Poll: Anyone more interested in love sex as opposed to casual sex?

[kissthebottle]

I picked "Not A Fan of the Poll Options" because casual sex is my preference and I don't feel "emptiness" or whatever from it. It's quite the opposite in fact.

I'm in a long term, stable relationship that's 3+ years long. It's the only stable relationship I've ever been in aside from one LDR that only lasted a few months. That said, sex for "looooove" is a really strange concept to me and I don't understand it. My feelings sort of exist outside of sex and the two are entirely different entities for me and I don't know how to really incorporate love feels into sex. Its kind of the last thing on my mind because sex for me was always "hey I am super attracted to you let's do it!"

I actually prefer casual sex more. I mean I think part of it was the thrill of different partners, and no two people are the same and that makes things interesting and engaging to me and what I always enjoyed about it and what made it really fun for me. With "relationship" sex there's always that thing in the back of my mind that's "this is supposed to mean something right???" and that's how it's been with all partners I have loved or felt feelings for (I've loved some of my partners even though we were never officially in a relationship, to clarify).

That's why I'm kind of finding myself in this weird bout of being incredibly sexually frustrated. I really wish my partner was down with being polyamorous. My partner isn't very adventurous in bed and I accepted that about him a long time ago (I love him very very much romantic styles and as a person). But also being pansexual, he can't really give me everything I want sexually (read, I really would love to hook up with women from time to time too. I miss that).

It's kinda proven that I'm capable of it because I've had Friends With Benefits type situations with a lot of my friends and we are all still friends to this day, no awkwardness, mutual respect and happiness for the relationships we've found, etc. Those were some good times.

 

[Johnny Impact]

No casual sex here thanks.

Of course, no loveydovey sex either. I know, cue self-pitying foreveralone rant. But seriously, I figured out a long time ago I am fundamentally unsuited to companionship. Which type of sex I would rather have is entirely moot when I have neither.

 

[ashpah111]

i think the truth is casual sex is like masturbating - not that that is not enjoyable. its just using the other persons body in place of your hand. what is really nice about sex is when you feel you are giving the other person pleasure. that you can bring that much excitement and enjoyment to another person is the real pleasure of sex. and to do that requires that the other person trusts you and respects you - which obviously needs the context of a relationship.

perhaps that would explain the OP's original question?

 

[ashpah111]

its a bit like that film Don Juan with Julianne Moore.
she was teaching the guy that sex can be more than masturbating if you care about making your partner happy.

 

[kissthebottle]

i think the truth is casual sex is like masturbating - not that that is not enjoyable. its just using the other persons body in place of your hand. what is really nice about sex is when you feel you are giving the other person pleasure. that you can bring that much excitement and enjoyment to another person is the real pleasure of sex. and to do that requires that the other person trusts you and respects you - which obviously needs the context of a relationship.

perhaps that would explain the OP's original question?

Actually, nah, not always. It depends on the individuals having sex. I have had many sex partners in which I had trust or respect with. Just because we would booty call each other and neither of us wanted a relationship didn't diminish that aspect. I mean a good handful of casual sex partners I've had were in fact good friends of mine. I think it's super respectful to be up front and honest about your intentions "hey I just wanna hookup and I'm not looking for a relationship, so don't get attached like that please." I definitely prefer that blunt honesty to wishy washy feelings that complicate what should be a good time. When I learned (very quickly) that you didn't have to try to go for a relationship to have sex and do the emotional roller coaster of "do they like me or don't they" I became much happier and enjoyed my sex life far more. Hell a vibrator can get the job done a lot faster (and even better) than another human and that's kind of a whole different experience than the mystery of discovering someone else's body and getting them off. If you're paying attention to whoever you're having sex with in the act, whether it's a fling or your significant other, you can kinda tell quick what is or isn't working.

But honestly it does boil down to personal preference. That's just my personal feelings and preferences and I understand that there are people who don't feel comfortable having sex or enjoy it unless it's with a person they love. That's ok too. Demisexuality is a thing (a term used to describe people who specifically only prefer to have sex with partners they have strong feelings/love for). I just don't think it's as cut and dry and all encompassing dynamic that applies to everyone like you described.

 

[Nieroshai]

having sex

Plebs.

But seriously, I'm not interested enough in sex to have either, I'd rather just be a decent friend than a love interest.

As if it was impossible to be both...

 

[Yopaz]

Plus,sex isn't that big of a deal. It's just an activity that two ( or more) people engage it. Like going to the movies, or bowling.

Without the shoe hire cost as a rule. Or popcorn.

There are chicks that don't make you buy popcorn or hire shoes before you bang? Where are these mythical creatures?

OT: I wouldn't mind either, but I would prefer someone I love. This might have to do with my social anxiety and the fact that it takes a long time for me to get comfortable around people.

 

[T8B95]

Why not both?

Seriously, both have their place, and both can be very enjoyable with the proper partner. To limit yourself to one or the other is like to choose whether to only have strawberry or chocolate ice cream for the rest of your life. Yeah I guess you could, but why the hell would you want to?

 

[Jadak]

Sex is sex, the only difference I find between love and casual is the consistency in which it occurs. So on that note, I prefer the 'love' or relationship variety simply because the consistency leads to better familiarity with each other / better sex.

If I had someone with which I could have that same consistency on a casual basis, then sex is sex and it makes little difference.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

I think I am too much of a hopeless romantic. I suppose if somebody I thought was attractive managed to proposition me for sex without putting me off(a few women have thrown themselves at me during parties, but I don't like it for some reason and usually end up putting them off with my lack of interest. My friends think the reason Ive never been with a woman is that I'm shy but really I just don't care about most people who are interested in me at clubs and parties.

 

[lacktheknack]

having sex

Plebs.

But seriously, I'm not interested enough in sex to have either, I'd rather just be a decent friend than a love interest.

As if it was impossible to be both...

I'd rather be one, not the other. That's what I'm trying to say.

 

[Smooth Operator]

I'm an OK looking dude with a dork personality, take what I can get is the only option.
And yes having sex with an amazing person whom you have an amazing relationship with is by far the most amazing, but relationships bring just as much bad as they do good and sex is absolutely never guaranteed.

So in conclusion, if you want something done right...

 

[TheVampwizimp_v1legacy]

Ah, sex at 18. I remember when everyone was having that except me...

To be honest, I would have killed to be 18 and surrounded by friendly ladies looking for casual sex. I missed out on a pretty major youth experience, and I would advise you not to make the same mistake. Have some fun, maybe you'll be lucky enough to meet a girl who's really special, and this will all be a moot point in a couple years.

 

[jklinders]

Disclosure. I am currently in a committed relationship, but was also abstinent during a lengthy period (like close to 10 years, I'm fussy like that) when I was not in one.

Casual sex is one of those activities that carries with it a set of risks that I am not prepared to take. these risks apply to guys and gals alike to the point where I am seriously beginning to question the impulse control of people who insist on engaging in it.

the risks include but are not restricted to catching a disease, unwanted pregnancy with a near total stranger, assault, being accused of assault and next morning regret.

I'll accept abstinence over undertaking the risk of any of that shit thank you very much.

 

[Overusedname]

I kind of knew that #4 would win before I voted.

I think a lot of people LIKE the person they have sexy times with, they just don't date. There is a lot love there, just not quite romantic. It's complicated, but flexible.

Personally I'm not in just some random fling, I sometimes do 'casual' stuff with one of my best friends. It doesn't harm how we interact, and we care about eachother a lot. She has boundaries, I have boundaries, we keep them in mind, and have fun. And stay very safe. We mostly just hang out and play games and go on walks, and then occasionally...ya know, stuff. I might stop doing this stuff if I find myself in a committed thing, and she might too, and we'd be okay with that. We go long periods of time not doing it, and we're brutally honest with eachother so if there's a problem it get's addressed and fixed.

Maybe that's not what this poll was supposed to be about, I'm just saying there's a lot of options that aren't listed here. And that's fine. Just sayin'.

 

[Maxtro]

Growing up I was an introverted short guy with depression. So it shouldn't be surprising that I struggled with women.

I didn't get my first girlfriend until I was 31. While she wasn't my first sexual partner, she was the first woman I had any sort of regular sex with. She was the first woman I've experienced "love sex" with. She dumped me after six months.

Almost a year later I started a casual only thing with a woman. The sex with her is really good, but it is missing the emotional aspect. Also with a GF the sex was more regular. My ex would come over and stay at my place for several days a week and my FWB basically just decides on a whim when she wants to have sex.

For me, casual sex is infinitely better than no sex, but relationship sex is just the best.

 

[Azure23]

Married sex is pretty awesome. In my experience a one night stand woman won't let me do the kinda things that my wife will. And that's fine and all, I certainly wouldn't expect that out of a casual encounter. I tend to only be fulfilled sexually when my partner is, so all of my high school hookups were at least satisfactory, but all in all I definitely prefer sex in a committed relationship. There's just something to be said about the act of physical love between two people who are so comfortable with each other, who know each other's kinks and the best way to please each other. I suppose that could extend to a long term friends with benefits arrangement too, something which I've never had. But I would assume (and I think it's a pretty safe assumption) that extreme emotional attachment would elevate committed relationship sex over that as well.