're up to and if you don't seem sincere they will make sure word gets around. Collecting a few numbers per night sends the message "I just want to pick up, I don't care who it's with as long as I get lucky" and most girls want no part of that. Some do of course, but most don't. Rather than going on a number-collection hunt you should instead try and build rapport with individual girls over a longer period of time and only ask for contact details when it's blatantly obvious that things are going somewhere.

And no it's not just you. Other guys make this mistake too, all the time.

 

[thecoreyhlltt]

(I know there are fair number of girls and women on these boards, so maybe my message will reach some of you. Also, I am aware that not all women do this.)

For the love of whatever you consider holy, please stop giving out your phone numbers to guys if you are not interested. Almost every weekend I go out to bars, malls, and cafes to chat up cute girls and come home with a few numbers, and 80-90% of them flake. This also happens to all of my male friends and lots of dudes I've talked to on online forums, so I know it's not an isolated thing that I'm doing wrong.

Look, I know it is easier to give it to the guy when he asks and then ignore his calls and texts later than it is to buck up and *gasp* deal with an awkward situation for a few seconds by saying "no sorry, I'm not interested", but that's just plain weak. Giving it to "be nice" or because "you didn't want to hurt his feelings" are ultimately not legitimate reasons either, because it hurts my feelings more if you feign interest than if you are upfront about your lack of interest.

Simply put, if we guys have the balls the approach you, initiate conversation, and ask for your phone number, you all can have the balls to be honest and say "no" if you're not interested in talking to us again.

/end rant
*rage deactivated*

HERE!! HERE!!

in my opinion, i think most women view this the same way they do about kicking a guy in the balls. they just don't understand how much it really hurts. and i'm not saying that some guys out there do deserve a kick in the nuts or the misfortune of a fake phone number.... but like brawndo said, (or at least i think i saw this up there) just because one guy's an asshole doesn't mean we all deserve to be treated like one.


that being said, any single women out there on the escapist network, feel free to contact me if you live in the Roanoke,VA area and would like to maybe go out for drinks sometime... =D

 

[Aris Khandr]

in my opinion, i think most women view this the same way they do about kicking a guy in the balls. they just don't understand how much it really hurts.

Exactly? No. But I do know that it does hurt a lot, which means that it is target #1 if I feel threatened in any way.

 

[MasterChief892039]

The only time I ever give out fake numbers is when I fear being harassed for not giving a number at all. While I agree it's disrespectful to give a genuinely nice guy a fake number because you don't want to put the effort into turning him down, there definitely are the types of men out there that you fear saying "no" to, and giving a fake number is the easiest way to exit that situation without provocation.

I guarantee you 100% I am not receiving fake numbers, because I know how to avoid it. I call the number right then and there on the spot and I hear the girl's phone ring or vibrate. If not, which has happened a few times, I call the girl out on it and then walk away.

I'm sorry but that would be an instant red flag for me.

 

[Fr]anc[is]

What's up with this phase of "Open Letter" threads? Has it become teh koolz?
(Nothing personal, just never saw any "open letters" until this week).

The latest Extra Credits was an open letter, so everyone's doing it

 

[conflictofinterests]

(I know there are fair number of girls and women on these boards, so maybe my message will reach some of you. Also, I am aware that not all women do this.)

For the love of whatever you consider holy, please stop giving out your phone numbers to guys if you are not interested. Almost every weekend I go out to bars, malls, and cafes to chat up cute girls and come home with a few numbers, and 80-90% of them flake. This also happens to all of my male friends and lots of dudes I've talked to on online forums, so I know it's not an isolated thing that I'm doing wrong.

Look, I know it is easier to give it to the guy when he asks and then ignore his calls and texts later than it is to buck up and *gasp* deal with an awkward situation for a few seconds by saying "no sorry, I'm not interested", but that's just plain weak. Giving it to "be nice" or because "you didn't want to hurt his feelings" are ultimately not legitimate reasons either, because it hurts my feelings more if you feign interest than if you are upfront about your lack of interest.

Simply put, if we guys have the balls the approach you, initiate conversation, and ask for your phone number, you all can have the balls to be honest and say "no" if you're not interested in talking to us again.

/end rant
*rage deactivated*

I've never really given my phone number to anyone, so I'm pretty sure you're not talking to the me's of the world, but I would like to point out that I have had the experience of being totally taken by some guy I just met and then upon reflection at home realized he was a total creeper (sssssssssss BOOM) and swiftly decided to avoid him thereafter. Not saying you're a creeper... Just sometimes girls may initially like you and then realize they aren't really interested in you after.

 

[Brawndo]

I'm sorry but that would be an instant red flag for me.

People also often give out a pronounced vibe in person. "Brawndo," who also posted the "sexual harassment" trolling thread which tacitly accuses women of falsely affecting offense over sexual harassment out of pure malice, probably does not think he gives off this vibe. I'd give pretty good odds that he's mistaken.

I'm pretty forward/blunt/honest/confrontational/whatever you want to call it. I like calling other people's bullshit. The purpose of calling the girl's number right in front of her is so she has mine too. However, if she is giving a fake number I WILL call her out on what she did, and then leave. I'm not going to follow her around and stalk her to piss her off, because I'm not a vindictive creep.

You are also trying to paint a picture that I am one of those overbearing assholes who is persistent to a fault, and giving a number is the only way to get me to leave. That couldn't be farther from the truth; if I'm not feeling the conversation (lots of one word answers, avoiding eye contact, distracted by phone), I just say "well it was nice to meet you, I have to go" and leave.

Being forward with women (within reason of course, I never say anything sexual to a girl I just met unless we are well into mutual flirting) is far more effective than sitting on your hands wondering why girls won't talk to you, which seems to be the m.o. of the average guy on the Escapist. Most women prefer confidence and assertiveness; usually the only time the shy, brooding, socially awkward guy gets attention from girls is when he is hot, which frankly most of them are not.

 

[iLikeHippos]

Well, of course they're not going to give you anything of worth if you don't charm them good enough.
I know of one girl that gave me her phone number (And it was real), yet I NEVER called for it. I had obviously done a very good job.

Maybe if you spend some extra time with them individually, perhaps they'll let you in more (no pun intended) depending on how well you do.

... But that probably won't solve shit if the girls will still just give out phone numbers as "here you go, never bother me again"-cards.
That would probably make me sick too.