Partner Issues
- Thread starter Rotukai
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1. Oh my God, yes. Get out, and get out now. Find a hovel you can afford on your own, or a friend or relative who will let you bunk for a while until you can financially get straight. Thank her parents for allowing you to live with them rent-free, but you have to know that you will never get your finances sorted if you're paying for you and her all the time. She's not interested in growing up, getting a job, or taking responsibility for herself. She sounds physically revolting from lack of proper hygiene. And you sound miserable. Make a plan, pack your things, and give her about fifteen seconds to hear you say you're leaving before you're out the door for good.Rotukai said:
2. Cheating means different things to different people. The fact that she felt the need to hide it from you makes it shifty. That you told her it made you uncomfortable and she continues unapologetically makes it not okay. And it doesn't matter whether or not that falls under common definition of cheating; for this relationship, it's not okay.
1. I'd totally break up. Because a) I can't stand when people don't take care of themselves and smell like shit. b) I can't stand when adults act like children and don't listen to anyone and have no consideration.
2. All that aside, I wouldn't consider RPing cheating (yes even sexual). It's just a fantasy online nothing physical. Now if she's going to meetups to RP then i'd say its starting to get suspicious but over the internet? Nah.
Seriously though, you seem miserable. You need to get out right now and move on. I'm sure she's a doll when she's not acting like a **** but smelly and a horrible attitude? Deal breakers for me personally.
On topic of the smelly issue; It is hard to tell someone they smell. I had a really good friend who had the WORST breath ever and everyone knew it but we were all too polite to tell him so. It was strange cause he had perfectly white teeth but the rankest breath ever... strange.
captcha: heart strings
Fuck that cut them bitches and get out.
2. All that aside, I wouldn't consider RPing cheating (yes even sexual). It's just a fantasy online nothing physical. Now if she's going to meetups to RP then i'd say its starting to get suspicious but over the internet? Nah.
Seriously though, you seem miserable. You need to get out right now and move on. I'm sure she's a doll when she's not acting like a **** but smelly and a horrible attitude? Deal breakers for me personally.
On topic of the smelly issue; It is hard to tell someone they smell. I had a really good friend who had the WORST breath ever and everyone knew it but we were all too polite to tell him so. It was strange cause he had perfectly white teeth but the rankest breath ever... strange.
captcha: heart strings
Fuck that cut them bitches and get out.
1. Yes. You don't sound happy. Apart from the early days, you don't say one good thing about her. Maybe you're scared to be alone?
2. I would consider it cheating. I had a boyfriend who used to RP as a drow online, and had "RP girlfriends". I used to constantly wonder why his connection with me wasn't enough, and it was pretty awful. While your girlfriend isn't cheating in a strict sense, I think there is such a thing as being emotionally unfaithful. Regardless of whether or not it actually is cheating, her knowledge that it hurts and upsets you should be enough of a reason for her to stop.
2. I would consider it cheating. I had a boyfriend who used to RP as a drow online, and had "RP girlfriends". I used to constantly wonder why his connection with me wasn't enough, and it was pretty awful. While your girlfriend isn't cheating in a strict sense, I think there is such a thing as being emotionally unfaithful. Regardless of whether or not it actually is cheating, her knowledge that it hurts and upsets you should be enough of a reason for her to stop.
1. Lets look at the facts. She's obviously very immature, selfish, selb absorbed and lazy.
Is that who you want to be with? She clearly takes you for granted, doesn't respect your wishes (regarding hygiene OR the emails, I'll guess in other areas too), and isn't enough of an adult to sort her life out - relying on you and her parents.
If you're turning to an internet forum for relationship advice, to me that suggests that there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship. I'm not naive enough to suggest that any relationship is perfect - of course not, every couple has their problems. The difference between a succesful and an unsuccessful relationship is in being able to work through them. It sounds like you've been putting up with a lot of these issues from day 1, and over the years, she has only gotten worse instead of better.
The very fact that you are asking "should I leave her" would suggest to me that you've already decided - you just need someone to convince you its the right thing to do. But, as you said - part of you doesn't want to. So lets look at that. Your post didn't mention much in the way of good points. Why are you with her? Do you love her? Are you ever truly happy? Is there anything - really, honestly - that she gives you that you couldn't get from another person? Someone who respects you, has a level of maturity that matches your own, and someone who puts your happiness at least on par with their own?
The decision, ultimately, is yours. But it sounds like you've already made it.
2. Whether she was cheating or not depends upon your own definition of cheating. Do you feel cheated? If she was sexting another person, would it be the same? Is it any different just because its "roleplay" in an email? Does it bother you that she is in contact with other people to get off, against your wishes? If your answers are yes, yes, no and yes respectively, then she's cheating.
Is that who you want to be with? She clearly takes you for granted, doesn't respect your wishes (regarding hygiene OR the emails, I'll guess in other areas too), and isn't enough of an adult to sort her life out - relying on you and her parents.
If you're turning to an internet forum for relationship advice, to me that suggests that there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship. I'm not naive enough to suggest that any relationship is perfect - of course not, every couple has their problems. The difference between a succesful and an unsuccessful relationship is in being able to work through them. It sounds like you've been putting up with a lot of these issues from day 1, and over the years, she has only gotten worse instead of better.
The very fact that you are asking "should I leave her" would suggest to me that you've already decided - you just need someone to convince you its the right thing to do. But, as you said - part of you doesn't want to. So lets look at that. Your post didn't mention much in the way of good points. Why are you with her? Do you love her? Are you ever truly happy? Is there anything - really, honestly - that she gives you that you couldn't get from another person? Someone who respects you, has a level of maturity that matches your own, and someone who puts your happiness at least on par with their own?
The decision, ultimately, is yours. But it sounds like you've already made it.
2. Whether she was cheating or not depends upon your own definition of cheating. Do you feel cheated? If she was sexting another person, would it be the same? Is it any different just because its "roleplay" in an email? Does it bother you that she is in contact with other people to get off, against your wishes? If your answers are yes, yes, no and yes respectively, then she's cheating.
1. Red Flag should have gone up as soon as the "Orange Cheeto Dust" was discovered and she refused to use a toothbrush. That's just a complete turnoff for me. If you can't spend at least 5m in the shower a day, I don't know how I could deal with you.
2. If she was upfront with you and didn't lie about it, I would have said no, its not cheating. However, since she didn't tell you and blatantly lied to your face, I would say it is cheating.
2. If she was upfront with you and didn't lie about it, I would have said no, its not cheating. However, since she didn't tell you and blatantly lied to your face, I would say it is cheating.
An update Ladies and Gents.
I went to work this evening and asked her to look for jobs and tidy our room. Its a small room and not that messy, at most 45 mins to clean. I went to work and got home 3 hours later, she was still sat in bed on the laptop and was applying for a job at Sainsburys but I was talking downstairs for a bit so may have just gone on to keep me happy. Room wasnt done though and she went straight back onto SimCity 4. I asked if she could do me some dinner (I dont ask often but I just happen to be tired today) she said yeah in a minute. 45 mins later her friend from round the corner called (this a role playing friend) and asks the other half if she wants to come over.
Lets just say I wouldn't be able to type this if she was still home. No food done either (big whoop its not as if i cook for her or buy her food) *note sarcasm*
I would like to thank you all for your replies and comments. I will be ending it somehow... some arrangements will need to be done before anything is said.
I went to work this evening and asked her to look for jobs and tidy our room. Its a small room and not that messy, at most 45 mins to clean. I went to work and got home 3 hours later, she was still sat in bed on the laptop and was applying for a job at Sainsburys but I was talking downstairs for a bit so may have just gone on to keep me happy. Room wasnt done though and she went straight back onto SimCity 4. I asked if she could do me some dinner (I dont ask often but I just happen to be tired today) she said yeah in a minute. 45 mins later her friend from round the corner called (this a role playing friend) and asks the other half if she wants to come over.
Lets just say I wouldn't be able to type this if she was still home. No food done either (big whoop its not as if i cook for her or buy her food) *note sarcasm*
I would like to thank you all for your replies and comments. I will be ending it somehow... some arrangements will need to be done before anything is said.
"Abandon ship!"Rotukai said:
I read the whole thing, she needs an intervention. I know this sounds mean, but there is no point in dragging yourself down trying to help someone who refuses it. Try to make her get a grip on her life, otherwise move on.
2. Roleplaying is a grey area. I would say cheating but I also have strong feelings towards the "no". My girlfriend has written fanfictions and drawn hentai and she shared it with a male friend. However, most of it was male-on-male. I say 50/50, but it sounds like it's not the most important issue.
1. From what you've said I'm not sure why you stuck with her for the past three years to begin with. If you're unhappy and she's nothing but a pain in the ass you should most probably run for it.
2. Wouldn't exactly call it cheating; Roleplaying is a bit of a fussy area to me though.
2. Wouldn't exactly call it cheating; Roleplaying is a bit of a fussy area to me though.
Women, eh? Cant live with them, cant live without them.
To conclude, it doesn't look good man. Aside the hygiene issues she reminds me a lot of my ex; she's self-centred, bone-idle and respectful to few things outside her immediate interests and needs. If you confront her forcefully/ constantly and gently remind her (delete as appropriate) about the hygiene issues then they can be solved. But fundamental character defining things cant.
But good luck buddy, I hope you find a solution to this. If you need to chat to someone, just drop me a PM whenever.
Possibly, when you're pissed off at a significant other its very easy to pick out all their bad qualities and forget the good ones (I'm guilty as anybody of this). Don't make any rushed decisions you'll regret, sleep on it a bit and think are the good times worth the bad ones? Is this a phase, or is this permanent?Rotukai said:
Emotional cheating perhaps. I wouldn't call it cheating, but its not exactly innocent either. Make of that what you will, personally I would be uncomfortable with my girlfriend involving herself in such situations. What however should be getting those alarm bells ringing is the fact the lied about it, because she knew that you wouldn't want her doing it.Rotukai said:
To conclude, it doesn't look good man. Aside the hygiene issues she reminds me a lot of my ex; she's self-centred, bone-idle and respectful to few things outside her immediate interests and needs. If you confront her forcefully/ constantly and gently remind her (delete as appropriate) about the hygiene issues then they can be solved. But fundamental character defining things cant.
But good luck buddy, I hope you find a solution to this. If you need to chat to someone, just drop me a PM whenever.
This . Do this . I'm begging you . For all thats holy . Please listen to this guy . Don't even think about it , start RIGHT NOW .IndomitableSam said:
1) Yes . Put as much distance between you and her as possible , and erase all traces of this relationship . Block it out of your mind . I never happened . I won't tell if you won't.
2) Technically no , but she apparently isn't satisfied sexually ( through no fault of your own ) . She maybe didn't cheat on you, but the risk of it happening is high . The fact she does this in secret and never told you about it is bad . Do these people even know you are dating her?
Also , you are a strong man for staying this long . I commend you for it . But you cannot go on like this .
1. yes. you sound fucking miserable. admittedly, you were ranting, so that would make you sound more unhappy than the other way around, but still. also, the whole bad hygiene thing... washing 2 times a week? fuck off. teeth and facewash at least twice a day, shower once every 2 days at least, although i make it a daily habit. cannot stand bad personal hygiene.
2. i'm sorry, i don't know anywhere near enough about RP to comment, but the fact that she hid it from you speaks volumes in itself.
2. i'm sorry, i don't know anywhere near enough about RP to comment, but the fact that she hid it from you speaks volumes in itself.
Shit. I think I went out with her. Not actually, but she sounds EXACTLY like my ex, but with fewer drugs and more emotionally stable (at least I hope she is for your sake).
As self-centred a thing to say as it is I'd suggest try and think what's best for you. You've obviously had lots of good times together or it wouldn't have lasted so long, but if you feel the relationship is becoming a burden on you then maybe let it go. It can be for the best.
As self-centred a thing to say as it is I'd suggest try and think what's best for you. You've obviously had lots of good times together or it wouldn't have lasted so long, but if you feel the relationship is becoming a burden on you then maybe let it go. It can be for the best.
Pretty much everyone has said what I'm about to say and by the sounds of things you've come to the same conclusion. You sounded absolutely miserable in that OP and I hope things turn out better for you in future endeavors.
1)Dump the *****. Bad hygiene in itself is kind of a turn-off but your description makes her out as whiny and useless. The type of person who expects everything to be done for them while not lifting a finger to return the effort. One of the worst kinds of people I could ever hope to meet in real life (and if you don't mind me saying, You're a trooper for sticking this long)
2) Maybe? Not exactly an RP'er here unless we're talking about The Elder Scrolls but the fact that she went off for more erotic based Roleplaying without telling her despite telling her you wanted to know beforehand definitely shows that there's no trust in this relationship.
Best of luck to you!
1)Dump the *****. Bad hygiene in itself is kind of a turn-off but your description makes her out as whiny and useless. The type of person who expects everything to be done for them while not lifting a finger to return the effort. One of the worst kinds of people I could ever hope to meet in real life (and if you don't mind me saying, You're a trooper for sticking this long)
2) Maybe? Not exactly an RP'er here unless we're talking about The Elder Scrolls but the fact that she went off for more erotic based Roleplaying without telling her despite telling her you wanted to know beforehand definitely shows that there's no trust in this relationship.
Best of luck to you!
Wait she washed her clothes once every few weeks or washed herself once every few weeks? lol dayum, if she isn't having regular showers that's some nasty shit, but if she only washes her clothes once every few weeks, that could be a lot worse. But both together and the scenario is nuclear RUN FOR THE HILLS