Poll: A question for the guys . Sex on the first date, Yay or nay?

[NoeL]

I hope you don't ever take a shower. The benefits of smelling decent verses the very real chance of slipping, hitting your head, and dying... you'd have to be crazy to even step foot inside a bathroom, at least without a helmet, amirite?

Im not even going to dignify this remark with a response..........................

Why not? How is not a fitting analogy? You don't HAVE to shower, and bathroom injuries are surprisingly common. So why not just play it safe and skip it?

Anyway, I'm not trying to say that you should have sex - that's your choice. I'm just pointing out your paranoia over it.

Care to cite those government papers?

And a 10-20% failure rate? Frankly, that's just laughable. It's a physical barrier preventing semen from making any direct contact with the inside of the vagina. Spermies aren't ghosts. They can't pass through physical matter.

Just shut up, I know its wikipedia. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Condom] But they have links to government papers (which wont load on my I-Pad), so I will just take their word for it. That word being: If you use them PERFECTLY, then its anywhere from 99.7%-95%, while the normal useage is upwards of 12% failure (88% or less). And since I dont want sex, I can be bothered to learn the proper way of putting it on, so whatever.

I've got nothing against Wikipedia - as long as it lists the sources it's all good. The problem with the sources it gives though is this little nugget:

"Most commonly the Pearl Index is used to calculate effectiveness rates" (this is a problem [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pearl_Index#Criticisms])

Yep, that's pretty fucked up. Sucks you're being forced to go through that, and sucks even more you intend to inflict that misery on your own children. You still failed to mention any reason for such cruelty. You haven't said why they should abstain from sex other than that you'll abuse them if they do. It's like telling a child you'll cut their fingers off if they brush their teeth with their left hand. Sex is a lovely, healthy, enjoyable and natural thing to share with someone you care about, and as long as you're properly educated it can be had safely. There's no reason to throw the baby out with the bathwater and threaten punishment if they don't practice abstinence. THAT is cruel.

Thats not abuse. Thats normal punishment. When a child does something they are not supposed to, you take away something they care about. They'll get the hint.

You seem to be missing the point. There needs to be a valid reason for prohibiting some action, otherwise it IS abuse. You can't beat your kid for looking at you funny then say "Well, he shouldn't have looked at me funny." Your offspring are people, not your property.

And I already said why I would keep them from having sex before they are married. Its been the whole thing I have been talking about. There is always a chance of pregnancy occuring so you should avoid it, and its something that you can live without so there is no need to push it. Plus, sex is something sacred that you save for your significant other, and no one else. So why WOULDNT I have that rule.

I'll grant you a pass on preventing unwanted pregnancy (though I still maintain you're being ridiculously paranoid) but the "sex is sacred" is just crap. There's zero objective harm you can point to to justify that one - you're just imposing your own prejudices on your child.

I think that makes you a terrible person, and I would hate to have you as a father.

Get in line. You arent the first to curse me on this forum for copying the same rules as every adult I have ever know, and I dought you will be the last.

Have you ever bothered to consider there might be a better way to do things than just blindly doing what your forefathers did?

And no offense, But I would likely be very unpleased to have a son like you: You doth protest too much. Family is not a democracy; Its a dictatorship. And me and the wife are the dictators. We wont totally ignore request from our children, and if they behave, they will be given more privilages, but if they mis-behave, they will lose those privilages until the home resembles a prison with us being the wardens. If they keep trying to be rebels, they will find an iron-fisted crackdown waiting, but if they are good citizens and listen to thier elders, they will be allowed to do as they please, short of afew things (like sex).

Again, offspring are people, not property. It's your job as a parent to educate them and prepare them for the world, not to dictate and live vicariously through them. A good parent doesn't just tell their kids they can't do X - they educate them and make sure the child understands why they shouldn't do X. If you just say "Don't do X or I'll whoop your ass!" you might have some success, but all you're doing is teaching the child not to get caught. You're not teaching them to not do the act itself. You need to explain what the dangers to them are even if you don't find out about it.

You can't force love, and you're potentially ruining your daughter's life by trying. Let people form their own relationships.

Well then maybe they should have payed attention when I told them not to do it, or listened when I told them about birth control.

But why the fuck would they if you've been treating them like prisoners? If all you've done is shout down orders and put on this "my way or the highway" machismo they're not going to care what you have to say, they're just going to do their best to make sure you don't find out about what they get up to. They'll be too scared to talk to you, which means you're not going to be able to pass on any relevant advice you've garnered over the years, which means they're going to go ahead and repeat all the same mistakes. You can say "Well she should have listened to me!" all you want, but the end result is that you're still purposefully fucking up your daughters life to punish her rather than trying to help her deal with the consequences of her actions.

Question: Do you like your father? Do you respect him, or just fear him?

And maybe Junior should have remembered the shotgun I threatened him with when he started dating my daughter (ah, the "Im not afraid to go back to jail", "Remember, I am armed", "The last boy who dated my daughter and broke her heart mysteriously disappeared" threats from dads. I love Kansas), and should have known I was serious when I said what I said. His loss.

Yeah, you're not impressing anyone with the tough guy act.

Of course, this shouldnt happen because I will make sure that my daughter (actually, all my children) have good friends who would never do stuff like that, so this problem [may] be solved before it began.

Oh, and how do you plan to "make sure" of that? By being a control freak and dictating who they can and can't hang out with? Ha! You're only going to push them further away. Your kids will probably end up doing everything you told them not to, not because they actually want to, but because they want to rebel against their overbearing parents. So not only will you fail at keeping them out of trouble, but you'll ostracise them and make them hate you in the process. Good parenting. You sound like you have utter contempt for your future kids.

 

[JonnyHG]

Lol, the third date is old school?? What would marriage be then?

 

[The Almighty Aardvark]

Honestly I probably wouldn't be too keen on it for the first date. Not just because I wouldn't know them well enough, but I like easing into things so you have something to build up to. I probably wouldn't reject it, but I'd prefer taking it slower. If I know the person beforehand then I'd have less issue with jumping into something though.

*snip*

Considering how much birth control methods are probably going to improve by the time your kids are at that age, would your attitude change if the chance became significantly less likely? I'm not 100% sure on this, but I remember hearing that a male birth control pill was in development which was far more effective than the female one and doesn't have the same hormone issues. With combining methods and using them properly you could have it effectively null

 

[Trunkage]

The only time I ever did sleep with someone on the first date was the one I ended up marrying and now have kids together

 

[Jenvas1306]

off topic question. why do you allways make threads like this? your mind seems to be busy with sex a lot if you feel the need to discuss it like this that often.
just being curious...

I answered "Im Old School", but your timing was off. Sex is waiting until we are married. If they dont want to wait, then tough. Although, everyone of my friends (and I would never date someone I wasnt friends with) feel the same way, and my girlfriend is even more strict about this, so the problem is solved.

But .. What happens of the sex is terrible? Although , if you are a virgin when you are married you have nothing to compare it to , so win/win i guess . Well i applaud you for you willpower , i for one couldn't wait that long , and also couldn't date someone if the sex was bad . That and i have no will to be married.

good or bad sex is that important? I think that with the right partner its impossible to be really bad, because even when you could call it bad, with the right person everything is great and then you can improve on that.

as a girl, I would not have sex on the first date. sex without emotion is little better than masturbation to me and if he doesnt know me how would he know what I like and why would he care anyways?

 

[krazykidd]

off topic question. why do you allways make threads like this? your mind seems to be busy with sex a lot if you feel the need to discuss it like this that often.
just being curious...

I answered "Im Old School", but your timing was off. Sex is waiting until we are married. If they dont want to wait, then tough. Although, everyone of my friends (and I would never date someone I wasnt friends with) feel the same way, and my girlfriend is even more strict about this, so the problem is solved.

But .. What happens of the sex is terrible? Although , if you are a virgin when you are married you have nothing to compare it to , so win/win i guess . Well i applaud you for you willpower , i for one couldn't wait that long , and also couldn't date someone if the sex was bad . That and i have no will to be married.

good or bad sex is that important? I think that with the right partner its impossible to be really bad, because even when you could call it bad, with the right person everything is great and then you can improve on that.

as a girl, I would not have sex on the first date. sex without emotion is little better than masturbation to me and if he doesnt know me how would he know what I like and why would he care anyways?

Nope! I make threads about a whole bunch of things . My last three threads were about:

-Buying games based on review scores.
-Eating food that touched the floor
- Do you drink tap water.

I have no idea why you think all my threads are about sex , but hey at least someone recognizes me! Win!

Also , sex is very important . There is such a thing as good/bad sex ( though it is ey subjective ). How you feel about the person doesn't really influence how good/bad the sex is. However , you are more likely to endure poor sex with someone you love , than with someone you don't . In my experience anyways.

 

[Lieju]

Well, I'm a lesbian, but I'll answer anyway.

No.

I have trouble even touching people I don't know (OCD and stuff), there's no way I'd sleep with someone I met for the first time even if we really hit it off.

 

[Jenvas1306]

SNIP

Nope! I make threads about a whole bunch of things . My last three threads were about:

-Buying games based on review scores.
-Eating food that touched the floor
- Do you drink tap water.

I have no idea why you think all my threads are about sex , but hey at least someone recognizes me! Win!

Also , sex is very important . There is such a thing as good/bad sex ( though it is ey subjective ). How you feel about the person doesn't really influence how good/bad the sex is. However , you are more likely to endure poor sex with someone you love , than with someone you don't . In my experience anyways.

I guess that people can have a very different approach to that and that said aproach makes the experiances also very different. like if you just jump into bed you are probably way more prone to having bad sex, if you know each other well and have a good base of a good chemistry its in the worst case more like sex that needs some getting used to each other.

atleast thats my experiance, but maybe my bf and me just fit well to each other (good open comunication sure helps too).
So I cant say I ever had bad sex even my bf and me were both inexperianced, yet we had a lot of time to get close in any other way before going for that.

 

[BOOM headshot65]

Anyway, I'm not trying to say that you should have sex - that's your choice. I'm just pointing out your paranoia over it.

Then why are you acting like I some kind of terrible mistake for choosing not to have sex. Because in my eyes, I am being properly paranoid over this subject. That seems like a usual problem on this forum: "Do whatever you want, but if that means you will not have sex, we will tell you why you are wrong until you do, and if you don't, you are just some religious funddie."

You seem to be missing the point. There needs to be a valid reason for prohibiting some action, otherwise it IS abuse. You can't beat your kid for looking at you funny then say "Well, he shouldn't have looked at me funny." Your offspring are people, not your property.

And keeping them from having sex is an entirely valid reason. I have yet to meet a single parent who would be ok with their kids having sex, and in at least one case, my friends parents are even stricter than mine (althought, his older brother has been on drugs, knock up a girl, has been in and out of jail, and was kicked out of military school, where they send delinquents, for being too much of a delinquent, so it makes sense). NOT!A!SINGLE!ONE! So I REALLY don't see how I am some sort of sadistic evil parent for doing what literally everyone else is doing.

I'll grant you a pass on preventing unwanted pregnancy (though I still maintain you're being ridiculously paranoid) but the "sex is sacred" is just crap. There's zero objective harm you can point to to justify that one - you're just imposing your own prejudices on your child.

So what. All parents do, even if subconsciously. And on that note, many children follow their parents example, even if subconsciously. It takes REALLY bad parents to not have that happen, or they set bad examples, but for the most part they will follow their parents. Now WHICH parent (if not both)............

Have you ever bothered to consider there might be a better way to do things than just blindly doing what your forefathers did?

Yes, and I came to the same conclusion I did when I was younger: I like my parents rules. They are good for staying on the straight and narrow.

Which is roughly the same conclusion that I came to when I was younger. I came to the conclusion "These strange, tall, older creatures that are my parents give me food, shelter, and set the rules are trying to help me. And since the few times I haven't listened, I got hurt and my toys taken away, they are obviously trying to keep me from getting hurt and want me to keep my toys. So I will listen to what they have to say, but they are doing whats best."

Again, offspring are people, not property. It's your job as a parent to educate them and prepare them for the world, not to dictate and live vicariously through them. A good parent doesn't just tell their kids they can't do X - they educate them and make sure the child understands why they shouldn't do X. If you just say "Don't do X or I'll whoop your ass!" you might have some success, but all you're doing is teaching the child not to get caught. You're not teaching them to not do the act itself. You need to explain what the dangers to them are even if you don't find out about it.

I am preparing them for the real world. The real world doesn't care WHY you did something, it just dishes out the punishment for doing it. The cop isn't going to care that "Im fighting the power, Man!", hes going to arrest you for squatting on public property. The Court isn't going to listen to "He was trying to take away my rights, man!", they will throw the book at you because you punched a cop in the face because he was trying to arrest you for squatting on public land. You don't break the rules, you follow the rules. You can petition to have them changed, but in some cases that just doesn't happen.

In the same way, if my children don't like a rule, they can tell me. Depending on what it is, I might be willing to change it, and in fact, if they have been a good kid, not gotten into trouble, and respect me, their mother, and other authority, I WILL change the rule. But there are afew that will be set in stone. This topic is one of them. And even then, I can only enforce it until they are 18 and not living with me. Once they are on their own, living in their own house, they can be a swinger having orgy's every night and while I will be very rightly pissed, there is literally nothing I can do except ask him/her to change their ways.

But why the fuck would they if you've been treating them like prisoners? If all you've done is shout down orders and put on this "my way or the highway" machismo they're not going to care what you have to say, they're just going to do their best to make sure you don't find out about what they get up to. They'll be too scared to talk to you, which means you're not going to be able to pass on any relevant advice you've garnered over the years, which means they're going to go ahead and repeat all the same mistakes. You can say "Well she should have listened to me!" all you want, but the end result is that you're still purposefully fucking up your daughters life to punish her rather than trying to help her deal with the consequences of her actions.

If I treating them as a prisoner, that would mean they have done things to deserve it. Im not going to treat them like convicts for doing nothing wrong or making small mistakes (speeding, staying out late, etc), do you think I am out of my Freaking mind! I will always be accessible to my children, and they can always come to me for advice. If I am treating them like a convict, it means they have continually disobeyed me and their mother, acted out in school, did serious mistakes and show no willingness to make up for them (KEEP having sex after they get in trouble, KEEP drinking after they get in trouble, etc). And if they prove that they will listen to me and prove they deserve their privileges, then I will grant them. Get raise the curfew and let them stay out longer (like raise it from 8pm to 10pm), raise their allowance or even pay for something they want (within reason), let them go out of town with their significant other unattended, hell, play their cards right, I will let them stay overnight with a other half, so long as parents are there and they keep it purely platonic. That last one was actually just granted to me. I just have to run it by her mom (no dad), but knowing her Im sure it will be fine.

Question: Do you like your father? Do you respect him, or just fear him?

I would have thought that was obvious. Lets see, Im copying his and my mothers rules because I think they are good, I listen to him, I feel he made these rules because he knows what hes talking about, I agree with his sentiment that family is a dictatorship, not a democracy (which some of my teachers held too, only for the classroom). I think its rather obvious I respect him.

Yeah, you're not impressing anyone with the tough guy act.

You think Im lying?! Its basically a right of passage here in the Midwest that when you start dating a girl, the first time you go to her home her father is going to do everything in his power to remind you that if you EVER hurt his little girl, or if you ever go beyond a PG rating before the knot is tied, he will mess you up. It has been immortalized in Song [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPC14B5Z7J4], comedy [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Myd9TO_ZN4o], and TV Tropes. [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TwerpSweating]

And you know, it just hit me that I am assuming that my children are going to be straight. I shouldn't do that, they can love either gender and that would be fine with me.......but it wont change the rules just because my daughter is dating another girl or my son is dating another guy.

Oh, and how do you plan to "make sure" of that? By being a control freak and dictating who they can and can't hang out with? Ha! You're only going to push them further away. Your kids will probably end up doing everything you told them not to, not because they actually want to, but because they want to rebel against their overbearing parents. So not only will you fail at keeping them out of trouble, but you'll ostracise them and make them hate you in the process. Good parenting. You sound like you have utter contempt for your future kids.

Is it really such an unacceptable thing to do to make sure that you can hang out with. Good God........

Its not like I am going to say "You cant see him/her" just to spite them, there would be a very good reason. Like they do drugs, or they are a known cheater (and since I live in a small town, word would get around), they are troublemakers/in trouble with the law. I mean, come on!! Those are completely reasonable. I have faith that they will make the right choices for friends, but I will try and keep an eye on things, trying to make sure they don't hang with anyone that could be problems or get them in trouble (IE, stoners, drinkers, swingers, etc.) If that is bad parenting, then no wonder the children of today are a bunch of little brats.

 

[NoeL]

Anyway, I'm not trying to say that you should have sex - that's your choice. I'm just pointing out your paranoia over it.

Then why are you acting like I some kind of terrible mistake for choosing not to have sex. Because in my eyes, I am being properly paranoid over this subject. That seems like a usual problem on this forum: "Do whatever you want, but if that means you will not have sex, we will tell you why you are wrong until you do, and if you don't, you are just some religious funddie."

It just saddens me that you've been fed such horseshit growing up, and that you intend to continue spreading that horseshit to future generations. Sex is one of the best things life has to offer and I feel you're missing out.

You seem to be missing the point. There needs to be a valid reason for prohibiting some action, otherwise it IS abuse. You can't beat your kid for looking at you funny then say "Well, he shouldn't have looked at me funny." Your offspring are people, not your property.

And keeping them from having sex is an entirely valid reason. I have yet to meet a single parent who would be ok with their kids having sex, and in at least one case, my friends parents are even stricter than mine (althought, his older brother has been on drugs, knock up a girl, has been in and out of jail, and was kicked out of military school, where they send delinquents, for being too much of a delinquent, so it makes sense). NOT!A!SINGLE!ONE! So I REALLY don't see how I am some sort of sadistic evil parent for doing what literally everyone else is doing.

The midwest isn't the whole world. It may be a rarity where you're from, but there are plenty of parents that are ok with their kids having sexuality. And even the ones that aren't comfortable with it and would tell their kids that, punishing them over it is absurd.

I'll grant you a pass on preventing unwanted pregnancy (though I still maintain you're being ridiculously paranoid) but the "sex is sacred" is just crap. There's zero objective harm you can point to to justify that one - you're just imposing your own prejudices on your child.

So what. All parents do, even if subconsciously. And on that note, many children follow their parents example, even if subconsciously. It takes REALLY bad parents to not have that happen, or they set bad examples, but for the most part they will follow their parents. Now WHICH parent (if not both)............

I would argue the better parents make an effort to minimise their bias rather than shrug their shoulders and say "so what." If I ever have kids I'll be teaching them how to think, not what to think.

Have you ever bothered to consider there might be a better way to do things than just blindly doing what your forefathers did?

Yes, and I came to the same conclusion I did when I was younger: I like my parents rules. They are good for staying on the straight and narrow.

Which is roughly the same conclusion that I came to when I was younger. I came to the conclusion "These strange, tall, older creatures that are my parents give me food, shelter, and set the rules are trying to help me. And since the few times I haven't listened, I got hurt and my toys taken away, they are obviously trying to keep me from getting hurt and want me to keep my toys. So I will listen to what they have to say, but they are doing whats best."

Kinda breaks my heart hearing that, about the toys etc. Because it's clear you had absolutely no fucking clue about the moral status or consequences of your actions - all you knew was that if you didn't obey daddy you'd be punished. And if your daddy had a faulty moral compass, congratulations - now you do too. You only learned how to submit, and never to evaluate. So all you do is stand in line and repeat exactly what you were told, unable to think for yourself.

Again, offspring are people, not property. It's your job as a parent to educate them and prepare them for the world, not to dictate and live vicariously through them. A good parent doesn't just tell their kids they can't do X - they educate them and make sure the child understands why they shouldn't do X. If you just say "Don't do X or I'll whoop your ass!" you might have some success, but all you're doing is teaching the child not to get caught. You're not teaching them to not do the act itself. You need to explain what the dangers to them are even if you don't find out about it.

I am preparing them for the real world. The real world doesn't care WHY you did something, it just dishes out the punishment for doing it. The cop isn't going to care that "Im fighting the power, Man!", hes going to arrest you for squatting on public property. The Court isn't going to listen to "He was trying to take away my rights, man!", they will throw the book at you because you punched a cop in the face because he was trying to arrest you for squatting on public land. You don't break the rules, you follow the rules. You can petition to have them changed, but in some cases that just doesn't happen.

Believe it or not, I can respect that angle. I'm still firmly against raising sheep though.

In the same way, if my children don't like a rule, they can tell me. Depending on what it is, I might be willing to change it, and in fact, if they have been a good kid, not gotten into trouble, and respect me, their mother, and other authority, I WILL change the rule. But there are afew that will be set in stone. This topic is one of them. And even then, I can only enforce it until they are 18 and not living with me. Once they are on their own, living in their own house, they can be a swinger having orgy's every night and while I will be very rightly pissed, there is literally nothing I can do except ask him/her to change their ways.

Again, fair enough.

But why the fuck would they if you've been treating them like prisoners? If all you've done is shout down orders and put on this "my way or the highway" machismo they're not going to care what you have to say, they're just going to do their best to make sure you don't find out about what they get up to. They'll be too scared to talk to you, which means you're not going to be able to pass on any relevant advice you've garnered over the years, which means they're going to go ahead and repeat all the same mistakes. You can say "Well she should have listened to me!" all you want, but the end result is that you're still purposefully fucking up your daughters life to punish her rather than trying to help her deal with the consequences of her actions.

If I treating them as a prisoner, that would mean they have done things to deserve it. Im not going to treat them like convicts for doing nothing wrong or making small mistakes (speeding, staying out late, etc), do you think I am out of my Freaking mind! I will always be accessible to my children, and they can always come to me for advice. If I am treating them like a convict, it means they have continually disobeyed me and their mother, acted out in school, did serious mistakes and show no willingness to make up for them (KEEP having sex after they get in trouble, KEEP drinking after they get in trouble, etc). And if they prove that they will listen to me and prove they deserve their privileges, then I will grant them. Get raise the curfew and let them stay out longer (like raise it from 8pm to 10pm), raise their allowance or even pay for something they want (within reason), let them go out of town with their significant other unattended, hell, play their cards right, I will let them stay overnight with a other half, so long as parents are there and they keep it purely platonic. That last one was actually just granted to me. I just have to run it by her mom (no dad), but knowing her Im sure it will be fine.

I bolded to the section I take issue with. If someone's continually punished for something but they don't understand what they're doing wrong, all that's going to happen is they'll resent the punisher. They're not likely to start obeying any time soon, and depending on how strong willed they are they may just keep fighting. They believe they're doing the right thing, so will resist the person telling them they're wrong. That's why I believe it's crucial to give kids solid education, where they can see the consequences of their actions for themselves. So rather than thinking "God, my dad's an asshole for grounding me - all I did was have some beer." they're thinking "I could drink this beer, but it's going to impair my judgement and potentially get me into some pretty hairy situations, so better I don't." Repeatedly creaming "OBEY ME OR SUFFER MORE!" at them is a poor strategy - particularly if your kid has strong convictions (which is an admirable trait when correctly nurtured).

Yeah, you're not impressing anyone with the tough guy act.

You think Im lying?! Its basically a right of passage here in the Midwest that when you start dating a girl, the first time you go to her home her father is going to do everything in his power to remind you that if you EVER hurt his little girl, or if you ever go beyond a PG rating before the knot is tied, he will mess you up. It has been immortalized in Song [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPC14B5Z7J4], comedy [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Myd9TO_ZN4o], and TV Tropes. [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TwerpSweating]

I don't think you're lying, I'm just thoroughly unimpressed. I have no respect for people that need to threaten violence and intimidate others to get along with them. If some girl's dad acted like that to me it wouldn't make me treat his daughter any better (I'd treat her phenomenally regardless), but I'd immediately lose all respect for him. He's only causing harm to our relationship pulling that bullshit. It's a fucking disgusting and disrespectful way to treat another person - particularly someone you just met - so he can go suck a cock for all I care.

Oh, and how do you plan to "make sure" of that? By being a control freak and dictating who they can and can't hang out with? Ha! You're only going to push them further away. Your kids will probably end up doing everything you told them not to, not because they actually want to, but because they want to rebel against their overbearing parents. So not only will you fail at keeping them out of trouble, but you'll ostracise them and make them hate you in the process. Good parenting. You sound like you have utter contempt for your future kids.

Is it really such an unacceptable thing to do to make sure that you can hang out with. Good God........

Its not like I am going to say "You cant see him/her" just to spite them, there would be a very good reason. Like they do drugs, or they are a known cheater (and since I live in a small town, word would get around), they are troublemakers/in trouble with the law. I mean, come on!! Those are completely reasonable. I have faith that they will make the right choices for friends, but I will try and keep an eye on things, trying to make sure they don't hang with anyone that could be problems or get them in trouble (IE, stoners, drinkers, swingers, etc.) If that is bad parenting, then no wonder the children of today are a bunch of little brats.

Again, there are healthier, more respectful, and arguably more effective ways of influencing who your child spends time with than just forbidding contact. If you say to your kid "You can't see that boy anymore!" guess what - they're gonna see them more just to spite you. Sit them down, express your concerns, and trust they're smart enough to look after themselves. Like all kids they're going to get into trouble from time to time, and you need to make sure they can always turn to you for help, rather than hide things from you for fear of punishment.

 

[BOOM headshot65]

Sex is one of the best things life has to offer and I feel you're missing out.

I wont deny that, but its something that should wait until you are with the one you want to spend your life with. Maybe not married necessarily (since some stupid people seem to think marrying is pointless), but at least wanting to settle down.

The midwest isn't the whole world.

I get that. But its my home, and there is no where else I would rather be. Sure, its lacking in Gay Marriage laws, but I can have all the guns I want of any kind I want, its cheap to live here, It fits my politics well (except for the aforementioned Gay Marriage, and a bit TOO heavy on the religion), and there are small towns aplenty to live in.....Just got to avoid Alma. I am related in one way or another to a very large chunk of the town (that happens when there is only 1,200 people who live there generation after generation), so might not be the best place to live if my children don't want to drive 30 miles for a date.

Kinda breaks my heart hearing that, about the toys etc. Because it's clear you had absolutely no fucking clue about the moral status or consequences of your actions - all you knew was that if you didn't obey daddy you'd be punished. And if your daddy had a faulty moral compass, congratulations - now you do too. You only learned how to submit, and never to evaluate. So all you do is stand in line and repeat exactly what you were told, unable to think for yourself.

Funny you should say that, because just about every teacher I have ever had said that I had one of the straightest moral compasses they have ever seen, and wished more teenagers were like me. And My mom, the high school principal has said the same thing, specifically "If teenagers were more like you and didn't try to be little rebels, my job would be much easier and I could enjoy time with students." I don't see why I need to know anything beyond "Don't do this or you will get punished." "Fine I wont do it" and then I get to be on my merry way. Your acting like I wasn't told what I did wrong. They would still tell me what I did wrong, and then send me to my room with nothing to do except stare at the ceiling until they said I had a long enough time out. If that's not reasonable, I will say it again, no wonder kids today are a bunch of brats.

I bolded to the section I take issue with. If someone's continually punished for something but they don't understand what they're doing wrong, all that's going to happen is they'll resent the punisher. They're not likely to start obeying any time soon, and depending on how strong willed they are they may just keep fighting. They believe they're doing the right thing, so will resist the person telling them they're wrong. That's why I believe it's crucial to give kids solid education, where they can see the consequences of their actions for themselves. So rather than thinking "God, my dad's an asshole for grounding me - all I did was have some beer." they're thinking "I could drink this beer, but it's going to impair my judgement and potentially get me into some pretty hairy situations, so better I don't." Repeatedly creaming "OBEY ME OR SUFFER MORE!" at them is a poor strategy - particularly if your kid has strong convictions (which is an admirable trait when correctly nurtured).

Implying that I wouldn't tell them these things. That doesn't change the fact that they will be grounded for it, with the length of time depending what they did. If they cant take that you get punished for actions you were told not to do, then they will find the real world to be a very harsh place.

I don't think you're lying, I'm just thoroughly unimpressed. I have no respect for people that need to threaten violence and intimidate others to get along with them. If some girl's dad acted like that to me it wouldn't make me treat his daughter any better (I'd treat her phenomenally regardless), but I'd immediately lose all respect for him. He's only causing harm to our relationship pulling that bullshit. It's a fucking disgusting and disrespectful way to treat another person - particularly someone you just met - so he can go suck a cock for all I care.

Then you're exactly the kind of person I would not want dating my daughter, and she will not date you without me and her mothers blessing (which I don't think she would give you too). It actually reminds me of a story my Mom and Grandpa like to tell about how one of the first guys who dated my mom goes to their house for the first date, and walks in and sees all my grandpas shotguns and rifles, with the deer heads and trophy bass on the wall and says
Guy: "Oh.....you guys hunt."
Grandpa: "You bet we do."
Guy: "Oh, I don't like hunting, I think it shouldn't be allowed."
Mom :*looks over at Grandpa, sees him sign language a slice across his neck, meaning "Dump him, its over."*

She broke up with him the next day.

Again, there are healthier, more respectful, and arguably more effective ways of influencing who your child spends time with than just forbidding contact. If you say to your kid "You can't see that boy anymore!" guess what - they're gonna see them more just to spite you. Sit them down, express your concerns, and trust they're smart enough to look after themselves. Like all kids they're going to get into trouble from time to time, and you need to make sure they can always turn to you for help, rather than hide things from you for fear of punishment.

And I would tell them WHY I don't want them hanging out. You seem to be making these jumps that I am not going to tell them jack shit and just expect them to figure it out on their own. But its not going to change that the decision has been made and very little would stop it.

Lets use you as an example: You are EXACTLY the kind of person I would not want my daughter dating. Your rebellious, you disrespected me, you seem to be dead set on wanting to get inside her pants, good luck getting my seal of approval, or their mothers. There are 3 ways this is going to end:

1) You crawl back and beg for your forgiveness on your knees, and then I will ask my daughter if she still wants to date you, and I will keep a close eye on you because if you EVER do anything to hurt her, its over.
2) My daughter convinces me that you are ok, you will beg for my forgiveness, and I will keep a close eye on you...........
3) You still act like a rebellious and high and mighty, Me and the wife will convince our daughter that you are a terrible person and that she can do better because you are being rebellious and will likely get her into trouble one day, plus going back to the fact that you are trying to get inside her pants and that means you are a terrible boyfriend (her mother could very easily argue that last one), she will change her mind, and then I will banish you from my home. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

 

[Carpenter]

No.

I don't have sex, I don't date.

It's a disgusting act shared with another disgusting creature. I have no desire to create a child that can be murdered in the name of "women's rights" or to have my rights as a parent stripped in exchange for a payment plan where my hard earned money is sent to the uncaring mother of my child.

Plenty of ways in today's world to create a child without dealing with manipulative, deceptive, heartless creatures. That's just my opinion, if you don't agree, that's fine.
It's my life and it doesn't need to make sense to you, it only needs to make sense to me.

 

[Carpenter]

A person received a warning for saying "Hell yes"

This is why we can't have real discussions on this forum anymore. The rules are so all over the place, it seems the mods simply ban or threaten to ban anyone or remove any post that they find in any way offensive.

There's no responsibility on the part of the mods to prove that it was a necessary action.

It doesn't even show you which mod removed it and for what reason.

 

[krazykidd]

A person received a warning for saying "Hell yes"

This is why we can't have real discussions on this forum anymore. The rules are so all over the place, it seems the mods simply ban or threaten to ban anyone or remove any post that they find in any way offensive.

There's no responsibility on the part of the mods to prove that it was a necessary action.

It doesn't even show you which mod removed it and for what reason.

It's a low content warning . The person in question receives a message and it tells them why. You could appeal and get it removed , but this time it's an obvious infraction . We also have a code of conduct page , stating what the rules are .

While " hell yes" definately answers the question at hand , it's not enough for an actual discussion . Had he said " hell yes [ because , x , y and z ] " he wouldn't have gotten a warning .

 

[krazykidd]

Me and my boyfriend (I know you said "sleep with a girl" in your question but I am inserting myself in here because you said "a question for the guys" and I am a guy) are going to celebrate our 17th anniversary Nov 2nd. We had sex the night we met. He stayed over that night, the next night, a week, and lo and behold he effectively moved in with me, and 17 years later our relationship is still going strong.

I know individual results may vary, but too many people think a serious relationship cant happen if you have sex on the first date or worse yet they deny the possibility of a serious relationship just because they had sex on the first date/the night they met. How many lonely prudes/goody-two-shoes missed the love of their life because of this arbitrary nonsense?

However, I have held off in the initial phase of dating because I knew the other person wasn't going to continue/accept the relationship if it came down to it. Ironically, that relationship only lasted about 3 weeks, and I don't miss him at all.

Captcha: Ready When You Need It

Yup, that's how I like 'em. ;P

Oh dude , i'm sorry , a oversight in my thread. Appreciate , the response though. I still have the bad habbit of writing girl when i mean partner . I'm working on it though .

Also , for all the , wait until marriage guys , i'm sorry i forgot you too . I'm so damn permiscuous , that i forget some people choose to wait until marriage ! I'm going to update my OP.

 

[Collin Stewart]

well lets generalize.... YES 1000 times, why not?
One thing i won't do is go out with anyone who "waits till the thrid date" or "3 month rule" or any bullshit like that. Such things only put arbitrary barriers on regular human behavior because of outdated customs.

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

I'm gonna go with no. The only way that I would is if I knew her for a long time and we already get along well(basically start dating a friend).

Captcha: Up to 10 Years