Hey everyone,
Just to warn you this is also kinda of a venting to just calm down with it all etc, So if you get bored of reading half way through then no worries!
To start at the beginning, I met her at a convention in London three years ago. We got chatty for the next year and just before the same convention a year later I asked her out and our first date was the following years convention. We lived miles away from each other me near London and her near Wales but the joys of the internet we got to know each other.
Anyway we shared a hotel for the weekend and things seemed fantastic, I had broken up with my fiancee a few years before and was feeling pretty crappy but now I am with someone who shared alot more of my interests Wow, Brilliant, etc! We were pretty close and cuddling alot at this con... She smiled and I noticed some orange stuff along the top of her teeth and gums. I was thinking 'What the hell? Does she have some sort of gum disease or something? I cant say anything to her in case it upsets her' and she went in for the first kiss I manned up and went for it whilst my mind is going 'EWW EWW EWW!'
Except that Day 1 of the con was great. Got to morning of Day two and I made a big point of going to brush my teeth and she didnt get the hint. She went to shave a shower and asked to grab her shower gel etc for her... I mentioned getting her toothbrush for her but nah didnt want it.
Anyway the con came and went and all in all was fantastic. I went back home and she went to hers. The next day she calls and asks to come and see me for a few days. I think brilliant and let her come down.
Time passes and she keeps coming down and it turned out she orange in her teeth was cheesy crisps she had a day prior to the con so didnt do her teeth for a few days. (eww) She was unemployed and was living with her Parents. So I got her a weekend job at where I work so when she visits me at the weekends she can earn some good money.
Bit more time passes and she is pretty much staying for weeks at a time at my place (which I shared with my Gran, I lived upstairs of the house and she lived downstairs so kinda like a flat for me) but she started to get a little smelly, enough to have my family and my colleagues tell me that she stinks. Turns out her uniform she didnt wash for weeks at a time and this job was in a play center with kids so she would get hot and sweaty. I informed her of what people have said and she didnt get embarrassed or anything, she said 'Well why wont they tell me this?' Not realizing its pretty embarrassing to tell anyone that they stink badly. She started to wash a little bit more than normal but it was pretty much lucky to wash once in two weeks. Me not being her Parents I couldnt force her or anything like that. Hell I didnt want to have to force her, her being 20 I would have thought it would have come naturally.
Eventually her childish side came out. the 'Dont give a fuck what anyone thinks' attitude and the 'Fuck work I dont wanna go today' At one point I was offered to come live with her family. I met them a few times and they are good people and I was offered a job for a Christmas Temp position with a 50/50 chance of staying full time. I originally said yes to the move, Informed work and the family. I saw sense and decided to not move. She went apeshit, she was crying at work with kids and customers there. I was infomed by colleagues (because I was working doing a kids activity group so not present in the area where we usually worked) that she started yelling a swearing whilst customers and their children were there so she was sent home from work.
Due to my giving notice I lost my full time hours and couldnt afford to live in the area. I was in alot of debt and my personal issues with family made it very hard to live where I was. I was also paying rent and supporting myself etc. She took up the attitude of 'Fuck you boss' at work and eventually got fired. She got another job but couldnt keep it down. She also made it clear that she wasnt happy in the area. She had moved in and couldnt make friends. She has two physical friends where she lived and the rest were on the internet in America.
So in March 2012 we moved to her parents place with the promise of more work and no rent etc. I left all my friends and family to come up here. I have cleared the debt and sorted myself out. I help her family with chores and bills when I can I was on Benefits for a few months but I got a job in Tele Sales for a few hours a week so at least im earning my pay.
She on the other hand Is no longer washing or doing her teeth unless I remind her. She treats her family like shit. Treats me like crap alot of the time and basically acts like a child. She gets asked to empty the dishwasher or clean the kitchen and she says 'Yeah in a minuite' and it never gets done. There are two sides to her lets call them A and B, A is who I got to know and who was lovely and improving (with hygene) where I lived. 90% of the time was normal etc. B on the other hand is the side I didnt get to know. Is VERY into Anime and Yaoi and turns out to be Bi (no issue but would prefer to know) She had told me however when we wernt going out she would Roleplay with her friends online.
One week her phone went off alot saying she got e-mails. She would drop everything to check the e-mail. Out of interest I asked what was she talking about with her friend (she liked anime and I like some so wanted to join in) I was told her friend was talking about work to her etc. This went on for a week and still the same story. Before I went to my first day at work. I heard her phone go off, naughty me went to see what was said because she was acting VERY strange when its a conversation about work and she was out the room. I looked and she was Roleplaying having sex her with but the pair were being two male characters. I was annoyed but didnt say anything. She walked me to work and I ask what the friend had said and she said about how a child stole something from the shop where her friend works. When she finished telling me the crap I said 'Would you care to tell me the truth now?' and explained what I had read. She apologized and said its not that bad, when her and her friends are writing stories they like to play off of eachother to get ideas from one another (they write fan fictions) I gave her a chance and said to tell me if she is going to do it but said that trust is now an issue because of the lies told to me.
I got her a job at where I worked to help earn some money and 3 weeks in she quits because she didnt like the boss or the job. In these few weeks I find her Roleplaying sex scenes AGAIN with three different people at once. I pretty much tell her she needs to grow up or its over and she promises to change (whilst telling me that roleplaying isnt a form of cheating and they she has done nothing wrong despite me telling her I done like her doing it)
Over the weekend she had asked for a Dog, her parents say no due to how she is with chores she goes nuts and does the whole 'noone gives a fuck about what I think blah blah blah' but they tell her she can have a cat (guess who has to pay for it if we get one.) She also has a phone bill and a payday loan to pay off and guess who she wants to pay it and yet still act like a child.
This is her day after Ive said she needs to help out more and look for work-
Get up at 12pm
Have food
Moan when I ask her to tidy up (her rents work all day so cant say anything)
Sits on laptop and says chores will get done later
I go to work
LAPTOP!
I come home from work and jobs still not done
Her rents come home and her mum cleans up
She eats and goes to bed.
Thats how its been for the past week, no jobsearch no nothing! Im just at my wits end, this morning a friend text me asking if we wanted to see a film and go to Nandos on friday night. I turn to the other half and say would you like to go? (ofcourse knowing im paying) and she just shruggs it off 'Meh I guess' No Thanks or gratitude of any kind and im just lossing it. I feel trapped here because where I lived my cousin now lives and my mum and dads had no room. I cant afford to rent a flat and Part of me wants to end it but part doesnt.
Just to let you know Im 24 and not some old dude obsessed with hygene lol
Congratulations if you made it this far! Thank you for your time and energy! I have a couple of questions for you all.
1.Should I leave her?
2. Was It cheating?
Just to warn you this is also kinda of a venting to just calm down with it all etc, So if you get bored of reading half way through then no worries!
To start at the beginning, I met her at a convention in London three years ago. We got chatty for the next year and just before the same convention a year later I asked her out and our first date was the following years convention. We lived miles away from each other me near London and her near Wales but the joys of the internet we got to know each other.
Anyway we shared a hotel for the weekend and things seemed fantastic, I had broken up with my fiancee a few years before and was feeling pretty crappy but now I am with someone who shared alot more of my interests Wow, Brilliant, etc! We were pretty close and cuddling alot at this con... She smiled and I noticed some orange stuff along the top of her teeth and gums. I was thinking 'What the hell? Does she have some sort of gum disease or something? I cant say anything to her in case it upsets her' and she went in for the first kiss I manned up and went for it whilst my mind is going 'EWW EWW EWW!'
Except that Day 1 of the con was great. Got to morning of Day two and I made a big point of going to brush my teeth and she didnt get the hint. She went to shave a shower and asked to grab her shower gel etc for her... I mentioned getting her toothbrush for her but nah didnt want it.
Anyway the con came and went and all in all was fantastic. I went back home and she went to hers. The next day she calls and asks to come and see me for a few days. I think brilliant and let her come down.
Time passes and she keeps coming down and it turned out she orange in her teeth was cheesy crisps she had a day prior to the con so didnt do her teeth for a few days. (eww) She was unemployed and was living with her Parents. So I got her a weekend job at where I work so when she visits me at the weekends she can earn some good money.
Bit more time passes and she is pretty much staying for weeks at a time at my place (which I shared with my Gran, I lived upstairs of the house and she lived downstairs so kinda like a flat for me) but she started to get a little smelly, enough to have my family and my colleagues tell me that she stinks. Turns out her uniform she didnt wash for weeks at a time and this job was in a play center with kids so she would get hot and sweaty. I informed her of what people have said and she didnt get embarrassed or anything, she said 'Well why wont they tell me this?' Not realizing its pretty embarrassing to tell anyone that they stink badly. She started to wash a little bit more than normal but it was pretty much lucky to wash once in two weeks. Me not being her Parents I couldnt force her or anything like that. Hell I didnt want to have to force her, her being 20 I would have thought it would have come naturally.
Eventually her childish side came out. the 'Dont give a fuck what anyone thinks' attitude and the 'Fuck work I dont wanna go today' At one point I was offered to come live with her family. I met them a few times and they are good people and I was offered a job for a Christmas Temp position with a 50/50 chance of staying full time. I originally said yes to the move, Informed work and the family. I saw sense and decided to not move. She went apeshit, she was crying at work with kids and customers there. I was infomed by colleagues (because I was working doing a kids activity group so not present in the area where we usually worked) that she started yelling a swearing whilst customers and their children were there so she was sent home from work.
Due to my giving notice I lost my full time hours and couldnt afford to live in the area. I was in alot of debt and my personal issues with family made it very hard to live where I was. I was also paying rent and supporting myself etc. She took up the attitude of 'Fuck you boss' at work and eventually got fired. She got another job but couldnt keep it down. She also made it clear that she wasnt happy in the area. She had moved in and couldnt make friends. She has two physical friends where she lived and the rest were on the internet in America.
So in March 2012 we moved to her parents place with the promise of more work and no rent etc. I left all my friends and family to come up here. I have cleared the debt and sorted myself out. I help her family with chores and bills when I can I was on Benefits for a few months but I got a job in Tele Sales for a few hours a week so at least im earning my pay.
She on the other hand Is no longer washing or doing her teeth unless I remind her. She treats her family like shit. Treats me like crap alot of the time and basically acts like a child. She gets asked to empty the dishwasher or clean the kitchen and she says 'Yeah in a minuite' and it never gets done. There are two sides to her lets call them A and B, A is who I got to know and who was lovely and improving (with hygene) where I lived. 90% of the time was normal etc. B on the other hand is the side I didnt get to know. Is VERY into Anime and Yaoi and turns out to be Bi (no issue but would prefer to know) She had told me however when we wernt going out she would Roleplay with her friends online.
One week her phone went off alot saying she got e-mails. She would drop everything to check the e-mail. Out of interest I asked what was she talking about with her friend (she liked anime and I like some so wanted to join in) I was told her friend was talking about work to her etc. This went on for a week and still the same story. Before I went to my first day at work. I heard her phone go off, naughty me went to see what was said because she was acting VERY strange when its a conversation about work and she was out the room. I looked and she was Roleplaying having sex her with but the pair were being two male characters. I was annoyed but didnt say anything. She walked me to work and I ask what the friend had said and she said about how a child stole something from the shop where her friend works. When she finished telling me the crap I said 'Would you care to tell me the truth now?' and explained what I had read. She apologized and said its not that bad, when her and her friends are writing stories they like to play off of eachother to get ideas from one another (they write fan fictions) I gave her a chance and said to tell me if she is going to do it but said that trust is now an issue because of the lies told to me.
I got her a job at where I worked to help earn some money and 3 weeks in she quits because she didnt like the boss or the job. In these few weeks I find her Roleplaying sex scenes AGAIN with three different people at once. I pretty much tell her she needs to grow up or its over and she promises to change (whilst telling me that roleplaying isnt a form of cheating and they she has done nothing wrong despite me telling her I done like her doing it)
Over the weekend she had asked for a Dog, her parents say no due to how she is with chores she goes nuts and does the whole 'noone gives a fuck about what I think blah blah blah' but they tell her she can have a cat (guess who has to pay for it if we get one.) She also has a phone bill and a payday loan to pay off and guess who she wants to pay it and yet still act like a child.
This is her day after Ive said she needs to help out more and look for work-
Get up at 12pm
Have food
Moan when I ask her to tidy up (her rents work all day so cant say anything)
Sits on laptop and says chores will get done later
I go to work
LAPTOP!
I come home from work and jobs still not done
Her rents come home and her mum cleans up
She eats and goes to bed.
Thats how its been for the past week, no jobsearch no nothing! Im just at my wits end, this morning a friend text me asking if we wanted to see a film and go to Nandos on friday night. I turn to the other half and say would you like to go? (ofcourse knowing im paying) and she just shruggs it off 'Meh I guess' No Thanks or gratitude of any kind and im just lossing it. I feel trapped here because where I lived my cousin now lives and my mum and dads had no room. I cant afford to rent a flat and Part of me wants to end it but part doesnt.
Just to let you know Im 24 and not some old dude obsessed with hygene lol
Congratulations if you made it this far! Thank you for your time and energy! I have a couple of questions for you all.
1.Should I leave her?
2. Was It cheating?
