Poll: Do you forgive and move on or dwell?

[Helmet]

As a general rule, I just move past it. I value my friends and family more than anything else, and don't want my pride to get in the way of that. There are exceptions, of course.

My last girlfriend, for example, cheated on me and then lied to me about it. It's been over a year now and we haven't spoken. On the rare occasion we see each other I just pretend that she doesn't exist, because I'm not positive that I could talk to her. I just get the feeling I'd let all of my anger and hurt loose and shatter any sense of self worth she may have.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

Well......basically, lets say someone insulted you or did something bad to you such as laughing at you in front of people or doing something that generally pisses you off. Would you forgive the person that did it or hold a grudge/dwell?

Personally, I'd forgive the person if they apologized. I think apology really changes everything and makes me realize how sorry they are for what they've done to me.

So guys. What about you eh guys? Would you forgive people or hold a grudge/dwell? Feel free to share stories too.

it realllyyyy depends, for the most part i'm extremely forgiving, especially if the person is truly sorry (generally you can tell by their tone of voice and strive to reconcile).

if someone really insulted me (which is hard as hell to do, i generally laugh things off) and just hated me with all their might, it might take a little bit for me to forgive them, i'd have to really see them mean the apology.

but if someone is just laughing at me or making fun of me for something, i'll probably laugh with them, i do stupid stuff from time to time, and i generally find it funny in itself too. (gotta be able to laugh at yourself sometimes, otherwise i just don't think your comfortable with yourself.)

there is only roughly one person i haven't forgiven on stuff, but that is because she is a super self absorbed ignorant *****, i even gave her many times to apologize/reconcile but she just kept being ignorantly stubborn, so we haven't talked in over a year, and normally i lose all grudge holdings/feelings about it after a month, but this one is sticking pretty good, i don't really see myself ever making amends with this person in the future unless they decide to really grow up.

 

[cerebreturns]

Before I knew Christ I didn't forgive or forget. Once someone wronged me that would permanently be something that I held against them, that I equated with them. Once a thief always a thief, once a cheater always a cheater and so on.

This extended to nearly every aspect of my life and made it very hard to find friends, and even harder to keep them. I was just too severe, filled with loss and regret and pain. I saw no point in ever trying or having goals or hope because what was the point? So many people had wronged me in some sense, and I was guilty of things myself, that I saw no reason to actually look forward to the future. My friends would eventually leave me my wife would eventually cheat on me, if I even had kids they would hate me, and so on...


Once I found God all of that changed. I realized just how wrong I was. How I had been focusing on the negative in a very small social circle, how I was letting fear and my own guilt keep me back. I was condemning others because I was afraid of who I was. I was denying and ignoring the future because there really was no point in it, just to be greedy grow old and die. Jesus changed my life, he showed me that God has a plan for all of us a purpose. He showed me true forgiveness and compassion, he freed me, he opened my eyes, he made it so that I wasn't broken anymore. I have a future now, and I trust God with it. Bad things happen sure and sometimes people do those things, but God is in control, we know how the world and creation will end. And people? People are just lost, in pain or suffering from their demons of greed and vice.

I forgive people on the spot now because what is forgiving someone of some minor or even major crime compared to forgiving me of all the sins of my entire life? Nothing...To not forgive and forget what others have done would be to lessen Christs death for me on the cross.

 

[Loonyyy]

I try to do the first.

I don't always succeed.

Dwelling helps no-one, it just makes you a negative person who's no fun to be around, and it eats you up, which doesn't really give them a reason to say anything, and poisons a relationship.

Better than dwelling is to demand some understanding, preferably in the form of an apology (I'd stress that it shouls only be for things that matter. Let the little things slide). Passive aggressive shit doesn't help you or endear you to anyone.

 

[Lt._nefarious]

If a friend does/says something bad to me, so long as it wasn't, like, stab me in the face, I'll forgive them but I'll bring the thing up from time to time in a light hearted fashion.

 

[Dave In A Cape]

For me it depends on what someone has done.

I've been dumped recently where me and my now ex went away for a weekend and she met up with a "friend" in the bar there.
He knocked on our hotel door at about 1 in the morning asking what she was doing sleeping in bed with me...Originally I thought he was a internet creep who completely got the wrong end of the stick and figured that they were meeting up because it was a romantic thing.
It turned out that she had been messing me around for about 2 months with this guy and didn't have the courage to tell me something was going on because she "didn't want to hurt" me.
The best part of it was that this guy didn't even know she was with me despite the fact we turned up together, sleeping in the same bed and I'm pretty sure while we were chatting during the day, saying repeatedly that she lived with me.
She just got her stuff and left my hotel room to stay in his room (which strangely enough was a double bed).
So she had been messing both of us around and neither of us knew it. He was under the impression she was single and lived with her parents and I was under the assumption that since we was together for 3 and a half year I could trust her.

But I have done NOTHING but dwell on it for the past few weeks because it's broken my heart in a way I never thought possible. I realise that breakups happen and heartbreak hurts, but she was my whole world. I was planning on getting ourselves a nicer house, a car, helping her find a better job that she'd be more happy in and after all that propose to her because I wanted (and still do) to spend the rest of my life with her.

To be fair, we did have a few relationship problems such as I have a short fuse sometimes and when I was stressed or annoyed she'd feel like I was annoyed and angry at her even though I wasn't, I'd play my xbox a bit too excessively because she would be buried in her laptop (on this site funnily enough) chatting to people which made it difficult to strike up a conversation or suggest doing something like go out for a walk, or go see a show. It became a vicious circle of me not wanting to bother her because she was busy doing her own thing and I didn't want to bother her and she was doing her own thing because she felt that I was doing my own thing. But at least in my mind, these were things that were a quick and simple fix, we just needed to chat about our relationship and if we were happy with it and were it was going and if we both said no, then we'd just had to discuss what we felt the problems were and both work towards making it better for the both of us.

I personally don't know if I can just forgive and move on because her breaking my heart is the worst feeling I have ever experienced and I have been through breakups which have ended messier than this one. She just means the world to me and being hurt like this isn't something you can just shrug off and move on from because of how much she means to me.
That being said, it's not impossible for me to forgive and move on if we end up getting back together when this thing she has with this other guy ends because I've realised that even though what she did is (in my opinion) one of the worst things someone can do to another person, the faults aren't completely hers, I also had my part in the way things turned out. Be it from her not feeling like she's getting enough attention from me, or me sometimes giving her the cold shoulder when I was angry instead of me explaining that I'm not angry at her and just need to calm down a bit before I talk to her. Some of the faults are mine.

 

[Scarim Coral]

I wouldn't say dwell, more like holding a grudge. I only hold a grudge if the person had insulted me in a arguement and did not apologise (yes I am willing to apologise back from the said arguement) or they are a former friends from my High School years (I will not ever forgive them).
Other than that I can be forgiving to the right people.

 

[ImperialSunlight]

I don't forgive, ever. Not all bad deeds are a condemnation, but they contribute. I will always think of a person differently after they do something and so they cannot be forgiven. And there have been a fair share of people who have crossed the line of no return. They are condemned in my eyes and will never be forgiven.

 

[The Hero Killer]

It depends on the person but most of the time I just pretend to forgive by not letting it get in the way with how I treat the person and I NEVER forget. I'm a big grudge holder and a strong proponent of revenge.

 

[ComandaKool]

It depends on who they are and what they have done. I am usually a forgiving person however some things I can not forgive, those unforgivable things I tend not to dwell on. I will dwell on things that are forgivable,I guess because I believe I handled that particular situation well.