Poll: Do you want an apology?

[Pessimismus]

I don't need any apologies from people who used to bully me, if I felt they went too far, I most likely kicked their ass in the past already. I may look scrawny, but I always was a lot stronger physically than I looked so I had a tendency to claim any apologies I needed by means of fist.

But good for the people who benefit from those apologies I guess. I don't think they should have held on to the bullying as long as they did but to each their own.

 

[Yopaz]

Personally I have been greatly affected by bullying. It has screwed me over making me unable to have close relationships with anyone. I hide in plain sight not letting people get a glimpse of my personality or my vulnerabilities. Despite having quite a few friends no-one really knows me. Bullying did this to me and because of how it sticks I don't want an apology. A few words of regret not can never make up for 8 years of torment. An apology would probably just make things worse since I have put the events themselves behind me. I can even forget that I was bullied at times, but I can't ever make myself trust someone so it's always a part of me. Being grateful for an apology at this point just seems strange to me.

This. So much this. 7 years of bullying left me in a state like this to the point where I don't trust or share my feelings with anyone, they never see the face behind the mask I put up. This happened 10 years ago (I'm in my 20's now) and I still deal with negative thoughts on a daily basis. I'm surprised that I'm actually posting this. I guess seeing all the responses and knowing that I'm not alone helped. I did get an apology from one bully but I felt nothing towards what he said, the damage had been done. I've forgiven them for what they did but some part of me just wants them to experience/understand the pain the past 10 years has brought me, maybe then an apology from them would mean something.

I think I'm on the same page as you. I don't think I hold any grudges against my bullies and I don't have any desire to get back at them, just like the apology getting revenge wont change anything. Do I feel pity for them when something bad happens? No, I do in fact like the thought that one of my bullies lost his license pretty much the moment he got it and is currently working on the garbage truck (not as a driver). I could probably beat up all my bullies at this point, but I don't have any desire to do so.

 

[deadish]

I think an apology from a school bully or something would be pretty shocking. Shocking as in "There's no way they'd actually mean it".

Seriously, I'd [want] way more than a flimsy apology from those guys.

So no, no I don't want an apology. I want my self-confidence and those 5 years of my life back. /bitterness.

This, only most of the bitterness has gone with time.

Some people are just shitbags. An apology from a shitbag can never be sincere because these people simply lack the capacity for remorse. They don't know how to think about anyone but themselves. They hurt others because they think it's funny. They are simply bad people. Therefore it is a waste of time and energy to deal with them on any level.

If, for example, the kid who spat on me in high school came into my work tomorrow to apologize, I'd say whatever I needed to say to make him go away. Not because I hate him, but because he doesn't rate five seconds of my time. By inflicting his presence on me he would be insulting me all over again.

It's best to just celebrate the fact that you survived. The best revenge you could ever have would be to live a happy, prosperous life where you don't think about them at all.

I'm kind of in an odd position, in that I have "bullied" and been "bullied". "Bullied" because all the bullying was rather mild compare to some of what is described here - physical violence is limited; just ostracisation and verbal harassment. Nevertheless it did have a negative effect on me - or at least it didn't help.

Anyway, in hindsight I was just being an idiot. Young and stupid as they say. If I could go back in time and do everything all over again, I would have handled things a lot differently.

In summary, some of us were just misguided. Of course, there are some who are just psychopaths ...

 

[Colour Scientist]

I was only ever picked on by one guy.
He made me pretty miserable but I learned later in life that he had a really shitty home life so I can kind of see why he needed to make himself feel better.
An apology would be nice but it doesn't bother me anymore so it wouldn't have any great impact for me.

 

[dontlooknow]

It's funny - I actually saw him about two months ago in McDonalds. He didn't serve me but I think he noticed me - the poor chap lucked miserable. I can completely understand why others might want an apology, but for me, I consider that particular chapter as resolved and closed.

 

[FalloutJack]

I am not Japanese or even remotely connected to any sort of Asian culture, but I believe I would expect no less than seppuku on these occasions.

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

In primary school I was considered the 'bully' (Christ I hate that word, it's so belittling) because I got violent when people insulted me. I often came out on top. I wouldn't want an apology from anyone who insulted me because it doesn't mean anything and I don't have a very high opinion of them, and I wouldn't give one either because they largely had what was coming to them. In highschool really the worst that happened was that some people were kind of a dick to me some of the time, getting an apology from one of them would be ridiculous.

 

[Angie7F]

I think I was the bully but in terms of discrimination I guess I have encountered a few.
However I do not really want an apology because that is just life and it just prepped me to learn to cope with it.


Even with guys that just said they will call and never called back, i am ok with it.lol

 

[Daveman]

In my head what always sticks out is stuff I've done that was wrong rather than moments when I've been wronged.

For instance at school there was this kid who I was friends with but also he was kind of a dick to me with bullyish tendencies. Anyway, one day everyone else, who I also was friends with because everyone was friends really, decided to "stick up" for me and we chased him around hurling abuse at him until he ran into the toilets locked himself into a cubicle and started crying. I still feel really guilty for that. Conversely I can't remember a single event where he was mean to me, even though I know it happened pretty regularly.

Another time a guy from school was being a massive dick to one of my friends and I told him to stop being such a prick and he casually said he was just behaving like his mum brought him up to and I said "well clearly your mum did a terrible job" and I could see his eyes go hard and he said "my mum's just been diagnosed with cancer" (not in a jokey way like some people do) and, having gone too far to back down, I said "well maybe you should respect her a bit more then". Fortunately the teacher then walked into the classroom, else I would likely have been beaten severely. I immediately felt guilty though and the next day I apologised and asked him if he was ok and we were alright from then on. Clean conscience about that and, with regard to the topic, I'd say it's often more important to apologise than be apologised to.

 

[Seydaman]

Hm, there was this one kid back in 8th grade who everyone was a massive asshole to, and I joined in.

I would like to apologize for that. Otherwise, I was bullied before, although I'm not sure how that's affected me.

 

[Riobux]

I wish to never see my former bullies again. If I did, I'd want them to suffer as well as those who sat back and watched.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

Couldn't hurt.

It wouldn't be a big occasion for me or anything, but a "Hey, man. I used to be a dick... sorry about that" would be met with a smile and acceptance from me. I'd quite like to know that certain people have changed.

 

[zinho73]

A serious disease or accident are terrible, but the only thing that, given the right circumstances, can infinitely damage a person is another person.

Also, the best thing for healing is also support and understanding. A sincere apology for something truly damaging can be something very powerful. The sincere is the tricky part, though.

 

[Rogue Trooper]

Is it me, or has alot of people on the escapist had past experiences from bullies? It seems everyone and their mums on here has had some experience with the issue.

 

[zinho73]

One of the things that I've taken from this thread is that some bullied people have turned into absolute monsters, far far worse than their former bullies ever were. To see such a widespread lack of basic humanity is quite sickening to say the least.

I just read through the whole thread, and I have to agree. I can only hope most of them are joking, or exaggerating their feelings. I can understand a desire for revenge, even if I don't agree with it, but to turn into a psychopathic, remorseless bastard... nah.

To be honest, I'm incredibly shocked to see that I'm in the minority when I give a great big "Meh" to past bullies.

The "No" option is destroying the "Yes" option but if the responses in the thread is any indication, A LOT of people saying No add "I wish I could kick their ass" to their post. I'm genuinely shocked that people think that much about their past experience so much. Maybe I'm just not emotional (I don't keep photos or "sentimental value" stuff) or maybe my own experiences with bullies was not nearly as bad as I think it was compared to others...

Our past is a part of what we are. The more the time passes, the biggest is that part.
There is no such a thing as "forgeting" the past - you can only learn from it.

If it happened, it left an impression on you. The less mature you were, the biggest is the impression. 100% of all psychoanalysis sections will sooner or later deal with childhood or teenage issues.

And you should think about it why you don't cherish your childhood memories. Some blocking issues, maybe? (well, just kidding on this last sentence... mostly).

 

[Galletea]

I figure that most of the bullying I received was from deeply unhappy people, so I let it go, and an apology wouljd be meaningless.
The others apologised more or less just after that period, so it meant more, and we became friends at that point, where we'd grown out of the high school clique situation.

 

[AstylahAthrys]

Meh. An apology would be nice simply on the level that I hate animostity between people, and it would be cool to hear this girl, who I had once thought was intelligent and kind, had gone back to that instead of being a raging *****. In the end, though, I think she got what was coming to her. All of her high school friends, at least the sensible ones, have broken off contact with her, even ones that go to the same college, from what I can tell, and after I graduated I found out she was universally hated while I was still respected and known to be kind and polite. Knowing that, in the end, I still came out looking like the better person despite what she wanted people to think of me, and my family. ***** called my dad a pedophile because he was helping a kid from a broken home by giving her a couple rides home when she was abandoned after practices and field trips. I was there every time. Nothing happened. Excuse us for wanting to extend kindness to people in need.

Anyway, I came out on top, so I have no need for an apology, but it would be kind of cool.

 

[Woiminkle]

I went to a boarding school so I was literally locked in with bullies for 5 years with no escape. It was mostly psychological in nature but I did used to wake up quite often with bruises on my chest and arms. (We slept in dormitories of 20 to 40 beds in each depending). It affected my confidence for years and I still have quite low self esteem compared to the norm but I'm in my 30's now and I've long since forgiven the kids involved because hey they were kids after all. A few of the worst had pretty crappy home lives looking back on it which explains a lot.
But there is one person who I'll never forgive. He was a housemaster in the school and he started a campaign against me from my first year in the school until I became a senior. He put a lot of the kids up to bullying me as proxies for his own sadistic amusment. The kids were just stupid and easily led but he was 40+ and decided it would be fun to mentally torture a 12 year old boy. I would never accept an apology from that ****, and I hope he dies in screaming agony.

 

[saoirse13]

To be perfectly honest if the people that bullied me in school, came to me now to apologise I would probably tell them to stick there apology where the sun doesn't shine. I don't usually hold grudges and have forgiving and forgotten most of the crap I went through in school, but 2 people i particular, after nearly 8 years are still the same assholes now as they were then. I don't want an apology, and nor would I grant them the opportunity to clear their guilty conscience. I missed out on nearly 2 years of school because of bullying.

 

[Devil's Due]

As being someone who was bullied in elementary, middle, and high school: I would accept their apologies. I am now 19, in university, leading a successful life where I find past revenge of more than a year to be petty.

I also find it sad how both sides, the bully and the victims, can both become terrible people from the event. While the bully is committing their acts, they deserve to be dealt with appropriately within the law and socially with shunning, being an outcast, and other sociological repercussions for their transgressions. However, for the victims, they usually turn into terrifying people with such hatred and rage that it's saddening they actually believe what they do. Countless victims believe that because they were bullied that the bully deserves to be tortured and killed. Why is it that people want to "make an example" of another by escalating the revenge? In essence, you're wanting to shoot someone over them slapping you.

I'd much rather have revenge instead, preferably in the form of said bully's loved ones being raped, roasted alive in front of him and then ending with him being force-fed their remains until his digestive system gives out.

As I've said in the past: To all bullies, I hope all your dreams never come true, every person you love abandons you, every attempt you make in life fails.

My former high-school bully... hung himself in a cell. Justice, as far as I'm concerned.

No. I'd rather the option to stab them in the face.

If found guilty by strong evidence and in a more realistic court and law system you fucking DIE.

After being bullied myself physically and emotionally, I understand the desire for revenge and for the bullies to get their dues, but I also find it absolutely scary that some would consider the above to be "appropriate" revenge. It is not. And those above and others like you, I am sorry you experienced something so traumatic, but please seek a therapist before you become a danger to others and possibly a bully to others.

Thankfully, not everyone turns out this way way. To the fellow posters, I applaud you and thank you for understanding how to be the better person. I hope your lives continue to prosper:

One of the things that I've taken from this thread is that some bullied people have turned into absolute monsters, far far worse than their former bullies ever were. To see such a widespread lack of basic humanity is quite sickening to say the least.

I would certainly want one. One such person actually did apologize to me years later. It felt really good. I was never really angry at them, since I'm an extremely forgiving person.

I've really forgiven them already. There's usually a reason for bullies to bully. Most of the time they're just a mess of emotional issues and I actually kind of pity them. I hope they are in a better place now.

Have met people who used to bully me after growing up, got apology, talked it out. I think that did both me and them good.

Thank you for reading.