Poll: Cheating in relationships
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To answer your first question, several reasons. Some people just have no self control (I have no sympathy with these people, some don't see it as a big deal (again, not sympathy), some people have inner confidence issues so they can't help but be flattered and tempted when someone finds them attractive (I tend to have at least a little bit of sympathy with these people), some are going through a rough time that they don't have the courage to talk about with their partners, so they express their emotions through encounters with strangers instead (again, I have some sympathy although they are being weak and stupid), and some are just so arrogant they think they can mess with peoples emotions and will always be taken back because they're just so integral to that persons life (I like to call these people 'dicks').
I personally don't buy that humans aren't meant to be monogamous. As I said in a similar thread, the goal of a man is not just to have as many children as possible, but to keep as many of his children as safe and well as possible. The best way to achieve this is to have all your children in one group under the care of a stable partnership, rather than having illegitimate children all over the place. Apart from one relationship I've had in which both sides were clear from the start that we didn't want to be exclusive, all my relationships have been monogamous.
I have been cheated on more than once. One time I was able to forgive (the girl in question was having some deep personal issues, and due to issues of my own I hadn't exactly been attentive. So she got drunk and had a one night stand with some guy. I was angry but under the circumstances, she was sorry, it was only a one time thing, I recognized I was partially at fault, and I was in love with her. So I put aside my anger and made it work.) On the other occasion I was in a not too deep relationship with a girl when she slept with someone else. I then discovered that I myself was also one of her bits on the side, so I just got the hell outta there.
I personally don't buy that humans aren't meant to be monogamous. As I said in a similar thread, the goal of a man is not just to have as many children as possible, but to keep as many of his children as safe and well as possible. The best way to achieve this is to have all your children in one group under the care of a stable partnership, rather than having illegitimate children all over the place. Apart from one relationship I've had in which both sides were clear from the start that we didn't want to be exclusive, all my relationships have been monogamous.
I have been cheated on more than once. One time I was able to forgive (the girl in question was having some deep personal issues, and due to issues of my own I hadn't exactly been attentive. So she got drunk and had a one night stand with some guy. I was angry but under the circumstances, she was sorry, it was only a one time thing, I recognized I was partially at fault, and I was in love with her. So I put aside my anger and made it work.) On the other occasion I was in a not too deep relationship with a girl when she slept with someone else. I then discovered that I myself was also one of her bits on the side, so I just got the hell outta there.
I've never cheated on any of my girlfriends! though I did some stuff with a girl who, at the time, had a boyfriend. Later on she dumped him to be with me; and we are still a happy couple. But I do feel like an arse because of that incident, found the boyfriend thing out somewhat afterwards.
Never been cheated on, nor cheated on. Granted I've only been in one relationship. But... *shrug* It was a Long Distance relationship, so it'd have been easy for either of us to cheat, really. But she was the type of girlfriend who had low self-esteem and probably felt lucky that even one guy's paying attention to her. Also paranoid as hell, though. I myself am not the type to cheat, and think that cheaters are scum.
I was cheated on, and have never cheated. I dated my best friend and she cheated. We broke up, but we're still extremely close. And shes currently cheating on her fiance.
I'd say that her reason for cheating is simply boredom. She gets bored when the relationship has moved past that "new" stage where you're still learning about each other. I think that she's also afraid of the things and people she could be missing. And she's never satisfied. She'll never find some one absolutely perfect, so when she finds something about the person she's with that she just can't stand, she finds someone else that doesn't have that trait.
Then there's stability. She's out having her fling. She's enjoying life with no strings attached, but still has that stable relationship to return to(for now).
And yes, I do expect my partner to be faithful. I need to be able to trust them. What do we have if we don't have trust?
She effectively ruined my chances of having a healthy relationship. I haven't dated since(it's been about 5-6 years) and I likely never will, because I'll always have that nagging suspicion and never be able to fully trust my partner, and trust is required for a relationship to work properly. The thought of having to deal with that puts me off relationships. It's a shame, because I miss the closeness.
I'd say that her reason for cheating is simply boredom. She gets bored when the relationship has moved past that "new" stage where you're still learning about each other. I think that she's also afraid of the things and people she could be missing. And she's never satisfied. She'll never find some one absolutely perfect, so when she finds something about the person she's with that she just can't stand, she finds someone else that doesn't have that trait.
Then there's stability. She's out having her fling. She's enjoying life with no strings attached, but still has that stable relationship to return to(for now).
And yes, I do expect my partner to be faithful. I need to be able to trust them. What do we have if we don't have trust?
She effectively ruined my chances of having a healthy relationship. I haven't dated since(it's been about 5-6 years) and I likely never will, because I'll always have that nagging suspicion and never be able to fully trust my partner, and trust is required for a relationship to work properly. The thought of having to deal with that puts me off relationships. It's a shame, because I miss the closeness.
I'm going to look at this from a male perspective, since I don't have a firsthand grasp on the female perspective.
A reason I find that a lot of people cheat (at least here in America) is, sad as it is, for social status. In the later stages of the formative, adolescent years, a good deal of social status is directly linked to ones sexual preference. Having a long list of sexual partners makes one a 'bigger man' in some social circles. I never experienced it firsthand, finishing high school with one (und precisely von!) girlfriend/sexual partner, but it does effect a large number of teens and twentysomethings. Don't get me wrong, fearing that your friends will call you names is NOT an acceptable reason to cheat (I don't think there is any acceptable reason).
Then, of course, you have the frat-boy jackasses who view women as nothing more than notches in their proverbial bedposts (I know there are women who act the same way, but I'm focusing on the male side). Let me say, in no uncertain terms, that people like this need to die in a grease fire. Strangely enough, this type of guy always seems to have several different women clamoring for him, Tenchi Muyo style. For some reason, girls around my age (I'm 21 right now, so for reference, say late teens-mid twenties) seem to be drawn to men that treat them the worst. As long as he's got a muscular body and some hot Abercrombie clothing on, personality be damned!! I could delve deeper into that phenomenon, but that's a whole 'nother thread there.
A reason I find that a lot of people cheat (at least here in America) is, sad as it is, for social status. In the later stages of the formative, adolescent years, a good deal of social status is directly linked to ones sexual preference. Having a long list of sexual partners makes one a 'bigger man' in some social circles. I never experienced it firsthand, finishing high school with one (und precisely von!) girlfriend/sexual partner, but it does effect a large number of teens and twentysomethings. Don't get me wrong, fearing that your friends will call you names is NOT an acceptable reason to cheat (I don't think there is any acceptable reason).
Then, of course, you have the frat-boy jackasses who view women as nothing more than notches in their proverbial bedposts (I know there are women who act the same way, but I'm focusing on the male side). Let me say, in no uncertain terms, that people like this need to die in a grease fire. Strangely enough, this type of guy always seems to have several different women clamoring for him, Tenchi Muyo style. For some reason, girls around my age (I'm 21 right now, so for reference, say late teens-mid twenties) seem to be drawn to men that treat them the worst. As long as he's got a muscular body and some hot Abercrombie clothing on, personality be damned!! I could delve deeper into that phenomenon, but that's a whole 'nother thread there.
which is a real ego boost.
Only time I could consider staying with someone who cheated on me. You are a strong personBlueberryMUNCH said:
I wish I could give you a reassuring pat on the back, but since technology has only come so far, I can merely say that I sympathize with you 100%. Same exact thing happened to me, and it was several years before I could get into a relationship. But you know what? I did. It was rocky at first, like you said, there's always that niggling feeling in the back of your mind, but sometimes you just have to throw caution to the winds.-Samurai- said:
I ran into an old...not even an old friend, an acquaintance from high school a few years ago. We never really hung out, or even talked much, but our cousins were dating, so we got to talking and, with ludicrous speed, realized that there was something there. I realized at one point that I didn't need to be afraid anymore. I knew she wouldn't cheat on me. I just knew. It takes a big leap of faith on your part, but when you think about what you could be missing out on, it's well worth the risk.
For the sake of space efficiency, I'm putting these in spoiler brackets.
And that led to....
Now we're a big, happy family!!
Well, okay, she's not terribly happy right there, but if you've never seen Phantom of the Opera, trust me, that makeup is fairly intimidating!
You are not alone there, I have never been cheated on (nor have I cheated) but I always have that nagging doubt, although I'm pretty sure mine stems from my low self-esteem.-Samurai- said:
Also have you ever considered telling her fiance? Not trying to tell you what to do, just curious if you have thought about it.
Thanks mate. And mmh, I thought the same until she broke up with me; here I am almost a year and a half later, still heartbroken. Ah dear:, such is life, eh?artanis_neravar said:
Cheers for the kind words, lad:].
I cheated once. Well, multiple times but in the same relationship. It probably had something to do with me at the time almost never getting the chance to hook up with somebody and suddenly finding myself desired by two people. The relationship ended but mostly due to other problems. We work better as just friends, which we still are today.
I wouldn't cheat on my current partner though, I see no reason. We have sometimes invited a third party into our bed though, which is always fun.
I wouldn't cheat on my current partner though, I see no reason. We have sometimes invited a third party into our bed though, which is always fun.
IT"S A BABY!!ChildofGallifrey said:I wish I could give you a reassuring pat on the back, but since technology has only come so far, I can merely say that I sympathize with you 100%. Same exact thing happened to me, and it was several years before I could get into a relationship. But you know what? I did. It was rocky at first, like you said, there's always that niggling feeling in the back of your mind, but sometimes you just have to throw caution to the winds.-Samurai- said:
I ran into an old...not even an old friend, an acquaintance from high school a few years ago. We never really hung out, or even talked much, but our cousins were dating, so we got to talking and, with ludicrous speed, realized that there was something there. I realized at one point that I didn't need to be afraid anymore. I knew she wouldn't cheat on me. I just knew. It takes a big leap of faith on your part, but when you think about what you could be missing out on, it's well worth the risk.
For the sake of space efficiency, I'm putting these in spoiler brackets.
And that led to....
Now we're a big, happy family!!
Well, okay, she's not terribly happy right there, but if you've never seen Phantom of the Opera, trust me, that makeup is fairly intimidating!
Sorry I actually yelled that out loud, it wasn't what I was expecting, Congrats
I've done it and have it done to me. I'm from america, to point out the region if that's any help.
But there is a lot of "reasons" to cheat. I'm sure people have a different story, though it all has the same answer in the end. I cheer those who have never actually had either done in their lives. But I think it's something, ya have to have in the development stage's of your life. Not on purpose mind you, that's a bit cruel. But if ya never learned an electrical socket is not where ya put the metal fork early in life. You'd get damn confused later in life when ya stuck your tongue in one. I'm not condoning the action, just saying its one of life lessons.
I mean you can be all "I sparkle more brightly" cause I've never done it or had it done to me. but if you've been cheated on. You know how much it hurts and don't want to do that to someone else.
We all need a little compost in our lives to grow ^_^ Just remember your a pretty flower or if that's too girly. a tough arse pineapple.
Cheers and good luck!
But there is a lot of "reasons" to cheat. I'm sure people have a different story, though it all has the same answer in the end. I cheer those who have never actually had either done in their lives. But I think it's something, ya have to have in the development stage's of your life. Not on purpose mind you, that's a bit cruel. But if ya never learned an electrical socket is not where ya put the metal fork early in life. You'd get damn confused later in life when ya stuck your tongue in one. I'm not condoning the action, just saying its one of life lessons.
I mean you can be all "I sparkle more brightly" cause I've never done it or had it done to me. but if you've been cheated on. You know how much it hurts and don't want to do that to someone else.
We all need a little compost in our lives to grow ^_^ Just remember your a pretty flower or if that's too girly. a tough arse pineapple.
Cheers and good luck!
I know the feeling, I was heart broken when my ex dumped me, but then the anger took over now I'm all betterBlueberryMUNCH said:
Lol, thank you =) I actually get that a lot, considering that I look to be about 15.artanis_neravar said:
I am assuming the first part was supposed to be "I have never cheated?"Con Carne said:
OT: Since I haven't actually posted mine, as far as I know I was never cheated on, while it is possible I don't think it happened and I never cheated
I was expecting fight club from the first picture lol so the baby threw me offChildofGallifrey said: