Poll: Be honest, do you actually treat girl gamers the same online? (Minor update)

[mgirl]

I'm a big player of left 4 dead, used to play on xbox live, where pretty much every match required mic use or you'd get kicked instantly. From my own experience, the way people treat myself as a girl gamer can go three different ways.

1. They don't care, treat me the same as any other player. It was nice that this was actually the most common reaction, after a little dispute at the beginning, usually, 'are you a girl, or just a kid?' 'a girl' 'oh, cool' and the game continues.

2. They would instantly try and 'sweet talk' and send friend requests. It's easy to ignore, but the friend requests off complete strangers is sometimes a little odd..

3. Usually after I'm either doing really well, or missed a few pounces or got incapped or whatever, very rarely, the sexist comments and unpleasant voice messages start. I've found it's usually kids that do this though, thats happened quite a few times, and only once have I ever had trouble from an older sounding guy.

All in all, I've always find that most people don't give a damn, cause they're there to play the game, which I always find nice.

 

[Padwolf]

I'm a girl gamer and I have been treated the same way as everyone else, and I treat everyone the same. I think there has only been one time where a guy has treated me different online, it was on WoW, but he soon stopped.

 

[AndyFromMonday]

In IRL tabletop roleplay I've played with girls for years, with no bias either way. Aaand now I got the complaint from one of them that I "see her as one of the guys". Sometimes you just can't win.

You do realise, that if she's complaining about you seeing her as one of the guys it's because she wants you to see her as a woman, and there's only one reason a woman wants that... just a heads up. ;P

I'm sorry, I just couldn't...

 

[Kilyle]

We should be more worried about people like you who pretend to be girls online when they're not in real life. So many people do this and it's really sad.

Back in college, I had an assignment for Sign Language class: Pretend to be Deaf and go shopping for a few hours. It's amazing how flustered people get when you indicate that you can't hear, and how difficult it is to get basic service... how time bogs down when you have to write your questions instead of say them.

I wouldn't recommend pretending to be Deaf all the time (although I've met someone who does it regularly), and I hate the idea of people pretending to be Deaf to get some kind of benefit from kind-hearted people, but... it was a worthwhile experience. I learned something firsthand that I couldn't have understood otherwise.

So I don't think it's all that bad to pretend to be a girl... depending on your motivation.

Now, the people who try to convince you that they're female, they're probably not. When I learned this, back in the day, I realized that it's much more fun to react with "C'mon, you know there are no girls on the Internet!" or some variant thereof. So I, the one person in the conversation I can be sure of is female, is the one saying that female Netizens (or female gamers) is ridiculous.

I got endless hilarity out of that one. All the more because I've known female players of World of Warcraft, even married couples who played.

The internet masks such things as gender, race, age, and appearance, so you can really get to know someone beneath the skin before you ever make those judgments you'd make if you met them in public. It's genius. I bet people who spend a lot of time getting to know each other online, and then move into romance, are more likely to stick it out than people who started dating because of how they look. (People who start an online relationship for the purpose of romance is a whole 'nother ballgame.)

Lastly: I see so many people assuming that you ought to play your own gender when you play a game (if it's an option). I mean, why? Is there something inherently unmanly about choosing the female knight over the male knight in a game? Is the female knight more girly than the male cleric?

I understand Third-Person Seductress, and therefore why men would often want to play sexy females in games. I like having a flat-chested female option myself, but I most often play male characters... it's just personal preference. Plus, too many of the females I could choose have giant boobs (definitely a male fantasy thing; giant breasts are not pleasant for women to carry around), and I'm sick of pink-themed color schemes (gimme blue or lavender!).

 

[leonfei]

I met my girlfriend on our university course, where we did game programming, and we're both gamers. The thing is we're the opposite of what the stereotypes say we should be. I'm the one who likes RPGs and games like The Sims (not the she doesn't too, I'm just the bigger fan in those areas), and she's more into FPS than I am. I'm not saying it's wrong or anything, I'm just commenting on stereotypes. Then again when we go to the pub, I'm the one drinking wine and she's the one drinking lager, so I guess we're back to front in more ways than just games . Admittedly, when I was younger (I'm 22 now) I used to treat girls differently in games, but in the positive way, giving them free items and stuff. I think I've mellowed a little since I met my girlfriend. She has told me stories of sexism she's found on games before, but that's mainly just little boys who need to grow a pair and get over themselves. On another note, I tend to play female characters in games most of the time, both on and offline. My reason for this is I'm going to be staring at that character for 40+ hours most of them time (over 300 on Guild Wars), so I'd rather look at an attractive female character than a big beefy sack of muscles any day. Not trying to be sexist there, but I'm a guy...I like to look at women . Anyway that's my two cents, take it for what you will.

 

[Aetera]

I'm a girl, and I finally cemented my legitimacy as a gamer in the eyes of guys when I dominated in several games at my college campus-wide video game tournament. First place in two, and second in two others. I didn't get looked down on or coddled after that. Especially since the two that I took 2nd in were Sonic 2 and Goldeneye. Everyone my age has all but mastered those two games.

So, yeah. I've dealt with a lot of guys not taking me seriously as a gamer. It's frustrating and demeaning, but it makes it all the more satisfying when I destroy them. I earn my respect.

 

[sazzrah]

I think I've experienced quite a spectrum of male behaviour online, from abuse to reverance just for being female. I've met the super abusive types that not only tell you to 'get back in the kitchen' but also seem to automatically assume you are a deformed freak of nature, because no 'normal' girl would be a gamer unless they were fat, ugly and socially inept. I was chatting with friends on Playstation Home some weeks ago and a random guy checked my trophies and saw that I have played quite a few games; I have a trophy level of 13 and have a few platinums to boot - he started demanding I tell him how much I weigh and if I've ever had a boyfriend. He was making a complete arse of himself telling everyone around us that gaming is for boys and that girls like me are always fat, ugly attention whores because we can't get a real man interested. Pretty tragic... I think he must have spent way too many hours dribbling over 4chan.

Then I've had the guys who've treated me like I was royalty for no other reason than being female - when I played World of Warcraft a guy just gave me 1200 gold because I happened to mention I was saving for a flying mount, he asked how much I was short and when I told him he opened a trade, dropped in 1200 and gave it to me. I refused it the first time but he insisted... and well, it's a game, not real money so I accepted very graciously!

Then you get the pervs who send kinky suggestive messages, then the ones who send you downright obscene messages... I ignore both of those types. *shudder*

Then there's the sweet innocent types who get a bit tongue tied and shy talking to you. I had that with this 17 year old kid who I befriended playing the Assassin's Creed Brotherhood beta way back when. We had a good laugh playing the game together, but when we just chatted he got a bit shy and asked some amusingly awkward questions like - 'what's your favourite colour?' and 'if you ever come to the US, would you come visit me?' I'm from London so I think the accent doesn't do me any favours when chatting to American males particularly.

Then there are the types that I like best, the ones who just treat you like you were any other person - the ones who talk to you like they would talk to their male friends. I enjoy those kinds of friendships and I've met plenty of cool guys who were very polite and friendly on PSN and in my WoW days. A lot of girls aren't used to the way men are with each other which can cause some friction between the sexes... for example, it's quite commonplace for men to show their affection through casual ribbing and generally being gits to each other (but in a harmless jokey way) and a lot of girls aren't used to that and take instant offence.

As for how I treat other girls online... do you want my opinion, being a girl myself? lol Well, I just try and not to be too 'pally' with our mutual male friends... I've seen jealous behaviour quite a bit, so if I get along 'too' well with the boys, you can sometimes get the cold shoulder. But then there are other girls who just join in and can handle the banter without it wounding their pride. So I guess it's really a case by case basis thing... you have to assess people before you know whether you can start being yourself around them, regardless of gender.

 

[Trivun]

I personally try to treat people online, male or female, the same way I would in real life - that is, with respect (when earned) and with politeness and friendlyness (right from the off). That applies to girls when gaming online too, I don't meet many but when I do I treat them just the same as I do the guys. Though I was a little embarrassed the last time there was an Escapist Halo Group match on Halo Reach - we had a free space in the party when someone left, so I invited one of my online friends (who I'd met in a previous Escapist match when she was invited by someone else), and of course she happened to be female. I ended up making a Half-Life related joke about the protagonist possibly being a mute which was misheard due to a combination of my crappy connection and my generally awkward voice and English accent - so the girl thought I was being insulting, in the 'get in the kitchen and make me a sammich' kind of way. Hopefully we managed to straighten it all out, I think we did, but in case anyone reading this was in that game and heard it, here's hoping the record has now been set straight! Thank you

 

[Charli]

Yes, they do, and it sucks balls and sows resentment in the men who are smarter than that, causing me to feel very unwelcome in games and unsure about my place in a group over time.

Thanks alot insecure sexually frustrated team mates, you make gaming for women SO comfortable online.

Women have to look around hard for an online group who really will give them breathing room. (aka; neutrality)

My experiences have varied alot. But 12 year old boy, sex and kitchen jokes get old extremely fast. I'm by no means unfair, I have met men who have been genuine and made jibes at my actual performance in a game and done alot to see that the same treatment is granted in my game time. And I appreciate it more than they'll ever know.

 

[Contradiction]

I can happily say that I treat all gamers equal.

My policy is basically ... Unless people are being abnormally outgoing and mic spamming in such a way that I haven't muted them, well then I'll talk with them. Otherwise they are just another name in a lobby.

On the topic though. I find it hard to understand why people either talk smack and or flirt. Flirting is normal but it's sad when attempted online be it game or otherwise. If you aren't in often or at minimum REAL contact with someone... It's just odd.

Gender biased smack talk however is the most manageable imo nothing a 'lil mute won't fix. Besides most times you see the people acting big getting demolished post-lobby anyway.

 

[IamSofaKingRaw]

I have one on my firends list on PS3 that I know personally and one that I met on PS Home that wanted to play KZ3 with me and some others. They are both competent gamers and NEVER talk on the mic though. I don't see why people would treat them differently...

 

[DannyJBeckett]

I treat girl-gamers the same way as guys, partly out of a sense of chivalry, but mostly because they often prove themselves to be better at it than me.

 

[Matt Hancox]

As someone who takes the "douche until proven otherwise" approach to everyone I meet these days, I try not to discriminate. I only send requests if I know them in person, or have had a good co-op experience with them, and not because they have an xbox live account and are missing a Y chromosome, which for some reason seems to translate with some people that they might be in with a chance.
Honestly, how do people make the assumption that any girl they find is going to be just as desperate as you.
I actually know girl gamers in real life and besides sharing a common interest in interactive media they don't seem all that different from other girls I know.

 

[DestinyDriven]

I'm like a knight in internet armour

Daww. XD
Every girl loves a knight. You keep being nice.
Seriously. Girls don't like being treated like crap because they are girls. It makes gaming online almost impossible for many of us. That is why I will NEVER game online. Which really isn't fair considering the amount of online gaming that happens today. I can't even get DLC without being online. But I really don't want to have to deal with any of that sexist and harrassment stuff. So I prefer to play alone. It's nicer.

If you want to impress a girl, be confident and courteous. Not a douche. If you don't care whether you impress a girl or not, at least don't bring up immature sexist crap and make the girl feel totally out of place, bullied and isolated for just being a female who likes to play games.

 

[Mawdern]

I have a friend and we play L4D2 a bit. She ain't mean, nor has she ever received any sexist comments online.

OT: Yes I do. But I rarely use my mic. I won't be following a girl around in Halo: Reach.

 

[Pearwood]

Sometimes I think to myself "Oh, thought you were a guy" but then I just go on as normal. I have been known to use terrible chat up lines but only to take the piss out of people who overreact to hearing women on chat. Or to distract her if she's about to kill me, not that that ever works

 

[TheDarkestDerp]

Girl Gamer here, and yes, too many guys are exactly as you've described.

Generally speaking, I don't care for online play. Not that I'm not competitive, just that I'm competitive about things that actually matter in my life. My career, my relationships- where necessary, these things are for competition. Gaming is for fun, it's not a job. And the kind of mentality described in your tale is another part of it.

If I come home from working 12 hours and want to wind down on a game, I'm tossing Splatterhouse in the Xbox and ripping off some heads. Then upstairs for the bath. I have no interest in seeing if I can out-gun "L33tKillAh36457" "BoneDoggg" and "MrStIcky" in yet another stupid HALO clone or whatever other 12 year olds' idea of masculinity is popular now. It seems this kind of game attracts this level of maturity and that mentality...

So far, my forrays into online gaming have been brief and if measured carefully, fun. But WAY too many creepy kids more interested in having a girl...

A REAL ONE... why pretend to be one online? Dude, that's just creepy...

...on their friends list, or needing a dire lesson in civility and courtesy, have kept me mostly just gaming with close friends.

 

[Dascylus]

When I was younger I had a friend who would kick my ass royally on Street Fighter II.
When playing against anyone he might toy with them a little but never EVER deliberatly conceded a concilatory round.
I asked him why he was always so relentess and he said that it teaches nobody anything if you just let them win. I became a better player as I learnt to work towards his level.

Later, as I started getting into Korn and Marilyn Manson, I discovered the joy of the mosh pit and was taught a philosophy about the pit.
You're all there to have fun but everyone knows what the score is. Any woman in the mosh pit knows what she is getting in to and deserves no special treatment.

Gaming isn't about chromosomes or whether you prefer pink to blue... It's about finger dexterity and quick thinking.
Most of the time gaming has the positive aspect of everyone being on a level field.
Spawn points are not decided based on gender, likewise Exp, loadouts and car tunings aren't checking to see what's under the skirt.

That's online and that was the original question...
IRL on the other hand, well they are such rare and precious creatures that I gotta see what they've got so goading them into a match is always fun.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

I can't be bothered to read through 11 pages of replies, so can someone tell me if anyone has pointed out the irony that creating a thread about if you treat gamer girls different is, in it of itself, treating them different?

Seriously, this whole notion that girls who play video games are different to guys who play video games is never going to go away as long as people keep drawing so much attention to it. Can't we just look at those few people who still treat it like its a big deal, laugh at their immaturity, and not have to shine a spotlight on it every time it happens? Please...?