Right, there are some, shall we say, idiotic scumbags within the populous of Xbox LIVE. And Left 4 Dead is a game where being an idiotic scumbag will definitely hamper your own and your teams chances of reaching that next safe room. So, for those idiotic scumbags with Gamertags like 'im awesome 808' or 'i pwn noobs roflsauce', then this rant is for you.
Firstly, if you are killed by a tank, don't be a baby and leave. C'mon, its a TANK! Have you seen the size of it? If you come face to face with it you're in for a beating anyway and even if you do die you'd probably get rescued in the next closet/saferoom. Leaving the game replaces you with an NPC. And that hurts.
Second, don't kick someone the second they've gone idle. I'm sorry if my bathroom breaks aren't EXACTLY synced with yours, but sometimes I'm willing to lose a medi-kit for the sake of not pissing myself. It can honestly be said that you can muddle through for a minute or so with an NPC, yes?
Thirdly, THE GAME IS ONE OF TEAMWORK. So if someone has been pounced/constricted/downed/fallen off edge, help them up! Don't leave them behind saying 'its their fault they got down' 'cause it seriously doesn't matter. You don't know HOW it happened, for all you know he got mobbed to high hell by 80 zombies, so never shrug off a down as 'they got what they deserved'
Fourth, ITS NOT A RACE. Sprinting from safe room to safe room will not end well. You split from the team, so you get pounced. The three people that have stayed together will be handicapped. Ergo, you will die, and no-one will care. And don't even think of complaining AFTER you've sprinted ahead and died. We would've helped you, good sir, BUT YOU RAN THREE MILES AHEAD.
Next, when playing as the zombies, its not whether YOU kill, its whether the SURVIVORS die. So, if someone as a hunter has pounced someone and there's a Boomer around waiting for his vomit to recharge, don't scream at him if he comes over to lend a claw. The Survivor is dying faster isn't he? Maybe it'll take you 2 seconds longer to get Dead Wreckening but you might just win the game. BUT -- don't pounce someone who's been constricted. that's just bad form.
DON'T ABUSE THE GLITCHES. I KNOW, if you molotov someone in the lift at No Mercy, they disappear through the floor and die. YES, you can block that very same lift as the zombies using the fork lift truck. Great. You are SO skillful, you can hit a STATIONARY OBJECT!
Lastly, just grow some brains. Some things which prove you have no brains are:
+++ Shooting someone in an attempt to get them to heal you/steal their health kit.
+++ Breaking from the group on purpose. NEVER. YOU WILL DIE.
+++ Hearing a horde at the start/end of a chapter, and locking yourself in a safehouse.
+++ Keeping a first aid kit at 80 health whilst your teammates limp around at 12.
+++ Shouting at someone for not keeping up when they are at 1 health.
+++ Teabagging of all kinds. ESPECIALLY teabagging a fellow survivor who has just been pounced and is in the act of being ripped to shreads. WTF?
+++ Running ahead and alerting the horde before everyone's ready.
+++ Taking a first-aid kit from a safe room, healing, and then taking another one.
+++ Shouting at someone who's FFed you with a shotgun. IT HAS A BLOODY WIDE SPREAD.
+++ Being younger than 11. One child in a game I was playing announced that he was captain of the world and that he could do anything, and proceeded to pick up all the molotovs and throw them, whilst we were all locked in the saferoom.
+++ NEVER SAY ANYTHING ABOUT CHICAGO TED.
So, if you were gonna buy Left 4 Dead as a 'LOLOLOLOL I KILLDED THE ZOMBAHS' game, then don't. You need half a brain to play it, so if you don't, then go distract yourself with a nice colouring book.
Firstly, if you are killed by a tank, don't be a baby and leave. C'mon, its a TANK! Have you seen the size of it? If you come face to face with it you're in for a beating anyway and even if you do die you'd probably get rescued in the next closet/saferoom. Leaving the game replaces you with an NPC. And that hurts.
Second, don't kick someone the second they've gone idle. I'm sorry if my bathroom breaks aren't EXACTLY synced with yours, but sometimes I'm willing to lose a medi-kit for the sake of not pissing myself. It can honestly be said that you can muddle through for a minute or so with an NPC, yes?
Thirdly, THE GAME IS ONE OF TEAMWORK. So if someone has been pounced/constricted/downed/fallen off edge, help them up! Don't leave them behind saying 'its their fault they got down' 'cause it seriously doesn't matter. You don't know HOW it happened, for all you know he got mobbed to high hell by 80 zombies, so never shrug off a down as 'they got what they deserved'
Fourth, ITS NOT A RACE. Sprinting from safe room to safe room will not end well. You split from the team, so you get pounced. The three people that have stayed together will be handicapped. Ergo, you will die, and no-one will care. And don't even think of complaining AFTER you've sprinted ahead and died. We would've helped you, good sir, BUT YOU RAN THREE MILES AHEAD.
Next, when playing as the zombies, its not whether YOU kill, its whether the SURVIVORS die. So, if someone as a hunter has pounced someone and there's a Boomer around waiting for his vomit to recharge, don't scream at him if he comes over to lend a claw. The Survivor is dying faster isn't he? Maybe it'll take you 2 seconds longer to get Dead Wreckening but you might just win the game. BUT -- don't pounce someone who's been constricted. that's just bad form.
DON'T ABUSE THE GLITCHES. I KNOW, if you molotov someone in the lift at No Mercy, they disappear through the floor and die. YES, you can block that very same lift as the zombies using the fork lift truck. Great. You are SO skillful, you can hit a STATIONARY OBJECT!
Lastly, just grow some brains. Some things which prove you have no brains are:
+++ Shooting someone in an attempt to get them to heal you/steal their health kit.
+++ Breaking from the group on purpose. NEVER. YOU WILL DIE.
+++ Hearing a horde at the start/end of a chapter, and locking yourself in a safehouse.
+++ Keeping a first aid kit at 80 health whilst your teammates limp around at 12.
+++ Shouting at someone for not keeping up when they are at 1 health.
+++ Teabagging of all kinds. ESPECIALLY teabagging a fellow survivor who has just been pounced and is in the act of being ripped to shreads. WTF?
+++ Running ahead and alerting the horde before everyone's ready.
+++ Taking a first-aid kit from a safe room, healing, and then taking another one.
+++ Shouting at someone who's FFed you with a shotgun. IT HAS A BLOODY WIDE SPREAD.
+++ Being younger than 11. One child in a game I was playing announced that he was captain of the world and that he could do anything, and proceeded to pick up all the molotovs and throw them, whilst we were all locked in the saferoom.
+++ NEVER SAY ANYTHING ABOUT CHICAGO TED.
So, if you were gonna buy Left 4 Dead as a 'LOLOLOLOL I KILLDED THE ZOMBAHS' game, then don't. You need half a brain to play it, so if you don't, then go distract yourself with a nice colouring book.
