Poll: Be yourself: bad advice?

[Palademon]

Why is being yourself bad advice just because it gets you into trouble?
You can still get in trouble when not being yourself
Would you rather be yourself and get into trouble (You know, aslong as your life isn't at stake or something)or not be yourself and be ok?

Why bother doing anything if you're not yourself when you do it?

 

[spartandude]

some people yes they definatly should, however my best friend.... well its the worst advice to give him for a date

 

[spikeyjoey]

I think the whole point of "be yourself", when it comes to attracting women etc, is that, even if you pretending to be someone else works.. then you have the girl, but do you keep pretending to be this other person? its more effort than its worth.. and almost impossible, they will see through you eventually

Basically when wooing the opposite sex, no one is 100% "themselves"- you present an idealised version of yourself that doesnt compromise your core values.. then, as the relationship progresses, eventually the flaws show up...

If you stick with a person despite knowing most of their flaws, you might just be in love baby

 

[DanielDeFig]

While OP has a good point about safety, I think that as long as you are certain ppl will simply be surprised/put off/offended, without resorting to violence (Verbal abuse is no fun, but you can learn to handle it, even to turn it against them), then "be yourself" is the best way to make sure that the world changes as quickly as possible. If more ppl have to deal with people who are different from their view gow how pppl "should" be, the faster it becomes normal.

 

[tehweave]

It is decent advice, but people need to know and understand when it's okay to fit in and when it's okay to let yourself be yourself.

I'm still trying to figure that out.

 

[spikeyjoey]

I cant remember where it came from, but i think the quote:
"why fight to be accepted by people you dont actually want to be like?"
is quite apt

 

[RagTagBand]

Yes, Always. Anything else is a lie.

 

[spikeyjoey]

I don't see how you could be anyone other than yourself.

you just being pedantic... its like pretending to be a sporty douche when your really just a nerdy nice guy.. you may be one of those people who needs to speak their mind, but for some reason a group you interact with causes you to just mumble in agreement with what they say.. are they worth it?

you could be going down the philosophy route of saying the sense of self is an illusion, but i doubt it

 

[Pharsalus]

I'd a agree with the sometimes answer. It's really a complex question. It's important to put on the right face for any situation, for me that's not being myself, it's putting consideration of others before my own impulses.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

The advice should be 'be your best self'. You can be yourself, but if yourself is a **** then you're going to have problems with the standard advice. With the adapted advice you'll be far better of, you'll still be a ****, but because it's not your best people won't see it.

You're pretty fucking stupid if you think being yourself all the time will get you the best in life. Your flaws may make you who you are, but they're flaws for a reason and you shouldn't wear them as jewelry.

 

[Doclector]

Specifically, what got you the beatings?

acting differently, mostly. Actually wanting to learn something and get somewhere, (not that I forced anyone else) my interest in nerdy things like games and older movies than most people that age liked, pretty much being a nerd.

You might want to examine if you were giving off a superiority attitude, that can set people off.

However, in elementary and high school people are often just jerks and will pick on anyone for any differences so it could be you in fact did nothing. If that's the case a bit of descretion isn't a bad thing, but that doesn't mean you have to be someone you aren't.

Like I said, I didn't force anyone. Didn't boast either, just tried to work hard.

Snip.

The more exposure others will have to the "different" people, the sooner it will change. If everyone is going to hide in the societal norm then it will never happen.

ah, but that would be if it were just a risk of hatred we were up against but People can be irrationally violent. I'd go with living long enough to make a difference. Remember, the norm, by definition, outnumbers the "different". Vastly.

 

[Hides His Eyes]

There's a thing called "tact", and another thing called "caution". You can, and should, be yourself; but you should use tact and caution in doing so. Not everyone wants to know or will be comfortable with every aspect of your personality. Putting up walls or compartmentalizing is not the same as "not being true to yourself" or whatever bullshit expression people will use.
Seriously, i sometimes think almost every discussion can be summed up with "moderation is the key".

I agree with this.

However, I think Batman might have something to say on this subject. Something on the lines of "It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me".

 

[KiqJaq]

Even the meaning of "be yourself" is pretty hard to determine exactly. Act like yourself... it can realistically only mean one thing: Don't copy other people's ways of acting. That's kinda iffy. Learning from other people is pretty damn useful, and if something works then why avoid it?

I went through a rough patch upon entering middle school (having moved far away over the summer, no less) where suddenly my old mannerisms just failed at every turn. I ended up picking a few people who were liked (and vaguely similar to myself) and blending their mannerisms with mine until I figured out how this whole "social" thing works once farting is no longer a joke in and of itself.

 

[Gwarr]

I am a compulsive liar and it always worked with me . Sure , I sometimes get caught and that usually sparks a chain reaction , but it's not like I ever wanted to settle with those girls . If you are sure she is THE one , then be as honest as you can . If you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone , you better be honest with him/her or it wont last.

 

[Ranylyn]

Let me use a real life example.

I'm a good guy. I'm polite. I rarely curse. I'm overall accepting of other nationalituies, ethnicities, and sexual orientation. I can be opinionated, but my opinions are rarely offensive to others, unless they're fanatical FFVII fans or something. This has landed me many close friends, the love of a wonderful woman, and of course, even being the best friend of many great people whose slightly abraisive personalities lead to thers shunning them.

But I have one very fatal flaw: I talk a lot.

In the work force, talking a lot leads to a drop in productivity which leads to employment termination.

Yeah.

Being yourself is great, but sometimes you just need to suck it up and be someone else.

 

[HardkorSB]

ah, but that would be if it were just a risk of hatred we were up against but People can be irrationally violent. I'd go with living long enough to make a difference. Remember, the norm, by definition, outnumbers the "different". Vastly.

So?
Why don't, for example, atheists just shut up and pretend to be religious then?
The norm is only the norm because people are exposed to it. If they were exposed to the "different" ways of life, the diversity would become the norm. That's how it works.

 

[Araksardet]

Be yourself is silly advice, but it's got the right spirit. A better way to phrase it would be "don't pretend to be someone you aren't".

In other words, yes, if is often useful and good to hide aspects of yourself from others, because most people either aren't interested or actively disrespect certain kinds of people. So you ought to know when to hide yourself.

What you shouldn't do is make up a persona that makes you seem like you have certain characteristics that you don't have.

So, you should hide parts of yourself if it's expedient (hobbies, preferences, opinions, thoughts, emotions, etc.), but you should not actively invent FAKE parts of yourself (i.e. no claiming to be a badass martial artist who's a pure vegetarian when you are really just some dude who likes hamburgers). There is a certain range within which we need to hide ourselves from others in order to make things easier on ourselves, but beyond what is necessary for basic social success, you should not lie about yourself.

Of course, you *can* be yourself whenever you want to, and if you're lucky enough to only ever be in situations where you can handle whatever trouble that brings, then more power to you.

 

[VaudevillianVeteran]

All anyone can be is themselves. To a limit. It's great advice for kids who are having trouble finding their social identity at school and want to know whether they should try to blend in with people or stay true to themselves. But when you show up to work dressed in a hawaiian shirt and loafers, smoking a cigar and you're not Magnum P.I, claiming to 'just being themselves", there needs to be an intervention. Being yourself is important, but being yourself 100% all the time when you're older is not good.
Be yourself but limit it. Hell, being yourself is better than trying to fit everyone else's expectations but too much of yourself with others is just not good.

 

[Hides His Eyes]

Even the meaning of "be yourself" is pretty hard to determine exactly. Act like yourself... it can realistically only mean one thing: Don't copy other people's ways of acting. That's kinda iffy. Learning from other people is pretty damn useful, and if something works then why avoid it?

snip

This is interesting, and I think perhaps "be yourself" is just a bad term. We might be better off calling it "going with your instincts" or something. I know that I personally often find myself in situations where I have no idea what "myself" would do. Whatever I end up doing, that me, that's myself. Again, Batman.

 

[Jyggalag]

There's a thing called "tact", and another thing called "caution". You can, and should, be yourself; but you should use tact and caution in doing so. Not everyone wants to know or will be comfortable with every aspect of your personality. Putting up walls or compartmentalizing is not the same as "not being true to yourself" or whatever bullshit expression people will use.
Seriously, i sometimes think almost every discussion can be summed up with "moderation is the key".

I couldn't've said it better myself. Well done. On that note, there is such a thing as being too straight forward, and too shy. We should strive to perfect our personalities to become less and less...of a ____. (Fill in the blank with an insult)