Poll: Are unrealistically high standards keeping people from finding love/getting laid?

[Rabish Bini]

-quality post-

I like you. Mainly for the 'afraid to talk to women' part.
I'll never understand why some men have trouble talking to women, it's not like they bite or anything.

Oh, and for the whole nice guy vs jerk thing, whoever said the whole 'say what you want vs coward' thing is correct. Outright jerks never win, but then those who are too afraid to crack an edgy joke or whatever here or there rarely do either.

My 2 cents.

 

[StormShaun]

I keep hoping their is the right girl for me and I think I have found her since she is my best friend's sister...shes pretty much perfect, I like her looks, her personality and she keeps making me more intrested in her.

 

[Viral_Lola]

I'll admit, I have unrealistic expectations about love but then I blame Disney. In all honesty I wouldn't date somebody based on looks alone. I wouldn't mind a sweet nerdy guy with wit.

 

[Nickolai77]

I like you. Mainly for the 'afraid to talk to women' part.
I'll never understand why some men have trouble talking to women, it's not like they bite or anything.

Well, i don't have any trouble talking to women as friends, many of my friends are female. I think the distinction though is talking to women in a such a way that gets one either laid or a girlfriend or both. The language one uses plus the patterns of behaviour are totally different to making friends with one, and not one that all guy's grasp or particularly like doing.

 

[Seives-Sliver]

It's a mix of some guys having too high standards for the girls they want, thinking they can get laid with someone obviously out of their league, but it is also the same for some girls that only like certain men, I mean, look at certain movies, or watch Doug, and you can see that some girls steryotype themselves into believing that they only deserve the best, while some guys are just too meek and mild to take a chance.

 

[Rabish Bini]

I like you. Mainly for the 'afraid to talk to women' part.
I'll never understand why some men have trouble talking to women, it's not like they bite or anything.

Well, i don't have any trouble talking to women as friends, many of my friends are female. I think the distinction though is talking to women in a such a way that gets one either laid or a girlfriend or both. The language one uses plus the patterns of behaviour are totally different to making friends with one, and not one that all guy's grasp or particularly like doing.

Y'know, you actually make a fair point. I'm okay in that regard, can be a bit awkward, but all part of my charm

But yeah, that's actually fair enough

 

[Insideout Ink Demon]

well, I've a friend who will only date what i would call "stunning women"
he goes out with these girls purely on that criteria(dont get me wrong, i know you need initial attraction, but you need a connection to stay together imo) goes through stages of being happy, arguing, splitting up, being sad and lonely, getting back together and the cycle starts again until 1 or 2 years down the line when they both just have to walk away.

then a few months of being single n miserable, finds someone else n pow, here we go again.
its painful to watch, n the guys 32, i must have known him 15 years, he aint gonna grow out of this like some of us have.

ive suggested lowering his standards n dating more on personality, but as someone previously said; they're his standards, its the criteria he uses.

lol since i btrought it up, he's single at the mo, any advice that would help would be appreciated

 

[Booze Zombie]

Getting laid isn't that big a deal, I just want to have a partner who I find attractive and is pretty much otherwise a female version of myself, obviously not 100% like me, but you've probably got my meaning.

I mean, I see plenty of very sexy girls, but I don't know them, I don't know what they like or even if they're nice people I would care to know, so it's kind of a boring "game", running around hoping you'll get lucky and bump into someone who just happens to not have an STD, not be an asshole or any other number of unpleasant variations on a theme.

lol since i btrought it up, he's single at the mo, any advice that would help would be appreciated

Tell him to find a female version of himself, as it were, someone he'd actually like talk to and have sex with.

 

[Dogstile]

Jerks get laid more often than nice guys

I should know, i've been on both sides of the jerk/nice guy barrier and I got far more action as a jerk.

Anyway, its the superficial ones not getting girls, which is the way its always been, nothings changed.

Listen to this guy.

But I've always wondered something. When you say you were a jerk, were you actually a complete dick to them (as in hinting they aren't good enough), or were you more just joking around?

That was never really clear to me.

Well, its a bit of both to be honest. I was a jerk in the sense of I would take the piss out of them but because everything I do is in a jokey manner, it wasn't being a massive douchebag. So i'd say I was being a jokey jerk.

Although when me and warcraft girl broke up the first and second time, I was a dick, a massive, massive dick and she still thinks i'm awesome. Dunno how that worked out.

Jerks get laid more often than nice guys

Only if you're single. There's no way that a jerk can get as much as a nice guy in a steady relationship, without going out most nights of the week and being successful in his conquests which is unlikely (in my experiences at least).

Not really, considering most jerks I know are always in relationships and get laid most nights a week. *Totally hasn't walked in on them 4 times in one week, seriously, they should lock the damn door or be louder, i didn't realise*

 

[ms_sunlight]

I don't know why so many people are flinging the word "settle" around - I know this sounds cheesy as hell but when you find the right person it's not settling, human beings are a complete package.

The whole business of scoring people out of 10, or having a rigid wish-list of characteristics is a profoundly immature way to look at things. I don't mean that in any kind of insulting sense, I simply mean that it's an attitude I associate with the very young or the very inexperienced. As they get more experience with relationships most people find their wish-list changes and they realise that a partner is more than just someone who ticks all the boxes on a list.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Do you even believe in people being "outside of your league"?

Nope.

I believe that we have little to no realistic teaching of romance, love and sex - and multiple avenues of unrealistic, earth-shattering, bonk-the night-away - usually spread by the impotent media darlings.

We have unrealistic standards of love, not of partners.

Your mate, for example, is so caught up in being gangsta, that I doubt he's had more than a quick grope.

Jerks go for anything and get a 1/10 chance. Nice guys go for 1 and have a 1/10 chance.

If you just want sex, be a jerk. If you want love, it's the same for all of us. If you want diseases, the jerk also wins.

 

[Gaiseric]

Definitely true for some.

A friend was telling me about how one of his friends won't even consider a girl who is over 26. And the guy is 24.

 

[Togs]

Its a very old stereotype of guys, never personally seen it in action but the sheer number "Im such a nice guy, why dont girls like me?" topics you see suggests that alot of my fellow geeks do have a very skewed perspective on the whole thing.

EDIT= Oh and the whole concept of leagues is true Im afraid, numerous psychological studies have demonstrated it.

 

[Kevlar Eater]

My problem is that I'm perpetually stuck in the friend zone. WITH EVERY. SINGLE. GIRL. (Except the two that I have been with) I think the problem is that I'm too nice and I take things slow out of respect, but I'm not about to become some asshole horndog just to get laid a couple of times. I'm not going to compromise my personality and values for that, or anything for that matter.

That's exactly how I roll. Thankfully, I've never had to feel the sting of the friend zone (probably because I don't talk to people my age).

 

[Smooth Operator]

What's with this obsession of "getting laid"? Why is the ultimate goal in life for a guy to get as much pussy as possible? I never quite got that...

(Also the words "finding love" make me puke rainbows.)

Well logic would suggest it's because guys quite like sex, just like a kid and ice cream, he always want's more (until he gets a tummy ache or syphilis).

OT: Well most people who have trouble getting into relationships have too high standards in another way, they don't want to do the work that is required, yes dating is silly, retarded and in no way a sensible way to spend time... but you haveto get through that if you intend to get your jimmy wet.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

eh i wouldn't say it's just guys, by a longshot, most guys stick themselves out there to be with whoever might have an interest, i have seen the "elitism" from all angles, and believe me i do understand the concept of waiting for someone "special/your type" there is also the fact of giving other people a chance/even acknowledging them, in which case there are plenty of people i know who completely disregard alot of people based on very small shallow things, which hey thats your choice, but they could be in a happy relationship if they opened their mind a bit.

 

[Aphex Demon]

I have relatively high standards, it works out for me, but the girls I talk to ain't the type you would bang and run away from, so to speak.