Poll: Am I allowed to be jealous?

[Plazmatic]

So me and this guy are friends with benefits. We aren't seeing each other or dating, agreeing instead to keeping our options open, but we happen to have sex fairly frequently when hanging out together (this is usually cuddling up watching DVD's) and we are good friends, sharing a few hobbies.

So, I discover he's got his penis in a few other pies, which I'm not really bothered about. But one of the girls is someone I know. Now there is a face to this abstract concept of keeping our options open.

I think I am a little bit jealous of her, but I don't know why. So, I'm wondering what you guys think. Am I allowed to be jealous? And can you suggest any reason why I might be jealous? I've a couple of thoughts, but I'd like to know what you think. : )

who said you aren't? case and point, I'm not sure how we are supposed to continue to create a discussion on the thread, since it is pretty much a yes or no question, your pretty much trolling if you don't say yes or no in your posts at this point.

 

[quiet_samurai]

So me and this guy are friends with benefits. We aren't seeing each other or dating, agreeing instead to keeping our options open, but we happen to have sex fairly frequently when hanging out together (this is usually cuddling up watching DVD's) and we are good friends, sharing a few hobbies.

So, I discover he's got his penis in a few other pies, which I'm not really bothered about. But one of the girls is someone I know. Now there is a face to this abstract concept of keeping our options open.

I think I am a little bit jealous of her, but I don't know why. So, I'm wondering what you guys think. Am I allowed to be jealous? And can you suggest any reason why I might be jealous? I've a couple of thoughts, but I'd like to know what you think. : )

I've been in that arrangement before to and have been slightly jealous of others, It's only human. If I were you I would go out and find another person as well and accidentally have them meet or something. As a guy, I know for a fact, he will probably say something which will give you the cahnce to say what you want as well.

So being jealous is natural, it's how you react to it that should matter.

 

[razer17]

If you're jealous it probably shows that you like him as more than a friend with benefits. So you have to keep the jealousy to yourself unless you want to take it further and get in an exclusive relationship.

 

[jarhead_h]

Well, let me think.... NO. You walked into this with your eyes open, you don't have a right to be jealous, despite the fact that you obviously are and had you entered into a traditional relationship with said young guy you would be well within your rights to beat the crap outa' him. Relationships aren't about "keeping your options open," they are about narrowing them down, hence the jealousy.

That said, if you can stand a guy that so casually approaches things of this import, then lay claim to him and see if he's willing to reciprocate. If not, rip him out of your life because he's not worthy of your time.

 

[Interference]

It's not really a question of whether you're "allowed" or not. Emotions don't have a ruleset you're meant to stick to. The truth is, you wouldn't be in such a ridiculous situation if you hadn't agreed to such a protracted relationship that was plainly going to lead to heartbreak and jealousy.

Knock the whole thing on the head and find someone else.

 

[Therumancer]

So me and this guy are friends with benefits. We aren't seeing each other or dating, agreeing instead to keeping our options open, but we happen to have sex fairly frequently when hanging out together (this is usually cuddling up watching DVD's) and we are good friends, sharing a few hobbies.

So, I discover he's got his penis in a few other pies, which I'm not really bothered about. But one of the girls is someone I know. Now there is a face to this abstract concept of keeping our options open.

I think I am a little bit jealous of her, but I don't know why. So, I'm wondering what you guys think. Am I allowed to be jealous? And can you suggest any reason why I might be jealous? I've a couple of thoughts, but I'd like to know what you think. : )

Without knowing her all I can think of is that maybe you think the gentleman involved likes her better, or for some reason you think she's having more fun with this than you are. Or maybe she's just better looking in your mind or something. Hard to say because I'm not there.

As far as the title goes, everyone is entitled to feel their own emotions, and even to express them. Though massive negative expression (such as attacking another person physically or verbally) can have it's repercussions, sometimes more than it should. Not that I nessicarily think this would go there from what your saying.

The bottom line is everyone gets jealous, it happens. It's all about how you deal with it.

 

[Betancore]

You're definitely allowed to feel jealous, or indeed to feel whatever you want to feel about the situation. While you're aware he's sleeping with other people, the fact that you know this girl means that the 'other people' he's sleeping with are no longer distant, ambiguous people. It brings it much closer, because you know her. Maybe it's because you've discovered someone to direct your jealousy at? Or perhaps you've developed feelings for this guy?

Try talking it over with him, make it known how you feel. Because right now, if you've agreed to be in an open relationship with someone, then you shouldn't be feeling jealous. (Doesn't mean you can't feel jealous though.) But because you are, then maybe you don't want to keep your options open. Maybe you want him to be seeing you exclusively.

 

[Sebenko]

Tell them.

Will it sort thing out? who knows.

Better than keeping quiet and letting jealousy fester.

 

[_Cake_]

"which I'm not really bothered about" YES YOU ARE!

If you weren't bothered by it you wouldn't be doubting yourself right now, you wouldn't be bringing this up. I know you wanna be one of those cool chicks who is like "I just have sex for fun, I don't get attached" but your not. In reality those women are broken and have attachment issues. It's naturally human of you to want a relationship. You need a guy who isn't going to just use you for sex. Your young and cute (and I'm guess a geek by your presence here ) you can find a guy who will be willing to hump you and you alone with pride.

Also if he has a lot of sexual partners he's more likely to catch a STD even if he tested clean when you started.

 

[spartan231490]

at once yes and no, no one can really control how they feel so yes you have the right to be jelous. But you told him he could, you're not in a relationship, your just having sex when you feel like it. You have no possesive hold over him, and no right to act on that jelousy.
That said, maybe your jelousy is a sign that you two should quit the "friends with benifits" bs, and just start dating. that's my opinion.

 

[standokan]

No, you don't love him sooo why care about that. And if you really can't live with it go out and find somebody new.

 

[MissPixxie]

I am a bit old fashioned so I am against having more that one partner at a time.

We're a dying breed

i second this motion

I... third(?) this motion =[

In my eyes, you have no right to be jealous. You're in an open relationship, that's what you both agreed to. He's being open, just like you agreed.

 

[Purity_Lake]

its obviously because ye 2 do it

 

[AVATAR_RAGE]

Well, i'd certainly be annoyed if my friend with benefits was having other friends with benefits. That's not keeping options open, that's more like using someone. I thoguht the idea was to have benfits with one person until they find someone they want to actually be with, then they stop.

I agree.


Though I must say Supernatural Girl if your feeling hurt talk to him about it. Maybe your feeling jealous becuase you actually care about this person. Maybe he actually feels the same way about you.

 

[UnravThreads]

Of course you're not! You're friends with benefits so you being jealous is not allowed at all

It's cool if you feel that way and keep it to yourself, but it's pretty much tough shit. You have no right to be angry with him I'm afraid!

That's just the cold, hard truth.

Agreed.

It's a situation you put yourself in, and I think it's a case of either getting over it and continuing with him, or you end it and find yourself someone else.

 

[child of lileth]

Of course you're allowed to be jealous. Just like how you're allowed to not be. As for reasons why you might be, probably because you know her, like you said. That's really all there is to it, unless you are jealous that he is in a relationship with her or something, and you aren't in one.

 

[drdamo]

Do you question your own worth? Or simpler said, how is your self-esteem?
Are you honest towards yourself and your true feelings?
If you believe in yourself and your own actions as being just (enough), then you don't have to compare your life to that of another and therefore you shouldn't feel the weight of jealousy.

If you doubt yourself or are dishonest however (even for a small part), chances are that the jealousy is a failsafe reaction as the other girl can be a risk towards your currently "stable" situation.
If he eventually does like her and the feeling is mutual, they might end up getting a relationship, meaning things will change and you will loose both the "benefits" aswell as how your friendship with the other girl currently is. And since you have no stereotypical relationship you can't blame anyone for anything but yourself. So don't blame yourself, ghehe.

I've had jealousy problems for quite some time in the past (in such a way that my best friend walked away with the girl i loved and the only person to blame was me; yet we all are still close friends nowadays), and i do admit it is human, and yes our society thrives upon it as it being one of our most basic foundations, but if you ask me its nothing but a waste of time, energy and money and gives humanity a common weak spot to be exploited on.
Eventually i tossed away my jealousy, stopped making unrealistic expectations and stopped comparing my own choices with those arround me and i'm feeling much more relaxed and happy then i've ever felt before!

I hope things eventually work out for you, i wouldn't be a happy camper either if i had to loose something i enjoyed without having any influence on the outcome.

 

[CrashBang]

You've probably developed feeling for him,

Simple as. Nobody can have sex with someone and spend time cuddling with them etc without starting to actually like them in a real sense. So yeah you should be jealous and he shouldn't be sleeping around, even if the girls are ok with it. I don't believe in it. I have a gf and I could never cheat on her or split my attention between her and someone else. I sound old fashioned and I like it