Plots That Made You Say, "No, Just Stop!"

[cojo965]

It could be for any number of reasons, but at some point you just want the plot of whatever it is to stop and rest before it runs itself to oblivion. This happens for me whenever a lot of stuff happens with no rhyme or reason behind it. Two works I found to be bad in this regard are Kid Icarus: Uprising and Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters.

Kid Icarus starts off relatively level headed, then Hades, then Viridi, then aliens, then, NO! No more "thens" you lost me by the time aliens entered into this. I fail to gain a sense of progression when so much happens with so little lead in. Let me ask, were you aware that your levels were pathetic without turning the difficulty up so you had all this shit thrown in to pad the runtime out? If not for Hades himself I would have stopped watching the Chuggaaconroy LP of it by now.

Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters is a comic series based on the titular monster. This was even worse with aforementioned problem. It seems to be trying to have a political and societal message but is such a try-hard about it that it loses me. No, writer, you do not have to try to make a comic about Godzilla deep, what you need, is for it to be fun and easy to follow. This is neither.

What do you guys have?

 

[dyre]

Helsing OVA: A crazy Nazi major with a single battalion of Nazi vampires attacks modern day London via zeppelin. I almost want to say it must be trying to be some crazy commentary on the decreasing funding and power projection ability of the British military, but it's just too stupid to even be that.

The entire British military is apparently absent with no explanation, so a bunch of Nazis with Kar98s and MP40s, supported by some zeppelins with V2 rockets, manage to level the city completely unopposed. Seriously, they don't even bother trying to explain it, so 1000ish Nazis apparently managed to simultaneously hit every military installation in the region at the same time. That is, until of course the Catholic Church arrives with knights dressed in full plate armor and KKK hats carrying swords, shields, and .50 caliber sniper rifles. Also, I think they might have had some old Huey gunships.

Oh, and why does the Nazi commander want to do it? No particular reason; he just likes seeing shit blow up (and takes a half episode making a tl;dr speech about it).

 

[Vegosiux]

Pretty much every time I see the "MANDATORY ROMANTIC SUBPLOT" neon sign above some character's head, especially in a work where it feels shoehorned in.

I don't tend to roll my eyes in disdain and aggravation when a plot gets simply bizarre...I roll them in exasperation, then grin and say "Oh, okay then, I'll just not think too hard about this." But romantic subplots? Those things make me want to claw my eyes out.

 

[Ten Foot Bunny]

The Conjuring REALLY irked me. I went into it thinking I knew what it was about (a legend in the field of paranormal research) and it turned into the type of movie I can't stand.

(Yeah, I'm being vague so as to avoid spoilers)

 

[Asita]

Stories involving "Evolutionary levels" in any sense due to how thoroughly they bastardize the very concept they're based upon. I let Pokémon slide due to 'evolving' clearly being a poor choice of wording more than anything else (The more accurate term being metamorphosis, a conspicuous and rather abrupt change in an organism as a part of their life cycle), but other than that...*shudder*. To my memory, the single worst offender was likely the Star Trek: Voyager episode "Threshold"...which really has more problems in it than I'd care to go into and which have been noted probably a thousand times before me.

That is, until of course the Catholic Church arrives with knights dressed in full plate armor and KKK hats carrying swords, shields, and .50 caliber sniper rifles. Also, I think they might have had some old Huey gunships.

Point of order: The Capirote is Catholic in origin (Though they see use almost exclusively in Spain).

 

[The Wykydtron]

Practically anything that involved alternate dimensions and/or time travel. Especially so if they were never part of the core plot of the show and were just introduced halfway through.

Bioshock Infinite was guilty of this, the first few hours were pretty promising with some nice bits of theming visuals, even if Booker makes some goddamn awfully brainless decisions for the sake of plot advancement. Then Elisabeth shows up and unleashes this badly thought out dimension jumping... Thing that discards all of the themes before its introduction almost entirely.

When a twist ending can be explained away as an incoherent mess by just speaking the game's name... Yeah.

The one exception to this is the manga of The World God Only Knows where the writer does go for a VERY straightforward time loop. Honestly I was quite concerned considering it came out of goddamn nowhere but it worked out. No idea how but it did. The introduction of Kaori as another capture target was genius, she's playing her own main character on Keima's level and she's freaking both evil and underhanded about it. She's basically a female Keima with zero fucks given in methods used. I'll have to read that again, that arc was awesome.

Honestly where crazy bullshit is a staple of the show like Hellsing I rather enjoy that stuff. When it comes to reality defying stuff as far as i'm concerned anything goes as long as it sticks to the rules of it's own universe. (Another place where BI fails, it breaks its own rules every other line) Nothing else matters, if people are flipping off rooftops and taking 50 foot drops like nothing all the time then that's fine. Now if say a serious, grounded plot on crime with only realistic physics on display tried that suddenly then yeah, that's fuckin' stupid. Just as stupid as if Alucard dropped dead from one singular bullet to the face. This is why Gurren Lagann appeals to me so much, the rule of the universe is fucking crazy but it stays ironclad throughout.

Come to think of it, that might be the reason I can't stand dimension jumping crap. Breaking their own rules is practically a built in feature.

 

[dyre]

That is, until of course the Catholic Church arrives with knights dressed in full plate armor and KKK hats carrying swords, shields, and .50 caliber sniper rifles. Also, I think they might have had some old Huey gunships.

Point of order: The Capirote is Catholic in origin (Though they see use almost exclusively in Spain).

I suppose that makes it a little better, but that's still no reason to randomly include that in the battle dress of a modern military force

 

[Sean Hollyman]

The movie Sunshine. For most of the movie it's a cool sci fi space movie with a cool theme and setting. Then it just turns into a crappy slasher movie... wtf

 

[Vault101]

"Strong independent woman" (TM) is out on an adventure! Full of wise cracking action packed mystery filled fun! along with her inevitable relationship with a mysterious hot, brooding man with a dark and troubled past [i/] oh fuck it! You ruined it now![/i]

 

[Darren Carrigan]

Helsing OVA: A crazy Nazi major with a single battalion of Nazi vampires attacks modern day London via zeppelin. I almost want to say it must be trying to be some crazy commentary on the decreasing funding and power projection ability of the British military, but it's just too stupid to even be that.

The entire British military is apparently absent with no explanation, so a bunch of Nazis with Kar98s and MP40s, supported by some zeppelins with V2 rockets, manage to level the city completely unopposed. Seriously, they don't even bother trying to explain it, so 1000ish Nazis apparently managed to simultaneously hit every military installation in the region at the same time. That is, until of course the Catholic Church arrives with knights dressed in full plate armor and KKK hats carrying swords, shields, and .50 caliber sniper rifles. Also, I think they might have had some old Huey gunships.

Oh, and why does the Nazi commander want to do it? No particular reason; he just likes seeing shit blow up (and takes a half episode making a tl;dr speech about it).

I think you should re-read what you wrote.

I think you are seriously missing the tone of Hellsing Ultimate. I love the show, but even I know you're not supposed to take it seriously.

I mean dude, everything you just said is evidence pointing towards: "Don't take my manga about nazi vampires invading Britain because of a secret vampire slaying organization of protestant knights seriously."

 

[Fsyco]

Helsing OVA: A crazy Nazi major with a single battalion of Nazi vampires attacks modern day London via zeppelin. I almost want to say it must be trying to be some crazy commentary on the decreasing funding and power projection ability of the British military, but it's just too stupid to even be that.

The entire British military is apparently absent with no explanation, so a bunch of Nazis with Kar98s and MP40s, supported by some zeppelins with V2 rockets, manage to level the city completely unopposed. Seriously, they don't even bother trying to explain it, so 1000ish Nazis apparently managed to simultaneously hit every military installation in the region at the same time. That is, until of course the Catholic Church arrives with knights dressed in full plate armor and KKK hats carrying swords, shields, and .50 caliber sniper rifles. Also, I think they might have had some old Huey gunships.

Oh, and why does the Nazi commander want to do it? No particular reason; he just likes seeing shit blow up (and takes a half episode making a tl;dr speech about it).

To be fair, those Nazis were also vampires. I seem to remember there being lots of shots of the military being mauled by vampires. but maybe I'm thinking of something else though. Also didn't they say that the incident went down in history as just a minor terrorist attack? Totally agree that the plot went nuts after a while and that The Major could have used better writing. I only watched it at the behest of my girlfriend, but for me the spectacle of it all outweighed the silly plot.

My own pick though would have to be any internet review show that tries to have it's own characters and story arcs. I just want to see an in-depth review of a movie or game, I don't want to sit through your badly-written self-insert fiction to see it. Linkara and the Blockbuster Buster are probably the worst offenders. I don't mind it too much when the Nostalgia Critic does it, but his are usually self-contained. I got like a minute into one of Linkara's videos before I scratched my head and went "What the fuck is going on and how does this relate to critiquing the material?". And BB's are just cringe-inducing.

 

[Worgen]

Helsing OVA: A crazy Nazi major with a single battalion of Nazi vampires attacks modern day London via zeppelin. I almost want to say it must be trying to be some crazy commentary on the decreasing funding and power projection ability of the British military, but it's just too stupid to even be that.

The entire British military is apparently absent with no explanation, so a bunch of Nazis with Kar98s and MP40s, supported by some zeppelins with V2 rockets, manage to level the city completely unopposed. Seriously, they don't even bother trying to explain it, so 1000ish Nazis apparently managed to simultaneously hit every military installation in the region at the same time. That is, until of course the Catholic Church arrives with knights dressed in full plate armor and KKK hats carrying swords, shields, and .50 caliber sniper rifles. Also, I think they might have had some old Huey gunships.

Oh, and why does the Nazi commander want to do it? No particular reason; he just likes seeing shit blow up (and takes a half episode making a tl;dr speech about it).

Its silly but that's the fun of it, if you take it seriously, you're gonna have a bad time. Really my biggest problem with it was that the nazi's got all their cool German myths, but the English didn't get any. Where was the Green Knight or King Arthur, having some cool English mythological characters show up and kick ass would have been awesome.

 

[Alexei F. Karamazov]

The only specific instance I can think of at the moment is The Dark Knight Rises. "We've got this nuclear FUSION reactor beneath the city! Oh no! The villains came in and turned it into a nuclear FISSION bomb in a matter of minutes with no specialized equipment!" One of the many plot holes that riddled the film, but I think this is one of the worst, seeing as though the entire plot is practically driven by the threat of a nuclear explosion from a FISSION bomb that used to be a FUSION reactor. Seriously, have they even taken high school chemistry?

I agree with the others above me who mentioned the shoe-horned romantic sub-plots. I especially have to laugh at the instances where the female falls in love for the male, but "can't quite explain what it is about him that makes her attracted to him." If SHE can't see why she wants him, does the writer really think the audience can?

 

[dyre]

Helsing OVA: A crazy Nazi major with a single battalion of Nazi vampires attacks modern day London via zeppelin. I almost want to say it must be trying to be some crazy commentary on the decreasing funding and power projection ability of the British military, but it's just too stupid to even be that.

The entire British military is apparently absent with no explanation, so a bunch of Nazis with Kar98s and MP40s, supported by some zeppelins with V2 rockets, manage to level the city completely unopposed. Seriously, they don't even bother trying to explain it, so 1000ish Nazis apparently managed to simultaneously hit every military installation in the region at the same time. That is, until of course the Catholic Church arrives with knights dressed in full plate armor and KKK hats carrying swords, shields, and .50 caliber sniper rifles. Also, I think they might have had some old Huey gunships.

Oh, and why does the Nazi commander want to do it? No particular reason; he just likes seeing shit blow up (and takes a half episode making a tl;dr speech about it).

I think you should re-read what you wrote.

I think you are seriously missing the tone of Hellsing Ultimate. I love the show, but even I know you're not supposed to take it seriously.

I mean dude, everything you just said is evidence pointing towards: "Don't take my manga about nazi vampires invading Britain because of a secret vampire slaying organization of protestant knights seriously."

I like over-the-top nonsense as much as the next guy, but I can only stomach a certain level of stupidity. Compounding the issue is that Helsing seems to attempt to deliver its idiocy with a straight face, unlike, say, Gurren Lagann, or Tarantino films, which are clearly self-aware and having fun. Having shit blowing up is a fine excuse for not having too serious a plot, but having a plot that is actively moronic requires a certain finesse and charm that I found wholly lacking in the series. I don't take Helsing's story seriously the way I don't take Modern Warfare 2's story seriously, in stark contrast to the the way I don't take Gurren Lagann seriously.

Haven't read the manga, so no opinions on that.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

Helsing OVA: A crazy Nazi major with a single battalion of Nazi vampires attacks modern day London via zeppelin. I almost want to say it must be trying to be some crazy commentary on the decreasing funding and power projection ability of the British military, but it's just too stupid to even be that.

The entire British military is apparently absent with no explanation, so a bunch of Nazis with Kar98s and MP40s, supported by some zeppelins with V2 rockets, manage to level the city completely unopposed. Seriously, they don't even bother trying to explain it, so 1000ish Nazis apparently managed to simultaneously hit every military installation in the region at the same time. That is, until of course the Catholic Church arrives with knights dressed in full plate armor and KKK hats carrying swords, shields, and .50 caliber sniper rifles. Also, I think they might have had some old Huey gunships.

Oh, and why does the Nazi commander want to do it? No particular reason; he just likes seeing shit blow up (and takes a half episode making a tl;dr speech about it).

I think you should re-read what you wrote.

I think you are seriously missing the tone of Hellsing Ultimate. I love the show, but even I know you're not supposed to take it seriously.

I mean dude, everything you just said is evidence pointing towards: "Don't take my manga about nazi vampires invading Britain because of a secret vampire slaying organization of protestant knights seriously."

I like over-the-top nonsense as much as the next guy, but I can only stomach a certain level of stupidity. Compounding the issue is that Helsing seems to attempt to deliver its idiocy with a straight face, unlike, say, Gurren Lagann, or Tarantino films, which are clearly self-aware and having fun. Having shit blowing up is a fine excuse for not having too serious a plot, but having a plot that is actively moronic requires a certain finesse and charm that I found wholly lacking in the series. I don't take Helsing's story seriously the way I don't take Modern Warfare 2's story seriously, in stark contrast to the the way I don't take Gurren Lagann seriously.

Haven't read the manga, so no opinions on that.

Save yourself a headache then, and just watch the Team Four Star Abridged version of Hellsing Ultimate. Where Alucard is an immature manchild who spends his days watching movies in the basement when he's not screwing up other missions.

 

[Avaholic03]

The movie Sunshine. For most of the movie it's a cool sci fi space movie with a cool theme and setting. Then it just turns into a crappy slasher movie... wtf

Yeah, it reminded me a lot "Children of Men". It went through the trouble of creating an interesting setting and characters, only to have the ending kinda go off the rails trying to be too profound.

 

[Fsyco]

The only specific instance I can think of at the moment is The Dark Knight Rises. "We've got this nuclear FUSION reactor beneath the city! Oh no! The villains came in and turned it into a nuclear FISSION bomb in a matter of minutes with no specialized equipment!" One of the many plot holes that riddled the film, but I think this is one of the worst, seeing as though the entire plot is practically driven by the threat of a nuclear explosion from a FISSION bomb that used to be a FUSION reactor. Seriously, have they even taken high school chemistry?

Do they teach that in high school chemistry classes? I don't remember that being in either high school or college level chem. Or at least, the college class that I took (which is just the first intro class, it could very well have been covered in the second). I'm a physics major, though, so we covered it in modern physics.
I agree that it's irritating when people do that kind of crap with nuclear reactors. Especially when they go on about the thing reaching 'critical', which in actuality is what it's SUPPOSED to do to generate power. And plots based around inaccurate physics in general. I don't mind single minor instances of it, but when something central to the movie is based around something working in a way that it doesn't, that pulls me right out.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

'Avatar' (the James Cameron one, not the Last Airbender) when they declare: "look! The planet is fighting back!".

I get that the whole thing is supposed to be a message movie about the environment and evil corporations and blah blah blah, but Christ could you whack us over the head with it any more? That and 'unobtainium' were probably the two biggest scenes where I just put my head in my hands and said "no, stop, please'.

 

[Gearhead mk2]

I echo what's been said about the "mandatory romantic subplot" thing, but that's not a killer for me, it's just an annoyance.

On a general level, something that usually loses me is sexual stuff. It can be done well if it has meaning or it's played for laughs. Stuff like Persona 4 and Bayonetta are great examples, and I love them both. But more often than not, it's just crowbarred in there because people think if it has boobs it'll sell more. Frankly I just find it gross, insulting, and usually quite sexist.

For a specific example, anything they've done with Metroid since the end of Prime 3. All of Other M's faults, putting the franchise on ice, not letting Retro work on it, putting Other M Samus in Smash 4, FREAKING FETISH SHINY LEATHER ZERO SUIT WITH BEAUTY MARK AND ROCKET HIGH-HEELS ARE YOU SERIOUS?! To quote Spoony, "I just get a little emotionally invested in the series, and I just want it to stop sucking!" All it would take is for them to ignore one insignificant and awful part of a long and great series, but they keep insisting on pushing it into the limelight, and I seriously do not understand why.

 

[dyre]

Save yourself a headache then, and just watch the Team Four Star Abridged version of Hellsing Ultimate. Where Alucard is an immature manchild who spends his days watching movies in the basement when he's not screwing up other missions.

Aside from your own post, I have heard some other promising recommendations of that abridged version, so I'll probably check it out sometime.