Poll: Am I allowed to be jealous?

[Guitarmasterx7]

So why have sex with more people? Once sex is plentiful and readily available and commitment is nul, what's the point?

....Once you get to that seemingly perfect balance of casual sex the need for more causal sex is erased, because the point of casual sex is having sex without being in a relationship.

Umm, you do realize that different people fuck differently right? Especially if one of them has a certain fetish or something. Even if frosted flakes are your favorite cereal you might still want to have coco puffs once in a while, you dig?

 

[Danpascooch]

So, I discover he's got his penis in a few other pies

Nice Euphemism there, here's a tip though, substituting in the word "pie" doesn't really help when you leave the word "penis" where it is...lol.

Sure, you can be jealous, and you can talk to him about it, but if the relationship was open, you shouldn't hold it against him.

 

[DarkDain]

I'm not one to preach to others, but I'd say that by the very nature of your relationship, you forgo any pretence of "jealousy" when you agree to share your partner with others.

What he said. You sound like a tramp, your attracted to a man-tramp, so you should probably not complain when it all goes bad.

 

[BlumiereBleck]

So me and this guy are friends with benefits. We aren't seeing each other or dating, agreeing instead to keeping our options open, but we happen to have sex fairly frequently when hanging out together (this is usually cuddling up watching DVD's) and we are good friends, sharing a few hobbies.

So, I discover he's got his penis in a few other pies, which I'm not really bothered about. But one of the girls is someone I know. Now there is a face to this abstract concept of keeping our options open.

I think I am a little bit jealous of her, but I don't know why. So, I'm wondering what you guys think. Am I allowed to be jealous? And can you suggest any reason why I might be jealous? I've a couple of thoughts, but I'd like to know what you think. : )

Well if you're jealous it sounds like you might have some feelings for him.

 

[zehydra]

Well, first of all, totally ditch the concept that you're not seeing him. You can't just define what constitutes a "relationship" by what you agree upon. You are in some kind of relationship by the very fact that you, on some kind of regular basis decide to fuck him. Now this obviously is not the same kind of relationship as a romantic relationship or dating but this is a relationship nonetheless. In every relationship it's possible to hurt someone, so don't go treating this guy like a sex toy. He is after all, human.

 

[Aesir23]

Jealousy is a normal reaction I would guess if you're emotionally attached to the guy. But you should've expected that something like this would happen since you guys are only "friends with benefits" and you've agreed to keep the relationship open. As far as I know, you didn't tell him not to sleep with anyone you knew. So personally, I kind of feel that you brought this on yourself.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

You are allowed to be jealous I suppose. This is of course the problem with the open relationship, and the moment it becomes something other than the abstract concept that they are likely intimate with others, I'd say most would become jealous naturally. So, while you have the right to be jealous, you must also realize that you invited this situation upon yourself.

 

[SpecklePattern]

I think I am a little bit jealous of her, but I don't know why. So, I'm wondering what you guys think. Am I allowed to be jealous? And can you suggest any reason why I might be jealous? I've a couple of thoughts, but I'd like to know what you think. : )

Damn girl, surely you feel jealous. You have grown some feelings towards him, I think. You can not just hang around with someone and not bond with that person. Human nature. So actually it is not about "are you allowed to be jealous" but more like "can you not get jealous." If you would not get jealous, it would be a lot more odd behaviour.

I actually am so old fashioned in my emotions that I could have not done the "options open" kind of relationships with anyone. I would attach myself to my partner and if that partner would hook up with someone else, it would torture me inside.

 

[Nouw]

Its obvious you've developed feelings for him.

You can be jealous but I suggest you don't show it.

 

[SnipErlite]

People enjoy sex - this means they can have sex with anyone they find attractive, on top of fairly regular sex with the friend.

So, here's what I don't get about that reasoning.

Why?

In the name of Sonic the Hedgehog, why?

Why would anybody have a stable partner with whom they can have sex presumably at any time they want and still want to have sex with other people?

I can get being in a closed relationship that is not 100% satisfying and wanting sex from other people. That's reasonable. That works. But that's not what this is. This is a couple of people who make a pact to have casual sex without any compromise because they are too immature to not be terrified of compromise and at the same time they don't want to think too much about the subject because that would mean they are grownups now and that's friggin' scary.

So, in the spirit of that teenage bullshit, your mission is complete. You are having the sex. Body parts are interacting. Done and done.

So why have sex with more people? Once sex is plentiful and readily available and commitment is nul, what's the point?

Of course I get what the point is. Teenage sex is all about insecurity, and the more sexual partners you have the less your feel like the irrelevant little twit you really are because obviously people really like you and you rock. But still, for me that arrangement has always negated itself. Once you get to that seemingly perfect balance of casual sex the need for more causal sex is erased, because the point of casual sex is having sex without being in a relationship. So if you agree to not being in a relationship with your recurring partner... well, you know what I mean.

Oh, and lady, no, you don't get to be the star of your own sitcom. Go make up your mind. Or just propose and let him decide for you. Whatever floats your boat.

Well sex with someone is always different to sex with another person, some people don't like the same kind of sex over and over. They say variety is the spice of life, or some shit, and although you can vary it with a single person that might not be as different as a whole new person is.

And if the sex is plentiful/readily available, not having sex with anyone else would mean there is commitment, which isn't the aim of this. I suppose it's more along the lines of they find this person attractive, and enjoy sex with them, but at the same time want sex with other people too because not having anyone else at any time would mean they were committing to the first person.

Or something, I don't even know if that's coherent. But hey. I don't really know.

 

[RN7]

Let me say this to start: Part of me wishes that I had a setup like your good friend over there.

I suppose you have a right to jealous towards the other chick, but I'd think the target of your frustration would be your male friend, seeing as you share some sort of connection, and yet he still receives sex from you, and other sources.

I don't know, do what you want, like maybe trying to pursue a deeper relation with the male.

 

[Capt. Crankypants]

Nope. Shouldn't be jealous. She's in a mirrored position to you after all.
Don't get jealous over things like that, it's kinda petty. You're having good sex no strings attached, just be happy.
(Has a sneaky feeling that after 4 pages of comments you and everyone else has stopped caring about responses)

 

[LostTimeLady]

It sounds to me like this might be the sort of wake-up call to decide whether you want to be exclusive with this lad or not. What I mean is, if you feel jelous, the obviously it isn't superficial and it's clear that the pair of you spend a lot of time together and share lots of similar interests, so why not go all the way and become an exclusive couple?
Clearly sleeping together hasn't damaged your friendship which might mean that it was definately more than just that to begin with.

Think about, chat to him and see where things go. He has a right to know how you feel I might add other wise things could get akward really fast.

 

[BonsaiK]

So me and this guy are friends with benefits. We aren't seeing each other or dating, agreeing instead to keeping our options open, but we happen to have sex fairly frequently when hanging out together (this is usually cuddling up watching DVD's) and we are good friends, sharing a few hobbies.

So, I discover he's got his penis in a few other pies, which I'm not really bothered about. But one of the girls is someone I know. Now there is a face to this abstract concept of keeping our options open.

I think I am a little bit jealous of her, but I don't know why. So, I'm wondering what you guys think. Am I allowed to be jealous? And can you suggest any reason why I might be jealous? I've a couple of thoughts, but I'd like to know what you think. : )

I've discussed this in the Relationship Problem thread at the following link: ----?http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=40#7041161

 

[joemu362]

I think you have the right to be jealous, honestly. It's a natural deal, after all. You like a dude and he decides to, er, satisfy the serpent, with your friends, then yeah, like you said -- it's not just an abstract concept in your mind anymore. Yeah you want to keep things casual and not be in a full-on committed relationship, which is normal for someone your age. (Heck, I'd almost say it's a little abnormal considering kids today.) But the problem lies in how you decide to act on this jealousy. It may be worth it to sit the bloke down and talk with him about it, what all's going on in your head and see what he thinks about it. Handle it like a mature young adult and things should work out smoothly. If he throws a fit, well, then he's not really the guy you thought he was, right?

 

[jthm]

Nope, you're a hypocrite. Admit that he means more to you than just a fuck buddy and talk with him about it, or continue feeling this way.