Poll: Do you think spanking is wrong?

[Tydanubus]

First off, I don't think that violence should be the last resort to teaching a kid from right and wrong, the main reason being that they're kids; of course they're going to be making their first mistakes, and to me it seems unfair to punish them in such a way for that.

That said, I mostly just see the entire process as unnecessary. It's terribly ignorant that some people on here seem to think that there are only two extremes: parents who spank their child and grow up to be law-abiding citizens, and parents who bend over backwards to please their little brats. There's so many different things in between, and just because you don't hit your child doesn't necessarily mean that you're a crappy parent who gives them everything they want for fear of upsetting them.

I was brought up in a household where my parents didn't dream of putting a finger on me, and my parents where always awesomely kind and friendly, made me laugh, and I adored them. Then, when I did something wrong, they turned extremely serious and got their 'damn angry and disappointed' voice on, and did whatever else necessary (taking away toys, etc.). It sounds like tosh to write it down here and now, but for me, it scared the shit out of me and I felt terribly guilty afterward, because it was just such a complete change of character, which I knew I'd caused, and I didn't want them to be upset with me.

I've probably explained that really shittily, but yeah. I turned out completely fine, and I thank my parents for bringing me up as they did.

100% agree. You explained it perfectly, and I can totally relate to your situation. I was never hit as a kid, and I think I turned out better for it.

If you were never smacked as a kid then you have no way of knowing how you would have turned out. You could have easily turned out just as good as you are now, god knows I've turned out perfectly grounded, self respecting and respecting of others.

That's very true, and the wide range of different experiences (both good and bad) discussed on this thread speak to the fact that there probably isn't any one correct way to raise or discipline a child. That said, I don't think physically harming anyone, especially children, is a good way to get them to do what you want them to.

 

[Azrael717]

I agree with it with a whole heart. This liberal ideology of 'talking it out' with kids, kids being the operative word here, is sickeningly laughable. Children, and adults, learn through experience (read: i.e. life). Life has consequences. Consequences are an effect of choice. Choice can cause pain or pleasure, depending upon that choice. To eliminate or downplay the penalties of making a negative choice as a child, will completely undermine the entire growth structure of that human being. Pain is an undeniable learning tool...hate me if you want for saying it, but unless you still touch the stove when it turns a pretty color of red then you're just living in denial.

 

[spartan231490]

I agree with it with a whole heart. This liberal ideology of 'talking it out' with kids, kids being the operative word here, is sickeningly laughable. Children, and adults, learn through experience (read: i.e. life). Life has consequences. Consequences are an effect of choice. Choice can cause pain or pleasure, depending upon that choice. To eliminate or downplay the penalties of making a negative choice as a child, will completely undermine the entire growth structure of that human being. Pain is an undeniable learning tool...hate me if you want for saying it, but unless you still touch the stove when it turns a pretty color of red then you're just living in denial.

well said. It has become an increasing trend in our society to try to insulate individuals from the responsibility to live with the consequenses of thier own choices. We demonize anything which forces people to face the consequences of thier decisions. you see this in the demonization of firearms, blaming the gun removes responsibility from the person using it. This is a trend that we need to stop if we want the future generations to make the right decisions. Only with an understanding that bad choices lead to bad consequenses can good decisions be made.

 

[MelziGurl]

First off, I don't think that violence should be the last resort to teaching a kid from right and wrong, the main reason being that they're kids; of course they're going to be making their first mistakes, and to me it seems unfair to punish them in such a way for that.

That said, I mostly just see the entire process as unnecessary. It's terribly ignorant that some people on here seem to think that there are only two extremes: parents who spank their child and grow up to be law-abiding citizens, and parents who bend over backwards to please their little brats. There's so many different things in between, and just because you don't hit your child doesn't necessarily mean that you're a crappy parent who gives them everything they want for fear of upsetting them.

I was brought up in a household where my parents didn't dream of putting a finger on me, and my parents where always awesomely kind and friendly, made me laugh, and I adored them. Then, when I did something wrong, they turned extremely serious and got their 'damn angry and disappointed' voice on, and did whatever else necessary (taking away toys, etc.). It sounds like tosh to write it down here and now, but for me, it scared the shit out of me and I felt terribly guilty afterward, because it was just such a complete change of character, which I knew I'd caused, and I didn't want them to be upset with me.

I've probably explained that really shittily, but yeah. I turned out completely fine, and I thank my parents for bringing me up as they did.

100% agree. You explained it perfectly, and I can totally relate to your situation. I was never hit as a kid, and I think I turned out better for it.

If you were never smacked as a kid then you have no way of knowing how you would have turned out. You could have easily turned out just as good as you are now, god knows I've turned out perfectly grounded, self respecting and respecting of others.

That's very true, and the wide range of different experiences (both good and bad) discussed on this thread speak to the fact that there probably isn't any one correct way to raise or discipline a child. That said, I don't think physically harming anyone, especially children, is a good way to get them to do what you want them to.

If it's physically or mentally harming a child then somewhere you are either A. Over stepping the mark, B. Not communicating the problem in the correct way with the child or C. Both. I got belts, jump cords anything my parents could friggin reach, I'm still well adjusted and love my parents to death. They never bruised us, broke skin or limbs or just at any point put is in a situation where our lives were in danger. And children are not meant to like it, they will at some point try to milk more out of it than there really is.

 

[Coaxill]

It would be fine if it worked. As it stands, it's just abuse. When I was younger, I was spanked for doing wrong, and what did I do in response? I stole a drawer of priceless art work and destroyed it. When I was punished in the same manner once more, I did the same thing to some other valuables. I would never dreamed of doing such terrible things if I wasn't provoked, and now that I'm older, I wouldn't dream of doing that anyway. I also think it's the reason that I could never get along with my parents and still don't.

Also, I'm absolutely sure it's the reason for my sado-masochistic fetishes that make certain friends wary of my presence.

 

[Blue_vision]

Woww this thread's gone on for a while.

I don't think I'd ever beat or spank my child. But I definitely wouldn't take shit from them, and maybe smack them over the head once or twice if they're being especially bad.

 

[Ldude893]

The harshest punishment my parents ever gave me as a child was forcing me to go to my room for the entire day. It was enough.

That and threatening to throw away all my toys and computer games. Spanking is a one time moment that only does harm to a child and nothing more, while threatening to throw all the possessions of a child is a much more effective deterrent to misbehavior.

[sub]Come to think of it, I think my parents were actually bluffing. [/sub]

 

[Worgen]

spanking is one of those things that is really designed to make the punisher feel better about something instead of actually foster better behavior

 

[inFAMOUSCowZ]

just as long you dont send your kid to the hospital, then im fine with it. Ive been spanked a few times because, I was being a brat to my mom/dad a while back. My dad spanked me and that was that. I stopped acting like that and was much nicer.

 

[Tydanubus]

First off, I don't think that violence should be the last resort to teaching a kid from right and wrong, the main reason being that they're kids; of course they're going to be making their first mistakes, and to me it seems unfair to punish them in such a way for that.

That said, I mostly just see the entire process as unnecessary. It's terribly ignorant that some people on here seem to think that there are only two extremes: parents who spank their child and grow up to be law-abiding citizens, and parents who bend over backwards to please their little brats. There's so many different things in between, and just because you don't hit your child doesn't necessarily mean that you're a crappy parent who gives them everything they want for fear of upsetting them.

I was brought up in a household where my parents didn't dream of putting a finger on me, and my parents where always awesomely kind and friendly, made me laugh, and I adored them. Then, when I did something wrong, they turned extremely serious and got their 'damn angry and disappointed' voice on, and did whatever else necessary (taking away toys, etc.). It sounds like tosh to write it down here and now, but for me, it scared the shit out of me and I felt terribly guilty afterward, because it was just such a complete change of character, which I knew I'd caused, and I didn't want them to be upset with me.

I've probably explained that really shittily, but yeah. I turned out completely fine, and I thank my parents for bringing me up as they did.

100% agree. You explained it perfectly, and I can totally relate to your situation. I was never hit as a kid, and I think I turned out better for it.

If you were never smacked as a kid then you have no way of knowing how you would have turned out. You could have easily turned out just as good as you are now, god knows I've turned out perfectly grounded, self respecting and respecting of others.

That's very true, and the wide range of different experiences (both good and bad) discussed on this thread speak to the fact that there probably isn't any one correct way to raise or discipline a child. That said, I don't think physically harming anyone, especially children, is a good way to get them to do what you want them to.

If it's physically or mentally harming a child then somewhere you are either A. Over stepping the mark, B. Not communicating the problem in the correct way with the child or C. Both. I got belts, jump cords anything my parents could friggin reach, I'm still well adjusted and love my parents to death. They never bruised us, broke skin or limbs or just at any point put is in a situation where our lives were in danger. And children are not meant to like it, they will at some point try to milk more out of it than there really is.

There have been quite a few studies that show nothing good comes from corporal punishment of children. Does physical punishment always screw kids up? No, and I think you and the others on this thread defending the practice are excellent examples that that's not always the case.

However, I'm more inclined to side with the men in white coats and their small mountain of data as opposed to a collection of anecdotes on an Internet forum. And that mountain of data indicates that, for a majority of children, hitting them can have all sorts of negative effects on development (increased aggression later in life, parent-child trust issues, substance abuse in older children/adolescents, the list goes on and on) and doesn't even do anything to deter bad behavior in the long run. In short, the evidence suggests hitting your child is a bad thing to do, and that's my position.

 

[dark-amon]

I was referring to the minority you specified when you said that "I think few people on this forum would be against using physical punishment against dogs when they act out of line."

Now that makes much more sense. But let's put it this way. A dog bites a child. The right aproach to this will be to punish the dog, if not putting it down. If a bully beats up a kid on a regular basis it is "immoral" to punish the child with spanking because the idea of punishing children physicaly is immoral.

The point of my argument is that the dog in this scenario causes far less suffering than the bully, but it risks being killed for one action. Where the bully will face no real consequense becaue he or she is protected from it by morals.

 

[minarri]

I was referring to the minority you specified when you said that "I think few people on this forum would be against using physical punishment against dogs when they act out of line."

Now that makes much more sense. But let's put it this way. A dog bites a child. The right aproach to this will be to punish the dog, if not putting it down. If a bully beats up a kid on a regular basis it is "immoral" to punish the child with spanking because the idea of punishing children physicaly is immoral.

The point of my argument is that the dog in this scenario causes far less suffering than the bully, but it risks being killed for one action. Where the bully will face no real consequense becaue he or she is protected from it by morals.

I suppose I can see where you're coming from. Still I'm not sure I agree whether hitting an animal is the "right" thing to do from a behavioral standpoint.

There's the issue of context: there's a good chance that the child was provoking the dog and doing something entirely inappropriate to elicit the dog's reaction, and even then it's a one-time behavior.

Besides once you get to the point where you'd be able to punish the dog for its behavior, almost certainly too much time has already passed for the dog to associate the behavior with the punishment. It's similar to how many people try to punish their dogs for running away, but only achieve the association of coming home = getting punished.

Granted, I'm not saying that there's NEVER a time or place for violence (defending yourself from an attack would be one example), just that I think it's used too often.

 

[smithy_2045]

Spanking isn't about bashing your child til it bleeds.


Sometimes, spanking is the best way to prevent your child doing something that REALLY hurts.

 

[Dyme]

Violence is bad, always.

Do you actually believe this ghandi garbage.

Violence results in more violence. The only thing your child would learn is that violence is okay.

sorry if I offend anyone, but the nature of life is violence and murder.

Yea, but we are human. The nature of being human also is being social and helping each other. Apart from that we don't have to obey our instincts. We have consciousness. At least some of us have.

/edit: And children do have brains. They are able to think. You don't have to physically punish them.

 

[GiantSpiderGoat]

I got hit and hit hard. I never even cried. The last time they tried to hit me, I bent over and dared them.

 

[spartan231490]

Violence is bad, always.

Do you actually believe this ghandi garbage.

Violence results in more violence. The only thing your child would learn is that violence is okay.

sorry if I offend anyone, but the nature of life is violence and murder.

Yea, but we are human. The nature of being human also is being social and helping each other. Apart from that we don't have to obey our instincts. We have consciousness. At least some of us have.

/edit: And children do have brains. They are able to think. You don't have to physically punish them.

So that's a yes. There are lots of instances where violence doesn't beget more violence. The southern states had a war with the northern states over 150 years ago, we haven't gone back to war yet. Lots of kids get physically bullied and never strike a person in thier life. The demonization of self defense is a method by which the guilty assuage thier guilt by blaming the victim. It is the method by which evil men convince themselves they are righteous, and that the victim deserves what they get.
It is also a biological fact that children are unable to grasp abstract concepts, the portion of the brain which is responsible for this isn't developed until puberty. Children also live more in the present, and consider the future consequenses less, also due to a lack of brain devolopment which occurs in puberty.
That said, punishments like time-outs and taking toys away usually work, but not always. I'm not saying that you should spank your kids every time they step out of line, nor am i advocating beating them senseless. But sometimes, if they do something bad enough, or continue even after you tell them not to and punish them other ways, a kid just needs a smack to snap him out of it and to let him know you're serious.

 

[Dystopia]

My dad used to smack me when I was little and I turned out ok!

 

[Syphous]

I got spanked like 5 or 6 times in my childhood and I tell ya... I fuckin' deserved it. I guarantee there was no other way to stop me. My parents tried talking, yelling, guilting, and even bribing, but I was such an asshole that those things didn't work. Finally my dad would have had enough and I'd get a little red on my ass. I learned real quick from that.

The thing to remember is that children are monsters, they just are. But they are also all different people with different minds. Some of them learn to be good, like my nephew, who has never been spanked. Some of them don't, like myself, who needed 5 or 6 spankings to realize that being bad gets nothing but punishment. It's all very situation related imo.

 

[Delock]

Speaking as a child who was spanked early on (though not after age 5, and it was never a public spanking, as far as I can remember), I can say that yes, there are times where it is necessary. I don't think it should be the default punishment, or done with any detectible malice at all, but it definitely has a purpose. There's still a part of me that has a little bit of fear of my parents due to this, but it's similar to the fear I have of prison or being clocked by a friend. I know it exists, but for the most part, I'd have to do something to deserve it and it isn't something I think about all the time.

 

[BENZOOKA]

Never got spanked or in any other ways physically (barely even in any ways) punished. I would not even had deserved any of that, I always already knew if I rarely did something wrong. And I turned out great, maybe a bit too kind and humble, but not in ways that would harm my life in any ways.

It certainly shouldn't be banned, but it's another matter if it's done to make up for bad parenting, because they don't know what else to do or to teach a kid a lesson.