Petty Dating Problem Over Here

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Hey guys, I've got a bit of a problem relationship-wise and if you're cool with listening to petty high-school bullshit drama that doesn't matter, could you help me out please? (ahem)

There are these two girls at my school who are best friends. They do everything together, act like close sisters, and are practically inseparable. I've gotten to know them both this year and I really like one of them. The problem is that the other one asked me out and I shot her down. She got really upset about it and was pissed at me for about a week or so because high school girls are just dramatic like that.

My question is how long should I wait before I can ask the other girl out without being a dick? I want to be on good terms with both of them, and "I'd rather date you than your less likable friend, how bout some coffee?" doesn't seem like a good message. I'm fairly sure the girl I like likes me back, but she cares about her friend's feelings a lot more than she cares about me. How long should I wait before this whole thing blows over and I can avoid as much drama as possible?

*Looks at last two paragraphs*

[small]Jesus Christ, am I really asking for advice on this? Need to make sure I didn't star in a Disney movie and grow a vagina overnight. Eh, I've already written it now, might as well ask...[/small]

 

[Master Phoenix]

Well, first of all, thanks for sharing, it can be complicated.

What i think you should do is this:

Ask the girl out right away, if you wait, then the "drama" you are trying to avoid will actually happen no matter what you do, because, by waiting, you are accepting it as a big deal, something it really isn't.

So, ask her out, but don't do it in a vibe that says "I want to date you because I have a secret agenda". Simply ask her out for coffee or some other activity, that activity (or the coffee) being the main interaction, you want to do that thing, and if she comes with you, then that's even better.

That way it will not be awkward for her that you are dating her and not her friend, because it was absolutely casual, and if something happens after that would have been circumstancial, and her friend will understand that.

On that same note: it's not the same for her to tell her friend: "I went out with him and it was a great date!" than her saying "We went to see a movie and, I never would've thought I was going to have such a great time with him".

In this example, the first statement sounds as if the result was somehow expected, in the second one, it appears that "it just happened".

I hope this helps.

Questions/comments/critiques welcome.

Let me know how it goes.

All the best.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Hey guys, I've got a bit of a problem relationship-wise and if you're cool with listening to petty high-school bullshit drama that doesn't matter, could you help me out please? (ahem)

There are these two girls at my school who are best friends. They do everything together, act like close sisters, and are practically inseparable. I've gotten to know them both this year and I really like one of them. The problem is that the other one asked me out and I shot her down. She got really upset about it and was pissed at me for about a week or so because high school girls are just dramatic like that.

My question is how long should I wait before I can ask the other girl out without being a dick? I want to be on good terms with both of them, and "I'd rather date you than your less likable friend, how bout some coffee?" doesn't seem like a good message. I'm fairly sure the girl I like likes me back, but she cares about her friend's feelings a lot more than she cares about me. How long should I wait before this whole thing blows over and I can avoid as much drama as possible?

*Looks at last two paragraphs*

[small]Jesus Christ, am I really asking for advice on this? Need to make sure I didn't star in a Disney movie and grow a vagina overnight. Eh, I've already written it now, might as well ask...[/small]

I'd wait. At least a few weeks, if not a few months. If you want anything to come of it. Why? Because girl #1 and girl #2 are "best friends". And if you've blown off girl #2, and girl #2 is angry/irritated/upset at you, girl #1 is OVERWHELMINGLY LIKELY to turn you down as a show of solidarity with her best friend. You need girl #2's hurt feelings to blow over before you do anything. Even better, try and smooth things out with girl #2 if you can. Get on good terms with her. Because having the best friend of the girl you like as a bitter, jealous enemy will do nothing at all to improve your chances.

 

[vacerious]

Depends on what you mean by "shot her friend down." If you were blunt and/or a little cruel about it, I'd definitely wait, and even then, your chances of success are less likely. But if your response was civil and you tried to set her down lightly, then I'd follow Master Phoenix's advice and just jump right into it. Better to make it appear casual than let the incident stew up unnecessarily negative PR. As Master Phoenix said, if you allow the drama to unfold before asking her out, the young lady will pick up on your insecurity in a moment of crisis and this will lower your chances for a date. By moving immediately onward, you're not only showing self-confidence (you had your eyes set on her and your confidence was such that you'd accept no substitutes) but also showing that you were willing to go to her, the best friend, to help handle the situation.

Understand, though, that this issue WILL come up when you next talk to her. Handle it calmly and make sure that the young lady you are interested in understands that you didn't mean to hurt the other's feelings, and that you are willing to maintain a pleasant and friendly relationship with the other lady if she is. If you want, you can follow this up by establishing your interest in the main girl for something other than platonic friendship. But the main thing you should get across is that you're not trying to get in between her and her friend, just wishing to add something else to each other's lives. Her friend managed to get caught in the crossfire of an unfortunate situation, but no harm was intended for anybody.

That, or try to snag two girlfriends at once, because that'd be awesome!