Please help me!

[0z0wen]

Hi I'm Owen Martin, I'm 14 years old I have come here for help.
I am sick and tired of expectations, I have had enough of my parents expecting me to be some kind of boy genius and the teachers at school expecting me to be a perfect A* student. Maybe I should explain my background, My mother has been disabled all my life so I hven't lived what you could call a 'normal' life, my father is a full time carer for her so he hasn't got any time for me and my brother is the number one son, always the most popular out of the two of us and the complete opposite of me (sporty, active and popular). I have always resented the fact I was second best but I dealt with it, now as I get older I find I have uncontrolable mood swings at night where I cannot stop crying and I am constantly reminding myself how much of a failure I am (As some might guess this doesn't exactly do wonders for my self-esteem). I have fantisised running away from home many time and once or twice have got as far as packing my bags and planning to go, but alas I never do this also damages my self-esteem as it just shows how weak I am. So to further myself from my shitty (apologies for the foul language) life I pour myself into books and games wishing I was somehow these 'perfect' characters this has widened the rift in my parent's relatioship with me. So please any advice would be greatly apprieciated.
Many Thanks.

EDIT: I suppose after the good initial response I should tell the other half of the story. Now my brother has moved out and gone to uni my parents have started to pay me attention, but after so long of being second best I just don't know how to react so every time they show me some care or attention I push them away and further myself from reality, I don't even want too but there's something inside me that just makes me ignore it all. My mother's condition is slowly getting worse and she has started to become emotionally unstable and paranoid, me being like I am isn't exactly helping and the more I push the worse I feel about myself and it's tearing me apart because I want to be inm a good stable relationship with my parents but this second uncontrolable side just hates every thought about it. You may mock me and such but understand this after typing all my feelings out I feel alot better for it again thanks for any advice.

 

[LemonMelon]

Professional help?

This might be the wrong place to be asking for such serious help. I hope you figure out what you want.

 

[fastlearner]

Professional help?

This might be the wrong place to be asking for such serious help. I hope you figure out what you want.

i agree

at least he didn't go to 4chan.

 

[0z0wen]

I know it's stupid to ask a bunch of strangers but honestly I have no where else to turn to, as the company I keep aren't exactly the understanding kind.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

Part of me wants to say some of that is part of growing up. I had a lot of things expected from me as well when I was your age. The main thing is to just keep focused and keep in mind that things aren't always going to be that way.

Although I'm an only child, I know what it feels like to always feel like you're not good enough, but the real fact of the matter is that you can't always be the best at everything you do. The situation with your mom is unfortunate, as well as those with your brother and dad. Maybe you should have a talk with them or perhaps a teacher or school counselor. I think that talking to someone about it will help you to figure out how you can change things.

I went through a period of time when I was about your age that the whole world seemed against me. Luckily, I'm a little older now and have grown past it with a combination of confidence building things like my martial arts practice, my girlfriend, and other things,so now it seems like only about half the world is out to get me. XD

Life is hard, it's how you deal with it that matters.

 

[JUMBO PALACE]

Hey bud take a deep breath. We can't help you out. I suggest you get some professional help to deal with those feelings you have. It's perfectly normal to feel sad and upset considering your circumstances, but this is not the place to seek help.

 

[mrm5561]

dude your 14 and like most kids your age our overthinking things. granted the professional help couldnt hurt

 

[Martin Toy]

When I was going through some turbulent times, I went to my local doctor and they can arrange for you to have a chat with a professional. It did me wonders, so I would recommend doing that.

The internet is not a good place to ask for help of this magnitude, there are a lot of people out there who would do more harm than good. Not to say that everyone here are bastards, far from it, from what I've seen these are a good bunch of chaps.

Seriously though, local GP and arrange to talk to someone. Or go to a local youth service, any one will do.

 

[daemon37]

Hi I'm Owen Martin, I'm 14 years old I have come here for help.
I am sick and tired of expectations, I have had enough of my parents expecting me to be some kind of boy genius and the teachers at school expecting me to be a perfect A* student. Maybe I should explain my background, My mother has been disabled all my life so I hven't lived what you could call a 'normal' life, my father is a full time carer for her so he hasn't got any time for me and my brother is the number one son, always the most popular out of the two of us and the complete opposite of me (sporty, active and popular). I have always resented the fact I was second best but I dealt with it, now as I get older I find I have uncontrolable mood swings at night where I cannot stop crying and I am constantly reminding myself how much of a failure I am (As some might guess this doesn't exactly do wonders for my self-esteem). I have fantisised running away from home many time and once or twice have got as far as packing my bags and planning to go, but alas I never do this also damages my self-esteem as it just shows how weak I am. So to further myself from my shitty (apologies for the foul language) life I pour myself into books and games wishing I was somehow these 'perfect' characters this has widened the rift in my parent's relatioship with me. So please any advice would be greatly apprieciated.
Many Thanks.

I'm 28 now, but when I was younger and lived with my parents I was a lot like you. I had two older brothers that would get all the attention, a mother with mental disorders, and a childish father. I found solice in videogames/television. I wasn't very popular, but I did have a few friends/girlfriends back then. But mostly, my life was very depressing back then. At one point my depression became so severe that I had to start taking anti-depressants.

In summation, there isn't much you can do about it. Being a teenager sucks. Acting stupid is just going to make things worse, and make you have regrets later in life. Your best course of action is to simply wait until you can move out(go to college), then don't look back. You might find that you love your family a lot more when you don't have to see them every single day. I did.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

I like how quickly people jump to the conclusion that you need professional help. XD

I used to be a psychology major before I switched, I think people are either too quick or too hesitant to seek professional help. True, you should talk to someone, but talk to your family or someone else you might trust. Part of the reason coming here is a decent idea (note that I didn't say GOOD), is because none of us really know you or the situation and have a completely unbiased view on it.

My recommendation is that you should talk to your family or teacher or school counselor or someone else with a little more life experience and that you trust. Sometimes it just helps to get it off your chest.

 

[Treeinthewoods]

Before everyone starts mocking you, I just want to say from a much older perspective that your feelings are perfectly normal. I grew up in a situation similar to yours except I was the sporty/athletic/straight A older brother. Know what I always thought? I thought that my parents preferred the artistic/mechanically inclined/math savant that is my little brother since they were able to fix any parenting mistakes they made on me.

One day I talked to my brother about it and we learned that we each felt the same way, then we laughed and became closer.

As a 14 year old, you begin to have a much deeper grasp on your parents as people (not just parents) and can be suprised to discover they have flaws. Also, you are really just starting to define yourself over the next few years and it can be very, very unsettling. Still, they love you even if they aren't perfect. Make it a two way street, help out your dad every now and then and really talk to them. Ask lot's of open ended questions (no yes/no answers) and respond to their answers with more questions instead of statement/arguments.

Regarding pressure for grades - it's better then them not giving a shit about you, even if it feels mean sometimes. Good grades now (if you are truly capable of achieving them) will help you out a lot in life. They shouldn't define you/stress you to tears but they are still a good thing to strive for. Just remeber, you will know inside whether you truly earned a grade or if you could do better no matter what anyone says.

Regarding self esteem - the human brain would rather be correct then happy. What that means is, telling yourself how much you suck will result in you believing it even if it makes you miserable. Telling yourself how awesome you are will result in you believing it as well. I saw a therapist for part of my teenage years and learned how to use positive mantra's to turn my self perspective around. When your mind starts running to dark places, make an effort to think to yourself, "Hey, that's not right. I'm a good person because of __________." Keep repeating it to yourself until you feel it inside (and it can take a while). If the problem continues, go see a school counselor and start seekin some help of your own accord.

Humans are not set in stone my friend, we can all change ourselves quite a bit from birth to death. It's just that some people are scared to do it.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

I'd also like to point out that there is nothing wrong in seeking professional help should you need it. I'm just saying that you might want to try other ways first. Professonal help can work wonders if you need it. If you don't...not so much. XD

 

[PrimoThePro]

Snip

The problem certainly isn't you. You can't think like that, otherwise your mind will take you to dark places and make you do things you will regret. My advice is get a close friend and their family to hire some professional help, (I assume your parents will not do it) a counsellour of some type, or even a psychiatrist. If that is out of the question, they you need to find a less poisonous environment. Is there any family you have that would be willing to take you? And don't consider leaving a terrible area to live as "weakness." You obviously just need a better living space.

 

[Martin Toy]

I like how quickly people jump to the conclusion that you need professional help. XD

It's not jumping to a conclusion, it's mearly saying that we are internet people. A bunch of randomers who sit on the internet and post on many a board and some may not have good intentions, which is why we suggested that before some pillock comes on, gives some rubbish advice and makes the situation worse or confuses the poor chap.

 

[AnOriginalConcept]

My brother got straight A's and ended up going to Stanford. No way is that happening for me.

I had self esteem issues for a long time, too. I found that feigning confidence and happiness was the best way to be confident and happy.
Don't tell yourself that you're a bad person. What would you think if some other person did the same things as you? You certainly wouldn't think that they were a failure. I expected perfection from myself and felt disappointed when it didn't happen. Don't let the same thing happen to you.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

I saw a lot of "professional help" being tossed around. Not a lot of "Try talking to them." or "Talk to someone else you know and trust."

We can deal with most things if we have the right people to turn to. Sometimes it's a professional. Sometimes it's a friend or a teacher. Sometimes it's the people that are perceived to be the problem.

 

[Lynx]

Like most people have already said: Find someone to talk to. Whether it be someone you're close to, or someone neutral.

And if that's not something you want to do, here's my best advice (not saying it's good, but it works well for me): Go find something you really, really like to do, an activity of some sort. Then dive into it. It could be writing, drawing, playing an instrument, or whatever. When I was your age, it was drawing that helped me. I did it every day, when I was sad, angry or happy. Eventually you start seeing results, you get good at it - and seeing yourself improve at something is very confidence-building.
At this moment, my favorite activity is dancing. I'm still not very good at it, but doing it makes me forget about everything else, and frankly, every time I see myself improve just a little bit, it boosts my confidence like hell.

So, is there something you really like doing,
or something you've always wanted to do? Do it.
Activities like these can be like therapy if you find the right one. The only expectations that matter are your own.

 

[Judgement101]

Professional help?

This might be the wrong place to be asking for such serious help. I hope you figure out what you want.

i agree

at least he didn't go to 4chan.

4chan's response would just be "Post naked pics of self w/ phone number " Oh 4chan, you always scare me.

 

[meglathon]

I say suck it UP go to you mirore look deep into your own eye. I tell yourself.
"I'm the best, I rock an nothing not even me will ever put me down"
then and only then can you truly take on the world, one step at a time.
C:\Documents and Settings\Jasmen\My Documents\My Pictures

 

[The Man With the Soap]

We are all part of the same compost heap. All life is equally worthless. Don't feel that you're special.

If it bothers you so much that your brother is more popular/athletic then stop crying about it online and participate in activities with people who share your interests. Go try out for some sports teams, or go to the gym.

Your life doesn't qualify as "shitty" to me. Your parents don't beat you, and you probably don't have to worry about getting shot up by gangs. Half your problems have to do with your attitude, so stop feeling sorry for yourself.