Pitching Ideas to Hollywood

[Red Oni]

You're at a fancy hotel in California when you step into an elevator... You ride up a few floors and in walks STEVEN SPIELBERG. He acknowledges you with a nod and presses his button. You hear a sparking sound and the lights go out... The elevator has stalled. You're trapped in an elevator with Steven Spielberg for 6 hours. Much to his dismay, you start pitching ideas to him in the hopes that one of them will sound like a hit. What do you say?

 

[Epic Bear Man]

I'm already writing a script for it, but I would pitch the movie about The Winter War (1939) to him. About two months after the German invasion of Poland, and of course after the nice Molotov?Ribbentrop Pact was signed, the Russians invaded Finland. Outnumbered by a 3:1 margin, the Finnish fought for about 100 days until the Russians surrendered and pulled out of Finland.

One notable figure during the Winter War was a man named Simo Häyhä (hey-uh-wah), who received 505 confirmed kills. The Russians became so fearful of Simo they nicknamed him "The White Death", as his tactic was to lay in the snow for hours at end, waiting for Ruskies to pop up in his area when they were trying to flank the Finnish, who were holding down the main roads and destroying their tanks with none other than the molotov cocktail.

Some notable features of Simo:
-He would chew on snow to reduce the visibility of his breath.
-He used iron sights rather than a telescopic sight, as the lens could be reflected by the Sun.
-One of his best performances was when he killed 25 Ruskies in a single day.

Some notable things that the Russians did to try to take out Simo:
-They dispatched counter-snipers, who utilized telescopic sights (this was how Simo found them and took them out)
-They carpet bombed the area he was in, but the only damage that occurred to Simo was his jacket ended up getting slightly ripped. He was not harmed in the slightest bit.
-One lucky Ruskie managed to hit Simo in the jaw with a bullet, which knocked Simo into a coma for two weeks; he woke up the exact same day the Russians surrendered.

The movie would center around the Finnish holding down the main roads, Simo himself, and the Russians planning their attacks.

And what would the movie be called? "The White Death", of course. =P

 

[Red Oni]

I'm already writing a script for it, but I would pitch the movie about The Winter War (1939) to him. About two months after the German invasion of Poland, and of course after the nice Molotov?Ribbentrop Pact was signed, the Russians invaded Finland. Outnumbered by a 3:1 margin, the Finnish fought for about 100 days until the Russians surrendered and pulled out of Finland.

One notable figure during the Winter War was a man named Simo Häyhä (hey-uh-wah), who received 505 confirmed kills. The Russians became so fearful of Simo they nicknamed him "The White Death", as his tactic was to lay in the snow for hours at end, waiting for Ruskies to pop up in his area when they were trying to flank the Finnish, who were holding down the main roads and destroying their tanks with none other than the molotov cocktail.

Some notable features of Simo:
-He would chew on snow to reduce the visibility of his breath.
-He used iron sights rather than a telescopic sight, as the lens could be reflected by the Sun.
-One of his best performances was when he killed 25 Ruskies in a single day.

Some notable things that the Russians did to try to take out Simo:
-They dispatched counter-snipers, who utilized telescopic sights (this was how Simo found them and took them out)
-They carpet bombed the area he was in, but the only damage that occurred to Simo was his jacket ended up getting slightly ripped. He was not harmed in the slightest bit.
-One lucky Ruskie managed to hit Simo in the jaw with a bullet, which knocked Simo into a coma for two weeks; he woke up the exact same day the Russians surrendered.

The movie would center around the Finnish holding down the main roads, Simo himself, and the Russians planning their attacks.

And what would the movie be called? "The White Death", of course. =P

My friend, consider that ticket bought! Do you have any ideas about who could play Simo?

 

[Images]

"So Indiana Jones is in this stupid temple that's actually a spaceship built by aliens that aren't actually aliens, since they don't come from space, they actually come from the space between spaces and he's going on about how knowledge was their treasure...and then he wakes up."


"...and?"

"And nothing! It was all a dream. It never happened! He goes to his fridge for a glass of milk and laughs going 'I'd never survive a bomb in that!' And laughs and laughs and laughs...THE. END!"

"But-"

"You will make it right Spielberg. Your will make it right once more or I will shove this E.T finger prop I stole from your house so far up your nose your eyes will pop out."

"You've been in my house?!"

"Every night. Someone has to stop Lucas raping you again."

"Thank...You"

*Spielberg collapses in my arms sobbing*

"Ssshhh, its alright, George'll never hurt you. I've told Daniel Day Lewis he's playing a hitman in his next film and that Lucas is playing a dictator on his kill list. You know how he gets into character? The bearded bastard will be dead before morning. Ssshhh."

 

[Epic Bear Man]

I'm already writing a script for it, but I would pitch the movie about The Winter War (1939) to him. About two months after the German invasion of Poland, and of course after the nice Molotov?Ribbentrop Pact was signed, the Russians invaded Finland. Outnumbered by a 3:1 margin, the Finnish fought for about 100 days until the Russians surrendered and pulled out of Finland.

One notable figure during the Winter War was a man named Simo Häyhä (hey-uh-wah), who received 505 confirmed kills. The Russians became so fearful of Simo they nicknamed him "The White Death", as his tactic was to lay in the snow for hours at end, waiting for Ruskies to pop up in his area when they were trying to flank the Finnish, who were holding down the main roads and destroying their tanks with none other than the molotov cocktail.

Some notable features of Simo:
-He would chew on snow to reduce the visibility of his breath.
-He used iron sights rather than a telescopic sight, as the lens could be reflected by the Sun.
-One of his best performances was when he killed 25 Ruskies in a single day.

Some notable things that the Russians did to try to take out Simo:
-They dispatched counter-snipers, who utilized telescopic sights (this was how Simo found them and took them out)
-They carpet bombed the area he was in, but the only damage that occurred to Simo was his jacket ended up getting slightly ripped. He was not harmed in the slightest bit.
-One lucky Ruskie managed to hit Simo in the jaw with a bullet, which knocked Simo into a coma for two weeks; he woke up the exact same day the Russians surrendered.

The movie would center around the Finnish holding down the main roads, Simo himself, and the Russians planning their attacks.

And what would the movie be called? "The White Death", of course. =P

My friend, consider that ticket bought! Do you have any ideas about who could play Simo?

Unfortunately no. D; I never really considered who should play Simo or any other characters. XD
If you have any ideas, shoot 'em away though!

 

[Thaluikhain]

The Siege of Tobruk. Rommel's Afrika Corps was undefeated, until it ran into the Australian, British and Indian forces defending the vital port of Tobruk (alter replaced by fresh British, Polish and Czech troops). For 240 days, the Germans and Italians, well-equipped and totally outnumbering the Allies (most of the Australia force hadn't finished their training), who could only be supplied by sea under cover of darkness, tried and failed to take Tobruk.

Notable for Lord Haw-Haw's reference to the "poor desert rats of Tobruk", in a propaganda move that totally failed.

Also for Morshead (in command of Tobruk), upon being told they could take it, saying "We're not here to take it. We're here to give it."

His plan for the defence involved in large part sending patrols out, with instructions to "Do as much damage as possible, and don't get caught". So they snuck out at night, crawl for kilometres through the desert, attack an enemy garrison or fortification (preferably with bayonet rather than gunfire), and sneak back.

 

[bartholen_v1legacy]

- Since he's produced TV shows, I'd start shaking him by the collar and yelling "JUST MAKE PREACHER INTO A TV SERIES ALREADY!"

- Revive the At the Mountains of Madness film Guillermo del Toro was making.

- Make the 13½ lives of Captain Bluebear into an animated film series. It'd be incredible

- A live action Berserk film based on the Lost Children and Bound in Irons stories. If it makes money, make a whole series of films.

- A film about ninjas in which they aren't supernatural noble warriors dressed in black, but secretive assassins who use disguises and espionage to reach their goals.

- A movie about the colonization of Australia could be really interesting also, since people were sent there as punishment.

- A live-action trilogy adaptation of the novel Musashi. When was the last time we had a decent samurai movie?

 

[Thaluikhain]

- A film about ninjas in which they aren't supernatural noble warriors dressed in black, but secretive assassins who use disguises and espionage to reach their goals.

Whoa. Ninjas that are ninjas?

It's sad that that's a really good inventive idea.