Personal help/advice on happiness (Do not read if avoiding depressing talk)

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Spoiler: Just in case you clicked accidentally, here is another barrier from a dreaded wall of text...

Ok i didn't know what title to put as i am in bit of an emotional state right now and don't want to ruin anyone's day with it. This isn't the sort of thing that i feel comfortable asking here, but it is a while till my next appointment and isolation is making things much worse, alongside various other growing factors, it feels like a sharp decline recently and nothing i try seems to make it better or bring any joy whatsoever. Been trying to go outside, but burst into tears at the slightest hint of an emotional though/sound/sight and it doesn't stop like the average cry does. It goes on and sometimes i find myself making a whimper noise out of helplessness. Alcohol does nothing but make it worse, i refuse to go down the pathways i used before to soften the blow. Am trying to get over this to live a normal life again, but all my ambitions have disappeared along with self belief. I never thought it could get this bad for an invisible illness and speaking about it makes me feel like people will think i am an attention seeker, isolating me further.
Basically, this is more of a desperate plea for some advice and what can stop this heavy pain. In the past i would have done anything to make this go away, but now i am trying to deal with it responsibly, it has got a bit more complicated and when i sit down to do any work, my brain decides to start thinking of bad memories which snowball quickly. Before this turns into a repeatative incomprehensable ramble, i should get to the point. Has anyone any tips on getting the mind out of these horrible loops? Recently i have felt no desire even for games/films/music. It is almost like my soul has died, i needed that passion for a lot of life. I really need it back as it is my only drive. Has anyone any experience with this? I am makimg an emergency appointment with Dr tomorrow either way, it is a secret hell to feel this way. Sorry for rambling on and sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, it is tricky to remain composed for such accuracy, especially on a phone. Thankyou for reading anyhow, if you did make the mistake of clicking the spoiler warning.

TLR... Any advice on making oneself feel better in times of seemingly helpless sadness and fear? I do usually a lot of creative hobbies but cannot start on anything alone without the brain automatically going to dark places. It feels like it is physically degrading me now. Sorry for this pointless ramble, but thankyou for your time, either way. (I don't appear to get notifications for posts on these, so apologies for sporadic gaps between replies).

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

I shall try that, thankyou. It looks a more effective workout than than the indoor exercise i'm used to. Although this weekend i acquired a temporary physical problem that will mean i should not do that at least for a few days until it passes, for it will aggrevate the healing process. An unfortunate meeting of the physical and mental currently. I have been avoiding moving too much due to it, so even shopping is kept to a minimun time spent walking. Fate likes to make things complicated!

 

[Barbas]

Running takes your mind off it and you can enter a place where the only important thing is putting one foot in front of the other. Failing that, walking helps too. Music can help the time pass in a blur.

 

[Loonyyy]

I know those feelings.

I can't deal with them in any sort of healthy way, so I punch something, sometimes myself, get my microphone and just scream along to music, or cut myself up with craft razors.

Not exactly the most socially acceptable selection of outlets, but I don't have anything else.

I try talking to people about it, but all you do is make them miserable and frightened, and eventually, they get bored of you if you can't pull it together. When you talk about it, you feel like you're just attention seeking, and maybe you are, but it's because you need the human contact. And in my case, if I don't go out of my way to talk to anyone, no-one goes out of their way to talk to me. I'm just not worth talking to.

Going to the doctor is probably a good idea. Activity, anything which you can really get involved in, helps. I don't really find running or jogging good, I can't find that pace, never been much of a runner. If it's slow enough to go for a while, then it's just me locked inside my head, which is no better. If it's fast enough to feel good, it's too fast to keep up. Weights feel a little better, or hitting a punching bag. I find that I need to lose myself in thinking about the motion, not fall into a rhythm with the motion. Running, swimming, cycling, don't work for me at all. Sports are a good one, they're dynamic and you have to think about the activity, band rehearsals are good.

Outside of physical activity, animals and toddlers are pretty good. Especially dogs. Toddlers are just fun, my friend's little girl is the most annoying little thing, and that's good, when she wants to give you a present of a bucket of odd shoes, toy phones and Peppa Pig dolls, you have to play along, and reading stories or just goofing off entertains them so much.

I don't feel that passion for anything anymore, movies, games, etc, the only thing that makes me feel it is that adrenaline kick, whether it's physical activity, something competitive, or again, getting into my music. Honestly, I just want someone to beat the shit out of me, being hurt and hitting back would feel nice.

 

[thesilentman]

It's the worst fucking feeling isn't it? I hated it too. Life just felt empty at times I couldn't even explain why.

The people in here suggesting exercise are correct. Not only will it help you get some exercise, but it will help you take your mind off of your feelings. I also would probably see if you can make yourself some good food (or buy it, but good food is the key here) and have a proper meal that you enjoy. The key here is also to enjoy it. Savor the meal and what's in front of you, it'll help you live life.

Sorry if this feels kinda rushed; it's just my thoughts on what you could probably try doing.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Thankyou for your replies. They are very much appreciated and some advice i will put to good use. It is like a swirling sea of emotion that can turn from anger to tears to pleading to, well, even headbutting walls out of some ridiculous attempt at confusing my thoughts i guess. The odd times i also went out looking for someone to attack me, being in an area that is supposedly considered rough i never encountered any violence, but i was sort of hoping they would start it, due to politeness. Kinda funny really. It was replacing past self harm which i am unable to do now, it got to a point where i took it too far and havent gone back there again. The fear of looking like an attention seeker is the worst part because when you know a few culprits like that, it is too easy to see other people viewing you as you saw them. Have a little baby sis and baby niece will be visiting soon, there are pets too so hopefully it will be a good time away from oneself. It is easier to forget about yourself when you are helping someone else out, so i am looking to volunteering too. The ups and downs sure do effect a lot, like it is possession sometimes, a completely different character. Luckily we are in more informative times, can't imagine the number of humans in the past that have had their lives shunted, dismissed and worse. Thankyou again for your time and helpful words.

Edit: Exercise is something a let slip for a while, some things happened in a short space of time and it made me feel weaker than i was. So it is a matter of easing back into it, with good diet too...i am going to try the whole shabbang.

 

[1981]

Someone I know told me that after their co-worker got divorced, he started showing up at work in different costumes. He'd seen a psychiatrist, but it didn't help. Dressing up as Santa was his way of dealing with it.

Just a thought.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Different costumes of Santa? I was unaware the old boy had any sense of variety. Though he is a merry chap, so i can see how he could cheer people up merely by being him.

 

[1981]

Different costumes of Santa?

No, Santa was just one example, and the one that we witnessed. He'd also dress as a witch and "other things".

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

No, Santa was just one example, and the one that we witnessed. He'd also dress as a witch and "other things".

Aww, had some great images of gothic santa, irish santa, muslim santa, naked santa, sexy chocolate santa, sparkle motion santa, steampunk santa, neon cyberpunk santa...really, the list goes on.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

I'd be quite impressed if he ever went to the office as 2D Santa.

*Squints at avatar. Takes off glasses, rubs them and puts them back on*

Is...is that you, 2D santa? It is! You sneaky devil!

 

[Dizchu]

I recommend distancing yourself from anyone that'll give you trouble for expressing your feelings. Nothing's worse than some twat saying "stop being depressed, I'm tired of hearing about it". If ANYONE behaves like that, get them out of your life if possible. They don't deserve you as a friend and you don't deserve to hear that crap. I've removed some toxic people from my life because I did not want to deal with their ignorance anymore.

Contrary to what many believe, 90% of depression isn't sadness or pain, it's relentless dullness. Lack of motivation, lack of pleasure, lack of excitement. There's no magic cure and all I can really suggest is to avoid things that are sources of negativity and frustration. Don't do things that will likely upset you, no matter how hard people try to get you to do them. Find things that bring you comfort without the potential for being destructive (like drugs and alcohol). Even if it's stupid Youtube videos, that's great.

I found the best way to tackle my depression is by enjoying simple forms of entertainment that require little thought. Steven Universe for example helped me through a breakup because it's so relentlessly positive. Doom can be started in about 5 seconds and there's not much investment needed to get a nice rush out of it. I'm not likely to be playing Mass Effect or The Witcher in times of stress, I can tell you that.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Thankyou Dizzy, i do not see many people i used to know due to, well, being in an unhealthy crowd that were also quite judgemental and often plain poisonous. But i've lost friends i thought were close, for reasons i never were told. I wish they would have at lesst said something to explain, a clue at least. It has made making new friends much more difficult and i know my problems can make me a difficult person to others which is why i try to keep away more than usual. Being in a new area that i'd rather not spend any longer in means potential friends here i am not sure how close to be with them when moving away is on the mind. You mean Doom the game, right? Not the destruction of us all? In which 5 seconds is fairly impressive. For now i am working on feeling something passionate again, it is as if the mind has reverted back to a clueless child state where you have to figure out what you want to do with your life again and you just tell them what they want to hear because as a child, they are just words. Not full time professions. Reward pathways may need rewiring. Found a game called Dragon Fin soup, it looks quite nice so hopefully it is that simple entertainment i need. Thankyou again for your reply.