idodo35 said:
so what do you think about this guy/chick in the miror?
My sympathies about it not working out for you, OP.
I personally used to hate myself. Then again, I was a wussy ass nerd whose friends were all at another school, and the school I was at was one of those private-all-male-catholic-high-schools. Since I wasn't a physical guy (and super naive and shy), I got shoved around and mocked by the jocks and cool kids. Then it got to the point where people a year under me were picking on me (and being a pacifist and just generally too nice, I couldn't bring myself to do anything but tell the administration....who pretty much did nothing). So since everyone else seemed to love to hate me, I started to hate myself too.
Plus, I was going through some emotional/personal issues since I was dealing with this weird twisted side to me that had been surfacing, and the overabundance of religious moralizing/prayers/priests-as-religion-teachers/ETC was not helping me make any progress, and was in fact making me feel like I was insane. So add some religious guilt about myself to the pile of self-hate.
...Fortunately, after escaping that hell hole and going to college, I started to come out of my shell, and regain some lost confidence. And start dealing with my inner issues properly (after developing my own "spiritual" identity as agnostic, I was able to see my weird side as just that. Just a weird part of of who I was, not the evil cancerous "soul-tumor" that I was seeing it as in high school)
It's taken 5 years, a job, and getting a girlfriend...but I have finally reached a normal level of self-esteem. I still am not able to take charge in any given situation, and I still lack some confidence in my skills, but I can finally look myself in the mirror and say "You know what, I'm ok. Not better than anyone else, but not any worse for it either. I'm just a nice guy, who loves to slack off."
So...Aside from hating myself once in a while for slacking off when I should be working....I actually think I'm a pretty cool guy, who has fun and doesn't afraid o-*is shot*