Open Relationships

[Bara_no_Hime]

I am currently in a mono relationship w/ my bisexual gf of 1 1/2+ years. We are both sexually adventurous and currently contemplating trying to occasionally bring another girl into the bedroom. It is something we have talked about and discussed to great length.. not something we are just going to rush into to try and not destroy our relationship.

For the record, an open or swinging relationship does have its issues. My spouse and I enjoy it, but there have been occasional issues. Not on our side, but on those we've been with.

The first time we brought one extra person into the bedroom, it was great for a while until we found out that she was writing on her live journal about how she was in love with one (and only one) of us. Freaked us out - that ended badly, and we were a little timid about having a single player again for a while. That was actually how we got started with other couples (which is generally more stable, IMO).

Then again, we also had a little bit of weirdness with a couple. The sex was good, but (due to schedule issues) we had to stop meeting with them for a while. When we were thinking about resuming, they were having these arguments - about unrelated stuff, but it was too weird to start up again while they seemed to be having problem. I mean, it's awkward to be around a couple that's arguing normally - it is worse when you've been sleeping with them and want to do so more. We just let that one go, and we're still friends with them (and they're still together... sort of... actually, we aren't entirely clear on what they are to one another, but they still hang out all the time and sleep together, so I guess they're still dating? Like I said, things went a little weird there).

But again, it never caused problems for OUR relationship. And we got to live out a few of our fantasies that we hadn't gotten to experience before, which left us very fulfilled. We have a few more we'd like to try, but the trick will be finding a suitable group of partners to implement them. ^^ We have our eye on a few people.

Oh, by the way, ASKING someone to join you is SOOO weird and awkward. I have never really gotten the hang of it. Usually I just obliquely talk to the person about my open/swinging relationship with my spouse and hope they inquire. If they indicate interest, then all speed ahead. If they seem interested but don't say anything... it gets tricker.

 

[GeorgW]

Of course they exist. And they're great for the people that want them. I don't however, if I'm dating someone I prefer to be the only one doing that. I do have no problem with friends with benefits, that's always nice. But once you're together, you should be together.

 

[MrJoyless]

An open relationship is an excuse to live with someone and cheat on them without feeling bad about it.

Honestly I have never wanted this because :

A - who is your insignificant other fucking ?
B - what diseases do they have ?
C - if you are a guy, your girlfriend is probably getting much more ass than you, which means its she that will give you an STD probably not the other way around.
D - seriously if they want to fuck other people then its because they DONT like you enough to want to fuck you every time, they just want to fuck you whenever they cant find someone else...

If you want an open relationship its called being single, dont delude yourself, an open relationship is no relationship at all.

 

[Kagim]

The only time i met someone in an open relationship it was a tragic mess between a co-worker and her husband.

The girl dated people, constantly. The husband never did, and stayed at home to take care of the kids.

It's not that he couldn't find a date and the wife would stay home, it's that he had no desire to. He just wanted his wife to be happy.

The guy tried to kill himself, and the girl showed up to the hospital... with her date, as well as left the hospital later with her date... Her words. Her husband tried to kill himself, and she didn't even bother to cancel her date.

While i realize an open relationship can work, i have a dark view of it from my psychology classes and that one story. If it works for you it's your choice.

 

[Drakane]

snip

I hear that and thanks for the heads up. As for the talking to people thing... luckily my gf is still in college and we know several bi/exploratory females that have already pretty much said they would be down to join us, b4 we were ever seriously thinking about it. The joys of the young and curious... and having a hot gf and being moderately attractive myself. But yea, pretty sure I could never be the one out right asking.

 

[Radelaide]

I know I think one person who's been able to pull an open relationship off, but that's about it. I think it requires a certain personality that not many people have to be able to make it work, and both people must be honestly ok with it for it to work.

I know I wouldn't be able to. I'm far too possessive.

She might have pulled it off, but he didn't.

 

[King of the Sandbox]

My wife and I don't mind. But we've stuck to single females only. No wangs allowed. ^_^

 

[The Gnome King]

We've all heard of the open relationship.

The one where the people in it can also go around doing whatever they want with whoever else they decide looks particularly tempting on any particular day.

It can also be said for most people (guys at least) there is a moment when you are cursing your loyalties to your partner[footnote]Usually when face to face with someone you find particularly tempting on that particular day.[/footnote].

But does this situation exactly exist?
I for one don't know anyone who even claims to be in one of these no doubt magical arrangements.

Granted that the citizens of the Escapist aren't necessarily the most social and womanising bunch (myself included), has anyone encountered one of these "open" relationships?

I've been in a (semi) open relationship with my wife of over 10 years... about to celebrate our 11th year together in May, actually. We're a closed polyfidelitous (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyfidelity) triad with my partner, a gay man. We've been with both other men and women over the years.

My partner, the "other man" has been with us for about 8 years now and we own a house and pay a mortgage together so I'm pretty sure we fit the definition of "long term" ...

There are quite a lot of these relationships out there; more than you would think. People are usually just quiet about them because of a lack of social acceptance. Just google "polyamory" or "polyfidelity" though and you'll start finding all sorts of interesting things.

Also, the male/female split is about equal - we've definitely had more women involved in our relationship than men.

I will say this, however - most of these relationships aren't "do whatever you want any time you want" - they usually involve a lot of communication and boundaries. For example, my wife and I pretty much had (and have) a standing rule that we require STD testing of anybody we plan on being with. Then there are other things to negotiate; such as what happens if you get another woman pregnant... or even smaller things, such as how to handle jealousy when and if it pops up.

My triad isn't even the longest standing relationship that I know of; I know one triad (also polyfidelitous) that has been together 24 years now.

 

[FamoFunk]

I really don't see the point, I'll go into a relationship to be commited, nothing less.

If I still want to see other people and do things with them that would be classed as cheating in a relationship, I won't even bother with the relationship, I'd rather be single and mess about.

 

[DonMartin]

Can't imagine that I could be in one. I would be too jealous, I think.

Also, if Im in a relationship, I have this strange habit of falling in love with my partner. That makes me all the more jealous.

 

[DJDarque]

I'd like to say that in the right situation I would try to make it work, but I know me too well. I would not be able to handle an open or polygamist relationship.

 

[Shuswah_Noir]

I'm personally not capable of being in an open relationship, but I have friends who will only enter poly relationships. Granted, a lot of my friends are kinksters. FetLife is a great source of knowledge and connections on the topic.