Poll: Am I allowed to be jealous?

[Supernatural Girl]

So me and this guy are friends with benefits. We aren't seeing each other or dating, agreeing instead to keeping our options open, but we happen to have sex fairly frequently when hanging out together (this is usually cuddling up watching DVD's) and we are good friends, sharing a few hobbies.

So, I discover he's got his penis in a few other pies, which I'm not really bothered about. But one of the girls is someone I know. Now there is a face to this abstract concept of keeping our options open.

I think I am a little bit jealous of her, but I don't know why. So, I'm wondering what you guys think. Am I allowed to be jealous? And can you suggest any reason why I might be jealous? I've a couple of thoughts, but I'd like to know what you think. : )

 

[Kwaren]

I am a bit old fashioned so I am against having more that one partner at a time.

 

[Blackadder51]

Well its human nature to be jealous. (well i think it is?)

However this could also show underlying and/or subconscious thoughts about the guy.

 

[anthony87]

Despite what people say, there's no sex without emotion. One party will always be slightly more emotionally involved than the other so your jealousy is natural.

 

[Mockingjay]

I think it's normal and natural and doesn't really need a solid reason, though you seem to have yourself figured out so it probably won't affect you and your 'partner'. I can't imagine being with someone intimately though knowing he was with other people. Isn't it difficult at times? This isn't meant in a bad way at all I'm just curious.

 

[Crystalite]

As far as I can tell, situations like these will always get someone hurt. There is no such thing as regular sex without a relationship, no matter how hard you try to deny it.

If you want the jealousy to stop, you can come out with your feelings to him and see what happens, or just get out of that situation.

 

[sunburst]

You're certainly allowed to be jealous. It'd be absurd to say you couldn't feel a certain way. Whether or not it'd be right to act on your jealousy is the real question here. I can see two basic reasons you'd be jealous. Either you've developed deeper feelings for him and want a real relationship or you haven't developed those feelings and just don't want to share your toy. If it's the former, you should talk to him and see if he's developed similar feelings. If it's the latter, I honestly don't think anything I might say could possibly change things for you.

Of course, I could be completely off target here.

 

[Rarhnor]

I am a bit old fashioned so I am against having more that one partner at a time.

We're a dying breed

 

[Keava]

So me and this guy are friends with benefits. We aren't seeing each other or dating, agreeing instead to keeping our options open, but we happen to have sex fairly frequently when hanging out together (this is usually cuddling up watching DVD's) and we are good friends, sharing a few hobbies.

So, I discover he's got his penis in a few other pies, which I'm not really bothered about. But one of the girls is someone I know. Now there is a face to this abstract concept of keeping our options open.

I think I am a little bit jealous of her, but I don't know why. So, I'm wondering what you guys think. Am I allowed to be jealous? And can you suggest any reason why I might be jealous? I've a couple of thoughts, but I'd like to know what you think. : )

Well you both agreed to open relationship, is it not so? You can't blame him for playing with your friends if they accept the openness as well, and if they don't, its them who can be jealous. You made your choice pretty early, so you can either reconsider the whole open-relationship deal, or just find yourself a new play toy if you cant stand the thought of him playing with your friend... Third option would be doing it all together, but well, guess unless you really want it, its not something moi should recommend ^^

 

[Palademon]

Well, i'd certainly be annoyed if my friend with benefits was having other friends with benefits. That's not keeping options open, that's more like using someone. I thoguht the idea was to have benfits with one person until they find someone they want to actually be with, then they stop.

 

[Burwood123]

You've probably developed feeling for him,

 

[Supernatural Girl]

I can't imagine being with someone intimately though knowing he was with other people. Isn't it difficult at times? This isn't meant in a bad way at all I'm just curious.

No harm. It wasn't difficult to ignore until, like I said, I had a face of someone I have met. He hadn't been with her for a while, but they started chatting again on MSN.

You're certainly allowed to be jealous. It'd be absurd to say you couldn't feel a certain way. Whether or not it's be right to act on your jealousy is the real question here. I can see two basic reasons you'd be jealous. Either you've developed deeper feelings for him and want a real relationship or you haven't developed those feelings and just don't want to share your toy. If it's the former, you should talk to him and see if he's developed similar feelings. If it's the latter, I honestly don't think anything I might say could possibly change things for you.

Of course, I could be completely off target here.

I don't love him and I don't think he'd make a very good boyfriend at the moment, so we could chalk this up to my only-child status and not wanting to share ^^

 

[Woodsey]

I'm pretty there's rules where you don't look into what (or who) the other person's doing.

As for you being jealous, maybe you like him a little, or maybe you're just annoyed because you know her so you don't feel so special anymore (because there's a certain disconnect between you and the others).

Or maybe you need to think about it less and get jiggy more often, who knows?

 

[PandyBear]

I am a bit old fashioned so I am against having more that one partner at a time.

We're a dying breed

i second this motion

 

[latenightapplepie]

Sure you can be jealous. I mean, if you're jealous, you're jealous, and whether it's allowed or not is fairly irrelevant.

What could be quite questionable would be if you attacked and criticized him for having sex with other girls. I mean, he's within the 'rules' you both established when you started the open relationship, no?

So, yes, you're allowed to be jealous.

On your second point, there could be two reasons why your jealous, I think. The first; a spiteful, mean kind of jealousy where you are jealous of the other girl getting some action from your fuckbuddy. The second; you honestly have feelings for the guy and it's only your desire to be monogamous with him and for him to be monogamous with you that's making you jealous.

I can see two basic reasons you'd be jealous. Either you've developed deeper feelings for him and want a real relationship or you haven't developed those feelings and just don't want to share your toy.

I should really read other people's replies before posting. Oh well.
[sub][sub]Curse you, ninja![/sub][/sub]

 

[Vrach]

Well, based on your latest post, I'd say just forget about the jealousy and get used to sharing, that's what your relationship is about anyway.

 

[Ganthrinor]

So me and this guy are friends with benefits. We aren't seeing each other or dating, agreeing instead to keeping our options open, but we happen to have sex fairly frequently when hanging out together (this is usually cuddling up watching DVD's) and we are good friends, sharing a few hobbies.

So, I discover he's got his penis in a few other pies, which I'm not really bothered about. But one of the girls is someone I know. Now there is a face to this abstract concept of keeping our options open.

I think I am a little bit jealous of her, but I don't know why. So, I'm wondering what you guys think. Am I allowed to be jealous? And can you suggest any reason why I might be jealous? I've a couple of thoughts, but I'd like to know what you think. : )

You are a woman and do not operate on the solid foundations of logic, therefore you are allowed to feel however you damn well please without having to justify it anyone or anything.


In all seriousness though, you shouldn't be at all surprised at his actions or your instinctive immediate response. You should totally have a three-way to see if you're more jealous of him or her. And tape it.[small]Then PM it to me.[/small]


Totally should.

 

[SultanP]

You're always allowed to be jealous. I don't believe in thoughts being wrong. It's what you do that counts.
Anyway, people are generally possessive, and knowing one of the other people that he's with might make it more real to you, thus making you jealous. Just a guess, I don't know.

 

[JRShield]

No, you have to be more than lovers before you may become jealous IMHO.