Poll: Be yourself: bad advice?

[Tdc2182]

I think it should be, "be comfortable with yourself"

If you are an awkward person because you aren't comfortable with yourself, high school kids will sniff that out of you in a second.

If being yourself involves you doing something socially unacceptable, like liking child porn, than you should probably do your best to fix that.

 

[Booze Zombie]

Be yourself and solve your problems, if people can't accept you for who you are and you can't solve your problems then it probably wasn't meant to be.

 

[Doclector]

Snip

Well, I have a puzzler for you then. If not you to be, then who be ye?

whoever isn't a target. At least, until you find trustworthy people, or until the opportune moment comes to make a difference.

 

[headbanger97]

Only sometimes...... Sometimes the things you do normally are not the best idea for a situation at hand. Like I enjoy singing lyrics that relate to the situation at hand (one of my annoying traits).... But doing that in a English class does not help you at all.

 

[XHolySmokesX]

.

From what I understand of the phrase, 'Be yourself' has been corrupted by misunderstanding.

If someone is sitting at home, doing nothing but eating pizza and watching TV, all unemployed and riddled with depression and hatred, that is not them being themselves.

'Be yourself' is not literally keep doing what you're doing, it means to let the best of yourself shine.

Everybody has the ability to be great and do great things, that is who we are, however, most of us haven't realised who we are or what we want to do with our lives.

_

I would also like to make a mention to everyone out there who has been bullied for who they are. I respect every one of you who stands up to those who shun you and says "I don't care what you think because this is me, deal with it".

Everyone who takes a beating for who they are, and carries on being who they are, those are the people paving the way to a future where people aren't segregated for being 'different'.

If nobody ever stood up for anything, nothing would change, so nothing could ever get better.

They say time if the best medicine, well time can't overcome every obstacle on its own =)

 

[poppabaggins]

Being myself got me a really good job =)

And a girlfriend.

And life usually flows better when I stop trying to fit into others expectations.

I'm glad someone else uses the same magical formula I use. Keep on being awesome.

 

[Manji187]

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Yeah, and yet...

No man is an island.
-John Donne

That's where the difficulty lies...the part and its relation to the whole (aggregated parts). Few people are complete hermits or total Labradors out to please everybody. Complete loneliness can be maddening, same for catering to the whims of others.

 

[Cyanin]

Why pretend to be someone else and fit in when all you're really doing is hammering a square block into a round hole. It's an effort in futility and self-repression and as guilty of such as I am from time to time I'm still against hiding your own personality. Every opportunity you get should be one to wear your heart on your sleeve, otherwise we build walls and false idealisations of how everyone really acts, but really none of us know how we really feel.

 

[Condor219]

Think about the odd kids you knew growing up. The ones who didn't really quite grasp a good sense of humor, or who spoke up at inappropriate times in class, or in general conversation. I can guarantee you that those people were "being themselves". The problem is, they left out the part where inhibitions are used to aid social progress. Not that those socially shunned people did anything wrong (they all happened to be nerds, the ones I know, and people who could be otherwise congruent in many different social groups). They just disregarded what's going to spark positive conversation and go with whatever is on their mind regardless of whoever they're interacting with.

The big thing to know is that there are tiers of relationships with other people. You can't speak what's on your mind at every moment to everyone, because doing so to someone who's only an acquaintance will make that person think it's a much larger part of your personality than it really is. Only after establishing relations with others by talking about something more relatable and socially acceptable can you work into your more devout hobbies. Given, this time can take weeks, or hours, but it remains true almost all the time (the exception being if you know for a fact you share a hobby with someone else).

Bottom line: It's great advice. Just don't take it literally, or all the time.

 

[Kair]

I don't see how you could be anyone other than yourself.

you just being pedantic... its like pretending to be a sporty douche when your really just a nerdy nice guy.. you may be one of those people who needs to speak their mind, but for some reason a group you interact with causes you to just mumble in agreement with what they say.. are they worth it?

you could be going down the philosophy route of saying the sense of self is an illusion, but i doubt it

The pedantic part only struck me as a joke after I wrote it. Thank you for trying to explain.

 

[Maxtro]

As someone who has done poorly with women my entire life, "be yourself" is terrible advice.

 

[Doclector]

.

From what I understand of the phrase, 'Be yourself' has been corrupted by misunderstanding.

If someone is sitting at home, doing nothing but eating pizza and watching TV, all unemployed and riddled with depression and hatred, that is not them being themselves.

'Be yourself' is not literally keep doing what you're doing, it means to let the best of yourself shine.

Everybody has the ability to be great and do great things, that is who we are, however, most of us haven't realised who we are or what we want to do with our lives.

_

I would also like to make a mention to everyone out there who has been bullied for who they are. I respect every one of you who stands up to those who shun you and says "I don't care what you think because this is me, deal with it".

Everyone who takes a beating for who they are, and carries on being who they are, those are the people paving the way to a future where people aren't segregated for being 'different'.

If nobody ever stood up for anything, nothing would change, so nothing could ever get better.

They say time if the best medicine, well time can't overcome every obstacle on its own =)

if everyone who tried to change something got killed before they could put out their message, nothing would change. I plan on standing up for myself, and everyone, for want of a less contradictory term, "like" me. I plan on becoming a film maker, and getting out the message that way. That doesn't involve getting killed because I dared to be different now, instead of the opportune time.

 

[Indeterminacy]

'Be yourself' is not literally keep doing what you're doing, it means to let the best of yourself shine.

Everybody has the ability to be great and do great things, that is who we are, however, most of us haven't realised who we are or what we want to do with our lives

I don't think this is right.

You are not your ideal self. You're not something that you're still trying to discover, or invent or reveal.

You see that person in the reflection of your monitor, reading this right now? You see the person sitting in the bedroom you are in right now, with the beliefs, dreams and attitudes you have right now, and the numerous weaknesses and failings you attribute to yourself?

That is you.

"Be yourself" means what it says. It means approaching situations as the person you really are. It means no smoke-screens, no facades or masks. It means showing the other person who you are. It means showing the other person the person I just referred to above, in exactly that sense.

Does that frighten you? Does the concept of the other person seeing you as someone who spends their time posting online, reading pseudo-philosophical postings by someone you only read because I'm on a board vaguely related to video games, make you worried that you'll never find someone?

Good. That fear is excellent. And admitting it is probably the most honest thing you've done all day.

Take that fear and let it drive you to change into someone you would rather be. Find hobbies you can talk about, go to unfamiliar places and do crazy things, meet weird people and gather experience. Cast off bad faith and breathe the free air of someone in control of their own destiny.

Maybe then, "being yourself" won't scare you so much.

 

[Ampersand]

Sure if you want to be safe and homogeneous, that's your prerogative but I'll promise you you'll never be happy that way.
I thing "be yourself" is brilliant advise except I would probably add, "and be courageous".

 

[BGH122]

Be yourself doesn't mean "Be yourself and everyone will like you" it means "Be yourself and only those with whom you'll genuinely get along will stick around". The best policy is to be (a slightly politer version of) yourself precisely because you'll find out pretty quickly who isn't going to make a good friend/partner, not because either one of you is 'wrong', but because not all personality types are compatible.

Be whatever the other person wants you to be and you'll find out a long way down the relationship that you hate your partner and your partner hates you.

Good. That fear is excellent. And admitting it is probably the most honest thing you've done all day.

Take that fear and let it drive you to change into someone you would rather be. Find hobbies you can talk about, go to unfamiliar places and do crazy things, meet weird people and gather experience. Cast off bad faith and breathe the free air of someone in control of their own destiny.

Maybe then, "being yourself" won't scare you so much.

I disagree. This philosophy basically says "if you don't feel comfortable that other people will accept your genuine interests then get different interests!" That sounds like the fast-track to depression. If you're scared that people won't accept your genuine interests then start hanging out with people who actually like the things you like.

 

[ZeroChan]

I wish so desperately that I could be myself 100% of the time, but if my sweet caring extremely conservative parents knew what I was REALLY up to even half of the time, their brains would explode. So, yeah, there's a time and place for everything, unfortunately.

 

[Metal Brother]

Be yourself. If this gets you into trouble it's probably a wake-up call that you're an asshole, and that you need to change the self you're being.

 

[Nickolai77]

As i think the 2nd poster said, be yourself in social situations but within reason- use tact and caution. Sometimes we have to act a little differently, like perhaps when your at a job interview, one may have to pretend that they are actually super-confident and enjoy working in teams for the sake of getting the job. Or perhaps if it looks like someone's trying to start on you- it's best not to reveal any of your honest but different interests for you may give them a reason to kick off.


When i first read this thread i thought this was relating to relationship advise. I would say however that i'm fairly sceptical that "being yourself" get's you into relationships. If being yourself really constitutes as being confident, talkative, flirty and a keen sense of body language then fine, being yourself in that case will get you into a relationship. But if you yourself arn't all those things then i think many people will have to modify there forms of behaviour in order to get into a relationship.

So, expanding on what i said in the first paragraph, don't necessarily be yourself if you want to get that girl.

 

[Talon_Skywarp]

If I acted like I normally do at work, I would be sacked. If I told my work collogues the mental things I tell my mates, I would never be spoken to again.

Sometimes you have to hold it back, its not hiding anything, its not laying your entire being on show for all to see.

Thats what facebook is for....